35 & Tired of the game

[Zappati]

Sup guys...long time reader...good page ya have here. So..where do I start?
Hell, not sure where I should even start. Its pretty complicated, so just bare w/ me.

Not that I mind bein single, but, sometimes the lonesome bit , just wears me down to a knub. Guess, I just thought Id never see the day, when, if ya wanna meet women, ya always have to partake in the "chase".

I absolutely hate to chase...emphasis on hate. Seriously, as a man, doesnt it make you feel, almost like a worm, knowing that, if YOU dont take the initiative to chase, you very well may just be completely alone, for the rest of your life. Maybe the rebel in me, just martyrs going against the grain.

Ive read the "picking up girls on myspace" threads on here & think they all have great points & merits to them. I have to sincerely say, though, it wasnt like that on myspace 2 years ago. I used to get flooded w/ mail/friend requests etc, but, times have changed, I guess.

Speaking of the internet, heres sumthing Id like 2 share w/ you guys. A buddy of mine, whom I grew up w/, is a professional model & roughly 2 months ago, he finally got around to signing up 2 myspace & plentyoffish. In 2 months, on both sites, he hasnt recieved JACK. I dunno about you guys, but, to me, things like that just completely wipe my confidence out.

Now, mind you...Im a resident of Southern California & have been, for 2+ decades, & Ive just never seen things, the way they are now, in the "women dept". Ive known, since I was a teenager, that, *****, is indeed "power" & women know it, but, its just to the point....wow, I just have no words for it. When a great looking man, whom has everything going for him, has to chase unattractive women, for ANY type of companionship...well, I guess it makes me feel defeated & by saying that...I have almost completely givin up on "chasing" women.

As far as I go....Ive been a construction worker/musician my entire life. I still don the sleeves(tattoos)/bandana/ripped jeans, but, I work out/ tan religiously, have a great job w/ great income...60K sports car....live 1 block from the beach & I just can no longer score a piece of ass.

Mind you....I havent completely thrown in the towel. If I see a women Im attracted to, on the internet...Ill attempt to make contact & not throw any lines or bs at her & Ill just be myself & lately....zero. Sincerely..after a while of that, I dont care how "strong" you may think you are, it basically reduces you to feeling like trash.

Believe me, it takes alot, for a 35 year old man to post on a board, consisting of guys, 10 years my younger, askin for "women' advice. lol, but, Id appreciate any input.

Thanx Guys.

 

[jacob]

Networking is the most tried and true way to meet and end up with a female. If you have a sister or cousin tell her to hang out and bring her friends with her. Or even female coworkers but it's hard since you're in construction, maybe find a part time at retail as stock and befriend women.

This is what the younger guys have over us. They've got a bigger circle of friends that they hang out with most of the time. But when we get older we tend to spend less time with friends because of our busy schedule.

Females tend to use this route too because of their safety, since the guy they meet of the street could end up being an abusive stalker type, and feel safer if someone they trust knows the person they date before hand. Hence the reason why alot of females have a myspace and why social proof is so important to them.

The last two long term relationships I've had was a friend of my sisters and a friend of my coworker. The ones I pick up on the street mostly are short term or one night stands.

 

[AngelStyle]

Hi Zappati, you say your friend is not having any luck on dating sites, and my immediate thought was "I bet he has a crap profile up and is sending out boring generic messages". Of course I could be wrong but he is probably relying on his hot pics to do it for him. A woman could probably get away with this because we know you men are more into the visuals than we are (many women complain that men only look at the pics and don't even read the profile). I am also on plentyoffish so I know how inadequate most men's profiles are. Some of the common mistakes that turn women off:-
1. Torso shots - we don't want to see naked bodies - makes us think you are only after sex!
2. What we want to see are your eyes and your smile (some men's pics are positively scary they looks so stern and grim).
3. Negative stuff - don't like liars, don't like cheaters, etc (well who does?!) - sounds like you are bitter and have a lot of baggage from past relationships.
4. Too much about what you do and don't want and not enough about you and what you have to offer a woman.
I can tell you which messages get my attention. In fact even a man with a crap profile and no pics has got a positive response from me (and a correspondence ensued leading to a coffee meet) because he wrote a good icebreaker which made me laugh - it was only half a dozen lines but it was so witty I couldn't not reply! Most of the messages I get are much the same:- "Hi, how are you, how was your weekend, wanna chat?" (yawn) - generic messages that have probably been sent to hundreds of other women. I don't want to feel as if I am part of a mail shot! A first message needs to be personal to each woman, referencing things in her profile and asking her about them (demonstrating that you have actually read her profile will earn you brownie points).

