Why "Whatever You Want" Keeps You Single

She says the movie looks dumb; you suddenly agree. She tests you with a little attitude; you apologize for nothing.

You think you're being easy to get along with. She reads something else entirely: a man with no edges. Nothing to hold on to. No friction, no tension, no reason to wonder what he really thinks.

The "22 Rules" taught me to push back — playfully, calmly, without needing her approval. Strange things happened after that.

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A dilemma once again

Dole

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Me and my gf got in a big fight about a week and a half ago in which she pretty much handed over full control to me. She didn't like it but she accepted it, one thing I did was tell her we should see each other less, which she agree too with a lot of pain and she didn't like that at all. A week before the fight she asked me if I wanted to go to a comedy festival with her, with her work, this week or next week. She wasn't sure when they are going, I said find out and let me know. So this week I told her we should hang out saturday and she said yah that works, she has plans for friday anyways. On thursday I asked her what she's doing, she said she's going to dinner with her female friend. On friday she call's me after the dinner I asked her how it went, she told me she went to dinner to one of her female friends house and her other female friend that was originally to go didn't make it. Saturday we go out everything is fine, we have lots of fun I ended up sleeping at her house as usual.

On sunday I called my friend to ask him how he's 6 month anniversary went. He said well and that they went to dinner and a comedy festival. So I was like hmm okay. I went on google checked for comedy festival in the city I am living, the comedy festival was in town for friday/saturday. Right away I call her and I confronted her saying did you go to dinner or you went to the comedy festival. She said she went to dinner and then to the comedy festival.( I guess her female friend was her date to comedy festival but she didn't make it ) I asked her why she was being secretive about it and why she didn't tell me she said that I don't tell her all the details and that it wasn't a big deal since her whole work staff went. Then she said, 'did you just call me to confront me and argue with me?' To which I replied yes and I was upset so I just told her bye and hung up.
she sends me a text saying the following:
her: Don't call me anymore. I'm done with having to prove my self to you. Now, I hope you're happy!
me: We shouldn't talk anymore. Bye
her: I just told you that. Later
me: I didn't get your text, but I am glad we are on the same page then.
her: Take care. Good luck with school and such. Keep outta trouble =) if you ever need anything.. I'm here.

I haven't replied to her text nor have I called her yet. It's been two days now and I haven't heard from her. I am upset since this is the longest we haven't talked apart. I am confused on how to handle this and if she actually moved on. I feel like if I call her or text her I am giving my power away back to her considering the text she left me with (running back to her). On the other hand I am not sure if I am doing right thing here by waiting for her to contact me first.

I feel like she was the one who did wrong here by being secretive about it, on the other hand I wanted to hear what an older woman had to say about my course of action and she called me an idiot and insecure bf for making a big deal out of it.

I am wondering what my options are here?

Send her a text saying one of the following:
1) we need to talk
2) I don't need you to prove your self to me, just dont be secretive next time

3) Call her and act like nothing happened
4) Wait for her to contact me first??
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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TheBaconator

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You should wait to see if she gets in touch with you, if she doesn't move on. By texting her either of your two ideas or calling and acting like nothing happened, it's total AFC and she's got you by the balls. You were wrong in showing it made you that upset and tracking down the info, but at the same time she was wrong for being deceptive.
 

Mavrick

Master Don Juan
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Personally, I think you were very insecure with her going somewhere without telling you. When you get to the point where it doesn't really matter what she does, you'll be more intriguing to her. As long as you keep crossing the line and caging her like an animal, you'll lose her. I have no idea why she went to the festival without you, but you guys didn't make any definite plans, and she should be free to do what she wants. She's with you of her own free will, right?

She told you that she didn't think you should talk anymore. It was her decision, and you should do exactly that. She will contact you in time, and the only way to get back on top is to be patient and show that you don't need her. Once she realizes that, her ego will get the best of her, and she will call and wonder.

When she calls, don't drop everything for her. Don't tell her you love her and all that goo goo crap. Just be friendly, talk briefly, and let her wonder about you. All those thoughts you're thinking right now, she's thinking them, too. Let her be the one that initiates the contact. Let her be the one to initiate the "I love yous" and the next time you guys get together. Why? Because she dumped you. She initiated the "let's not call each other anymore" BS. Just like she ended it, it's up to her to make it right.
 

Dole

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Mavrick said:
Personally, I think you were very insecure with her going somewhere without telling you. When you get to the point where it doesn't really matter what she does, you'll be more intriguing to her. As long as you keep crossing the line and caging her like an animal, you'll lose her. I have no idea why she went to the festival without you, but you guys didn't make any definite plans, and she should be free to do what she wants. She's with you of her own free will, right?

She told you that she didn't think you should talk anymore. It was her decision, and you should do exactly that. She will contact you in time, and the only way to get back on top is to be patient and show that you don't need her. Once she realizes that, her ego will get the best of her, and she will call and wonder.

When she calls, don't drop everything for her. Don't tell her you love her and all that goo goo crap. Just be friendly, talk briefly, and let her wonder about you. All those thoughts you're thinking right now, she's thinking them, too. Let her be the one that initiates the contact. Let her be the one to initiate the "I love yous" and the next time you guys get together. Why? Because she dumped you. She initiated the "let's not call each other anymore" BS. Just like she ended it, it's up to her to make it right.
Thank you Maverick, your posts always make me feel good about my self. After our first huge fight I told my self, I won't care what she does anymore but I forgot about it and didn't remind my self. I need to write this on my forehead next time. So I shall wait for her contact.
 

Mavrick

Master Don Juan
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Dole said:
Thank you Maverick, your posts always make me feel good about my self. After our first huge fight I told my self, I won't care what she does anymore but I forgot about it and didn't remind my self. I need to write this on my forehead next time. So I shall wait for her contact.
Every girl I've dated as of late, I've made it a point to not care so much. I always care less than she does, and it has been very successful for me. They always end up trying to prove themselves to me.

When I do care, they try so hard to run, and they don't want to prove themselves to me.
 

"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

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