4 Months, Good Dates, Kino, Kissing. . . Now This

[sgt_dj]

Hey, I'm a long-time lurker, budding DJ. Read the Bible, been reading these boards for a couple of years. I "play" 'em only to the point where no one gets hurt. This is the first time I've needed actual help.

So I've been dating this girl -- "hanging out" we call it -- for about four months. No sex, everything but -- slow dancing, hour-long kisses, cooking each other dinner -- when we're together we're positively drunk with each other. I really thought I had this one going on. It's been a handful of date-caliber nights and a lot of coffee / lunch / long walks over the past few months.

It gets a little tricky because I'm in the midst of a career change and I've been traveling a lot for training but she knew that at the outset. Now I get an email breaking a dinner date for the weekend, telling me that we shouldn't see each other again -- no mention of "you're spending too much time away," or of my new job -- just that she doesn't think it's "in the great plan" and that it would only "confuse things" if we were to see each other again.

She's not seeing anyone else; I'm sure of that. I've got a couple warming up in the bullpen but at this point they're coffee dates and email convo's. Gonna take a lot of work to get them moving but I digree.

BUT. . . . WTF . . .She writes: "Let me know what's going on in your life, drop me a line from time to time. I treasure the time we've had together," ya da ya da.

And yes, she's dropped. Nuked her # off my phone, I'll never contact her again.

FWIW, She's Filipino, former sorority / HS cheerleader, 2nd gen American. I'm white, hardcore Alpha Male, buff, well-employed but reactivated into the Reserves (hence the handle and the "career change" -- I'm undergoing a heavy training schedule right now and likely facing deployment in the next 6-12 months.)

My question: Anyone have one of these "we shouldn't see each other but keep in touch, let me know how your life goes" situations? It's a new one on me. If you've been there, what happened "from time to time?"

advTHANKSance,

- Sgt. DJ

 

[KingPinp]

She thinks you are going over, she wants a boyfriend that can be physically there. I know what you wonna hear man, this **** happens.

Should have screwed her, if she is in a sorority someone has.

 

[NewMan]

So I've been dating this girl -- "hanging out" we call it -- for about four months. No sex, everything but -- slow dancing, hour-long kisses, cooking each other dinner -- when we're together we're positively drunk with each other. I really thought I had this one going on.

******

You thought you had this one going on - but you didn't.

Let me say this one thing...

you don't hang out with a chick for 4 months and have it going on with her.

She was never that interested in you to begin with.

No woman is going to just "Hang out" with a guy she's interested in for 4 months. Come week #4 she's going to want more.

Why the hell did you spend as much time on this chick as you did? If you were getting laid - I'd understand. But you were not. And there in lies your problem.


***
She's not seeing anyone else; I'm sure of that
***

BS. She's either got someone else - or is casually seeing someone else. I'll put money on it.


****
I've got a couple warming up in the bullpen but at this point they're coffee dates and email convo's. Gonna take a lot of work to get them moving but I digree.
*****

Don't waste as much time on these as you did the last one.

If she's not putting in out in 3-4 dates - move on.

 

[sgt_dj]

>Why the hell did you spend as much time on this chick as you did?
> If you were getting laid - I'd understand.

I actually think I was falling in love with her. I had more fun kissing this girl than I've had banging most chicks I've been with (I'm 29, BTW.) It took 4 months because I've been gone a lot, and whenever I pushed her boundaries -- first kiss, first massage, etc -- she gave me the LJBF *each time*, but the next date we'd be all over each other again, fiercer than before. I figured I'd just respect her, move at her pace, and it would come naturally -- and the way she kissed, I figured it would be worth it. Also, I would have been really happy with an LTR with this one. I know I blew it; no need to rub that in.

Back to my question: anyone ever have the "let's not be friends (because we always end up in each others' arms and as such, "friends" isn't working), but I really want to know what happens in your life," line? If so, what eventually happened? That's the conundrum, here.

 

[penkitten]

next!!
she has met someone else...

 

[DJDamage]

quote
My question: Anyone have one of these "we shouldn't see each other but keep in touch, let me know how your life goes" situations? It's a new one on me. If you've been there, what happened "from time to time?"
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I like that one! its a reverse of the " Lets just be friends" and then you don't ever hear from them. But in this case you "might!?"

She is basically putting the ball in her court, she now decides to when, how and if to contact you. Like an old toy to be played with on occaisons but eventually you will just collect dust and forgotten.

No Point of making sense out of this one, forget her. NEXT!

 

[Walden]

Wish we could give you better advice here tapes.
Hanging out after four month and you couldn't close that hsit is pretty dysfunctional tho'

 

[sgt_dj]

believe me, she's NEXT'd.

> Like an old toy to be played with on occaisons but eventually
> you will just collect dust and forgotten.

Kinda how it feels. Part of it reeks of "If you get back alive and with all your moving parts intact, and get your old job back, and don't have to foreclose on your nice hi-rise condo while you're over there so you end up homeless -- AND if I don't meet someone who has all of the above in the interim -- I might be interested, THEN."

But I'm being cynical. She really seemed decent.

It's good to at least hear that someone else hadn't heard the "LNBF / KITA" (Lets Not Be Friends / Keep In Touch Anyway) line before.

Thanks, all.

 

[sgt_dj]

> Hanging out after four month and you couldn't close that hsit is pretty dysfunctional tho'

And out of the norm for me, I'll admit. Kiss-closed on the 2nd date and it turned into a hour-long mash in public (in a park). It's only been 3 evening-out "dates" since then; felt like it would have closed in the next couple of dates. I wasn't really in a hurry. You can't believe the way this girl could kiss.

The time away has been a killer, I'll admit. The one good thing is that I've dropped 20 pounds since we met -- every time we see each other I'm more ripped. I *am* getting more looks from girls now, though. Wish I could grow my hair out.

 

[DJ_Dork]

Getting access to pvssy should be your primary concern. If you're not penetrating her taco after dating her more than 3 months then I dunno dude.

I make out at clubs all the time, and most of them I don't plan on hooking up with any women.

You say you're an "ALPHA HARDCORE MALE" - Probably on the outside dealing with men, but you can't truly be if you can't handle women.

Don't worry, there'll be women for you in the military, like that fugly Lindley girl.

 

[sgt_dj]

> Getting access to pvssy should be your primary concern.

Usually is. This was an exceptional case, LTR-worthy.

> You say you're an "ALPHA HARDCORE MALE" - Probably on the outside dealing with men

Amen to that -- from the boardroom to the battlefield, I'm a force to be reckoned with.

> but you can't truly be if you can't handle women.

Thought I could handle 'em, and to be fair, generally I do pretty well. I get plenty of dates and a generous amount of tang. I'm sure it'll be moreso now that I've lost my spare tire and put four inches on my chest. Had to work up the personality / charm / shiny things, etc. when I was a bit overweight; now I have all that, and a hardbody.

What I've found, though, is that there are chicks you hump & dump (got a couple of 'em, as I said, currently on the bench, should be easy closes but they're not as *interesting* as this one was -- anyone else hate the feeling right after you've f-cked a girl you don't particularly like?) -- and chicks you groom for keeping. She was definitely the latter. And this was just a weird dogleg into something I didn't know about -- the KITA, as I mentioned above.

Anyone else ever get a KITA?

 

[sgt_dj]

> Don't worry, there'll be women for you in the military, like that fugly Lindley girl.

That's uncalled-for, and woefully misinformed. One of the finer things about Marine Corps life is the plethora of smart, taut-bodied Air Force women.

Mmmmm.....Air Force Women......