I figure if fash can repost a FR from a year ago I can write one up from last Winter. Its pretty funny. Hope you enjoy.
The boring beginning is significant when it gets good, so read on!
My work had a conference where they had to nut out some important national policies. There were representatives from all the state branches, including management and the experts in this field as well as a host of independent experts including doctors, scientists and political advisors.
It was in the Victorian Highlands in some health retreat the middle of buttf*ck nowhere. The regional manager of the Sydney dept couldn’t go… in fact the only expert in that dept free was my drinking buddy and partner in mischief (at work), let’s call him, B.
B, fearing the conference would be as boring as batsh*t pulled some strings and got me invited along. Our plan, smuggle down some weed, get stoned for all the boring ****, go out and party in the evening and try to **** the hotties from the other branches.
Things were even more boring than B had expected. But there were a few fine women about. And shock horror, we discovered this place really was a “health” retreat. There was NO ALCOHOL allowed there and we were miles from the nearest town.
The one thing that had my spirits up was several babes from other offices, several who were giving me IOIs. But the one who really stood out was cold as a fish. I’d rate her a 7 but she was one of those girls who acted all proffessional but exuded something sexy which made her more attractive than some of the 8s that were there.
She was your classic Aussie babe, tall, blonde, blue eyed, tanned, she was thin but you could tell that under her business suit was a big set of titties.
I tried to flirt with her but everyone was acting all serious and business like and it seemed only B and I wanted to have some fun.
On the second night B and I were going INSANE, it was a Saturday night, every ****er was talking work and there was no beer.
We busted out.
We headed to the nearest town. It never snows in Sydney, but it was snowing here so it was kinda exciting hitching in.
Our excitement died when we entered the only pub in this backward one horse town. When the two of us, “city slickers” entered it was like in some Western; everyone went silent and watched us strut to the bar to order drinks.
At first we were worried we weren’t going to get out of there without a fight but we were the most interesting thing to happen to this f*cking town since Betty the cow gave birth to a completely white calf and we were determined to have a big night, so we were like “f*ck it!”
We partied with the locals who, once they got over their initial “you aint from around here,” were pretty cool.
Then the room went silent again.
A bunch of hot young girls from the conference strutted in. They all looked extremely intimidated by the rough interior of the pub and the very rough patrons. “Well look what the cat dragged in.” I called into the silence. I had already spied the tall girl.
When they saw us, totally at home, relief blossomed on all their faces and they rushed to the safety of our masculine presence.
Things then got fun. All the rednecks in the bar went from being friendly to our best friends. Everyone knew our names and our story already and they flocked around us.
They were really trying to get to the girls through us but it just made me and B look massively Alpha, like we had strutted into this rough country pub and made friends with all the tough country boy’s effortlessly.
B and I were already well on the way to being drunk and being so frustrated with everything we were going a bit crazy. The girls were very impressed that we had managed it out here so effortlessly (they had encountered all sorts of logistical problems escaping the conference of boredom) and with our supply of weed and badass attitude there were doggy dinner bowl looks all round. In fact it was our disappearing act that motivated them to escape as well.
In the toilet the AMOG of the country boys, in cowboy hat and all, asked me to hook him up with one of the girls. She wasn’t my target so I agreed, even though he had already spent more time talking to her than I ever had.
From that moment things went crazy. This country pub rocked like never before and B and I were in the middle of it. Beers flowed and we didn’t pay for sh*t, everyone wanted to play us in pool and we kicked everyone’s arse. The local girls were throwing themselves at us and Cowboy was keeping the local guys off our backs.
Things got a little hazy, I can’t give you a blow by blow description of how I buttered these girls up but here are a few of my lines. I didn’t concentrate too much on my target but she shadowed me so my lines were all heard by her.
“You gotta f*ck when you are out of town! Its the rule! Everyone does it!”
“You’ve never ****ed a guy from Sydney?! You do know the reason the rest of the Aussie men hate us is because we get all the girls, we know how to please a woman. You gotta **** a Sydney guy.” ( B said that after that one his babe was like, “Is that’s true?”)
“We gotta do something crazy while we are away.”
“I’m glad we got some naughty girls like you here, otherwise this weekend would be so lame!”
“I knew that professional b*tch attitude was just a front. You are one bad girl.”
Finally.
“You’ve never had your eyeball licked?! I thought you were adventurous!”
I licked about ten girls’ eyeballs after this and had the entire pub screaming! Haha!
Everyone was calling me a crazy bastard and laughing their arses off. I decided it was time to start wrapping things up. I slid up to my target (actually it was more of a stagger at that stage) and clearly she had decided to wrap things up too.
