flowtheory
Master Don Juan
Saw this and figured I share for some new people, lurkers and members alike. Thought it was good.
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If there’s one thing that I’ve learned in my career as a relationship coach it’s that guys’ beliefs about what actually attracts women is pretty ass-backwards.
Men have been raised with the false belief that they should always appear detached, cool and unemotional, 24/7, or risk being known in guy world as “weak”.
I’ve encountered countless driven entrepreneurs who work tirelessly for years to amass their fortune only to find that the wall of cash that they’ve built around themselves is only making it more difficult for them to find a woman who values them for their character.
I’ve had potential clients be “on the fence” about whether to spend some of their cherished time and money doing their internal work, but they don’t hesitate to buy a flashy watch or car (presumably for the same end goal of trying to attract a high quality women into their lives… *face palm*).
So if cash-flow, fancy accessories, and an unexpressive face don’t attract high quality, loving women (which they really don’t) then what character traits are women attracted to?
Be conscious of a few of these in your daily life and you’ll save yourself time, money, frustration, and headaches in trying to deeply engage your dream woman on an emotional level.
1. Drive
Women are attracted to men that have goals and are actively pursuing them.
Masculine energy is directional energy. Like a boulder rolling down a hill, the single-focus energy that penetrates through resistance in pursuit of achieving an end result is very attractive to women.
But drive isn’t always enough on its own. Ideally you’ll be driven in something that you’re passionate about.
High quality women are infinitely more attracted to a man who is dripping with passion about his work as an artist (despite making under $30,000/year) compared to a man who reluctantly went into law to please his parents and is so unenthusiastic about his work that he uses self-deprecating and dismissive language every time you try and talk to him about it.
As much as most men resist this idea, when it comes to attracting a high value woman of character, drive beats dollars every time.
2. Presence
Every person wants to feel deeply seen and understood by someone in their lives… but few people want to take the time to explain or reveal themselves.
When it comes to deeply connecting with a woman on an emotional level, your presence will always mean more than any presents ever could.
By being fully present with women (through eye contact, listening, and prioritizing distraction-free conversations) you give them the sense of feeling seen.
Everyone (male or female) wants to feel deeply seen and appreciated. The first step in giving women this feeling is in developing your personal presence.
Want a less new-agey term than presence?
Attention.
What percentage of your attention are you giving the woman you’re speaking to moment to moment? Is the answer anything but 100%? Then you aren’t being fully present with her.
Turn off the TV, put down your cell phone, face her directly, give direct eye contact, and truly hear the words that she is telling you. That kind of laser beam focus of attention makes women weak in the knees.
3. Humour
I once polled a few hundred women to ask them “What is the most important non-physical trait that attracts you to a guy?”
The top answer? A sense of humour.
Life is serious enough as it is. No wonder women value the lightness and playfulness that a partner with a sense of humour brings to their lives.
Besides, if Cyndi Lauper is a credible source (has she lied to you yet?!), girls just wanna have fun.
4. Spontaneity
“I would date fire if I could… it’s consistent in its heat, but it’s always unpredictable and shifting in its momentary form.” – Cathi, 32
Predictability is death to attraction.
If she can predict your every word, move, or sexual escalation to the T, then you might need to inject some spontaneity into your life.
Whether that takes the form of taking her out for a new and unique date, surprising her with her favourite beverage, or bringing her flowers just because, spontaneity brings back some passion and life to your interactions with your partner.
5. Someone Who Is Intentional About Life
Intentionality is the practice of questioning everything in your life and building the kind of life that you want to be living.
It’s easy to be broke. It’s easy to be out of shape. It’s easy to have relationships that go nowhere and leave you both feeling unfulfilled.
What’s comparatively difficult is to be wealthy, in great shape, and have a relationship that others admire. But it doesn’t mean that it isn’t doable (in fact, I have over a dozen clients at this current moment who have mastered all three of these areas simultaneously).
Part of intentionality is not just striving towards the things you want to add to your life, but also shining a proverbial flashlight into the darkest corners of your mental attic and asking yourself if you want to keep all of the old junk and baggage that you’ve accumulated.
I have brilliant men in my social circle (some are clients, some aren’t) who, through their lifetime, have seen specific coaches for their physical fitness and their business growth, therapists for their emotional issues, and sex and relationship coaches for their love lives. No stone gets left unturned.
They look at their own baggage with honesty and they have no qualms about breaking their way through their own perceived barriers.
Contrast those men with most guys who tend to float through life and just go with the flow and it’s no wonder that women would be significantly more attracted to an intentional man.
