90% Text Initiation But Suddenly Flaky on Logistics After Sex?

[startingpoint]

Hey guys,
I’ve been dating this girl (21), im (18) for 1 month. Presential chemistry is huge. This weekend, we had a spent the night together and had sex for 4 hours. It was the first time we got that intimate.
After the date, I slipped up and texted her that I had a great night, delivering easy validation. It's important to note that during our date, she also tried to make me jealous by casually opening a chat with an archived guy on her screen for 5 seconds right in front of me. she initiates contact 90% of the time via text, I keep mostly logistics, only banter w her when she initiates and I try to continue the conversation a bit. In fact, she initiated contact 3 separate times over the last 2 days after sex. This is the first time she has ever been flaky with me asking her out. Tonight, when I tried to pin down logistics for the upcoming weekend, she suddenly pulled a defensive stall, mind you, she is a busy girl (work at morning and college at night).

Here is how the conversation went:

• Me: "i'm setting up my schedule for the holiday, let's hit the bowling alley on thursday? They have pool tables too, we can grab a drink."
• Her: "hmmm / I don't know / I have to work on Friday, they don't emend /
• Me: "bummer, what day are you free?"
• Her: "yea lol, I think Friday and Saturday, just need to see with my girlfriends if im going out with them"
• Me: "cool, if you sort yourself out let me know."
• Her: "alrightt"

Based on this dynamic, is her interest actually high or not?
is it normal for a girl to start throwing obstacles and playing power games right after an intimacy breakthrough, even if she has high underlying attraction? Or is this a sign that her interest is dropping?
Would love to hear your thoughts.

 

[BPH]

Ok, so first things first...you've been dating for 1 month and just recently had sex for the first time?

In my opinion, that's a little backwards, seeing as you're both in college, but ok...then the first question to answer is whether you did a "good job" that first time?

After the date, I slipped up and texted her that I had a great night, delivering easy validation.

There's nothing wrong with that. Don't get into the habit of viewing relationships as a power struggle.

It's important to note that during our date, she also tried to make me jealous by casually opening a chat with an archived guy on her screen for 5 seconds right in front of me.

Does SHE know you're dating? Have you defined the relationship?

Based on this dynamic, is her interest actually high or not?
is it normal for a girl to start throwing obstacles and playing power games right after an intimacy breakthrough, even if she has high underlying attraction? Or is this a sign that her interest is dropping?
Would love to hear your thoughts.

It's hard to say, without more context, but it shouldn't matter. You're about to graduate, and you should have more important things to worry about than whether some freshman is playing games.

Give her some time, and see if she lets you know when/if she's free this weekend.

Personally, I don't think you should be in a relationship like this. You're 21, about to graduate, and able to go to the bars. She's a freshman, likely surrounded by her friends and random guys in her dorm, where this is likely her first taste of freedom, and you begin a relationship with her where it took a full month to have an "intimacy breakthrough".

This doesn't seem like something you should be worrying too much about.

 

[Clockwerk50]

It is hard to say. Over the next few days, there will be more telltale signs indicating whether she is still interested in you. if she continues initiating texts, calling, trying to see you, or making an effort to stay connected, that's usually a stronger sign of interest than one instance of uncertainty about plans.

Also, the details you provided are fairly vague and don't indicate whether you displayed any behavior that decreased her interest or did anything that increased it.

Regardless, women nowadays often take around 6 months to determine whether a man is relationship material. Therefore, you should continue working on your goals and keep talking to other women as well.

So, to answer your question: we'll see.

 

[startingpoint]

Ok, so first things first...you've been dating for 1 month and just recently had sex for the first time?

In my opinion, that's a little backwards, seeing as you're both in college, but ok...then the first question to answer is whether you did a "good job" that first time?

You mixed up the ages. I'm 18, she's 21. Im not in college yet, she’s the one in college. We didn't take a month out of shyness, slowly built up tension. Pretty certain I did a good job in bed.

