45 caliber crisis (mid life March)

[ZTIME]

Well, I'm half way there! Coming up to the big 45! Honestly, I didn't really think it would effect me. Recently however, I find my self doing a "life evaluation" and I'm starting to feel a little unsatisfied. Thought I'd post a little run down of where I'm at and absorb any advice left, so thanks in advance for reading and replying.

lately, I feel like I've been going through life's motions yet still wake up with a hunger wishing that there would be more.

My finances are strong, I have a large social circle, and a fair enough amount of women to do things with upon call.(my schedule and travels dictate my limited availability).

My spiritual life is on point (based on my belifes); and I've cleaned up my past to the point of no longer holding grudges or blaming past circumstances for any present failures.

With everything I have going on, I still make it a point to go out and meet new people and date. My dates mainly consist of activities such as jet skiing, beach time, or road trips to explore new things. I'll do the occasional dinner and drinks thing But that's often a bore.

I find that my plates move in and out of my life mainly because they expect way more commitment then I'm willing to give. They'll go date other guys, but always seem to be available to hang out or travel for a couple of days.

Recently, the new women I've dated really don't seem to offer much as far as substance. Through conversation they all say how great they are but have made huge mistakes as far as past relationships go. After more conversation you tend to believe that their past partners may have been the smart ones to run away.

I guess the question that I'm alluding to (based on the mature knowledge here) would be "this normal to get into these types of ruts at this age"? And are there things I should be doing to get out of the ruts more effectively?

 

[ubercat]

The thing is that a lot of woman need a guide who will train them up. Without that they just stay at their natural level. It's a bit of a Catch 22 because you can only do that in a LTR. So I think you're going to get more life satisfaction by changing up what you do rather than expecting your women to improve. You ve obviously got your s*** together so just my 2 cents.

 

[LiveYourDream]

I'm starting to feel a little unsatisfied.

Unsatisfied how?
What would deeper/real/true satisfaction look like, for you or in your life?
What would it feel/be like?
How can you have that experience?

wake up with a hunger wishing that there would be more.

At the deepest level, what is it that you/your life/your soul is hungry for?

 

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

Recently however, I find my self doing a "life evaluation" and I'm starting to feel a little unsatisfied.

In the same boat. Much accomplished, yet I feel unfulfilled.

I've been here before. I find that when we reach the zenith of present development, and there is little room for expansion, we get a calling which manifests as a feeling of "lack."

I find meditation especially helpful:

1) Close your eyes;

2) Clear your thoughts and internal dialogue, until you have absolute silence in your mind;

3) Ask the question, "Please direct me in what I need to do, what mission I need to focus my efforts upon, or any other feat that lies within your objective and my purpose." Ask with authentic intent;

4) Wait for a vision. Don't be fooled by your internal dialogue, posing as a vision. The vision will appear authentically, not self-contrived.

5) You may get a glimpse that makes little sense (at least at the moment). Now take this vision and connect the dots. Pay attention to relevant clues moving forward. You may not get it right away. It could take months. But the vision will manifest entirely.

 

[ChrisFloyd]

My spiritual life is on point

Apparently it isn't.

 

[ZTIME]

In the same boat. Much accomplished, yet I feel unfulfilled.

I've been here before. I find that when we reach the zenith of present development, and there is little room for expansion, we get a calling which manifests as a feeling of "lack."

I find meditation especially helpful:

1) Close your eyes;

2) Clear your thoughts and internal dialogue, until you have absolute silence in your mind;

3) Ask the question, "Please direct me in what I need to do, what mission I need to focus my efforts upon, or any other feat that lies within your objective and my purpose." Ask with authentic intent;

4) Wait for a vision. Don't be fooled by your internal dialogue, posing as a vision. The vision will appear authentically, not self-contrived.

5) You may get a glimpse that makes little sense (at least at the moment). Now take this vision and connect the dots. Pay attention to relevant clues moving forward. You may not get it right away. It could take months. But the vision will manifest entirely.

Yes, I've practiced meditation for quite some time now. I actually got away from it for a bit a few years back, but for the last year and a half I meditate at least 3 times a week and attend Buddhist class on Fridays.