—————
If there’s one thing that I’ve learned in my career as a relationship coach it’s that guys’ beliefs about what actually attracts women is pretty ass-backwards.
Men have been raised with the false belief that they should always appear detached, cool and unemotional, 24/7, or risk being known in guy world as “weak”.
I’ve encountered countless driven entrepreneurs who work tirelessly for years to amass their fortune only to find that the wall of cash that they’ve built around themselves is only making it more difficult for them to find a woman who values them for their character.
I’ve had potential clients be “on the fence” about whether to spend some of their cherished time and money doing their internal work, but they don’t hesitate to buy a flashy watch or car (presumably for the same end goal of trying to attract a high quality women into their lives… *face palm*).
So if cash-flow, fancy accessories, and an unexpressive face don’t attract high quality, loving women (which they really don’t) then what character traits are women attracted to?
Be conscious of a few of these in your daily life and you’ll save yourself time, money, frustration, and headaches in trying to deeply engage your dream woman on an emotional level.
1. Drive
Women are attracted to men that have goals and are actively pursuing them.
Masculine energy is directional energy. Like a boulder rolling down a hill, the single-focus energy that penetrates through resistance in pursuit of achieving an end result is very attractive to women.
But drive isn’t always enough on its own. Ideally you’ll be driven in something that you’re passionate about.
High quality women are infinitely more attracted to a man who is dripping with passion about his work as an artist (despite making under $30,000/year) compared to a man who reluctantly went into law to please his parents and is so unenthusiastic about his work that he uses self-deprecating and dismissive language every time you try and talk to him about it.
As much as most men resist this idea, when it comes to attracting a high value woman of character, drive beats dollars every time.
2. Presence
Every person wants to feel deeply seen and understood by someone in their lives… but few people want to take the time to explain or reveal themselves.
When it comes to deeply connecting with a woman on an emotional level, your presence will always mean more than any presents ever could.
By being fully present with women (through eye contact, listening, and prioritizing distraction-free conversations) you give them the sense of feeling seen.
Everyone (male or female) wants to feel deeply seen and appreciated. The first step in giving women this feeling is in developing your personal presence.
Want a less new-agey term than presence?
Attention.
What percentage of your attention are you giving the woman you’re speaking to moment to moment? Is the answer anything but 100%? Then you aren’t being fully present with her.
Turn off the TV, put down your cell phone, face her directly, give direct eye contact, and truly hear the words that she is telling you. That kind of laser beam focus of attention makes women weak in the knees.
3. Humour
I once polled a few hundred women to ask them “What is the most important non-physical trait that attracts you to a guy?”
The top answer? A sense of humour.
Life is serious enough as it is. No wonder women value the lightness and playfulness that a partner with a sense of humour brings to their lives.
Besides, if Cyndi Lauper is a credible source (has she lied to you yet?!), girls just wanna have fun.
4. Spontaneity
“I would date fire if I could… it’s consistent in its heat, but it’s always unpredictable and shifting in its momentary form.” – Cathi, 32
Predictability is death to attraction.
If she can predict your every word, move, or sexual escalation to the T, then you might need to inject some spontaneity into your life.
Whether that takes the form of taking her out for a new and unique date, surprising her with her favourite beverage, or bringing her flowers just because, spontaneity brings back some passion and life to your interactions with your partner.
5. Someone Who Is Intentional About Life
Intentionality is the practice of questioning everything in your life and building the kind of life that you want to be living.
It’s easy to be broke. It’s easy to be out of shape. It’s easy to have relationships that go nowhere and leave you both feeling unfulfilled.
What’s comparatively difficult is to be wealthy, in great shape, and have a relationship that others admire. But it doesn’t mean that it isn’t doable (in fact, I have over a dozen clients at this current moment who have mastered all three of these areas simultaneously).
Part of intentionality is not just striving towards the things you want to add to your life, but also shining a proverbial flashlight into the darkest corners of your mental attic and asking yourself if you want to keep all of the old junk and baggage that you’ve accumulated.
I have brilliant men in my social circle (some are clients, some aren’t) who, through their lifetime, have seen specific coaches for their physical fitness and their business growth, therapists for their emotional issues, and sex and relationship coaches for their love lives. No stone gets left unturned.
They look at their own baggage with honesty and they have no qualms about breaking their way through their own perceived barriers.
Contrast those men with most guys who tend to float through life and just go with the flow and it’s no wonder that women would be significantly more attracted to an intentional man.
