When pilots train to fly, they don't just jump right into the ****pit of a real plane and take off. Many times they train with computer simulators, which allow them to go through the motions without fearing the serious consequence of screaming towards the ground at 800 MPH and vaporizing in a ball of fire because of typical, beginner mistakes.
Now imagine there was a communication simulator that would allow you to interact with real people just like you would in everyday situations (I'm not talking about internet chat rooms here), but with no real consequences what so ever. You can do/say anything you want because it's not real. You could walk up to the same blond in the same situation a hundred times, and if you don't like the results of your approach you can just rewind and try the exact same situation all over again.
If there were such a simulator, would you be scared to use it? Probably not, at least no more scared than you would be using a flight simulator, right?
So lets say you're in this people simulator right now. You're in a virtual pub and you spot a virtual hottie standing over by the virtual jukebox. What are the first 5 things you can do or say that pop into your head? Here are mine: 1)Wow. Nice tits lady. 2) What's your name? 3) grab her ass. 4) Any good songs in that thing? 5) punch her in stomach.
Now, obviously, I would not actually do all of these things. But f-ck it. It's a simulator, right? I can do whatever I want just for the sh-ts and giggles because nobody ever gets hurt, including me. There are no rules. I can sit here thinking of hundreds of things to try, and I'm sure if you took 5 minutes and a pen to paper that you could come up with a pretty long, random list of ideas yourself.
The point is this: You don't have a shortage of things to say or do, you're just uncomfortable with most if not all of your options. Just like a pilot in training, you don't want to jump into real situations immediately because you believe there is a lot at stake and you know in the beginning you're going to make mistakes that lead to disaster.
So what exactly is it about simulators that eliminates our fears? It's the idea that bad outcomes don't actually stick. We know everything that happens can be erased and that we don't have to live with the repercussions of it. No scars, no heart break, no embarrassments...nothing. We can experience all of the possible outcomes without a worry. We are comfortable with whatever happens. We might even create a disaster in the simulator just because we're curious. Eventually, we get so good at it that we actually grow bored of the computer itself and start to look forward to trying the real thing.
Unfortunately, being that there is no DJ virtual simulator in existence just yet, what are you supposed to do?
1) You begin by eliminating all social rules and just learn how to let a bunch of random thoughts pour into your head. All of it, everything, from the inappropriate to the casual to the boring to the nerdy. Nothing is off limits. Learn how to come up with 5-10 random thoughts on any given thing you look at. A person, a TV, a can of air freshener....anything.
Example: A US quarter.
1) I used to be able to buy a newspaper for that much.
2) Can't tell you how many of those I lost in a vending machine.
3) I nearly choked on one when I was a little kid.
4) Crap. It's laundry day.
5) I once watched a stripper pick up a whole roll of them with her snatch.
Treat this strictly as a mental exorcise. You can start off with a pen and paper if you'd like, but also learn to do in your head wherever you happen to be. Remember, no rules here. Any thought on any person, place or thing goes.
2) Once the first step starts coming very easy to you, the next step is to learn how to string all of these random thoughts together into a continuous and natural flow from one topic to the next to the next. Basically, learn how to keep your brain going without stopping. If you can come up with something about anything, then anything you come up with will always lead to something else. Every time. Always.
Example: "Crap. It's laundry day. God I hate ironing. You know I burnt myself really bad once with an iron? I had to go the the emergency room. Last time I was there I was trying to cut down this tree. It was a pretty big f'n tree too..... Blah blah blah blah blah" Again, this is just a mental exorcise and you shouldn't practice this on people just yet. Learn to string along coherent thoughts in a continuous stride as if you're talking someones poor ear off. The goal here is to learn how to keep it going AND make sense the whole time, almost like you're telling a story but you don't know what you're going to say next. It just keeps coming and any normal person can follow it logically.
3) Now it's time to actually verbalize the process. Get used to hearing yourself talk endlessly. Even this step I suggest you practice by yourself. Yes, I know talking to yourself is just weird, but I'll bet 10 bucks that being as verbally shy as you are now, you probably already do that anyway when you're alone. Besides, the goal here is not to have an actual conversation with yourself, it is to just keep talking, again, as if you're talking someones ear off. Get comfortable with all of these words coming out of your mouth. Grab a list of chores and talk about everything you're doing as you're doing it. Let all of those random thoughts flow right in and come right out. Get stuck? Change the subject. Pick up a random object and talk about it. Just keep going as long as you can without stopping. Challenge yourself as see how long you can last.
4) Alright. Now it's time to apply this stuff to real people. By now, you should be fairly comfortable with content. Your only hurdle now is overcoming the fear of actually laying it on people. Begin by eliminating the possibility for consequences that will follow and haunt you if you make a mistake. Begin by trying your luck with people you've never met before and will never meet again in places you hardly ever go to. If you happen to mumble, stutter, go blank or say something stupid, it's no big deal because the next perfect stranger that you've never met and will never see again won't even know about it. Endless opportunities to regroup and try again.
5) From here, you simply escalate with your comfort & skill level. Eventually move up to giving those people you might see every once in a while a try, like a cashier at the supermarket you usually shop at. Fundamentally, the more comfortable you feel, the closer to home you bring it.
This 5 step process basically mimics the no/low risk simulator process, the only difference is that you're not getting full feedback until you actually get to the point where you are using it on real people. What you are doing in each step is making and eliminating beginner mistakes without paying the real consequences. As your skills advance through each step, it becomes easier to recover from the small mistakes you might make on the next step. If you find yourself stuttering on step 4, you'll have the required skills up to that point to make a recovery, perhaps even joke about it instead of running away in shame and fear.
