5% of the time - i cant stand what i do

[bukowski_merit]

what do i do?
- I avoid exclusiveness. I regularly have 3-4 "f buddies" and 1-2 "emotional f buddies/non-exclusive relationships"... with a few of them we just share $ex but normally at least one of them - we connect on an emotional level as well (snuggling and sleeping together after $ex, i love you, spending days together having fun without $ex, you know all that "relationships stuff" without the relationship)...

i never pay money for these women to be in my life. regularly get them to buy everything.

i put in little effort to keep them around (they come and visit me/call me etc...) - i have a, "my doors open - just call first to make sure" policy (that most would advise against, but it works for me.)... the $ex comes at least twice a week... i don't get many $hit tests...

i basically live a life that i "believe" a lot of guys would kill to live... but sometimes it doesnt feel that way.

---
so what's the problem?
on the 4th of july.... when i was around family... when i see all my cousins all snuggled up with the one they "love" watching the fireworks.... i felt empty.... i had just defended my "i don't do relationships at this point in my life" stance to my female cousin hours earlier... we had a very heated conversation... and i look over and there she is with her fiance... and although i watched them earlier and saw how much she controlled him - i was a little envious... not that she had him by the dog collar... but that she had him... period.

i also get a lot of pressure from my mom to produce a grandchild before she dies.... every time i see her... she says, "are you seeing anyone seriously?".... "not really mom"

sometimes i think - maybe i should settle down... but produce a baby? produce a marriage? live that life? i don't think it would last... i've done serious relationships (with good girls) and i get bored with them...

---
but i must face the fact...
that i am the "lover" type.... trying to be the provider type with such a hard exterior would fail... trying to be the provider type when i have learned how to provide for myself and no one else would fail.... trying to be a provider type but knowing that i have a chance with most women i see would cause me to fail to be faithful...

can a guy who is "the lover type" (good in bed - alpha - very hard to read/myterious - able to understand women and their thoughts and show them i do, etc.... but not very wealthy, not driven by money, not interested in living the "typical" american family dream, not interested in courtship or marriage)...is it possible for me to overcome the flaw of not being a provider and still get a serious relationship? can "the lover type" be taken serious long-term by women without switching to the "provider" role?

---
Like i said...
this feeling only occurs 5% of the time in my life... mostly when around family (actually "only" when around family)... 95% of the time - i love this lifestyle (i get to do all my hobbies, and have $ex with women without the headaches, financial strain, and commitment)... so maybe the 5% isn't even worth paying attention to?

who else goes through similar? do some of you get family pressure to stop the lifestyle you do?

 

[Interceptor]

I think it would help to ask yourself what is it that you want from a woman?
What is it that you want from a relationship?

Why do you feel empty inside?

And why do you get bored with LTR situations?

You can know what to fix if you dont know whats wrong and what you want.

 

[Alle_Gory]

I can't stand what I do only 2% of the time.

 

[bukowski_merit]

I think it would help to ask yourself what is it that you want from a woman?

Most of the time, i just want to share $ex, laughs, drinks, and a few hours of escape from creating (art). The rest of the time I just want SPACE... lots of it... so on a regular bases - im fine with having mostly casual relationships with the same women.

Why do you feel empty inside?

because when im at family functions... i see all my counsins (most of them younger than I) and they are building families... children, homes, husbands, fiances, etc... and i guess i COULD bring some woman around that i trust around my family... but i did this about a year ago (last june) and now i get constantly asked where this woman is that i brought around (with a guy in a serious relationship).... so i learned not to do that... then my mom comes and visits 4-5 times a year... and is constantly asking "when am i going to meet one of these women?" (she kind of has an idea what i do)... and "when are you going to make me a grandchild?" and i say "not until im much older." and she seems dissapointed...

so i guess this issue is more with being around my family....

And why do you get bored with LTR situations?

because they just bore me.... and being creative and doing your best to keep a relationship "fresh" - does not compare to being creative and actually getting with a woman you haven't seen in 2 weeks, who is very hungry to feel all the feelings you can make her feel. i like having more than one option... i like having more than 2 options... etc... but society is unaccepting of this... my family is unaccepting of this... I'd LOVE to just be able to show up to one of these functions with whatever girl i could get for that night... but then i'd show up to the next one with a different one... and the next one with a different one... etc....

and i feel it's ok... but that's generally not accepted by my family... almost everyone settles down with their first love in my family (seriously)... and marry and don't divorce.... i come from a pretty old fashioned family who haven't grown with the times...

 

[bukowski_merit]

I can't stand what I do only 2% of the time.

I know you're trying to be humurous...

but i figured that i am with my extended family (cousins, nieces, etc) about 12 times a year...
and i see my mom about 4-5 times a year...

that's when i get this feeling...

and that's about 5% of the year...

 

[Moon-Wolf]

then my mom comes and visits 4-5 times a year... and is constantly asking "when am i going to meet one of these women?" (she kind of has an idea what i do)... and "when are you going to make me a grandchild?" and i say "not until im much older." and she seems dissapointed...

so i guess this issue is more with being around my family....


and i feel it's ok... but that's generally not accepted by my family... almost everyone settles down with their first love in my family (seriously)... and marry and don't divorce.... i come from a pretty old fashioned family who haven't grown with the times...