Honestly, It feels like I've been zoned out for the last couple of months. Kind of like eating plain oatmeal for the last 60 days for survival but adding no flavor.

Things become repetitive. I can't pinpoint one single item as it feels that they're many.

I don't know if this is based on the age realization (which is why I posted this thread in the mature section), or an ego problem where I see my SMV decreasing.

Yesterday I had the day off. I'll give you an idea of my day:

7am. Wake up, pre workout. 30 min cardio. 15 min ab ripper x.

9am. Dog beach with the pup for 30 min.

12:30pm. Show at the local theatre with 3 friends. (Fun group fun time).

4:30pm early dinner (high end place), with same 3 friends.

9pm meet @ a local bar with bartender friend (female, high 6-my scale). I've known this girl for sometime now and have gone home with her a few times, but no commitment. She asks if I want to go back to her place and I decline based on being tired.

11:30pm. Review #s for Tuesday meeting. Bed somewhere around 1am.

The situation is that I believe this would be a considerably normal day for anyone, yet it seemed quite "hum drum". As many of my days have seemed lately.

Maybe I'm over thinking the whole thing, but it's just started happening recently. Normally I live like I'm having a blast, but lately it seems I'm not in the moment, and it's caught me off guard.

 

[BeExcellent]

Perhaps I'm reaching a bit here but you seem like you are too comfortable in your life from what you have shared.

Things are stable, things are nice, your needs are met for the most part but you don't sound excited or exhilarated about what you have going on. You don't sound unhappy either to be sure.

I find that when I reach plateaus like this in my own life that means it is time to sit down and reach within myself and do some dreaming and some goal setting. Long term dreams and goal setting. Like @l_e_g_e_n_d suggests above part of this includes figuring out what direction is best before going into motion. If you go off in the wrong direction you can always stop, be still and recalibrate.

Once I've gotten settled within myself what heading is correct for me at a given time point, then I can embrace the process by which to accomplish the goal. I try to imagine things that I *think* and see myself capable of doing but that I don't fully know how to go about. I find that the method reveals itself along the journey so long as I exhibit the faith and willingness to start.

One of my favorite thoughts is the quote "Leap and the net will appear".

This is hard for me sometimes as I am very much a 'begin with the end in mind' type person...but being open to the unexpected provides a depth and color to my existence that lends fulfilment and texture to life, gives the gift of experience gained, and pushes me in unexpected directions.

Embrace the wisdom you are gaining. Be open to your next vision as suggested above. We are all going to be relieved of our youth as time passes. To do so gracefully is a beautiful thing, and the collection of wisdom and life experience creates an inner beauty and appeal that is as breathtaking as the physical beauty of youth, perhaps more so, but only the wise can recognize its value. Find your vision and you will re-ignite your life.

 

[LiveYourDream]

I appreciate the advice already given. I'd like to add on to it by offering you some words of caution, as you move forward.

I'd like to point out a subtle distinction to be aware of. Whenever choosing to engage a new goal or new vision, do so because you truly enjoy their unfolding, in the actual moments along the way, such that, if you were to never attain the goal, you will have enjoyed yourself and have no regrets about your investment of time and resources. This distinction is not to prepare one for the potential disappointment of a goal not reached. It is a caution to be aware of, what the attainment of goals actually truly offers.

Do not make the mistake of believing/expecting, the completion of a goal, will bring you fulfillment (beyond the enjoyment along the journey.) Many experience the disappointment of reaching a goal and yet finding they still do not feel fulfilled, as they had imagined they would. Many of those make mistake the further mistake of thinking the attainment of an even bigger better goal will be what brings fulfillment. The endless chase begins again.

Remain aware, and choose both your focus and path wisely.

 

[Julian]

In the same boat. Much accomplished, yet I feel unfulfilled.

I've been here before. I find that when we reach the zenith of present development, and there is little room for expansion, we get a calling which manifests as a feeling of "lack."

