A Girl Seeking Advice...

[peel slowly]

...from the male variety.

First of all, I'm in a great relationship and have been for almost four years. We'll call my lovely lover "Joe." Joe has a good friend that I've been talking to for the last few weeks-turned-into-months. He's always been nice to talk to; he's funny and seemed very small-town good, Christian guy.

Recently, however, he's been telling me some weird stuff about how he's beginning to love me and want me. Not only is it rude since I'm with his friend, but it is also strange because, despite how much we talk, he doesn't know me very well. This only got worse when I found out that he has a bit of a stalking record. A few years ago he fell in "love" with someone over the internet and they got close. He began talking to her on the phone, but when she told him she'd met someone special, he completely lost it. He started calling her almost every hour, leaving threats to cut her and her boyfriend's throats.

So, basically, my question is: how exactly do I distance myself without 1.) setting him off, and 2.) keeping everything smooth with all parties involved?

 

[BluEyes]

You might have been giving him mixed messages earlier, in your conversations. What you say / how you say it, might seem innocent to you but if a guy is 'into' ya, he'll read into everything you do.

My advice: Keep talking to him/being polite, but don't get friendly with him, don't laugh along with him as much, treat him like a buddy, etc...Make him do all the work in keeping your relationship(or whatever u wanna call it) alive, and he'll slowly lose interest.

Essentially just act awkward around him

 

[blueguy]

Don't wear makeup, wear too much makeup, gain a few lbs, don't take showers, get acne, take an old rotten fish and rub it all over body to make yourself smell like sh*t, "accidentally" scatter unflattering photos of yourself in your place. Quite honestly, he doesn't love you... since he doesn't know you... he probably just thinks you're hot. And ignoring will probably make him go crazy. So this is the best advice I have.

 

[The Acacia Strain]

take a knife and kill him in his sleep

 

[Phyzzle]

DON'T IGNORE HIM. It won't work. He'll think that he's not chasing hard enough. It's like if your boyfriend dissappeared for a week, you would be MORE obsessed with your bf right?

Guys like this don't have the social skills to take any hints.

You're going to have to be up front (brutally impolite) to him.

When he says "I think I love you."

You "Well, I don't love you. I'm not going to either."

When he gets you gifts, and calls you constantly, say, "stop begging and grovelling. I want a man like my bf, not a pathetic, desperate puppy like you."

You have to be blunt, no "hints" for this guy. Someone has to tell him what it's like.

 

[hope7]

tell him you have an uncurable std. im serious

 

[peel slowly]

DON'T IGNORE HIM. It won't work. He'll think that he's not chasing hard enough. It's like if your boyfriend dissappeared for a week, you would be MORE obsessed with your bf right?

Guys like this don't have the social skills to take any hints.

You're going to have to be up front (brutally impolite) to him.

When he says "I think I love you."

You "Well, I don't love you. I'm not going to either."

When he gets you gifts, and calls you constantly, say, "stop begging and grovelling. I want a man like my bf, not a pathetic, desperate puppy like you."

You have to be blunt, no "hints" for this guy. Someone has to tell him what it's like.

That's basically what the person who got me on this board told me. I just don't know how well I can go through with that, though.

And since "Joe" doesn't seem to mind all that much (I've told him what his friend has said and he just thinks it's a little creepy) it doesn't seem like as big of a deal that it seems like in my head.

 

[Phyzzle]

Not a big deal?

He started calling her almost every hour, leaving threats to cut her and her boyfriend's throats.

Is that not a big deal?

Does your bf know about this stalking record?

 

[blueguy]

I just don't know how well I can go through with that, though.

Does he know what you look like? If he doesn't, then it's the opposite of the looks scenario. He thinks he's in love with you because he doesn't have many friends and hasn't felt cared for by anybody else quite like the way he thinks you care for him over the phone. He likes the attention. So he thinks he loves you.

The problem you're saying here though is that you like the attention too. You don't want to tell him off. You're his intellectual pimp. You like talking to him because of the attention he pays you.

It has to end somewhere.

 

[Scrumtulescence]

Why is your boyfriend even friends with a psycho like him?

 

[flexion_]

Your only option is to be blunt and rude. I'd involve your BF on this one ASAP and BEFORE you tell this guy off.

 

[Call_Me_Daddy]

Your only option is to be blunt and rude. I'd involve your BF on this one ASAP and BEFORE you tell this guy off.

Agreed. Need some support... just in case.

Not only that, but he will like to knock heads in order to protect you.

 

[Gubby]

Why are you seeking advice specifically from the males? I'm interested.. what did your girlfriends advise you?

 

[Bvbidd]

Do not make friends with guys if you do not want them to like you.

This is so common it's not even funny yet the girl is always so confused.

 

[peel slowly]

what did your girlfriends advise you?

To let him down gently. I'm getting complete opposite answers. Asking males seemed to make more sense because they would probably know what's easiest to deal with, I guess.

 

[Helter Skelter]

Write Dear Abby she'll know what to do

 

[Gubby]

To let him down gently. I'm getting complete opposite answers. Asking males seemed to make more sense because they would probably know what's easiest to deal with, I guess.

We've got pretty good advice in other areas too! Especially seduction, girls just don't have a clue for that. Come to mandom for all your advice-related needs!

 

[squirrels]

Don't even let him get the idea in his head. Tell him straight out you're not down with him like that and never have been. If he persists at all, tell your man about it. If he gets crazy, go to the cops.

Do NOT worry about "his feelings", because it's obvious from his history his feelings are only really for himself. He obviously doesn't care about his friend if he's putting moves on you. He doesn't care about YOU, either. He cares about HIM having what HE wants, which happens to be you. You're dealing with a nutjob here, not some "nice guy"...I suggest you stop dealing with him.

I'm not saying you should be mean or break his heart. You can let him down gently, but if you don't let him ALL the way down, if you let him continue to entertain romantic notions about you, and let him become dependent on those notions, you may end up in the same trouble as the last girl he thought he was in love with...and that's no good.

I know how girls think...they don't want anyone to dislike them so they want to walk on eggshells with things like this. Be gentle but firm at the same time. But if you do this the gentle way and he doesn't take the hint, F what he thinks. Respect yourself and the rest will come.