I'm in the same situation as you are, with a different scenario. My entire family is christian and when they pray, go to the church together or are praising the lord with thier songs. I feel completly left out since I am the only one who has chosen not to follow the family traditions. And do I get to know that! My mother has cried in front of me and pleaded that I would get back, that was a tough experience. To this day my unhappiness comes from my family, just like you. They don't approve of anything I do or say.

I wish it was the right way. If only God did exist and we could all go to heaven and live happily ever afther. It would be nice if thier delusion was real, and I could join them, but that isn't the case.

 

[Furyguy]

this feeling only occurs 5% of the time in my life... mostly when around family (actually "only" when around family)... 95% of the time - i love this lifestyle (i get to do all my hobbies, and have $ex with women without the headaches, financial strain, and commitment)... so maybe the 5% isn't even worth paying attention to?

Everyone feels like **** every now and then dude. It is just the way humans are built. You need some lows to appreciate the highs or everything just becomes meaningless. Seriously, being happy ALL the time? Just not possible. Seriously, imagine yourself in a committed relationship, you're walking down the street and some perfect 10 throws your that flirty smile, and all you can do is think about what might have been. There will always be something to be upset about.

Important part is you're happy the rest of the time. That is HUGE! How many people in this world would kill to be happy 'only' 95% of the time?

Society and women in particular want you to fulfill your societal obligations - settle down with some average woman, have a family, work your ass off, retire, die and leave a decent inheritance. If you don't want to follow this code then you're automatically an *******.

In any case dude, sounds like you're just waiting for some wonderful girl to come along, someone you'd be willing to give up that awesome lifestyle for. And I don't see any problem with that either.

 

[Alle_Gory]

I know you're trying to be humurous...

but i figured that i am with my extended family (cousins, nieces, etc) about 12 times a year...
and i see my mom about 4-5 times a year...

that's when i get this feeling...

and that's about 5% of the year...

Your problems span way beyond that. Nobody thinks in percentages. You might want to be a little less analytical. That's a problem. You're over-analyzing everything you do. This is why you feel like sh*t.

And learn to use some proper grammar while you're at it. You write like a 12 year old. It's embarrassing and far too difficult to read your posts.

 

[bukowski_merit]

the fvck is your issue? you're being a jack@ss for no reason....

Your problems span way beyond that. Nobody thinks in percentages. You might want to be a little less analytical. That's a problem. You're over-analyzing everything you do. This is why you feel like sh*t.

over-analyzing everything i do? i barely analyze anything i do. im analyzing a specific way i feel while at family functions. and i analyze womens @sses... my protein/carbs/fat/bullsh!t intake....

nothing is wrong with analyzing things; thats how you find answers... are you telling me that if i search all threads by Alle Gory (the man who never analyzes a thing) - i wont find at least a little bit of analyzing?

And learn to use some proper grammar while you're at it. You write like a 12 year old. It's embarrassing and far too difficult to read your posts.

i wont change my ways for a woman regularly giving me sex. what makes you think ill change the way i write for some grammar net nerd?

 

[bukowski_merit]

Everyone feels like **** every now and then dude. It is just the way humans are built. You need some lows to appreciate the highs or everything just becomes meaningless. Seriously, being happy ALL the time? Just not possible. Seriously, imagine yourself in a committed relationship, you're walking down the street and some perfect 10 throws your that flirty smile, and all you can do is think about what might have been. There will always be something to be upset about.

Important part is you're happy the rest of the time. That is HUGE! How many people in this world would kill to be happy 'only' 95% of the time?

Society and women in particular want you to fulfill your societal obligations - settle down with some average woman, have a family, work your ass off, retire, die and leave a decent inheritance. If you don't want to follow this code then you're automatically an *******.

In any case dude, sounds like you're just waiting for some wonderful girl to come along, someone you'd be willing to give up that awesome lifestyle for. And I don't see any problem with that either.

good sh!t man!

in particular this:
'Society and women in particular want you to fulfill your societal obligations - settle down with some average woman, have a family, work your ass off, retire, die and leave a decent inheritance. If you don't want to follow this code then you're automatically an *******.

 

[changeherways]

The alternative is getting a serious gf/fiance/wife and most likely being a lot less happy than you are now. Think about that.

You ONLY see your family 20 or so times a year. That's highly manageable as long as you're mostly happy the rest of the time.

 

[Alle_Gory]

the fvck is your issue? you're being a jack@ss for no reason....

Get over it. Its nothing personal.

nothing is wrong with analyzing things; thats how you find answers... are you telling me that if i search all threads by Alle Gory (the man who never analyzes a thing) - i wont find at least a little bit of analyzing?

There's a time and place for everything. Not everything can and should be assigned a variable or a measurement.

i wont change my ways for a woman regularly giving me sex. what makes you think ill change the way i write for some grammar net nerd?