I find meditation especially helpful:

1) Close your eyes;

2) Clear your thoughts and internal dialogue, until you have absolute silence in your mind;

3) Ask the question, "Please direct me in what I need to do, what mission I need to focus my efforts upon, or any other feat that lies within your objective and my purpose." Ask with authentic intent;

4) Wait for a vision. Don't be fooled by your internal dialogue, posing as a vision. The vision will appear authentically, not self-contrived.

5) You may get a glimpse that makes little sense (at least at the moment). Now take this vision and connect the dots. Pay attention to relevant clues moving forward. You may not get it right away. It could take months. But the vision will manifest entirely.

Point 4: Who are you asking? Is this question simply directed at yourself?

 

[Killakittie]

There's something missing and only you can find out what that is. Some searching is in order.

 

[Glumix]

Sometimes, gratefulness also solve insatisfaction. And it's much cheaper.

Sometimes, we emerge from our exhilarating life exhausted and it feels good to just sit back, walk the dog and read a good book (or 20), go in a park, watch the people walking around and living their life.

When is the last time you went in a forest and you spent 1 hour just enjoying the scent? When is the last time you actually enjoyed smelling anything?

You talk about meditation and it's exactly that. You do not need to meditate at your place.

And by the way, if you have much, what do you give back?

Perhaps you should aim for the less and not the more. There could live some new inspiration.

 

[yuppee]

I"m 63, and other than the fact that my knees won't let me run very far, I"ve not allowed any changes to take place and I'll never change my outlook or objectivist way of looking at everything.

 

[Shaka]

Dear ZTime,

I don't post much, but I followed you since you came here, in the "Saw it coming" thread.
Btw, As Mauser said, everyone should check the whole thread.
I hope I won't come off too conceited or too strong, but I hope I can give you some good insight. It might also be therapeutic for me, as I think I can relate.

I don't remember who said that, but we men, are often defined by what I will call a "role". A man can be the policeman, the teacher or the father. I believe that a role give us purpose.
But the journey should be what matters. And for that, you should chose a good role.
A good role is something that is somewhat a never ending goal. You will progress in that role forever and never reach a point when you will say that you mastered it.

Let me give you 2 concrete example.

The first example is something that people here commonly say : Find a passion, a hobby. People say that without really explaining what it means.
For me, one of my passion is the piano. I started learning at early age, and still honing my skill... This is something that will last my whole life. Virtuoso spend their whole life trying to reach their ideal and perfection about a chopin etude or beethoven sonata. It's not easy but it's rewarding and always will be. Your hard work won't betray you and the progress will keep you going.
People around me will describe me as "the pianist". This hobby is something that define me and also give me purpose. It's a role and I think it's a good one.

Now let me you an other example.
I won't check in the archive but If i remember right, when you came here because of a women, you also talked about her kids, and how you matters to them. Does it ring something ?
For me, it rings like a "role". Raising kids and trying to give them the values you think are right, is not an easy matter. It's something that will probably that will follow a father till he dies. It's hard, yes but can also be rewarding. And like the piano, it's not a short term reward. It's a real purpose in life.
Now, I was so glad for you when I read the events when you got your first plates. You managed to turn around your life and began the DJ way, or maybe just regaining your past composure.
But maybe you crave for something more than plates spinning ? I know that in this age, finding a women with who you can bond with, and have kids with, is not advised. The deck is stacked against us. But your answer might lie somewhere there, who knows ? Transmitting your gene and values ?
If you think it's a path you want to take, I strongly advise you to read anti-dump machine, AKA, screen screen and screen again. That what I'm doing right now. Spinning plate in order to screen quickly. In the meantime, I have my others "roles", so I know I'm ok even if doesn't lead anywhere and I dont find a women worthy of my ambition.

Hope it helps and I wish you luck

 

[Çharismo]

It seems to me that you have everything going for you maybe its time for pattern interruption/breaking. Meaning do something that you haven't done or switch things up. How about traveling to a different country or maybe even going backpacking around the world? Start a new hobby, take dance classes? Join a toastmasters, community service, volunteer at a cancer ward, join a meditation group, go on a retreat... (How do I know all this huh? ) I mean the list is endless. Use this time to really reflect where you might be headed in life, what type of a vision you have for the future. Remember that women are not going anywhere and whether with or without women you always want to keep living your life to the max. Push your boundaries, conquer your fears...I mean what's the worst that could happen right?

We are the directors of our own lives and write our own scripts. We bend this world to fit our reality that is the power of a human being. This could be a test for you or maybe even the beginning of a spiritual awakening. Don't get too complacent or comfortable where you are but embrace it and use this as a vehicle to guide and push you forward. The Shamans who are considered the first medicine men and or women used to send young men on vision quests which was another form of shamanic initiation out into the wilderness for days on end and they eventually returned as warriors, there senses heightened, there minds clear, a new zest for life, an element of danger in there eyes and a new appreciation for life in its entirety. Many of the warriors would end up killing there fear of death in the process which would completely change there physiology and mental frame of mind. Something to think about....

I don't want to go off on a tangent but I'm sharing this with you to let you know that you are at a good place in your life and to appreciate it as well but to always remember to keep moving forward and never stop pushing. Maybe the world is reaching out to you and has something greater in store for you but at the end of the day I'm just sharing these ideas with you...it's up to you to take it from there.

Keep it going!!!

 

[Dingo]

Wait until you turn 50.... when the real mid life hits... and life's real ruts.... when you realize that you don't have many years left....

Some get jet skis to help... I got a mistress.... lol

 

[MrWood]

50 is the new 35... or 40... for now

 

[Who Dares Win]

Getting old scares me more than death if I have to be honest.

Whatever I have now hardly is gonna get better in 10 years unless I start roids, while I've never been as strong as I am now I feel my tendons, ligaments and joints suffering from the high demands I inflict my bodies.

Hairline needs some backup to go back to a youthful look, some wrinkless are showing themselves, teeth are fine but not as good as before.

Sometime I believe that it wasnt that bad after all to die in your forties like it was in ancient times, that didnt stop alexander or caesar.

I mean what can you get in your 60s? even if you pay to bang hot girls you clearly know she is not there cause the likes you, even a younger wife its obvious that she is there not for animal attraction but for security or companionship.

I know it sounds pessimistic but sooner or later we all have to deal with it and no amount of game is gonna change it.

Unless you managed to be like Frank Grillo in your 50s in that case I will sign for it.

 

[MrWood]

i am average, short 5'8. I was in an accident that paralyzed my left arm, i look afu
my injury prevents me from "working out/hitting the gym".
i am old. I am grey.

I pull hot b1tches. no 'roids, no viagra.. not once ever
get yer game on sons...

 

[ZTIME]

Wanted to take the time to say thanks to those who posted to this thread. I've read all of the posts and put lots of thought into them all.

In hopes of answering some of the questions in this post, I'll leave you with some things about me ( in no specific order).

1. As a Buddhist, I do meditate on a regular basis and try to walk a well thought out path.

2. I do give to many charities (mainly through my companies) which help to give back to our communities and the children of our communities.

3. In my first thread here (yes, a lot of great advice there) I did just get out of a relationship which involved children. I do miss them and wish the best for them, and maybe I'll have one someday, but I don't feel that that's what's missing in life.

4. Since I was 18 I've been building businesses of some sort. I have no problem with drive or being able to push companies to the top of their respective categories.

5. I'd like to change some things up in my weekly schedule just to "feel change". However, my weekly "business schedule" borders 70 hrs.

6. On my vacation time (twice s year) I make it a point to visit someplace I've never been.

Hope that answers any questions. I've really been thinking of a lot ways to get out of this rut. I guess that maybe as we get a little older we have the tendency to reflect on the past and wonder if the choices we made were the right ones.

I'll be fine as always and I'll keep moving forward searching for the path that suits me best. Thanks again for the words of wisdom. They always help with making proper choices.

Be blessed folks.

 

[sodbuster]

well, sh1t,, working 70 hours a week will put you in a rut quickly.... by the time you eat, exercise and clean a bit of house, you don't have much TIME to think about what you have, what you want and where you want to go....