A contradiction - the jerk/nice guy

[Jariel]

I've been thinking about something recently, which made me see a flaw in the "jerk attract women" theory.

A LOT of jerks win women over by being deceitful and actually act like nice guys to get women to sleep with them. It works and it's only after, when the girl has already fallen for him, that he reveals himself as a jerk.

So surely the woman falls for what she thinks is a nice guy, not a jerk. In fact, deceitful jerks like this will act much nicer than a genuine nice guy.

My theory on this is that the jerk acts like a nice guy, but he does it with confidence. He pays her a compliment and gives her attention without getting nervous. He believes in himself, whereas the regular nice guy tends to hesitate or get nervous.

If this is the case, then you don't need to act like a jerk or fear being a nice guy, just as long as you are confident in your actions.

 

[BLUEox117]

Originally posted by Jariel
I've been thinking about something recently, which made me see a flaw in the "jerk attract women" theory.

A LOT of jerks win women over by being deceitful and actually act like nice guys to get women to sleep with them. It works and it's only after, when the girl has already fallen for him, that he reveals himself as a jerk.

So surely the woman falls for what she thinks is a nice guy, not a jerk. In fact, deceitful jerks like this will act much nicer than a genuine nice guy.

My theory on this is that the jerk acts like a nice guy, but he does it with confidence. He pays her a compliment and gives her attention without getting nervous. He believes in himself, whereas the regular nice guy tends to hesitate or get nervous.

If this is the case, then you don't need to act like a jerk or fear being a nice guy, just as long as you are confident in your actions.

no part of this website advocates being a jerk, jerks are actually the nice guy who cant figure out women and get angry.

 

[Sweetcheeks]

The appeal of the jerk

I have a few acquaintances who do very well with girls/women. They also happen to be lowlife criminal types.

After hanging with them, I think I've got a handle on their appeal, and it consists of the following:

-They are constantly on call, or busy. They have a life which is full of excitement, variety and unpredictability

-They are resourceful and adaptable. Because they lead dangerous lives, they are able to think fast and take care of situations almost as soon as they arise.

-They are mysterious. Due to the nature of their work, they are often not too interested in incriminating themselves, so they are purposely vague and evasive in their replies to probing questions.

-They call their own shots, and make their own rules. Being a criminal, they obviously don't care about mainstream society's approval.

-They are ****y and confident. If they were shy and cowardly, they would be eaten alive in their profession.

-High social proof. They have a lot of acquaintances and connections, as they go back and forth amongst different groups and learn to relate with them.

-They are glamorous. They make good money (despite the risk) and live fully moment to moment, because they're uncertain when they may lose their freedom or their lives.

-They are intimidating. Girls can feel "safe" with their tough bad boy boyfriend. Also, fear is an aphrodesiac for some.

-They are uncontrollable, a very big challenge.

-They don't supplicate. Comes with the territory. It's very macho stuff that they do, and chauvanism is a likely result.

 

[Skweints]

Hmm, well, I would call those smart criminals... not jerks. Jerks normally aren't too smart. They lie and make up stories to make up for their own insecurities, which usually gets them in trouble when they start contradicting stories.

Sweetcheeks, your description reminds me of the main character in the movie "Good Fella's"

You can learn a lot just from that movie, if you watch how the main character acts. He doesn't act ANYTHING like a jerk in the movie, but he's confident in what he does, therefore, creates attraction.

I had been in a situation where I felt I was obligated to pull the girl I was to me when something bad had happen around us (happened to be some Japanese chick getting thrown out of the club by a bouncer.) I noticed the girl I was with stiffen up a little, and pulled her close to me, and wrapped my arms around her waist, and I immediately felt her weight shift onto me. An outside person may have thought "Oh what a cheeze ball." but I had confidence in what I was doing, and it worked out for me.

 

[thebsharp]

no part of this website advocates being a jerk, jerks are actually the nice guy who cant figure out women and get angry.

please come back when you start making sense.

 

[BLUEox117]

Originally posted by thebsharp
please come back when you start making sense.

please come back when u read english,
jerks are the manifestation of a nice guy fed up of not getting *****, usually they still dont get any *****, they just might get a few extra dates.

 

[alphawolfx]

well, today i was in hot topic and they ran out of the CD i was checking out...

the girl started saying that they just did that to torture me, so i smiled and flipped her the bird, and she f.uckin loved it... damn rocker chicks

and the girl i'm trying to f.uck that i met on myspace says "i hate you" whenever we talk, but in a joking way, because i always lead her around.... and then she calls me and IM's me like once a day

so i'm a jerk in THAT way, but i also tell them they are cute/have a pretty smile, etc. and they eat that s.hit from the palm of my hand

 

[MrHarris]

I have never seen a jerk be anything but a jerk. Which is why women are attracted to him. He doesn't exhibit the nice guy qualities that women find boring.

If women are looking for guys who are not nice guys, why would anyone even think to remain a nice guy?