84 Year Old Oneitis

[BlueAlpha1]

A lesson for my fellow young red pillers. Heed this warning.

One of the running eye-rollers in my family right now is my 84 year old grandfather who is caught with a nasty case of oneitis. Long story short:

He was married to my grandmother for 57 years and the retired to a 55+ gated community in Florida ten years ago. Three years ago, she passed away at the age of 77 and he really suffered the first year. Two years ago (one year after her death), a couple moved in upstairs. The husband was a traveling salesman of about 70, and the wife a retired housewife of 65. Yes, she and my grandfather are 19 years apart.

With the husband on the road all the time, my grandfather and his new neighbor did all kinds of stuff together for nearly a year. Lunch, the beach, ice cream. All this until about 2-3 months ago when the husband was suddenly laid off. He has now moved back full time and is with his wife, living like a retired couple while he looks for local work. Since then, my grandfather has been acting like a lovesick teenager, totally deranged and oblivious to the fact that she is A. married and B. was using him for her entertainment. He listens for her door to open, trying to catch her leaving so he can talk to her. He constantly badgers her about their "walks" and asks repeatedly when she'll be ready to do it again. He even recently put a large, colorful "Get Well" sign on her door after a recent health scare and she failed to acknowledge it at all. There are dozens of lonely fellow widows and widowers on the property he could talk to, but he's caught a nasty case of oneitis for this foul woman (who is not even a friendly person.) Of course, the husband continues to conduct himself with class and consideration for my grandfather while he pines away for this man's wife.

It's easy to tell over the phone when she's rejected him again because his voice trails, he has low energy, or he flat out wonders aloud to you, asking you the same questions over and over again trying to get with her mindset. He is not all that different from the lovesick beta on this board who writes a thread about his ex and will sift through 99 responses to find the 1 that tells him there's hope.

Note: my grandfather has no signs of dementia or of being senile. He's just a confused beta just as he was for 6 decades while being married to my ultra-masculine grandmother.

Lesson 1: Grab your balls and change your thinking now because if you don't, this will last forever.
Lesson 2: Women pushing 70 years old are callous and opportunistic at best.

On a side note, my father (other side of the family, this thread is about my mother's father) was a beta posturing as an alpha until his dying day last year, and this suppression caused all kinds of mental health problems.

I love both of these men dearly but am calling it like it is, telling my fellow young men you'd better straighten up because the game never changes.

 

[dustmuffin]

This is a very enlightening post. I hope Grandpa snaps out of it.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

This case is totally different from the rest of the stories here man. Maybe your grandfather is beta, but he's lovesick because he longs for a companion (any companion really) to do stuff with. If his wife hadn't died, do you honestly think he would be like this? He's been with his wife for so long, known her longer than he's known his own parents probably. And she's dead. The only difference is that she was somewhat the same age (I'm assuming) and actually would like to have fun doing stuff together (because parents aren't exactly into the whole 'lets have fun' thing past childhood).

Cut him some slack man. If he's been with his wife for 57 years, then she probably was one of the few good women in the world. He probably found the needle in the haystack. And now she's dead. That entire chunk of his life is now painful to remember. This case is totally different from the rest. Just saying.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

This case is totally different from the rest of the stories here man. Maybe your grandfather is beta, but he's lovesick because he longs for a companion (any companion really) to do stuff with. If his wife hadn't died, do you honestly think he would be like this? He's been with his wife for so long, known her longer than he's known his own parents probably. And she's dead. The only difference is that she was somewhat the same age (I'm assuming) and actually would like to have fun doing stuff together (because parents aren't exactly into the whole 'lets have fun' thing past childhood).

Cut him some slack man. If he's been with his wife for 57 years, then she probably was one of the few good women in the world. He probably found the needle in the haystack. And now she's dead. That entire chunk of his life is now painful to remember. This case is totally different from the rest. Just saying.

You're right that he longs for a companion, but as I said, she is married and there are dozens of widows on the property. He has an unhealthy fixation with this (married!) one because they ate ice cream a few times and she used him for entertainment while her husband was away. One common element of oneitis is walling off the part of your brain that deals in logic. He refuses to accept that she is committed to another man and never looked at him like that. He searches feverishly for how to get her attention back, and talks about her more than his late wife.

On another note, my grandmother was no needle in a haystack. She was a loving grandmother, neighbor, and friend who loved to have a good time. But she was not a good wife and that's putting it mildly.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

On another note, my grandmother was no needle in a haystack. She was a loving grandmother, neighbor, and friend who loved to have a good time. But she was not a good wife and that's putting it mildly.

Alright well to each his own I guess. I'm just saying that when my parents die, it's gonna hit me right in the feels man, even if they did **** up with me many times lol. If my brother were to die before me (a life long companion of mine), I'd probably go crazy. My sisters have caused me quite some grief to be honest but I would still be a little traumatized if they died before me. I'm just saying, any life long companion who suddenly just exited my life would have at least SOMEWHAT an effect on me. Just saying.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

Alright well to each his own I guess. I'm just saying that when my parents die, it's gonna hit me right in the feels man, even if they did **** up with me many times lol. If my brother were to die before me (a life long companion of mine), I'd probably go crazy. My sisters have caused me quite some grief to be honest but I would still be a little traumatized if they died before me. I'm just saying, any life long companion who suddenly just exited my life would have at least SOMEWHAT an effect on me. Just saying.

Death is a different topic altogether. This thread is about oneitis in the living.

I've lost two people the last 3.5 years, my father quite suddenly and my grandmother quite painfully. It's numbing, excruciating and life changing. It never gets better, but you do get used to it and come out a stronger man. Once you lived through that, you can get through anything. More "alpha" if you will..

 

[nismo-4]

I've said it years ago, even a woman past 70 has more options than the average joe!