A Cherished Memory

[Rollo Tomassi]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nnyKkA05nYw

When watching this video, or any similar to it, notice how you feel physically before you hit play and then compare it to how you feel after viewing it. Is your heart rate elevated? Did you get a little fight-or-flight adrenal rush? We laugh to relieve the visceral anxiety we feel for this chump, but think of seeing this in terms of transferring this guy's stress level to yourself. We know the ship is going to sink before we watch, but we feel, by order of degrees, what this guy is feeling by association to the point that it prompts a chemical response in us. Why?

Is it that through some psychologically evolved mechanism we've learned to protect ourselves in similar situations in our primal past? Think about what a man would have to believe in order to overcome that mechanism and place himself in a position of public ridicule that ALL depended on the woman's response. This woman is mediocre at best - I'd rate her about an HB 5 - and this guy proposes to her in what he undoubtedly believes is a grand chivalric gesture. I'm sure he genuinely believed she'd appreciate his 'vulnerability' and create a cherished memory for them both as they gracefully age in their marriage. I doubt either of them will ever forget it now.

 

[vatoloco]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nnyKkA05nYw

When watching this video, or any similar to it, notice how you feel physically before you hit play and then compare it to how you feel after viewing it. Is your heart rate elevated? Did you get a little fight-or-flight adrenal rush?

I'll be honest and admit that I just clicked on the link w/o knowing what it was but as soon as saw the setup, I felt a little bit of revulsion. Then I realized it was at a mall food court. Then it went to feeling sorry for the guy...

Is it that through some psychologically evolved mechanism we've learned to protect ourselves in similar situations in our primal past? Think about what a man would have to believe in order to overcome that mechanism and place himself in a position of public ridicule that ALL depended on the woman's response.

"Oh, I'm so in love with her! Of course she's gonna say yes!" Men project their high IL and think that the girl is just as crazy about them. Thing is, most of the time, that's not the case.

This woman is mediocre at best - I'd rate her about an HB 5 - and this guy proposes to her in what he undoubtedly believes is a grand chivalric gesture. I'm sure he genuinely believed she'd appreciate his 'vulnerability' and create a cherished memory for them both as they gracefully age in their marriage. I doubt either of them will ever forget it now.

Hopefully it was a well-learned lesson for the guy (and for anybody watching that video). She should be the one bringing up marriage. That way you won't get rejected like this poor chump did.

 

[Tony T]

Most women are professional Daters...ie "Hoe's for Hire"

 

[Strelok]

No offence to anyone but that guy asked for it and even worse he is probably a premium member of the herd of men that allow women to get the upper hand in general thus making it complicate to anyone.

Not only in the love field but in any field in general where a woman with no perceived limits to her worth could create problems,think of bratty women who blame their husband for the failure of the marriage and feel entitled to the totality of his property and complain when they get just an half.

Is it that through some psychologically evolved mechanism we've learned to protect ourselves in similar situations in our primal past? Think about what a man would have to believe in order to overcome that mechanism and place himself in a position of public ridicule that ALL depended on the woman's response.

I completely agree with this lines, its just a shame that many men stop behaving and believing as mother nature want and instead embrace some new age sensitive crap.

 

[squirrels]

A mall food court? Really??

She seemed more embarassed than anything. Even if she WAS considering marriage, he picked probably the worst place to do it.

He obviously didn't give a whole sh*t-ton of thought to the implications of proposing in a grand public stunt in a MALL FOOD COURT, even if it was where they first met. That's like proposing in front of Wal-Mart. The location alone may have doomed the proposal, even if she was BEGGING him for marriage.

Which to be honest, she probably wasn't.

I am impressed she had the stones to ditch out right then...most women would've said "yes" in the moment for both herself and the guy (just to avoid any conflict or further embarassment), then broke it to him a couple weeks or a month later that it "just wasn't working out".

It's not uncommon to run into women at my age that have had one or two "broken engagements" for this very reason. Guys COMPLETELY failing to calibrate their women before popping the question...thinking, "we've been dating for x months/x years, we're both kind of committed to the course, why would she say NO?"

I honestly didn't empathize with the guy much at all. I couldn't because:

1) He proposed in a MALL FOOD COURT, which is one of those things that if you ever catch me doing, you have my permission to put a bullet in my skull

2) He proposed without calibrating his girl's reaction, both to the idea of marriage and to the actual proposal venue/event itself. If he had known a THING about his girl other than how much he is "in love with her", then he should've known what he was doing was a bad idea. I can't see myself doing that.

3) He is WAY too mushy about it...talking about dumb crap like "cutting cupcakes"...I'm like, "WHAT??!" Maybe when I was back in middle school I used to think like that. That kid is honestly not mature enough to be thinking about marriage.

Dunce.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

In some of the comments they were saying it was a set up, but what's the point of that? Who's benefiting from it?

Even if it was, the real lesson being taught is from the 'audience' around them. People still want to believe that it was authentic. It's still a pretty useful illustration of a beta mindset. How many guys like this want to believe that a woman will appreciate his romanticism? JOPHIL and I discuss this occasionally; it's men who are the real romantics. It's men who are the imaginative ones when it comes to romance, and all in an effort to provide a woman with the romantic experiences she says she wants.

Women do not appreciate planned, romantic gestures. I'm sure this guy thought he was being brilliant by noticing how she cuts a cupcake - "girls like it when guys pay attention to the little things, 'other guys' don't listen to women, I'll show her I'm unique,.." What most men and all women don't understand is that the things a woman finds romantic are rarely ever planned. Your sweaty t-shirt is more romantic to her than any candlelit evening. It's the things you don't think would ever be romantic that stick with her.

The problem with planned romanticism is that it's pregnant with an obligation to be appreciated. Men can be romantic, just not the way women say how they expect it. Like pretty much anything else women say, it's not what they really want, but a man can't be told what that is, he has to figure it out for himself. For the high value Man, romance is effortless and unthinking.

 

[zekko]

Did you get a little fight-or-flight adrenal rush?

I thought the reaction from the girl was interesting. At times she almost looks like she is laughing at him (inside), and then she gets the fight or flight herself and is overcome by panic trying to figure out how to get out of it.

It's funny at the end where someone says "The Cinnabon lady said she'd marry him". I wonder if she was hot?

My gut impression is the guy wasn't getting the reaction from this girl that he wanted, and dreamed up this elaborate romantic gesture to try to get it. Not the best idea, obviously.

 

[JustLurk]

This is a good thing! If this shows immaturity as some posters have noted, then this situation working out as it did prevented an ill-formed and shallow marriage! Sort of like a protection system where this happens to root out immaturity from marriage. Then he's free to rethink when he matures.

Now if this happened more to rule out bad marriages and these people started listening to what this is telling them about themselves instead of running away or wallowing in their emotions, we would see improvement.