She took off her jacket. Underneath she was wearing one of those lingerie lacy top thingies. “I didn’t bring any going out shirts.” (that was bull****, she’d had shirt on earlier… she must have “lost it” somewhere) She said just in case I hadn’t noticed that she had the most magnificent breasts I’d ever seen. She jumped from being a 7 to a 9 (I LIVE for titties).
We hit the road. B grabbed his babe (he’d been on fire too!), I mine (at some point all the other girls from the conference had disappeared) and one of the locals, pissed as a fart, drove us back to the retreat almost killing us a dozen times in the process. When we arrived we were all hyped and still going crazy.
It was 4am.
We were all sharing rooms with other people so we couldn’t go back to our rooms. B took his babe into the yoga room and I took mine into this little room off the main meeting room.
I got into those boobies and wouldn’t you guess it?
LMR.
“I got my periods.”
“So?”
“I’m kinda seeing someone?”
“So?”
“My boss is here.”
I looked at her with a look that said “you’re lame” and rolled over onto my back.
“Sorry.”
“Whatever.”
There was silence for a minute. “I’ll be back.” She ran into the ladies and came out naked. “I’m such a slut,” she said as she lay on her back offering herself.
I didn’t know what the **** to say to that so I just shrugged and proceeded to **** her brains out.
I was pissed as a fart so it took me ages to c*m, like an hour and a half. I was told later it was a rather loud session.
Once she had made her decision she was pretty wild and eventually insisted on doing it in the main room in front of the fire where if anyone walked out of their room we would have been busted.
When I eventually blew we got dressed and I couldn’t find the condom. We looked for a while but gave up, “if WE can’t find it, no one will find it.” I slurred almost falling over.
The next morning, as B and I were still sleeping everyone was having breakfast and saying, “Did you hear that last night? That was so loud! They went for so long!”
B and I woke still drunk, it turns out that B didn’t have a rubber and so fell down at the last hurdle, he was pretty pissed coz he had went down on her and she didn’t return the favour.
When we stumbled into the conference everyone looked at us like we were the devil incarnate, being drunk we both laughed our arses off.
The hang overs kicked in a few hours later, when I was in a conference with doctors, lawyers, scientists, political advisors and regional managers.
I was fiddling in my pocket for something when I felt something strange and slimy in there. “Yuck! What’s that?” Everyone looked at me. I pulled it out. I had forgotten about the condom we couldn’t find. It seems I had drunkenly stuck it in my pocket... I saw that she hadn’t been lying about having her periods.
Jay Jay strikes again!
The boring beginning is significant when it gets good, so read on!
My work had a conference where they had to nut out some important national policies. There were representatives from all the state branches, including management and the experts in this field as well as a host of independent experts including doctors, scientists and political advisors.
It was in the Victorian Highlands in some health retreat the middle of buttf*ck nowhere. The regional manager of the Sydney dept couldn’t go… in fact the only expert in that dept free was my drinking buddy and partner in mischief (at work), let’s call him, B.
B, fearing the conference would be as boring as batsh*t pulled some strings and got me invited along. Our plan, smuggle down some weed, get stoned for all the boring ****, go out and party in the evening and try to **** the hotties from the other branches.
Things were even more boring than B had expected. But there were a few fine women about. And shock horror, we discovered this place really was a “health” retreat. There was NO ALCOHOL allowed there and we were miles from the nearest town.
The one thing that had my spirits up was several babes from other offices, several who were giving me IOIs. But the one who really stood out was cold as a fish. I’d rate her a 7 but she was one of those girls who acted all proffessional but exuded something sexy which made her more attractive than some of the 8s that were there.
She was your classic Aussie babe, tall, blonde, blue eyed, tanned, she was thin but you could tell that under her business suit was a big set of titties.
I tried to flirt with her but everyone was acting all serious and business like and it seemed only B and I wanted to have some fun.
On the second night B and I were going INSANE, it was a Saturday night, every ****er was talking work and there was no beer.
We busted out.
We headed to the nearest town. It never snows in Sydney, but it was snowing here so it was kinda exciting hitching in.
Our excitement died when we entered the only pub in this backward one horse town. When the two of us, “city slickers” entered it was like in some Western; everyone went silent and watched us strut to the bar to order drinks.
At first we were worried we weren’t going to get out of there without a fight but we were the most interesting thing to happen to this f*cking town since Betty the cow gave birth to a completely white calf and we were determined to have a big night, so we were like “f*ck it!”
We partied with the locals who, once they got over their initial “you aint from around here,” were pretty cool.
Then the room went silent again.
A bunch of hot young girls from the conference strutted in. They all looked extremely intimidated by the rough interior of the pub and the very rough patrons. “Well look what the cat dragged in.” I called into the silence. I had already spied the tall girl.
When they saw us, totally at home, relief blossomed on all their faces and they rushed to the safety of our masculine presence.