Now imagine there was a communication simulator that would allow you to interact with real people just like you would in everyday situations (I'm not talking about internet chat rooms here), but with no real consequences what so ever. You can do/say anything you want because it's not real. You could walk up to the same blond in the same situation a hundred times, and if you don't like the results of your approach you can just rewind and try the exact same situation all over again.
If there were such a simulator, would you be scared to use it? Probably not, at least no more scared than you would be using a flight simulator, right?
So lets say you're in this people simulator right now. You're in a virtual pub and you spot a virtual hottie standing over by the virtual jukebox. What are the first 5 things you can do or say that pop into your head? Here are mine: 1)Wow. Nice tits lady. 2) What's your name? 3) grab her ass. 4) Any good songs in that thing? 5) punch her in stomach.
Now, obviously, I would not actually do all of these things. But f-ck it. It's a simulator, right? I can do whatever I want just for the sh-ts and giggles because nobody ever gets hurt, including me. There are no rules. I can sit here thinking of hundreds of things to try, and I'm sure if you took 5 minutes and a pen to paper that you could come up with a pretty long, random list of ideas yourself.
The point is this: You don't have a shortage of things to say or do, you're just uncomfortable with most if not all of your options. Just like a pilot in training, you don't want to jump into real situations immediately because you believe there is a lot at stake and you know in the beginning you're going to make mistakes that lead to disaster.
So what exactly is it about simulators that eliminates our fears? It's the idea that bad outcomes don't actually stick. We know everything that happens can be erased and that we don't have to live with the repercussions of it. No scars, no heart break, no embarrassments...nothing. We can experience all of the possible outcomes without a worry. We are comfortable with whatever happens. We might even create a disaster in the simulator just because we're curious. Eventually, we get so good at it that we actually grow bored of the computer itself and start to look forward to trying the real thing.
Unfortunately, being that there is no DJ virtual simulator in existence just yet, what are you supposed to do?
1) You begin by eliminating all social rules and just learn how to let a bunch of random thoughts pour into your head. All of it, everything, from the inappropriate to the casual to the boring to the nerdy. Nothing is off limits. Learn how to come up with 5-10 random thoughts on any given thing you look at. A person, a TV, a can of air freshener....anything.
Example: A US quarter.
1) I used to be able to buy a newspaper for that much.
2) Can't tell you how many of those I lost in a vending machine.
3) I nearly choked on one when I was a little kid.
4) Crap. It's laundry day.
5) I once watched a stripper pick up a whole roll of them with her snatch.
Treat this strictly as a mental exorcise. You can start off with a pen and paper if you'd like, but also learn to do in your head wherever you happen to be. Remember, no rules here. Any thought on any person, place or thing goes.
2) Once the first step starts coming very easy to you, the next step is to learn how to string all of these random thoughts together into a continuous and natural flow from one topic to the next to the next. Basically, learn how to keep your brain going without stopping. If you can come up with something about anything, then anything you come up with will always lead to something else. Every time. Always.
Example: "Crap. It's laundry day. God I hate ironing. You know I burnt myself really bad once with an iron? I had to go the the emergency room. Last time I was there I was trying to cut down this tree. It was a pretty big f'n tree too..... Blah blah blah blah blah" Again, this is just a mental exorcise and you shouldn't practice this on people just yet. Learn to string along coherent thoughts in a continuous stride as if you're talking someones poor ear off. The goal here is to learn how to keep it going AND make sense the whole time, almost like you're telling a story but you don't know what you're going to say next. It just keeps coming and any normal person can follow it logically.
3) Now it's time to actually verbalize the process. Get used to hearing yourself talk endlessly. Even this step I suggest you practice by yourself. Yes, I know talking to yourself is just weird, but I'll bet 10 bucks that being as verbally shy as you are now, you probably already do that anyway when you're alone. Besides, the goal here is not to have an actual conversation with yourself, it is to just keep talking, again, as if you're talking someones ear off. Get comfortable with all of these words coming out of your mouth. Grab a list of chores and talk about everything you're doing as you're doing it. Let all of those random thoughts flow right in and come right out. Get stuck? Change the subject. Pick up a random object and talk about it. Just keep going as long as you can without stopping. Challenge yourself as see how long you can last.
4) Alright. Now it's time to apply this stuff to real people. By now, you should be fairly comfortable with content. Your only hurdle now is overcoming the fear of actually laying it on people. Begin by eliminating the possibility for consequences that will follow and haunt you if you make a mistake. Begin by trying your luck with people you've never met before and will never meet again in places you hardly ever go to. If you happen to mumble, stutter, go blank or say something stupid, it's no big deal because the next perfect stranger that you've never met and will never see again won't even know about it. Endless opportunities to regroup and try again.
5) From here, you simply escalate with your comfort & skill level. Eventually move up to giving those people you might see every once in a while a try, like a cashier at the supermarket you usually shop at. Fundamentally, the more comfortable you feel, the closer to home you bring it.
This 5 step process basically mimics the no/low risk simulator process, the only difference is that you're not getting full feedback until you actually get to the point where you are using it on real people. What you are doing in each step is making and eliminating beginner mistakes without paying the real consequences. As your skills advance through each step, it becomes easier to recover from the small mistakes you might make on the next step. If you find yourself stuttering on step 4, you'll have the required skills up to that point to make a recovery, perhaps even joke about it instead of running away in shame and fear.