Sorry, but men do still have to make the initial contact - that's just the way it is and has always been. Some of us women are trying to get our heads round the idea of contacting men first, but it is a big shift in gender roles, so don't just put up your profile and then expect women to message you. (If you do get a first message from a woman please reply kindly even if you are not interested or she may never dare to do it again!).

I do feel for you because after a year on POF I feel much the same as I don't think my heart can take any more disappointment. If the current one doesn't work out I will take a break for a while and maybe start again in the new year.

 

[jacob]

Hi Zappati, you say your friend is not having any luck on dating sites, and my immediate thought was "I bet he has a crap profile up and is sending out boring generic messages". Of course I could be wrong but he is probably relying on his hot pics to do it for him. A woman could probably get away with this because we know you men are more into the visuals than we are (many women complain that men only look at the pics and don't even read the profile). I am also on plentyoffish so I know how inadequate most men's profiles are. Some of the common mistakes that turn women off:-
1. Torso shots - we don't want to see naked bodies - makes us think you are only after sex!
2. What we want to see are your eyes and your smile (some men's pics are positively scary they looks so stern and grim).
3. Negative stuff - don't like liars, don't like cheaters, etc (well who does?!) - sounds like you are bitter and have a lot of baggage from past relationships.
4. Too much about what you do and don't want and not enough about you and what you have to offer a woman.
I can tell you which messages get my attention. In fact even a man with a crap profile and no pics has got a positive response from me (and a correspondence ensued leading to a coffee meet) because he wrote a good icebreaker which made me laugh - it was only half a dozen lines but it was so witty I couldn't not reply! Most of the messages I get are much the same:- "Hi, how are you, how was your weekend, wanna chat?" (yawn) - generic messages that have probably been sent to hundreds of other women. I don't want to feel as if I am part of a mail shot! A first message needs to be personal to each woman, referencing things in her profile and asking her about them (demonstrating that you have actually read her profile will earn you brownie points).

Sorry, but men do still have to make the initial contact - that's just the way it is and has always been. Some of us women are trying to get our heads round the idea of contacting men first, but it is a big shift in gender roles, so don't just put up your profile and then expect women to message you. (If you do get a first message from a woman please reply kindly even if you are not interested or she may never dare to do it again!).

I do feel for you because after a year on POF I feel much the same as I don't think my heart can take any more disappointment. If the current one doesn't work out I will take a break for a while and maybe start again in the new year.

WTH! What kind of advice is this? I seriously doubt if you know anything about women.



P.S. Help me with my myspace profile.

 

[facadegeniality]

WTH! What kind of advice is this? I seriously doubt if you know anything about women.



P.S. Help me with my myspace profile.

i think angelstyle is a she.

 

[DonJuan11]

When a great looking man, whom has everything going for him, has to chase unattractive women, for ANY type of companionship...well, I guess it makes me feel defeated & by saying that...I have almost completely givin up on "chasing" women.

Translation: Hot women should sleep with me just because I have everything going for me. I don't care if I don't have a personality, no friends, can't make them laugh, or don't know how to make them feel strong, powerful emotions. The fact that I worked so hard to get where I am today should mean I don't have to work getting a date or having sex with a girl. They should get weak knees just by looking at me.

As far as I go....Ive been a construction worker/musician my entire life. I still don the sleeves(tattoos)/bandana/ripped jeans, but, I work out/ tan religiously, have a great job w/ great income...60K sports car....live 1 block from the beach & I just can no longer score a piece of ass.

This paragraph makes your problem so transparent its not even funny. Look at it: "I, I, I, I, I,...." Lets hope you don't talk like that on date. Once again, its not about you. It's about the girl. How you make her feel, how she likes herself when she's with you, how she's happy to be your gf. Not how she's happy you live 1 block from the beach.

Switch it around. Would you rather have a gorgeous 20 year old girl who is rich, lives in Malibu, and ridiculously into herself, or a average looking 25 year old who you have fun with, is easy to talk to and has a great personality?

 

[Zappati]

Switch it around. Would you rather have a gorgeous 20 year old girl who is rich, lives in Malibu, and ridiculously into herself, or a average looking 25 year old who you have fun with, is easy to talk to and has a great personality?

Bro, that "description" I had written, in my OP, was simply for here. I dont portray any type of superficial-ness towards any woman. Truth be told, I rarely EVER speak about myself , unless asked by a woman in conversation.