Things then got fun. All the rednecks in the bar went from being friendly to our best friends. Everyone knew our names and our story already and they flocked around us.
They were really trying to get to the girls through us but it just made me and B look massively Alpha, like we had strutted into this rough country pub and made friends with all the tough country boy’s effortlessly.
B and I were already well on the way to being drunk and being so frustrated with everything we were going a bit crazy. The girls were very impressed that we had managed it out here so effortlessly (they had encountered all sorts of logistical problems escaping the conference of boredom) and with our supply of weed and badass attitude there were doggy dinner bowl looks all round. In fact it was our disappearing act that motivated them to escape as well.
In the toilet the AMOG of the country boys, in cowboy hat and all, asked me to hook him up with one of the girls. She wasn’t my target so I agreed, even though he had already spent more time talking to her than I ever had.
From that moment things went crazy. This country pub rocked like never before and B and I were in the middle of it. Beers flowed and we didn’t pay for sh*t, everyone wanted to play us in pool and we kicked everyone’s arse. The local girls were throwing themselves at us and Cowboy was keeping the local guys off our backs.
Things got a little hazy, I can’t give you a blow by blow description of how I buttered these girls up but here are a few of my lines. I didn’t concentrate too much on my target but she shadowed me so my lines were all heard by her.
“You gotta f*ck when you are out of town! Its the rule! Everyone does it!”
“You’ve never ****ed a guy from Sydney?! You do know the reason the rest of the Aussie men hate us is because we get all the girls, we know how to please a woman. You gotta **** a Sydney guy.” ( B said that after that one his babe was like, “Is that’s true?”)
“We gotta do something crazy while we are away.”
“I’m glad we got some naughty girls like you here, otherwise this weekend would be so lame!”
“I knew that professional b*tch attitude was just a front. You are one bad girl.”
Finally.
“You’ve never had your eyeball licked?! I thought you were adventurous!”
I licked about ten girls’ eyeballs after this and had the entire pub screaming! Haha!
Everyone was calling me a crazy bastard and laughing their arses off. I decided it was time to start wrapping things up. I slid up to my target (actually it was more of a stagger at that stage) and clearly she had decided to wrap things up too.
She took off her jacket. Underneath she was wearing one of those lingerie lacy top thingies. “I didn’t bring any going out shirts.” (that was bull****, she’d had shirt on earlier… she must have “lost it” somewhere) She said just in case I hadn’t noticed that she had the most magnificent breasts I’d ever seen. She jumped from being a 7 to a 9 (I LIVE for titties).
We hit the road. B grabbed his babe (he’d been on fire too!), I mine (at some point all the other girls from the conference had disappeared) and one of the locals, pissed as a fart, drove us back to the retreat almost killing us a dozen times in the process. When we arrived we were all hyped and still going crazy.
It was 4am.
We were all sharing rooms with other people so we couldn’t go back to our rooms. B took his babe into the yoga room and I took mine into this little room off the main meeting room.
I got into those boobies and wouldn’t you guess it?
LMR.
“I got my periods.”
“So?”
“I’m kinda seeing someone?”
“So?”
“My boss is here.”
I looked at her with a look that said “you’re lame” and rolled over onto my back.
“Sorry.”
“Whatever.”
There was silence for a minute. “I’ll be back.” She ran into the ladies and came out naked. “I’m such a slut,” she said as she lay on her back offering herself.
I didn’t know what the **** to say to that so I just shrugged and proceeded to **** her brains out.
I was pissed as a fart so it took me ages to c*m, like an hour and a half. I was told later it was a rather loud session.
Once she had made her decision she was pretty wild and eventually insisted on doing it in the main room in front of the fire where if anyone walked out of their room we would have been busted.
When I eventually blew we got dressed and I couldn’t find the condom. We looked for a while but gave up, “if WE can’t find it, no one will find it.” I slurred almost falling over.
The next morning, as B and I were still sleeping everyone was having breakfast and saying, “Did you hear that last night? That was so loud! They went for so long!”
B and I woke still drunk, it turns out that B didn’t have a rubber and so fell down at the last hurdle, he was pretty pissed coz he had went down on her and she didn’t return the favour.
When we stumbled into the conference everyone looked at us like we were the devil incarnate, being drunk we both laughed our arses off.
The hang overs kicked in a few hours later, when I was in a conference with doctors, lawyers, scientists, political advisors and regional managers.
I was fiddling in my pocket for something when I felt something strange and slimy in there. “Yuck! What’s that?” Everyone looked at me. I pulled it out. I had forgotten about the condom we couldn’t find. It seems I had drunkenly stuck it in my pocket... I saw that she hadn’t been lying about having her periods.
Jay Jay strikes again!
LOL i love the conclusion man ... so what did the other people in the conference room say when you dished out your used coloured rubber??