A direct insult.

[DonJuanjr]

Yes.

Sure they can handle it, but it most certainly does come from a mean place. You're pointing out traits that are a net negative to their well being. The fact that the traits stick out to you shows they're a net negative.

 

[Stoic]

Sure they can handle it, but it most certainly does come from a mean place. You're pointing out traits that are a net negative to their well being. The fact that the traits stick out to you shows they're a net negative.

No it doesn't.

I am bald. My friends make fun of me for that. I enjoy insulting them. I enjoy hearing what they will come up with to playfully insult me.

My friend is over weight but is a big guy that is still a good looking dude. I make jokes about his weight. And so does he. We both laugh about it.

The men I'm around are very secure and are not overly sensitive. We do not embody any of the traits that make up the current wimpy kids coming out of college today.

 

[DonJuanjr]

No it doesn't.

I am bald. My friends make fun of me for that. I enjoy insulting them. I enjoy hearing what they will come up with to playfully insult me.

My friend is over weight but is a big guy that is still a good looking dude. I make jokes about his weight. And so does he. We both laugh about it.

The men I'm around are very secure and are not overly sensitive. We do not embody any of the traits that make up the current wimpy kids coming out of college today.

I get what you're saying. I still think it comes from a mean place at it's core. Regardless if everyone participating can handle it. Otherwise, why would it be funny?

 

[Mr. Personality]

I get what you are saying and I tease the woman I am with as well. And occasionally I go too far also. I would just lay off teasing about looks entirely. Women are far more emotional and sensitive than we are. Even if they act like they have thick skin, they almost never do.

So we cannot tease women like we do our buddies. I make remarks, jokes, insults about my buddie's looks all the time. But, it only works because they have thick skin, and they know its not coming from a mean place.

Thank you. I think she’ll reach back out. She also told me to f*** like she’s my Gf last week. So I do think she wanted to have an argument or something like couples do… if that makes sense …

 

[BackInTheGame78]

If only women followed your same advice. Ive had plenty of women insult me and play on my insecurities but since I’m a man it’s ok, I’m just supposed to take it. Not every guy is self confident and there’s a reason, maybe women have beat them down enough but nobody ever says anything or cares. Men are just supposed to get over it but not poor women.

And that's what they are trying to find out. Women want a man who believes in himself.

 

[Mr. Personality]

And that's what they are trying to find out. Women want a man who believes in himself.

Yeah. Is what it is. Gotta love women for what they are not what they are not. They lead with emotion first.

 

[ubercat]

Come on guys you can't attack something that is central to people's value in society how they are measured and expect to get a calm considered response. We've said here many times that attractiveness is important for woman but doesn't matter so much for men.

It's like telling a man that they are weak or their so-called career is a joke. Might be true but they don't want to hear it.

On the other hand what are you thinking sounds like a bored woman. In early days you should be dating not hanging out. Give her the space to miss you.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Struggling to understand the play here

Allure is extremely important to a woman that's why the makeup industry worth billions and they hate being questioned about their weight and age

Looks , weight and age are 3 topics i will rarely if ever get into with a woman even if we are joking because i just know its never going to end well

 

[BeExcellent]

The problem often is delivery. Teasing is fine but negative teasing is hurtful underneath and can be difficult for others to hear. Now it’s different if I neg myself, or call my guy “such a nerd” (he’s an IT guy) or he will call me a geek or whatever. We tease a lot. But it is a playful tone and harmless content. Men are sensitive to comments about their junk and women are sensitive to comments about their appearance. I mean, if someone were to straight up call me ugly, I’d laugh it off because that’s objectively ridiculous. I’d simply smile & agree.

But if my man, whose opinion I care about were to start doing that? That doesn’t feel good & why would he insult me? I don’t do that & don’t find it cute in an exchange between lovers. If he doesn’t like something I wear, he’ll say very directly “I don’t like that…” and I’ll change, no worries. And vice versa.

Part of the problem is that in the field out meeting people you can’t know who is cool with caustic banter and who isn’t. So more often than not it will shoot you in the foot if not delivered perfectly. It will sometimes shoot you in the foot if it IS delivered perfectly.

Tone is important and on a written forum we have no way to understand OP’s tone and delivery.

 

[BeExcellent]

I understood it fine, straight from the get go...
I would not have responded as I did if I had not.

I mean again, he posted that she KNOWS how attractive he thinks she is, SHE knows how attractive she is, as such how else could he have meant it?

Not to mention, do you honestly believe that had he truly thought she was ugly, he would have said it? Even as a joke?

Would he even be dating her if he thought she was ugly?

Common sense please.

It’s ugly behavior. Low class. That’s why I don’t tolerate it. And that’s why I reject for it. It’s banal.

If someone is not clever enough to figure out a non-insulting way to banter? Boring. In addition to the above.

Surely he can be more creative….

 

[typical]

Personally, I have always hated the “what are you thinking” test. They are basically looking for signs of commitment with that question.

I think the best approach is to give silly answers when they give you the question. Silly answers make them wonder why you gave that answer and wonder how committed you are to them. The more they think about you, the better.

I cannot find fault in your particular solution to the question. Your answer works in a way. But be careful, as too many signs of no commitment will make her look elsewhere.

I've always replied with "Thinking about ****ing you and your best girlfriend at the same time" gets a laugh and some kinky sex and very occasionally a threesome.

 

[The Duke]

Women with issues get turned on by insults like this.