a bit paranoid about breaking up

[pipe007]

Been dating my girl for 8 months now.
she is good to me, she calls me all the time, wants to see me all the time, wants to have be intimate all the time...

Don't have any complains about her...

however, after 8 months, I begin to wonder if its worth to keep her in the long run. She has already become too attached to me. There are some important key issues that we have different

family values: I dont mean to offend anybody here, but ok my parents are still married after 30 years, and they are close to me, and that's the example they have set up for me, so I have strong family values.

Her parents are divorced ( her mom cheated on her dad) She never wants to see them, her father calls her, but her mom never does. Her brother is on drugs, and got his gf pregnant.


very dysfunctional family.

also on personal values, we were talking the other day about kids, and how she would be the greatest mom because she would let their kids do whatever they wanted and would never put any limitations on them, even if they wanna go out or do drugs at an early age. (say 10)

that statement freaked me out, like I know I would NEVER allow my kids to do whatever they want without any limitations until they began to show signs of maturity and responsibility for their actions. and I would put certain limitations to them which would always discourage them from trying drugs or being defiant.

so child rearing would be an issue that i see creating fights in the future.

also, she moved out of her house 2 years ago (she is 20), because she got tired of her father telling her what to do. She said she used to be a huge rebel, and didnt like her father trying to control her.

so today, she lives with a friend, she is studying, looking for a job, she is highly motivated and knows what she wants in life.

RIght now.. she loves me and does nothing to dissapoint me, she respects me, my time and my wishes without question.... and this confuses me, because i always think, that if she didn't have respect for her father, at some point in the future she will lose respect for me and do what she wants and get tired... and leave.

that thought kinda scares me. Also i havent introduced her to my parents yet, I have a feeling that they won't accept of her once they learn about her family issues and her brother's situation...

however as a person, she is great, and treats me well...

but I feel I deserve a person who has her life together, and is more emotionally stable.

I've been having s ex with her these days, so I'm just waiting for her menstruation period to come back so I can be sure she is not pregnant, and just let her go... (this is were i get paranoid) that she is pregnant.

I don't just wanna dump right now cuz i think she will come back with some revenge idea of "oh by the way im pregnant"

but then again, I use condom every time i have sex with her, and I always come outside of her....(just me being paranoid)

anyway, she is now being the perfect girl, and not doing anything to get me mad or doubt her.... but I have my doubts about her family values and outlook in life... we are very different in that sense.

is this something that should really motivate me to break up with her? I just have the feeling that these basic differences between us will eventually lead us to have fights and end up in a divorce in the future.

Sorry for the long post... just needed to get it out. But after 8 months of dating, and me being 25 years old, I begin to wonder if its going to be worth it to keep her long term, or should I eject now.

 

[Kailex]

I do come from a dysfunctional family though, so I kinda take offense to your comment. I came out alright!

But this is scary:

also on personal values, we were talking the other day about kids, and how she would be the greatest mom because she would let their kids do whatever they wanted and would never put any limitations on them, even if they wanna go out or do drugs at an early age. (say 10)

But then again... she is only 20, so she has no idea what she is talking about when it comes to kids. Her stance on that might well change in 5 years.

And no one said you had to marry her.
I mean, if you really want to get rid of her, then go right ahead. If you think you can't be around her anymore, then by all means, end it.

 

[pipe007]

thanks Kailex
don't mean to offend anybody... just my own personal issues with her

 

[Atom Smasher]

I wouldn't necessarily disqualify her about her family situation (although there is real concern about her attitude toward her father), but for me the comment about letting the kids run wild is an absolute disqualifier. That is a fundamental, core issue and says a lot about her, and your opposition to her attitude says a lot about you (in a good way).

She values rebellion, and yet it seems that rebellion hasn't surfaced in relation to you yet. You might have to put some pressure on her to get her true colors to come out. I would consider bringing up the topic of kids again and telling her that you would enforce discipline in the home. If you do that, prepare for all hell to break loose!

She is probably treating you like a king just to get that ring on her finger. You have to force her hand to see what she's really made of. Just be prepared for Armaggedon.

 

[pipe007]

interesting reply Atom Smasher hehe (it really fits your nickname) hehe about the armaggedon thing

anyway that is exactly my fear, and yea I push her buttons sometimes to see how she reacts, and she definitely tends to back down and give me attitude of her own when im trying to lay down the rule... nothing major though, she ends up obeying the rule and complying at the end.

but im afraid its temporal, and her true colors will come out at some point, she keeps saying she does not wanna go back and move in with her dad ever again, she hates the thought of him telling her what to do, or being controlling with her....

