Hello Gent's,
I'll cut straight to the chase. I am in need of some advice. A good friend of mine has contacted me recently (haven't spoken in about 4 months) and told me his wife left him. They have a young child together. I took this as a great shock when he told me over the phone, since it seemed as things were going ok for him.
Anyway, I have been there for him to listen to, and tried to give him some advice. What I have told him, I tried to model after the ideas I read on this site (which is a truly amazing resource). I told him to be strong, be the MAN, and work with her to make an honest effort to get back together from the seperation...
STORY: Things basically got ugly. Small things escalated into larger ones, fights happened, etc. the same crap in relationships. She got worried about his temper because of her causing stress, his work, etc.He is about 25 and she is around the same.They have been married for about 2 years, known each other about 6. They have a 1 year old together. That is about the extent of how I understand what happened.
So he called again today and told me while he was up visiting her while she was staying with her family he bought her a car. I know. My reaction on the phone was "WTF?!?! Why!?" He said she felt trapped at home (different state) because only 1 car and felt she needed to be more independent. My friend said her dad was planning on buying a car for her, but his rationale was that "No, she is my wife, I provide for her." Now he is making payments on a joint-named vehicle that SHE drives in a different state at home, while he is back at the house (which has no one but him in now) while he goes to work. Oh by the way she has no job.
He said they are going to see how marriage counseling goes this week. Yes I know....they are doing it seperately for now and this weekend they are supposed to do it together when she drives back to see him for it. Thing is, when he asks her about the joint counseling this weekend she says "We will see.." and complains that it is a long drive and tiring, etc. That was a HUGE red flag to me and I told him this.
I just told him to see how the week goes, and to judge her by her actions and not by her words. She says she wants to "work it out" but certainly doesn't seem like she is acting like it right now to me.
I am running out of advice for my friend. He is a good guy, and I am pretty sure he is AFC. Infact, I know he is after he told me he bought her a car. I fear for his marriage and his future, and the future of this child. Any other advice any can provide would be GREATLY appreciated, since I have never had to deal with a friend going through a situation like this, and only have an inkling of what it is like based on what I read here on the forums. I don't want to tell him to start hiding money, assets, thinking of things going sour, etc. since I hate to be the azzhole bringing up stuff like that and the potential of divorce since it is still somewhat early in his seperation. Should I mention this for his sake?
I also worry for him since he is obviously depressed about this and the fact of going home to an empty house truly scares him. If there is anyone who can provide some direction for me in terms of advice, thank you. Do I just be there to "listen"? Or should I even direct him to the forums? I feel like I want to help him with some good advice and this forum has taught me so much...
I'll cut straight to the chase. I am in need of some advice. A good friend of mine has contacted me recently (haven't spoken in about 4 months) and told me his wife left him. They have a young child together. I took this as a great shock when he told me over the phone, since it seemed as things were going ok for him.
Anyway, I have been there for him to listen to, and tried to give him some advice. What I have told him, I tried to model after the ideas I read on this site (which is a truly amazing resource). I told him to be strong, be the MAN, and work with her to make an honest effort to get back together from the seperation...
STORY: Things basically got ugly. Small things escalated into larger ones, fights happened, etc. the same crap in relationships. She got worried about his temper because of her causing stress, his work, etc.He is about 25 and she is around the same.They have been married for about 2 years, known each other about 6. They have a 1 year old together. That is about the extent of how I understand what happened.
So he called again today and told me while he was up visiting her while she was staying with her family he bought her a car. I know. My reaction on the phone was "WTF?!?! Why!?" He said she felt trapped at home (different state) because only 1 car and felt she needed to be more independent. My friend said her dad was planning on buying a car for her, but his rationale was that "No, she is my wife, I provide for her." Now he is making payments on a joint-named vehicle that SHE drives in a different state at home, while he is back at the house (which has no one but him in now) while he goes to work. Oh by the way she has no job.
He said they are going to see how marriage counseling goes this week. Yes I know....they are doing it seperately for now and this weekend they are supposed to do it together when she drives back to see him for it. Thing is, when he asks her about the joint counseling this weekend she says "We will see.." and complains that it is a long drive and tiring, etc. That was a HUGE red flag to me and I told him this.
I just told him to see how the week goes, and to judge her by her actions and not by her words. She says she wants to "work it out" but certainly doesn't seem like she is acting like it right now to me.
I am running out of advice for my friend. He is a good guy, and I am pretty sure he is AFC. Infact, I know he is after he told me he bought her a car. I fear for his marriage and his future, and the future of this child. Any other advice any can provide would be GREATLY appreciated, since I have never had to deal with a friend going through a situation like this, and only have an inkling of what it is like based on what I read here on the forums. I don't want to tell him to start hiding money, assets, thinking of things going sour, etc. since I hate to be the azzhole bringing up stuff like that and the potential of divorce since it is still somewhat early in his seperation. Should I mention this for his sake?
I also worry for him since he is obviously depressed about this and the fact of going home to an empty house truly scares him. If there is anyone who can provide some direction for me in terms of advice, thank you. Do I just be there to "listen"? Or should I even direct him to the forums? I feel like I want to help him with some good advice and this forum has taught me so much...
:crackup: