43 year old needs dating advice

[frankcd]

I am 43 years old and have dated very little in my life.. Recently I had a woman I liked ask me a few questions.

One question was "How many prior serious relationships have you had?" Well like an idiot I said none. Needless to say she has yet to call me and it has been two weeks...

What is the correct honest response to this question?

Also, what age group should I focus on for dates. I am concerned that if I date women over 35 they will look upon me as a joke....

BTW, my last date was in 1989...

I appreciate any help...

Frank

 

[davedave]

dude you can score all the MILFS that think us guys under 35 are too young.

You can make it work!


Work on making you happy. Make on making you confident with yourself. Dont do it consciously thinking of women, just develop yourself where you think you want to improve your self.

Another approach is something like this: hit the gym like you are already got that woman and now you are there to top it all off by losing a few pounds. Get out there and detail your car like your hot-azz g/f likes it that way. Go buy some new clothes because you want to look your best. Go sky diving once a month, go rock climbing, buy a race car.

Do any thing new, frightening, and exciting to expand yourself!

There are a million ways do become more confident - find yours!

Women love/want/crave confident men.

Why not become one yourself?

 

[frankcd]

Well the woman who liked me or maybe still does was 24... She thought I was 38/39 so not much age difference from 43... She was very attractive....

She has called my house several times in the past two weeks but says nothing on the phone and then hangs up.. She called at 8pm on a friday nite probably to see if I was home or out...

Her problem is that she was deciding if she was going back with her ex or see me... Not sure what she decided at this point.

I have to improve my ability to notice the signs women give when they are interested...

Frank

 

[Quick]

I normally would never suggest anyone lies, but unless you have a real good reason for no previous relationships, I suggest you do. Women want men that others desire, and unless you're George Clooney, they'll assume that your lack of relationships wasn't your own choice.

The assumption will always be that a 43 year old man with no previous relationship must have some pretty big problems. A social recluse, sexual problems, mental problems.... etc. Try to avoid the question, but if it comes up, be really ambiguous.

If you're an easygoing guy, when she asks, you can say with a smile "Are you trying to be my first". She'll assume you're joking. Turn all those questions into teasing her about trying to get with you.

 

[Helter Skelter]

Frankcd

Just so I can better understand your situation, why is it in your opinion , you havn't had any serious relationships and dated very little up to this point in your life. Some more info on yourself would be helpful.
Hopefully, we can than, before you know have women knocking down your door.

 

[DIESEL]

At 43, and with no serious relationships, time is against you... this is no time for ethics.

1. If you are asked the question again, LIE. Sorry, but on this one, honesty WILL DEFINITELY GET YOU NOWHERE.

2. About this chick you mention. She's playing you. She's deciding whether to go back with her BF or you? I trust you really aren't this stupid. The writing is on the wall for this one. Save the rationalizations and explanations. If she dug you, you would not be waiting 2 weeks to talk to her.

3. Sorry, but there has to be something about you as to why at 43 you have not had a serious relationship, or not been on a date in almost 15 years. I mean are you still a virgin? Have you ever even KISSED a girl? If you want our help, you are going to have to level with us.

 

[frankcd]

No, I myself thought that it was odd that she would take over two weeks to contact me. Although I did speak with a friend who knows her and said that she just started a new job and need time to sort things out... Yes, I thought I was being played but I am not that naive. I know for certain it is her who has been calling my house for the past three weeks.

No, I have not dated much at all in my life. I was extremely shy through college and my first date was at 25.. I have asked two women out on my own but the three others were fix ups.

The most I dated one woman was 5 dates. And as I said my last date was in 1989... I just did not have the balls to ask women for a date so I did not..

As you can tell I am now paying the price for being this way..

And for some reason I always thought I would have time to move on this topic. But when a friend of mine also 43 recently found someone he really likes it got me thinking and worrying.

This is where I stand at the present time.

P.S. My sexual experience is very limited or little.

Frank

 

[Helter Skelter]

I think you should try to find out more about where you stand with this girl. Work on her without seeming desperate.

Also, because of your situation, some people might disagree with me, but there wrong.

Try putting an ad on match.com and get out there dating women. I have a friend who is not attractive and he gets dates every week. It's a good starting point and then you can move on to more traditional DJ ways later on. Let us know what happens with this girl.

 

[OddTech]

Agree with Diesel, I think she's playing you. You should fuggetaboutit. Start your focus on getting other dates. If you're shy, try doing the DJ Bootcamp. Be wary. Women will be women regardless of age, so be cautious with gold-diggers, mind-flayers, attention hos, and professional daters. Best of luck.

BTW: welcome to the board.

 

[Player_Supreme]

Dayum....

