A crushing blow

[iqqi]

Twice. She wanted to call more but I said I hate talking on the phone. She said I sounded sexy but "shy"! I told her I'm quiet because thats the way I was brought up to not speak loudly or the father would have a fit.

WAY too gosh darned information, Jack.

Keep it mysterious.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

WAY too gosh darned information, Jack.

Keep it mysterious.

I think it was YOU who stated that when on a first date with a girl, you should not try and set up the 2nd date while still on the first date.

You said it's best to keep her guessing. What's the verdict on this? Is Iqqi right?

And to the OP just the title of your thread is the problem .. "A crushing blow" from a girl you hardly know? That shouldn't be possible.

 

[MotownMack]

You said it's best to keep her guessing. What's the verdict on this? Is Iqqi right?

Yes.

I mainly don't do it because the second date, at that point, is a useless gesture. In many cases, the decision of whether or not you "like" someone isn't made during the first date, it's made when you go home and think about what happened. So why even bother doing it at this point, until both sides have had more time to think?

And yes, by bringing up the second date, you're providing her with ultimate approval-not the same kind of small approval you give her with a smile, or small compliment, etc-but the biggest approval, which is "yes I like you and I am would like to see you again."

It's not so much about keeping her guessing as it is not demonstrating lower value by giving her the impression she's already won you over.

 

[guru1000]

Date saturday after contacting the girl for a few weeks. The date went brilliant I thought. On the date she said I was everything she expected. I left to go away.

If you are online dating, it is best to meet right away. Why waste more than five minutes with a girl who may prove to be unattractive or incompatible.

Why everything she EXPECTED? Who is qualifying who?

After she text me and I said where was my goofbye kiss.

Why would you say that? This could make the situation uncomfortable. Could be a rapport or frame killer. Kiss is a spontaneous reaction to one who has proven she is worthwhile. You reverse qualify the CONTEXT here.

She said she didn't know I liked her and would have loved one

.

A typical "Why are you asking such a question" response. She knows you like her.

I said to her she was a bit quieter than on the phone and she said it was because she was stunned by my good looks and went on to say I was very hot, everything she expected and where shall we meet next time.

Be wary of OVERT interest after a first date. Some women can be this way. More often than not, they will hold back their true intention.

Late that nite and next day we were texting

Too available and a tad needy. Give the girl something to think about. Are you that easy to attain? Make her work and wonder. Time apart is VALUE setting.

but got nothing today until a few min ago saying she was "busy all day and at a party now and will text me later"! So we all know thats bye bye!

Not necessarily unless I missed something.

Just really improving lately, improving my self esteem and everything but this is another major setback and I'm kinda depressed over it.

This is definitely a confidence and validation issue. It is important to understand and accept this. Also realize your need to text, call and ask her how she felt is sourced to your lack of self esteem in need of a validation bandaid.

Behavior will often revolve around a person's perceived need. You seem to need approval to build your self esteem. This is a wrong, wrong , wrong. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy of disappointment.

Take a step back. Accept the fact that you are seeking approval and stop this defeatist behavior. True confidence and self esteem derives from WHO you are as a man, and cannot be deterred from anyone's opinion or lack of approval.

This is why you must FOCUS on you and you alone. Once women become the by-product of your VALUE rather than the goal, is when you have reached the ideal state.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

Yes.

I mainly don't do it because the second date, at that point, is a useless gesture. In many cases, the decision of whether or not you "like" someone isn't made during the first date, it's made when you go home and think about what happened. So why even bother doing it at this point, until both sides have had more time to think?

And yes, by bringing up the second date, you're providing her with ultimate approval-not the same kind of small approval you give her with a smile, or small compliment, etc-but the biggest approval, which is "yes I like you and I am would like to see you again."

It's not so much about keeping her guessing as it is not demonstrating lower value by giving her the impression she's already won you over.

We had about an hour long action first date this weekend, and I feel it went well. Didn't bring up religion or politics, I stayed smooth, kept the convo light... and we got along the whole time. I didn't say anything stupid... but I didn't say anything extremely smooth either... I was just neutral the whole time.

When the date was over I just hugged her and said "i'll talk to you soon". The end.

She inititated contact the next day saying she had a good time.

We'll see what happens but I wish I was a bit more aggressive and find out why she was single. But I didn't touch that area at all, maybe that's better for the second date?

 

[mrRuckus]

This is a lot of talk for something that might mean nothing. Girls play hard to get or just get busy or whatever.

I don't ask for a second date on the first date. I don't even think about it actually. If she's interested she will either say something like "we should go to so and so museum sometime" while on the date or will eventually contact you. If she doesn't, I just assume she wasn't that interested. I don't remember the last time i was the one who initiated contact after the first date. They always say something to me within a few days. I've even had girls who i rejected right on the date contact me afterwards even if it's just to yell at me that they're such a catch and i am making a mistake (lol).

I guess maybe i could miss out on a girl or two by letting them contact me but I don't think it's happened yet. They just don't have that sort of self control if they're interested.

If anything, the OP acting AFC *after* the date is likely what is going to cause him to completely 'lose' her.

 

[slaog]

This is definitely a confidence and validation issue. It is important to understand and accept this. Also realize your need to text, call and ask her how she felt is sourced to your lack of self esteem in need of a validation bandaid.

Behavior will often revolve around a person's perceived need. You seem to need approval to build your self esteem. This is a wrong, wrong , wrong. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy of disappointment.

Take a step back. Accept the fact that you are seeking approval and stop this defeatist behavior. True confidence and self esteem derives from WHO you are as a man, and cannot be deterred from anyone's opinion or lack of approval.

This is why you must FOCUS on you and you alone. Once women become the by-product of your VALUE rather than the goal, is when you have reached the ideal state.

Thank you and spot on. I've learned alot lately but have a long way to go.

I'm still really confused about her behaviour but in future I won't put any more women on a pedestal. I'll try not to at least.

The funny thing is I wasn't 100% sure about her but as soon as I got rejected I found it hard to take especially after being on a high after the date.

It's that feeling of not being in control of the situation I find hard to take.

We're still in contact. Last nite she said to text her later but I said I will tomorrow. Havn't texted her yet (it's 4:50 now) so at least she is seeing that I'm not going to chase her that easily.

 

[Latinoman]

Thank you and spot on. I've learned alot lately but have a long way to go.

I'm still really confused about her behaviour but in future I won't put any more women on a pedestal. I'll try not to at least.

The funny thing is I wasn't 100% sure about her but as soon as I got rejected I found it hard to take especially after being on a high after the date.

It's that feeling of not being in control of the situation I find hard to take.

We're still in contact. Last nite she said to text her later but I said I will tomorrow. Havn't texted her yet (it's 4:50 now) so at least she is seeing that I'm not going to chase her that easily.

4:50 AM or PM?

 

[slaog]

4:50 AM or PM?

PM. She finished work at 2.

 

[Latinoman]

PM. She finished work at 2.

So you are in the UK.

 

[slaog]

So you are in the UK.

No Ireland but it's the same time zone.