There's nothing wrong with that. Don't get into the habit of viewing relationships as a power struggle.

got it, I tend to overthink

Does SHE know you're dating? Have you defined the relationship?

No, it's just casual dating, not exclusive right now, but I genuinely like her. I will wait till she touches on that topic

Personally, I don't think you should be in a relationship like this. You're 21, about to graduate, and able to go to the bars. She's a freshman, likely surrounded by her friends and random guys in her dorm, where this is likely her first taste of freedom, and you begin a relationship with her where it took a full month to have an "intimacy breakthrough".

She lives with her parents, college in Brazil is a bit different, def less slutty compared to the US. Thankfully im already able to go to bars, 18 is the legal age.

not initiating till she comes back telling me what day she's free is probably the best move?

 

[startingpoint]

Also, the details you provided are fairly vague and don't indicate whether you displayed any behavior that decreased her interest or did anything that increased it.

I thought I decreased her interest when I said I had a great night and sent her a funny meme, which she just lol'd

Regardless, women nowadays often take around 6 months to determine whether a man is relationship material. Therefore, you should continue working on your goals and keep talking to other women as well.

So, to answer your question: we'll see.

appreciate your input, ill wait and see if she comes back telling me what day she's free

 

[BPH]

You mixed up the ages. I'm 18, she's 21. Im not in college yet, she’s the one in college. We didn't take a month out of shyness, slowly built up tension. Pretty certain I did a good job in bed.

Got it. Well, the dynamic is the same; one of you is on the way out, the other is just getting started.

No, it's just casual dating, not exclusive right now, but I genuinely like her. I will wait till she touches on that topic

Ok, so you are not dating then, you are "talking". Beyond whatever is recommended to you, I would suggest meeting other women as well.

not initiating till she comes back telling me what day she's free is probably the best move?

If I were you, I would make other plans, preferably with other girls. I'd wait to see if she replies with her availability, and if you really want, you can check in on Thursday and see what she says.

Otherwise, you're functionally single, so behave like it, and get more options.

 

[startingpoint]

Ok, so you are not dating then, you are "talking". Beyond whatever is recommended to you, I would suggest meeting other women as well.

Yes, I need to treat her as a talking stage

Ok, so you are not dating then, you are "talking". Beyond whatever is recommended to you, I would suggest meeting other women as well.

got it, will do

If I were you, I would make other plans, preferably with other girls. I'd wait to see if she replies with her availability, and if you really want, you can check in on Thursday and see what she says.

Otherwise, you're functionally single, so behave like it, and get more options.

I already meet a lot of women for my age, I have a pretty good rotation, still, im catching oneitis even without scarcity. Im really liking this particular girl.

Please answer this question, would a high interest girl create obstacles just to make her feel like she is hard to get?

 

[Clockwerk50]

I thought I decreased her interest when I said I had a great night and sent her a funny meme, which she just lol'd

appreciate your input, ill wait and see if she comes back telling me what day she's free

I don't think that's that bad. To be fair, I really think she either genuinely doesn't know yet, wants to spend time with her friends, has other commitments, or is doing what some women do, keeping their options open and seeing what else is out there while keeping you on the back burner.

Like I said, there's nothing you can do right now except make things worse by being needy, unconfident, or self-conscious. If you don't hear from her, touch base with her on Thursday or Friday. Keep it light and fun, and ask whether she's finalized her plans for the weekend so that "her knight in shining armor can save her from those boring plans." If she hasn't, coordinate something properly.

However, as I said, just keep it moving. Focus on your goals and continue building your pipeline of women.

 

[Glassguy]

Please answer this question, would a high interest girl create obstacles just to make her feel like she is hard to get?

No. And especially not when she sees that youre not going to bend over backwards and chase her.

 

[BPH]

Please answer this question, would a high interest girl create obstacles just to make her feel like she is hard to get?

Sorry, I didn't remember being tagged for this question.

Some do, but they're usually the toxic ones who like drama and tell you that they're "worth the wait", which they never are.