A disaster trip

[DjNLes]

Hi all,

Happy New Years!!!

Here's the scenerio. A guy we'll call Jack had asked this girl we'll call Jane to go on a snowboarding trip with him. Jane is from New York so she had to take the bus down to meet him. They are both very excited about this trip. Jack had called to reserve a room at Snowshoe a week in advance but there was only one condo left at the time so he just took it.

On the way to Snowshoe everything was great. The convo was good and the atmosphere cheery. Once they got there, Jack noticed that there was only one bed in the room. He had thought it would be two since he made a reservation for two people. They hit the slopes and had alot of fun and enjoy each others company. There was some kino involved.

At the end of the night, they went back to the room. Jane was watching TV on one side of the bed. She was leaning on her side so her back was facing Jack. He was laying on the other side of the bed. Then he decides then to just tap her shoulder to ask her to turn around. She does and he attempts to kiss her. She immediately turned her head away and asked what he was doing. At that moment, the mood completely changed. Jack knew what she meant by it and pulled no more tricks and went to bed.

The next day the atmosphere was completely changed. Jack was no longer that cheery or chatty. They both got ready for another day on the slopes. It was no longer as fun for Jack but he just went ahead and tried to make the best of it. Basically, he is just hoping to go home soon. Jane sense that he's kinda moody and asked why he is. He responded cause he's just tired. But really the feeling is killing him inside.

The 5 hr drive home was the worst moment for him ever. The atmosphere was very quiet in the car and Jane was listening to her ipod. Finally at some point, she asked him why he's like that. Upon which he just let it out and said why did she turn away when he tried to kiss her. So she responded that he's mad about that. Afterwards, no one really said anything and again it was silent.

When the got home, he had planned to take her out to dinner. But she didn't want to go anymore saying she just wanted to shower and call it a night.

The next morning, they went out for breakfast. He tried to put on a good face and enjoy the time, but inside it just wasn't there. Finally, he took her to the bus stop for her ride back to NYC. As she was boarding the bus, she puts her face right in front of him as if she wanted to be kissed on the cheek. He refrained and she said she had a great time. He puts his hand on her shoulder and said to her..think about it. And then he left.

What do you guys think of this scenerio? Basically, he already knows NEXT..but he really thought she gave him IOIs. The reality of this is that when she turned away from the kiss that was basically the nail in the coffin. Is there any chance left?

Thanks for listening guys.

 

[Hitman10000]

Never take a girl out on a weekend trip until you've slept with her the local living area. And if you do go on a weekend trip with a girl you haven't slept with, be sure to tell where the sleeping arrangements and by no chance consider a weekend trip possible sex action will happen soon.

Is this over? I honestly would not talk to this gal at all to salvage any respect you got left.

 

[DjNLes]

Ah..thanks for the comments guys. That's basically, how I felt too after she turned away. No point in going further and just cut the contacts. Honestly, I thought there were IOIs, but what the hell do I know. Also, good point about not taking someone on a long trip incase something goes sour. I had decided on the kiss test though and it backfired. Needless to say, '06 ended on a bad note. Best of luck on the New Years guys. Later.

 

[Latinoman]

I personally think that is NOT too smart to spend $$$$$ in such an activity HOPING to get laid. If you want to invest $$$$ on a woman (and yes, that was exactly what this scenario was)...do it on one that is ALREADY phucking you.

IOI's for ME (when it comes to spending $$$$) is KISSING or SEXING. Nothing more and nothing less.

Would I spend $$$$ to have a trip with a female friend? Of course...but under the understanding that it is a friendship (no different than a man) trip. But the trip in that example?

How can we blame the woman for that? We cannot buy or force attraction.

 

[joekerr31]

let me get this straight...

you probably invited her up as a friend. probably told her there would be two beds. then, surprise surprise, you tell her all you could get was one bed. she says 'no problem, we'll just share it then."

then, you tap her on the shoulder and go to kiss her. no flirting. no smoothness.

so here she is, snowboarding with a friend, and then suddenly when shes in bed (when she was suppose to have her own bed) he makes a move on her.

if i were her i'd be worried that this was all a big set up to get me into bed. then id be worried that maybe your a psycho and might try to rape me. or at the very least throw an tantrum and get all angry at me.

so instead i'd just keep my mouth shut.

by the next morning if you hadn't shown any signs of being a psycho i'd probably feel more at ease and try to leave things on a good note (ie. kiss on the cheek).

anyway, although i rarely suggest saying sorry, in this scenario, when you went to kiss her and she rejected it, you should have said "Jeez. i'm sorry about. i apologize."

she's in some remote place with no one she knows around and stuck with just you. if only to put her mind at ease that she was in NO danger you should have said sorry to let her know that everything was ok and that you weren't going to make any further moves on her.

oh and another piece of advice. the place to make your FIRST move is NOT NOT NOT when a woman is in bed. i mean, dude, you do realize that women worry about sexual assault right? want to kiss her, do it when you're out snowboarding. not in bed where within 15 second you could rape her if you wanted to.

anyway, i'd let this one go.

one caveat, this is all speculation, your post really didnt have enough detail to accurately provide a response.

