Approaching... it can be such a waste of time.
So I was at this big V festival thingie the other day. The Pixies played, that was awesome!
But all my approaches turned out so ****ty.
1 & 2.
I feel a need to pee. Unfortunately this is a big outdoor rock festival. They have about a quater of the loos they need. There are all these long lines.
Spot a hot chick at the end of one line.
I join that line. "Every festival, same problem, not enough toilets." I say.
"I think I'm going to ****ing piss myself." She's drunk off her head and a bogan to boot. (a "bogan" is an aussie slang term for the stereotype Aussie bumpkin with an exaggerated accent and no culture whatsoever... I don't like em... at least not as lovers).
"Just go here." I tell her. "You're wearing a skirt. Just squat down. No one will notcie ****."
"Yeah, but I gotta pull my undies aside."
"Doesn't sound too hard for a clever girl like you."
She looks at me like she's really contemplating it. Suddenly I realised this was a bad idea. I would have to stand next her puddle for a while... "Go on! I promise I won't shout "hey this girl is peeing!"
That convinced her that she should NOT do it.
I noticed a cute girl had joined the line behind me and she was bopping to the music.
Still to the pissed bogan. "This guy sucks so hard." I tell her.
"I love him."
"How can you love a muscian so utterly devoid of musical talent or stage presence?" I ask glancing at the girl behind me.
Girl behind answers (as the bogan was mouthing the word "devoid" brainlessly).
"Its INTELLECTUAL." She tells me. "You wouldn't get it."
"Whoa!" I was impressed with that attack. "Yes clearly only really smart people like Jervis ****er!" I said with a glance at the pissed bogan.
Now guys, you can fail by passing a **** test a little too strongly and by being a little too dominant. I'd had a few beers and proceeded to make this girl feel totally stupid until... "hey! I'm the only guy in this line."
"Yeah, I was going to mention it but the guys toilets is over there... there is no line."
"****!" So maybe I am too stupid to understand Jervis ****er... but if that the case GOOD! I don't wanna be that smart if it means liking **** like that!
3.
So I'm standing there with one of my best mates. This guy should be studied by all aspiring DJs. Not becasue he IS a DJ, but because he demostrates an important principal.
This dude is the most ****ed up, substance abusing, abrassive, rude, arrogant bastard I know. I love him. He hasn't combed or washed his hair for over a month and it is now this huge tangle. He wearing wearing an old Arsenal FC shirt whilst everyone else about is worreid about being mega cool. He's bombed off his head on E, weed, pissed as a fart and chain smoking.
Oh, and he doesn't use deodorant or any nice smelly thing at all.
he couldn't give a **** about girls. Seriously. His self-esteem is completely unattached to his success with women. I suspect he actually enjoys his porn more than sex... but thats another issue.
This guy is a chick magnet! I have not been out with him for years without some babe approaching him. He usually edges away wearily... its funny. The ladies can really sense it when you DON"T want em...
Anyway this babe (HB9) approaches him. His E had just kicked in and he looks at me with a "help me" expression.
I neatly interjected myself into the conversation by answering her question. My friend backs away. "Beck is on next, then the Pixies. You like the Pixies?"
**** concerts are easy to start a convo in!
"I LOVE the Pixies."
"Me too."
Fluff for a while on the Pixies and what bands we've seen, how I'm heading to Byron over Easter, how she needs a break. Then she says, "so what do you do?"
"I'm not going to talk business tonight."
This line, if delivered well is a killer. I now had strong interest. "Sorry, that was really lame of me to up work." She was looking at me deeply.
"Its cool, look, I don't hate my job, I don't love it, it pays the bills and allows me to live the lifestye I want, but I don't want to talk about it when I am having fun."
"I hate my Job, but I studied for four years to get it and it pays good."
"I studied social science coz I wanted to help people." I pause. "But then I realised I hated people so never got a job in that field."
"You're so bad."
Fluff about her work and what she is studying and how she is good at what she does.
I then say something like, "yeah, I do my work in about a quater of the time anyone else can do it. I spend most of my time at work writing emails to my friends and trolling the net."
"Me too!" She laughs and seems really excited. "What do you do?"
"I thought we discussed this."
"We did. I just want to know more about you."
There was some serious eye contact and then I rewarded her good behaviour by telling her.
I'm thinking, "wow, this chick is cool and we are really hitting it off."
And then this guy turns up.
"There you are, I've been looking everywhere." Her ****ing boyfriend.
So they start kissing and she's still looking at me as she is kissing this guy.
My debauched friend has noticed all of this and is like, "that's why I don't give a **** about chicks."
4&5.
There are all these people wearing matching shirts. On the way out of the gig I saw two hotties trying to hail a cab in these shirts.
I ask the girls what the shirts are about. They tell me and then talk about drugs for ten minuites. Now I'm not a "just say no" character, lets be honest if you got all the substances I've smoked, drank, dropped, snorted (and the one pill I shelved eep!) you'd have enough **** to get several small pacific island nations wasted for a few weeks, but I am totally over the drugged up party chick. I excused myself with a comment that the taxis that had people in them were taken.
6&7.
Me and another friend (one of those good looking guys with a sweet heart and a **** load of money that just doesn't get girls) are at abus stop. Its late, we are ****ed. Two stunning girls come along.
I make extended eye contact with one of the girls. They and sit on the seat next to my friend. They are talking in some slavic language. "Hey what language is that?"
"Polish," the one who I had not made eye contact with said in best ****-blocking mode.
I sighed. I had no more energy for this ****. I turned to my friend. "You know what would be really nice to pick up on the way home?" I asked loudly.
He looked at me with a slightly amused, slightly scared smile. The two girls had heard that as well. No doubt they thought I was going to say "a Polish girl."
"A hotdog." I said.
