A coffee date, "as friends for now". WTF, SoSuave?

[d0g]

Hi guys,

I chatted briefly to a girl on an online dating site about a month ago, and as per the SoSuave method, asked her out within a couple of messages. She said she was going to be out of town for a month, so I told her to let me know when she's back.

She's evidently back now, and she messaged me today.

Two problems:

#1: She suggested we meet for coffee. If there's one thing I know about coffee dates, it's that I get totally shafted whenever I go on one (I guess I just need booze as a crutch if I'm just going to sit around and talk; activity dates are way better). I'm going to try neutralize this problem by suggesting we rather go out for a drink one evening, or I'll try think of some activity we can do.

#2: The big WTF -- She said "Let's go out for coffee sometime, as friends for now." What is this "as friends for now" BS? Is this something girls on online dating sites regularly say to suitors?

So I have some options:

Option A: Assume that I've messed up in my initial few messages, or just that she doesn't like the look of me or my profile. Hence she's friend-zoning me already, so DROP HER.

Option B: Assume that she's just throwing in the "as friends for now" bit to emphasize that she wants to take it slowly, because she's ambivalent about me (yes, I know, obviously if I was Brad Pitt, she wouldn't throw that bit in). She hasn't friend-zoned me yet, so I can still recover if I actually go on some date with her. So just go on a date with her, and see what happens.

Option C: Same as Option B, but call her out on this "as friends for now" story in my reply. If you advocate this approach, do you have any suggestions for witty/cf one-liners I could use?

I'm most inclined to just go with Option A, but what do you think, gentlemen?

- d0g

 

[Masculinity]

I think you're engaging in mental masturbation. The girl is obviously interested in you if she contacted you after a whole month passed. I would simply shrug off the "as friends for now," and definitely not call her out--that's not even an option. You are in a mentality of scarcity and failure; "as friends for now" could mean "I don't know you know, but we could end up banging...or boyfriend and girlfriend...or whatever." She wants to make it clear that there shouldn't be any expectations (as most guys are pathetically desperate). Be the cool guy who was not fazed by her absence and actually waited it out.

You have the upper hand, now just go out with her. Now, about the date, "coffee" is cliche and boring. I agree, an adventure/active date is key. Follow your instincts and ask questions here when in doubt. However, do not become dependent upon the forum to make decisions (unless they're absolutely necessary).

Remember to have fun, to tease her, and to tell us how great it went (be positive) when you finish.

Keep being money,

-R

 

[skinnyguy]

She's gay.

 

[d0g]

Thanks, Robyn. I'm a champion of over-thinking, so I'm glad I consulted the board.

I'll report back if anything interesting happens. At the moment, I'm thinking of inviting her out for a round of table tennis near where I live, and then a drink of wine in a park nearby, once I've whooped her ass at ping pong.

- d0g

 

[zinc4]

Don't sweat the friends stuff...it's a desperation test...quite common actually...i have been on many of these as friends at first dates only to be banging later that night...just ignore it completely.....it means nothing...

Take her to a cafe/restaurant that serves drinks or a quiet pub and get drunk or tipsy with her....this is better than an actin date because it allows both o you to loosen up an get a real sense of knowing each other and clicking...better than an action date any day of the week IMO...alcohol is the biggest social lubricant there is for a reason...not to mention it's fun...action dates are great ate number 2 ideas after you have already banged her once....if you want tobang, get tipsy with her and have a great light hearted convo...

The coffee is her date plan not your's...are u really going to let her make the plan?

Tell her "i have a better idea, i know a quite place to get a drink with a great atmosphere"....

Don't ever let her lead and most important, just say no to coffee dates....come man, it' the weekend and time to have some drinks not some coffee.....if you let her plan the date she will subconsciously or even consciously deem you beta....

What warm blooded male really wants to take a hot chick that he hasn't banged yet out for coffee???

Answer: no one...and she knows this as well...do what you want to do, not her...have some drinks and keep her talking about herself and tease her a little here and there and keep it light and fun with a touch of light kino here and there....that's all you got to do and then suggest your place for a movie...be aggressive...

 

[GS750]

Friends for now, I think, means in case I meet you in public and you look nothing like your pictures, then I'll have zero interest in you romantically so I'll label it as "friends for now". I wouldn't worry about it.

 

[instantnoodles]

Ignore what she says. By the end of the date, you will figure out how much she has friendzoned you. Lol.

 

[nismo-4]

Judge by actions not by words.

Case closed.