 

[Aaron B]

Low interest. Next.

Quit spending money on women. She should have paid half if she wanted to go.

Then she rejects the kiss attempt and you want to take her to dinner? Never reward behavior that you don't like.

Don't take women to dinner until you have at least slept with her. Personally I never pay a woman's way until we are in a LTR, unless I know she will pay next time (or she paid last time).

Many women have men in their lives for the purpose of buying the woman things. Many of these same women have other men in their lives who spend no money, but get to sleep with the women.

I can't guarantee I'll be the man sleeping with her, but I can sure as hell guarantee I won't be the guy buying her things.

 

[DjNLes]

Hey guys, thanks for the comments. I didn't make a mistake. Never take someone on a long trip in case things go sour. Lesson learned. Btw, they only reason I offered to take her to dinner is because we had planned it before all this happpend. I didn't want to make it seem like because she rejected me that I don't want to take her to dinner as planned. Anyways it's a good lesson. Good day guys.

 

[MatureDJ]

Never take a girl out on a weekend trip until you've slept with her the local living area. And if you do go on a weekend trip with a girl you haven't slept with, be sure to tell where the sleeping arrangements and by no chance consider a weekend trip possible sex action will happen soon.

Is this over? I honestly would not talk to this gal at all to salvage any respect you got left.

I will agree 100%. If you haven't slept with a woman (here, the definition of sleeping is actually ... sleeping, not necessarily sex), you should not plan a sleepover trip. IOW, traveling intimacy should be predicated upon physical intimacy.

Another thing is that in situations in which you two are sleeping over (which would only happen because you two live too far away), you should not consider just being in the same bed as being a confirmation of consent of sex. However, if you are sleeping over, and it is not necessary, then you could take that as a good sign.

It really is AFC behavior to think that a weekend getaway sharing the same bed is a way to get into her pants. If I were in a relationship with a woman that I was not intimate with, and she wanted to go on a trip together, I would simply tell her that for a couple that is not yet intimate, it would be inappropriate (I would not offer such a trip.) The onus would be on her to move the relationship to the next level. If she would chose not to, then she gets no vacation together.

 

[MatureDJ]

Low interest. Next.

Quit spending money on women. She should have paid half if she wanted to go.

Then she rejects the kiss attempt and you want to take her to dinner? Never reward behavior that you don't like.

I'm not sure of the exact mechancis of the conversation that led to the trip. If she hinted about wanting to go, he should have said something like, "maybe in the future", and she continued to ask when, he should lay down the intimacy and travel rule.

Don't take women to dinner until you have at least slept with her. Personally I never pay a woman's way until we are in a LTR, unless I know she will pay next time (or she paid last time).

I don't agree with this. Taking a woman out to dinner is OK if there seems to be good interest, but continuing to take a woman out to dinner that shows no interest is improper. Also, the dinner does not have to be an expensive place. There are always places where a couple can have a dinner together for $50. That's not much for a successful man. A class woman is not going to want to get intimate with a man that does not want to take her out to eat at a decent restaurant. What - do you expect such a woman to want to be intimate with you if your idea of every date is come over to her place with a 6-pack?

The problem is when a man quickly gets a woman's phone number before establishing that she has high interest and then proceeds to take her to an expensive place to impress her. Such initial meetings should be the cheap and informal coffee date.

Many women have men in their lives for the purpose of buying the woman things. Many of these same women have other men in their lives who spend no money, but get to sleep with the women.

That is true, and is the reason for the strategy I outlined above. A man should never take a woman on anything other than a cheap date if the woman has another man that she is deeper into.

I can't guarantee I'll be the man sleeping with her, but I can sure as hell guarantee I won't be the guy buying her things.

 

[Aaron B]

I don't agree with this. Taking a woman out to dinner is OK if there seems to be good interest, but continuing to take a woman out to dinner that shows no interest is improper. Also, the dinner does not have to be an expensive place. There are always places where a couple can have a dinner together for $50. That's not much for a successful man. A class woman is not going to want to get intimate with a man that does not want to take her out to eat at a decent restaurant. What - do you expect such a woman to want to be intimate with you if your idea of every date is come over to her place with a 6-pack?

If we dine together during the course of our date, she is expected to pay her half.

I would never have a dinner-only date with a woman early in our courtship. I always use action dates in the beginning.

Any woman who refuses to pay her half is going to be more trouble than she's worth in the long run.

 

[Tazman]

Just so you don't feel like everything was YOUR fault, I think what you did wasn't that bad. The chick obviously wasn't into you as much as you initially thought, that's all. She was probably also a "user", meaning she knew why you wanted to hang out and that she didn't plan on taking anything further so she accepted the offer and got out of it what she truly wanted, a free ride. She probably told her friends that "some guy" is taking her on a ski trip. Hell, she probably thought she might've met some other guy while she was out there.

It's not like you had your jimmy out waving it in her face. If she was interested in you she wouldn't have turned away.