Fvck if I care. But don't expect people to take you seriously or read your sh*t on this message board. If you want people to read your sh*t, then write legibly otherwise all you get are responses from 12 year olds, the only ones who can read this mess.


I didn't even fvcking read all that garbage. I just skimmed it.

 

[oakraiderz2]

You only feel that way due to external circumstances. If only feel that way around family then whats the problem? You clearly DONT want to do what the rest of them are doing, so dont. Obviously everything is fine. If its such a big deal then get married because they want you to.

 

[bukowski_merit]

Fvck if I care. But don't expect people to take you seriously or read your sh*t on this message board. If you want people to read your sh*t, then write legibly otherwise all you get are responses from 12 year olds, the only ones who can read this mess.


I didn't even fvcking read all that garbage. I just skimmed it.

i've been on this site for 2 years and you're the first to EVER say such a thing...
i also post on a music and a poetry site and have likewise never been told that people cant understand what im saying....

only some grammar net nerd who must be having a bad day would comment as such...

i am AWARE i dont use correct grammar, punctuation, etc.... this is largely due to my poetry background... where things like that dont matter and are encouraged to be broken down...

perhaps someone who over-anal-yzes things like you cant comprehend.... but i'd like to believe that most aren't as snobbish as you and can understand freeform writing.... have you had your crumpet and tea todAY SIR?

WhaT AbOut TthiS? If i wRiTE LiKE tHiS Will U sWaLLoW mY pRidE AND pRoMIsE nOtTO sPiT?


---
NOTE: nevermind me taking you seriously. i read through a couple of pages of your post history and you're pretty much a troll unless its a health and fitness issue... basically a mindless piece of sh!t who puts people down to feel better about himself.

 

[speakeasy]

Dude, I would LOVE to have your problem. I think Furyguy's post was spot on. If you're happy 95% of the time, then be content with that. Nobody will always be happy all of the time. There are drawbacks to every decision and the grass is always greener on the other side. For every person who feels empty wishing they could have a life partner, remind yourself that there is someone in a horrible marriage that feels like they are imprisoned. And these people were in love and "snuggly" when things started off until things went off the rails. You don't know what's going to happen down the line.

If you decide to get serious with a girl, and there's obviously nothing wrong with that, make sure it's because YOU felt it was right, not because you gave in to societal/family pressures. If you are taking in actions in life based that, then you are living your life by someone else's rules.

 

[PeeGee]

I wouldn't have a problem if I were in your situation -- you have both physical and emotional relationships with women. None of them have any demand for monogamous commitment and I don't think you are being tooled by any of them.

People will create value systems based upon what they are capable of achieving in life. Think about it: poor or uneducated people will value ignorance over intelligence, almost regardless of race. AFCs will justify their AFC-ness with very creative doublethink. Even when we are rejected and find that we 'care', we will solve it by spinning our perception.

When you are surrounded by a type of spin, you might start to believe it, especially after seeing so many people enjoy it.

Here's something I always keep in my mind about my friends. Most of them have girlfriends now (it suddenly happened within the last year) and they are ranting at me to get one. I have sort of been trying but it always ends up being casual. But the point is one particular friend confided in me one night (probably while high) that if he could do it over he would be a player, or not be in committed relationships. This man is dating a registered nurse smart enough to be a MD if she could afford the schooling, and saying stuff like this. Another one isn't married but has two kids. There's one with a fiancee now, and another dating that guy's sister. I'll be watching them very closely and seeing if they show signs of being 'owned'.

A co-worker who is significantly older than I am warns me against getting married.

Some of the DJs around here will argue that my friends and co-workers simply did not control the frame of the relationship, and that's why they are unhappy. I bet if you could goad it out of the men, they may tell you the happenings behind the scenes. It should be enough to shake you out of your fantasy.

TL;DR: you are romanticizing the idea of a monogamous relationship, and that is why you want it -- I would kill to have a partner who was eternally committed to me, even if such a person would be boring at some point.

We love variety. Novelty is a good thing. Having both in a monogamous relationship is possible and very fulfilling, but I would imagine having it in a polygamous relationship is even better.

 

[Alle_Gory]

i've been on this site for 2 years and you're the first to EVER say such a thing...
i also post on a music and a poetry site and have likewise never been told that people cant understand what im saying....

You need to post this slop more.

As far as you're problem, you're living the dream. You do whatever the fvck you want with these women and its not satisfying you. Maybe try to actually give a sh*t about them and they will in return too. If you want a relationship then make it happen. It's more than just an act and motion. You actually have to feel something when doing these things.

Or maybe find someone else. Someone not as easy to control as these chicks. They're probably missing something.

I don't know about you, but the most attractive part of a woman for me is a nice personality. If she's got that, shes in. It's usually the plain janes that are most pleasant. They look pretty cute (girl next door look) and they're just hot enough to have confidence and a nice personality without the arrogance (and all the other craaazy problems) of a hotter woman.

i am AWARE i dont use correct grammar, punctuation, etc.... this is largely due to my poetry background... where things like that dont matter and are encouraged to be broken down...

Myspace poet?