Ok I'm 43....I've tried dating younger..infact last year I had a 19 year old black stripper in my home a few times....it doesn't work.

1. Date women in your own age reach. They desperately need you. Younger men do not interest most of them seriously. And alot of them are horny as hell and ready to play.

2. Read the bible on this site. You need some knowledge bruh. badly.

3. Do not tell anyone in the future anything about you. be vague...reverse the game...ask her how many has she dated....

4. If you have to lie about the shyt...until you get more under your belt. Look at it this was. If you went out to a street that had 2 resturants on it. One was busy and packed and alive with energy and people...and the other was totally barron and empty...which would you want to go too. I should ask which would your date preffer going to...

nobody wants what others do not want...they will automatically assume something is wrong with you...

***sorry I am 44 as of June 6th...miss print above******or wishfull thinking

 

[XANEUS]

1. The personal ad idea is good... and at your age there isn't even a stigma to it like there is for younger people. Also... with a personal ad, you can get feedback from the board easily as you go.

2. READ the DJ bible!

3. Get out and approach women! Do it A LOT! You don't have to hit on them... just get comfortable talking for now.

4. Get involved in activities where women congregate.

5. Where do you live? I might know someone who could give you personalized advice if you're in the right areas.

Oh... and yes, LIE YOUR ASS OFF about not having any experience!

 

[Doppler4000]

Yeah, you can lie a little bit about your experience. The women want to know that you're not married or screwed up so that's why they ask. Your first step in developing a game will be to start getting good canned answeres to these questions in your head. Dude, remember that these chicks are so full of BS sometimes this little lie will be nothing in comparison!

Get in shape, update your wardrobe (but don't try to dress like a college kid, obviously), clean up your hair, and just get out there. Yeah, the older you get the harder it gets- BUT- Consider going to actual "singles" events. They tend to attract an older crowd and one night at a singles dance could give you tons of practice. Yeah, they can reek of desparation at times- but if you can be cool and overcome that it might be a good thing for you to do. Expect to make lots of mistakes at first- what does work will be bonus. Let us know and don't give up.

 

[suavedave]

Originally posted by frankcd
I am 43 years old and have dated very little in my life.. Recently I had a woman I liked ask me a few questions.

-----

Ok, first: LIE god-damn it.

Second, time is not in your favour: but think about it this way.... you're 45, probably will live about 30+ more years. That's 30+ more years of dating ahead of you and plenty of time to make some serious progress. I look forward to hearing great things from you after you do some reading here and follow the advice given.

Best to you,
David

 

[Slickster]

I think a good response to the "How many serious relationships?" question would be something along the lines of this:

"I've had relationships in the past but I've never been in love. So I wouldn't call any of them serious"

This way no lies are being told and it increases interest.

I used to work at a summer camp. The camp supervisor was 40'ish and most of the camp staff were in their 20's.

He would tell the girls that he had never been in love before and all it did was drive them crazy. They would literally throw themselves at him. They all wanted to be his first love.

Frank, great that you found this site. Although most of the people here are young, there are still some older guys kicking around. Its great to hear their wisdom. Yikes I'm getting old too (30).

All I can say is the older I get the easier this game becomes.
Don't let any of these young whippersnappers get to you with their "...time is of the essence and you're running out of it..." nonsense.

Good luck and keep at it.

 

[Frosty]

Hello, Frank. Welcome to the board.

Hopefully, after reading a lot of the material on this board, you will notice some very positive and self-satisfactory changes within yourself over the next few weeks.

The guys above pretty much covered how to get going. I just want to emphasize a few of things:

At this point, you really cannot afford to be hindered by your shyness any longer. You have to be very bold in starting your new life and that means you have to start talking to a lot of women... a lot, Frank. I am talking small talk, large talk, body talk, and fluff talk.

And just as stated above, never reveal too much about yourself any where near the beginning of a relationship, especially something as personal as how many women you have been with. I never reveal this information to any woman, not even in my long term relationships. That is something that will always be a mystery about me. I do not even say much about my past relationships with women with any of my dates. Secrets about yourself must be earned so let them earn it.

You have a lot of years to make up for so do not be easily discouraged. I urge you to work hard from the gate! Your life should become a lot more interesting. Keep us updated.

 

[frankcd]

Regarding the 24 year old, her name is Sara.. We met at a temp assignment since we both were not permanently employed. I had an idea she liked me but I did not pursue her. I talked to her like the other men and women at the job... Basically, I just thought I was to old for her. Plus, Sara realized I was very shy and that is what I feel attracted her to me.

