Hello guys,
first let me warn you: this will be a long reading. And also let me tell you something about me, so you don't jump up to wrong conclusions later.
I'm not new to these boards, even though I haven't been here for many years and even then I'd never felt the need to register. I used to come here just from time to time because sometimes one could find interesting reading and different points of view.
I'm not new to "the game" either. I don't need tips on how to get a woman in my bed. Hell, most of you could actually learn something from me. (Even though I would suggest you not to…)
And I'm definitely not what people reffer to as a nice guy. On the contrary. I couldn't even count how many times in my life I've been called a jerk.
For most of my life I've been what many of you are striving to become. (which I seriously don't know why…) A bad ass. A violent, aggressive, don't-give-a-fck-about-anyone-else-but-me motherfcker with fcked up childhood issues. I've actually really hated people. And however fcked up it is, it got me pretty high in my life. In career, with women… Go imagine. You probably know what I'm talking about. You see it every day around you.
And I was happy. Or so I thought… Probably because I didn't know any better.
Until five years ago when I met a girl who changed my life. I've never met anyone like her ever before. She made me see that I was living a lie. That I was not happy. That this life was not what I wanted. And she didn't even know it. She was the only person ever that could actually see something good in me and made me see it too. She had completely changed my values.
So we hit it off, got together, got ourselves a nice living, planned to start a business together, a family…
With me! I couldn't believe it. I would have never imagined a life like that for me. I was happy. For real.
Then it got all messed up. She broke my heart, I broke hers. The end? Not at all, this is just a beginning. And in case you think this is just gonna be another crying topic about a broken heart of some loser, you're completely wrong. This is not about that girl. I haven't seen her in three years and am not planning on seeing or even talking to her ever again. I don't give a fck about her.
So why even talk about her? Because she's planted a seed in my damn mind. Even though I swore to myself I would never let anyone else get that close to me again, deep down I knew that when I meet someone like that I won't be able to fight it.
Which brings me to present day. After three years of "pretending to myself" that I'm once again "cool" like it never happened, I've met a girl in my work, who I knew immediately is trouble.
One would think this will happen to someone like me just once in a lifetime but damn, again?! I've forbidden myself to even think about her that way the very first day I realised what was going on. Think that helped?
And here it gets really messed up. If you're still reading, DON'T STOP. Now it gets interesting. So, she is a colleague, right? That's bad as it is I know but that's not all. She has a boyfriend she has just recently moved in with. Even worse, right? Yeah… And I can feel there could be developing something between us, so I tell her straight up it's not gonna happen because of these two points. That true? Not at all. I've fcked plenty of girls from work in my life. And I never gave sh*t about boyfriends. I am just afraid of getting my heart broken again!
That all, you ask? Nope… You see, there is a colleague of mine who is like a brother to me. He's a really great guy. Being who I am, I've only got two friends like that my whole life. And guess what? He's fallen for that girl. Even though he's in a ten year relationship. And it gets me mad. It gets me really jealous. And I start hating myself for not trying to get the girl. I see how well he's doing and that her relationship is just a stupid rebound which could be ended in a heart beat. If I tried…
And being as close as we are with my friend we even talk about it. I know he's fallen for her and he knows my feelings. And we both know how jealous we get at each other. Damn.
Is that it? Well, nope. Hold on to something this is gonna be a ride…
A few days ago we've had a company party and in the end it was just the three of us. A few shots and some horny words later, all I know is my friend is kissing the girl and I am fingering her from behind!
So she c*ms and almost immediately freaks out and runs off to the restroom. So now it's the two of us staring at each other like wtf has just happened. So we started talking about it and we both agreed that if she didn't freak out we would have ended at my place in like a second. And believe me this is some heavy sh*t for me. I'm really strongly homophobic, like pathetically. I can't even watch porn with guys in it. Don't ask me why, I don't know and it doesn't even matter. And here I am considering a threesome with my best friend…
And we might have even f*cked her right there. By the way, did I tell you this was at a club full of people? How f*cked up is this?
And then it got even worse. She returned from the restroom and we started TALKING about it. After a while my friend is CRYING telling her how his relationship is a mess (which is news to me too!!) and how he is in love with her and then it slips him that I feel the same way! Now she is crying too asking me sh*t and I'm all freaked out, seriously drunk, don't know what to do or say so I try and kiss her… Damn. That doesn't help. So now EVEN I AM CRYING! Talking bullsh*t… I've only cried once in front of a girl my whole life!
And then I even PROPOSED to her! What the hell?! That of course like immediately killed it. After that it was just an avalanche of sadness and bulsh*t from all of us.
Then I had to leave. I had to go to work! Straight from the club, drunk like sh*t, with dead brain and seriously f*cked up mind. What a great night!
After few days we met at work and I knew straight up the game had changed. We didn't talk about it much but I got a feeling I'd lost my chances. If I've ever had any… Who would have guessed, right?
Then we've texted for a while and she was like we need to talk about it, the three of us, sober. And I was like "I love you so much, blah, blah, blah…" I've completely lost it.
Yes, of course we need to talk about it but it's damn late. She told me she will probably be leaving the job.
So in any case this is a lose-lose situation. And I don't want to lose anything, her, my friend… My mind. And I know I couldn't stand it if they got together. And if she stayed I wouldn't stop trying. This is not just about p*ssy. I really do love her as a person. So basically I am f*cked.
Why am I even writing here? Well, I can't really talk about it with anyone because everyone knows everyone and noone must know this. I'd like to know your opinions. What should I do, what would YOU do, have you maybe even been there? If so, what did you do and what was the consequences?