 

[everywomanshero]

Not that I mind bein single, but, sometimes the lonesome bit , just wears me down to a knub. Guess, I just thought Id never see the day, when, if ya wanna meet women, ya always have to partake in the "chase".

You're pretty much correct that if you dont make some kind of initiate, even if it's just placing yourself somewhere for them to meet you, then you're not likely to get much from women. Women don;t like to do flying across the road to ask men out approaches, sure it can happen, but if that's all you're counting on, you're pretty much restricted to a couple of women per lifetime unless you become famous.

I absolutely hate to chase...emphasis on hate. Seriously, as a man, doesnt it make you feel, almost like a worm, knowing that, if YOU dont take the initiative to chase, you very well may just be completely alone, for the rest of your life. Maybe the rebel in me, just martyrs going against the grain.

The chase only sucks when you're losing the game. If you were to start getting what you wanted, all of a sudden it would be fun.

Ive read the "picking up girls on myspace" threads on here & think they all have great points & merits to them. I have to sincerely say, though, it wasnt like that on myspace 2 years ago. I used to get flooded w/ mail/friend requests etc, but, times have changed, I guess.

Nothing has changed online. I've been meeting women online for about 10 years now. It's no harder for me today than it was 2 years ago and much easier than it was 6 or 7 years ago (more people to choose from).

Now, mind you...Im a resident of Southern California & have been, for 2+ decades, & Ive just never seen things, the way they are now, in the "women dept". Ive known, since I was a teenager, that, *****, is indeed "power" & women know it, but, its just to the point....wow, I just have no words for it. When a great looking man, whom has everything going for him, has to chase unattractive women, for ANY type of companionship...well, I guess it makes me feel defeated & by saying that...I have almost completely givin up on "chasing" women.

I think that California in general has a much higher rate of men to women than the country in general because Cali is the economic backbone of the country, it is a super power all to its own and for that reason brings in a lot of workers from everywhere... which just happen to be more male than female. I have not been there in a long time so I really don't know how this changes the game. I do know that in TJ you can still get lucky pretty easy:yawn:

As far as I go....Ive been a construction worker/musician my entire life. I still don the sleeves(tattoos)/bandana/ripped jeans, but, I work out/ tan religiously, have a great job w/ great income...60K sports car....live 1 block from the beach & I just can no longer score a piece of ass.

Start dressing like you're not poor. 60k a year in SoCal isn't much money, but hey you're not homeless at least.

Mind you....I havent completely thrown in the towel. If I see a women Im attracted to, on the internet...Ill attempt to make contact & not throw any lines or bs at her & Ill just be myself & lately....zero. Sincerely..after a while of that, I dont care how "strong" you may think you are, it basically reduces you to feeling like trash.

Imagine is a woman said, guys are so damn picky, I dont want to stop eating 3 donuts a day and wearing old stinky sweatpants just to meet a man, they should like me just how I am! And maybe we should, but that is not what we are geneticly and culturally programmed to be attracted to. Get rid of the bandana, you're 35. Buy some classy clothing for the evenings. I'd recommend learning how to combine some more formal elements with jeans, so you look well dressed but not like you're at work. I think it's time to start showing the 35 year old that she can be seen with in public over the crazy guy with doo-rag and a beach house she made out with but is too embaressed to be seen with in public or wouldn't let in her house. I can't tell you what the issue is because I am not there, but women are hooking up with, marrying, ****ting out kids with men every single day. All you have to do is find the combination of things that suits you really well and alllows you to show your best side. In my case that has been easy.. all I had to do was STOP doing things and being phoney (which is why I actually have always done better without the PUA crap) and dress a little better. In your case it might be totally different. I really don't even know why women like me, I mean I don't really feel like anything has even changed from the time when I was a loner with a boner, I don't really do anything to attract them and I sure as hell don't appreciate 90% of them anymore (take for granted), I think if you just keep at it something will click one day and then women will just start being attracted and you may never even know why... it just happens

Not trying to knock ya at all man, but just trying to provide some possible starting points to look into.

 

[Viking25]

Zappati, here is what cures this sh1t:

You travel to South America or Caribbean...Costa Rica for example, every day you'll have normal girls flirting with you, asking you if you want to have them as gf..etc. After about 3-4 days you'll forget American worthless hos and gain so much confidence within yourself,it crazy!
Say no to American women and get yourself a hot gf!

 

[Peterpack]

I'm in my 30s as well and have never done better with women. I have so much more knowledge and confidence than when i was 17, 18.

I agree that the chase can be a chore sometimes, but mostly fun

If your looking to settle down, try taking ballroom dancing lessons to meet girls looking for a partner who hate the club scene.