We had been speaking but just on a very glib basis.. On July 1st I saw her and she told me that she had an interview yesterday and it went real well. I asked if she would be leaving this week and she said I doubt I will hear on the job for 2 weeks. We talked more and she stated that she had broken up with her boyfriend about 2 months ago... (Like an idiot I did not take that as an invitation to ask her out.) On July 3rd I left at 11am and was not scheduled to return until July 7th... On the afternoon of July 3rd Sara got a call inforning her she got the job... She finished the day and then quit the temp assignment..

On July 7th I saw her friend, Stephanie who is cute and 25 and happily married. Stephanie goes, Frank did you hear Sara got the job and she left on July 3rd. I said no I was not aware of that. Then Stephanie said Sara told me to tell you that she left because it was permanent and paid 35k, considerably more than the temp job we were working..

Then 2 days later I gave my number to Stephanie to pass onto Sara.. I told Stephanie to have Sara call me so I could congradulate her on the job myself. When I gave the number to Stephanie she smiled ear to ear and then said I am sure Sara will call you... Then two days later I asked if she spoke with Sara and she said most likely Sara will call you. Then a couple of days later Stephanie told me that Sara may go back with her ex and so she is not sure if she will call you... Sara needs time to learn her new job and what she will do regarding her new boyfriend. Stephanie then goes how well do you know Sara, and I said as well as you.

The following Monday nite I got a call from Sara. She stayed on the line and then hung up. Then on Tuesday she called the other line and my sister answered the phone the first two times. The third time I answered it and she stayed on the line and hung up.
(She called to see if I was married or to see if I had kids.)

The next week I am at lunch and Stephanie asks me to see her.
I go over to her table where she is sitting with other women I know. Stephanie states that I know a lot about her and she has questions to ask of me.

The questions:

What type of work did you do before this temp job?
Where do you live?
Were you ever married? I said no.
Were you ever in a serious relationship? Like an ass I said no.
How old are you? I balked and then said 43. Stephanie said that is a good number.

The next day I asked what the questions were for and Stephanie said I ask everyone the same. I asked were my answers what she expected? Stephanie said they were different and she thought I was 38/39...

Well it has been two weeks since I answered her questions and she has yet to call. I know I ruined my chances with the answer of no prior serious relationship..... But I am almost positive she has called within the past few days but says nothing on the phone.

The main reason she is not calling is because she knows I am not working now and she could not have me paying for her on a date.
and she knows I would not like her treating me.

Well, I have located her phone number but I have not called her.
I do not want any problems since she has not called me. with the 20 year age gap I do not want her stating I am stalking her.

But, as I have noted before I have no doubt she liked me and still may like me.

Maybe this will help...

Frank

 

[Slickster]

Whoa. That interview/question period by Stephanie was bad.

You: "Who wants to know?"
Stephanie: "I'm asking for Sara"
You(smiling): "She can find this stuff out for herself if she calls."

If a chick "interviews" you this is a bad position to be in. Kills mystery. Very childish getting her friend to do it.

Turn it around.

You: "Enough about me. Besides being attractive, what do you have to offer to me?"

 

[spanky]

One question was "How many prior serious relationships have you had?" Well like an idiot I said none. Needless to say she has yet to call me and it has been two weeks... What is the correct honest response to this question?

Staring her straight in they eye- "I don't live in the past; I am only concerned about the future--- Hey, what's that perfume you are wearing?"

 

[Ronin I]

Wow this thread both saddens and inspires me.

I agree with just about everyone else on this thread. Lie if you have to dammit!

I commend for wanting to be an honest individual - but there are times when you MUST lie.

I am a VERY honest person - I believe the truth gives you strength and without honesty we really have nothing, but even I will admit that I will lie to a woman if I know that the truth will interefere with me getting what I want.

My future wife and mother of my kids doesn't need to know some of the crazy/fvcked up sh!t that I've done.

Think of this kind of information (which may cast a negative light on you) as being on a NEED TO KNOW BASIS.

She doesn't need to know that you are as inexperienced as you are.

As a side note I really hope that this thread motivates some of the guys on this board. It is never too late to transform yourself - it is never too late to move your life into a positive direction.

 

[frankcd]

Great idea. I agree I did not like being in that position. But since I liked Sara and knew Stephanie was asking for her I complied.

I gather Sara is shy and did the questions to learn more about me before calling.. No call so the answers were not to her liking.

But what led up to the questions was good experience. I learned about eye contact, touching (Sara touched me on the back when she would talk with me. And she touched no one else even her girlfriends.), the look back (Sara would look back at me after she walked by to see if I was looking at her. This is another very stong attraction signal.)

I did not know those signs were attraction signals until they occured with Sara and I researched them on the internet.

It is ashame she was so childish with the questions. Almost like she was doing it to let me down easily... I am sure Sara had her reasons for having the questions asked by Stephanie.

One saying I like and I have to put it into action: "If you do not take a chance, you do not have a chance."

Frank