Well, if nothing I hope you at least enjoyed this mess of a story. Better than TV, right? Yeah, right…
Thats it!
first let me warn you: this will be a long reading. And also let me tell you something about me, so you don't jump up to wrong conclusions later.
I'm not new to these boards, even though I haven't been here for many years and even then I'd never felt the need to register. I used to come here just from time to time because sometimes one could find interesting reading and different points of view.
I'm not new to "the game" either. I don't need tips on how to get a woman in my bed. Hell, most of you could actually learn something from me. (Even though I would suggest you not to…)
And I'm definitely not what people reffer to as a nice guy. On the contrary. I couldn't even count how many times in my life I've been called a jerk.
For most of my life I've been what many of you are striving to become. (which I seriously don't know why…) A bad ass. A violent, aggressive, don't-give-a-fck-about-anyone-else-but-me motherfcker with fcked up childhood issues. I've actually really hated people. And however fcked up it is, it got me pretty high in my life. In career, with women… Go imagine. You probably know what I'm talking about. You see it every day around you.
And I was happy. Or so I thought… Probably because I didn't know any better.
Until five years ago when I met a girl who changed my life. I've never met anyone like her ever before. She made me see that I was living a lie. That I was not happy. That this life was not what I wanted. And she didn't even know it. She was the only person ever that could actually see something good in me and made me see it too. She had completely changed my values.
So we hit it off, got together, got ourselves a nice living, planned to start a business together, a family…
With me! I couldn't believe it. I would have never imagined a life like that for me. I was happy. For real.
Then it got all messed up. She broke my heart, I broke hers. The end? Not at all, this is just a beginning. And in case you think this is just gonna be another crying topic about a broken heart of some loser, you're completely wrong. This is not about that girl. I haven't seen her in three years and am not planning on seeing or even talking to her ever again. I don't give a fck about her.
So why even talk about her? Because she's planted a seed in my damn mind. Even though I swore to myself I would never let anyone else get that close to me again, deep down I knew that when I meet someone like that I won't be able to fight it.
Which brings me to present day. After three years of "pretending to myself" that I'm once again "cool" like it never happened, I've met a girl in my work, who I knew immediately is trouble.
One would think this will happen to someone like me just once in a lifetime but damn, again?! I've forbidden myself to even think about her that way the very first day I realised what was going on. Think that helped?
And here it gets really messed up. If you're still reading, DON'T STOP. Now it gets interesting. So, she is a colleague, right? That's bad as it is I know but that's not all. She has a boyfriend she has just recently moved in with. Even worse, right? Yeah… And I can feel there could be developing something between us, so I tell her straight up it's not gonna happen because of these two points. That true? Not at all. I've fcked plenty of girls from work in my life. And I never gave sh*t about boyfriends. I am just afraid of getting my heart broken again!
That all, you ask? Nope… You see, there is a colleague of mine who is like a brother to me. He's a really great guy. Being who I am, I've only got two friends like that my whole life. And guess what? He's fallen for that girl. Even though he's in a ten year relationship. And it gets me mad. It gets me really jealous. And I start hating myself for not trying to get the girl. I see how well he's doing and that her relationship is just a stupid rebound which could be ended in a heart beat. If I tried…
And being as close as we are with my friend we even talk about it. I know he's fallen for her and he knows my feelings. And we both know how jealous we get at each other. Damn.
Is that it? Well, nope. Hold on to something this is gonna be a ride…
A few days ago we've had a company party and in the end it was just the three of us. A few shots and some horny words later, all I know is my friend is kissing the girl and I am fingering her from behind!
So she c*ms and almost immediately freaks out and runs off to the restroom. So now it's the two of us staring at each other like wtf has just happened. So we started talking about it and we both agreed that if she didn't freak out we would have ended at my place in like a second. And believe me this is some heavy sh*t for me. I'm really strongly homophobic, like pathetically. I can't even watch porn with guys in it. Don't ask me why, I don't know and it doesn't even matter. And here I am considering a threesome with my best friend…
And we might have even f*cked her right there. By the way, did I tell you this was at a club full of people? How f*cked up is this?
And then it got even worse. She returned from the restroom and we started TALKING about it. After a while my friend is CRYING telling her how his relationship is a mess (which is news to me too!!) and how he is in love with her and then it slips him that I feel the same way! Now she is crying too asking me sh*t and I'm all freaked out, seriously drunk, don't know what to do or say so I try and kiss her… Damn. That doesn't help. So now EVEN I AM CRYING! Talking bullsh*t… I've only cried once in front of a girl my whole life!
And then I even PROPOSED to her! What the hell?! That of course like immediately killed it. After that it was just an avalanche of sadness and bulsh*t from all of us.
Then I had to leave. I had to go to work! Straight from the club, drunk like sh*t, with dead brain and seriously f*cked up mind. What a great night!
After few days we met at work and I knew straight up the game had changed. We didn't talk about it much but I got a feeling I'd lost my chances. If I've ever had any… Who would have guessed, right?
Then we've texted for a while and she was like we need to talk about it, the three of us, sober. And I was like "I love you so much, blah, blah, blah…" I've completely lost it.
Yes, of course we need to talk about it but it's damn late. She told me she will probably be leaving the job.
So in any case this is a lose-lose situation. And I don't want to lose anything, her, my friend… My mind. And I know I couldn't stand it if they got together. And if she stayed I wouldn't stop trying. This is not just about p*ssy. I really do love her as a person. So basically I am f*cked.
Why am I even writing here? Well, I can't really talk about it with anyone because everyone knows everyone and noone must know this. I'd like to know your opinions. What should I do, what would YOU do, have you maybe even been there? If so, what did you do and what was the consequences?
Well, if nothing I hope you at least enjoyed this mess of a story. Better than TV, right? Yeah, right…
Thats it!