I am ready for armaggedon lol... better to have it happen now than in 10 years... Ive been pokin and pushing her buttons lately with attitude of my own, but nothing lol... we'll see

 

[pipe007]

interesting reply Atom Smasher hehe (it really fits your nickname) hehe about the armaggedon thing

anyway that is exactly my fear, and yea I push her buttons sometimes to see how she reacts, and she definitely tends to back down and give me attitude of her own when im trying to lay down the rule... nothing major though, she ends up obeying the rule and complying at the end.

but im afraid its temporal, and her true colors will come out at some point, she keeps saying she does not wanna go back and move in with her dad ever again, she hates the thought of him telling her what to do, or being controlling with her....

I am ready for armaggedon lol... better to have it happen now than in 10 years... Ive been pokin and pushing her buttons lately with attitude of my own, but nothing lol... we'll see

 

[Atom Smasher]

better to have it happen now than in 10 years...

True that. Push those buttons now, my man. Later it will be too late, but I can see that you do understand this.

 

[pipe007]

a lil update:
I did pushed her buttons today.... and she showed me a bit of her true colors for the first time...

she was in my car, and her dad called, she had a discussion with him... (they don't get along) anyways.... I could tell he asked her what are you doing? and she said " going to drop the letters" and he said "who you are going with?" ... she said "with my friend laura" (she didnt mentioned me)

now i couldnt hear the dad speaking, but i could tell he asked her those questions by the responses she gave.

so I used this opportunity to push her buttons...
Me: hey look at me!.. "did your dad asked you who you are going with? why did you lie? why didnt you tell him you were in the car with me?

She: (getting annoyed) "because!!!, he only asked me if I was ok with my friend laura and stuff she knows I'm with you, he didnt ask me who I was with."

i could tell she was lying, so I used this to push her buttons even more... I parked my car and proceeded with my suspicious inquiry "look at my face, are you gonna lie to me?".... I know he asked you

at that moment she exploded and began to rant at me " ahh now you too???, you gonna ask me questions???? ahhhh, you two are getting me angry, you and my dad,, ahhh, if you want you can drop me here and Ill go by myself..."

BINGO!!

I was astounded, I couldnt believe she told me that... I finally pushed her rebel buttons and they came out.... so I pushed even harder.

siince she couldnt open the door of my car cuz the handle is broken, I helped her to open the door from the inside of the car and told her " oh yea?? u wanna get out of the car because of a lil question??? lets see what you do, the door is open now!"

and she got out of the car!!

I was like bingo!!!, she actually did it and defied my authority this early in the relationship.... if she does it now that I believe she is at her peak, she will likely do it even worse in the future when she falls out of passion with me...

so I took the sign and she just stood outside and called her dad... I got out of the car since we were far far from her house and it was 11:00 Pm and it was a dangerous zone... so I just looked at her and listened to her conversation with her dad... ( it was her screaming at her dad and disrespecting him)

I was like finally!! this is wat i wanted to see. when she hung up the phone, she approached me and came to like hug me, and then she looks at me,,, and she is like " whats wrong baby?"

I was like " me? nothing... you are the one who wanted to get out of the car and stay here by yourself....

and she got pissed and was like ... oh yea ,,, then you should hand me my book and purse and I'll leave.... I think you should go and leave me here.

I got into her face and said... " say it one more time,,,, do you really want me to leave? she looked down, and said no, with a sad face...

I said listen clearly now "if I ever hear one more time that you want me to drop you anywhere because you are pissed, I f..ing drop you and will dissapear from your life forever.... is that clear???"""

I actually raised my voice at her and she got the idea,, she got really scared and said she was sorry , she hugged me and was shivering, she got into the car ,and kept looking at me and trying to say she was sorry that she was pissed with her dad,,, please try to understand me, i was just pissed with my dad.

yea right ,,, at this point, I have seen her true colors, and if she is capable of pulling those power moves on me this early in the relationship (8 months) she will likely do it worse in the future... these are just statistics, but i will NOT tolerate that kind of drama in my life in the future, I deserve better, so I have decided to break up with her for good.

I will do it once her menstruation period comes back, that way I can be 100% sure she is not pregnant at all and she won't use any pregnancy scare tactics on me lol just my paranoid ideas.... but I have made my decision

what do you guys think?

 

[Kailex]

I wonder if the fact that you are willing to put her in her place will mean that she knows what she is dealing with and won't try to cross you in the future.

I bet her dad, because he is her dad and obviously loves her somehow, is afraid to stand up to his little princess which is why she can be so rebellious.

But here you come, willing to smack her into place which is why she rebels at first, but conforms afterwards.

If this is someone you aren't feeling 100%, then you should back out now. But if this seems like it can be something you can mold, then stick around for a bit and push some more buttons.