JJ
So I was at this big V festival thingie the other day. The Pixies played, that was awesome!
But all my approaches turned out so ****ty.
1 & 2.
I feel a need to pee. Unfortunately this is a big outdoor rock festival. They have about a quater of the loos they need. There are all these long lines.
Spot a hot chick at the end of one line.
I join that line. "Every festival, same problem, not enough toilets." I say.
"I think I'm going to ****ing piss myself." She's drunk off her head and a bogan to boot. (a "bogan" is an aussie slang term for the stereotype Aussie bumpkin with an exaggerated accent and no culture whatsoever... I don't like em... at least not as lovers).
"Just go here." I tell her. "You're wearing a skirt. Just squat down. No one will notcie ****."
"Yeah, but I gotta pull my undies aside."
"Doesn't sound too hard for a clever girl like you."
She looks at me like she's really contemplating it. Suddenly I realised this was a bad idea. I would have to stand next her puddle for a while... "Go on! I promise I won't shout "hey this girl is peeing!"
That convinced her that she should NOT do it.
I noticed a cute girl had joined the line behind me and she was bopping to the music.
Still to the pissed bogan. "This guy sucks so hard." I tell her.
"I love him."
"How can you love a muscian so utterly devoid of musical talent or stage presence?" I ask glancing at the girl behind me.
Girl behind answers (as the bogan was mouthing the word "devoid" brainlessly).
"Its INTELLECTUAL." She tells me. "You wouldn't get it."
"Whoa!" I was impressed with that attack. "Yes clearly only really smart people like Jervis ****er!" I said with a glance at the pissed bogan.
Now guys, you can fail by passing a **** test a little too strongly and by being a little too dominant. I'd had a few beers and proceeded to make this girl feel totally stupid until... "hey! I'm the only guy in this line."
"Yeah, I was going to mention it but the guys toilets is over there... there is no line."
"****!" So maybe I am too stupid to understand Jervis ****er... but if that the case GOOD! I don't wanna be that smart if it means liking **** like that!
3.
So I'm standing there with one of my best mates. This guy should be studied by all aspiring DJs. Not becasue he IS a DJ, but because he demostrates an important principal.
This dude is the most ****ed up, substance abusing, abrassive, rude, arrogant bastard I know. I love him. He hasn't combed or washed his hair for over a month and it is now this huge tangle. He wearing wearing an old Arsenal FC shirt whilst everyone else about is worreid about being mega cool. He's bombed off his head on E, weed, pissed as a fart and chain smoking.
Oh, and he doesn't use deodorant or any nice smelly thing at all.
he couldn't give a **** about girls. Seriously. His self-esteem is completely unattached to his success with women. I suspect he actually enjoys his porn more than sex... but thats another issue.
This guy is a chick magnet! I have not been out with him for years without some babe approaching him. He usually edges away wearily... its funny. The ladies can really sense it when you DON"T want em...
Anyway this babe (HB9) approaches him. His E had just kicked in and he looks at me with a "help me" expression.
I neatly interjected myself into the conversation by answering her question. My friend backs away. "Beck is on next, then the Pixies. You like the Pixies?"
**** concerts are easy to start a convo in!
"I LOVE the Pixies."
"Me too."
Fluff for a while on the Pixies and what bands we've seen, how I'm heading to Byron over Easter, how she needs a break. Then she says, "so what do you do?"
"I'm not going to talk business tonight."
This line, if delivered well is a killer. I now had strong interest. "Sorry, that was really lame of me to up work." She was looking at me deeply.
"Its cool, look, I don't hate my job, I don't love it, it pays the bills and allows me to live the lifestye I want, but I don't want to talk about it when I am having fun."
"I hate my Job, but I studied for four years to get it and it pays good."
"I studied social science coz I wanted to help people." I pause. "But then I realised I hated people so never got a job in that field."
"You're so bad."
Fluff about her work and what she is studying and how she is good at what she does.
I then say something like, "yeah, I do my work in about a quater of the time anyone else can do it. I spend most of my time at work writing emails to my friends and trolling the net."
"Me too!" She laughs and seems really excited. "What do you do?"
"I thought we discussed this."
"We did. I just want to know more about you."
There was some serious eye contact and then I rewarded her good behaviour by telling her.
I'm thinking, "wow, this chick is cool and we are really hitting it off."
And then this guy turns up.
"There you are, I've been looking everywhere." Her ****ing boyfriend.
So they start kissing and she's still looking at me as she is kissing this guy.
My debauched friend has noticed all of this and is like, "that's why I don't give a **** about chicks."
4&5.
There are all these people wearing matching shirts. On the way out of the gig I saw two hotties trying to hail a cab in these shirts.
I ask the girls what the shirts are about. They tell me and then talk about drugs for ten minuites. Now I'm not a "just say no" character, lets be honest if you got all the substances I've smoked, drank, dropped, snorted (and the one pill I shelved eep!) you'd have enough **** to get several small pacific island nations wasted for a few weeks, but I am totally over the drugged up party chick. I excused myself with a comment that the taxis that had people in them were taken.
6&7.
Me and another friend (one of those good looking guys with a sweet heart and a **** load of money that just doesn't get girls) are at abus stop. Its late, we are ****ed. Two stunning girls come along.
I make extended eye contact with one of the girls. They and sit on the seat next to my friend. They are talking in some slavic language. "Hey what language is that?"
"Polish," the one who I had not made eye contact with said in best ****-blocking mode.
I sighed. I had no more energy for this ****. I turned to my friend. "You know what would be really nice to pick up on the way home?" I asked loudly.
He looked at me with a slightly amused, slightly scared smile. The two girls had heard that as well. No doubt they thought I was going to say "a Polish girl."
"A hotdog." I said.
JJ