32m - No Contact for 24 days.

[iarecuezero]

Just here to vent. Was in a relationship for 6-7 months. She broke up with me 3 times. I had to fight for her back the 2nd and 3rd time like I have never fought for a girl in my life.

She dumped me again on Cinco de Mayo 2013. I've read enough stories now to see that my story is not unique. I love the girl. She said she loved me too. There were some things wrong with the relationship but who doesn't right? I feel like I changed myself for the better. Seriously. However, I feel like she has regressed.

The first time she dumped me, we argued over an issue and she called me up and called it off. A few days later we were back together. The 2nd time she dumped me it was an argument over what I was doing on a man-cation. We fought before I left and when I got back I was hoping we could talk it over and work things out but she already made up her mind.

The third time, I was betrayed and requested some time to think about me. This time, she sent me an email to call it quits because she felt I was going to dump her first. After this third one, I was really ****ed up. Took two weeks to fight to get her back. I've never done anything like this in my life.

The fourth and final, she doesn't even try to break-up. It's literally like high-school 'be annoyed with everything he does until he confronts me about it break-up'.

I love this girl. Like i said, I have changed myself for the better but she keeps making the same mistakes. She finally finds a great guy and pushes him away. She will most likely spend the summer meeting the same guys she doesn't want to meet.

So where am I now. The past three weeks I have cried myself to sleep more often than not and I've grown tired of this. I am in a really good position with great friends, a great career, and I am one of the most motivated individuals anyone has ever met. I workout several times a week, am learning guitar, and advancing my career...which is more than I can say of her.

I guess at this point, I want her to feel like she is missing out on something. I fought for her back three times. I WANT TO BE FOUGHT FOR! It sucks it came to this and honestly I've thought about it more than I probaby should have but we're in the category of both of us loving eachother (at least saying it several times and I could tell in her eyes she meant it). And judging from past actions there is a 50/50 chance she will be the ex that tries to contact me after NC but I definitely have my doubts.

I'm dating right now. It doesn't feel right but I am really motivated to clear my mind and body of these feelings so I'm pushing forward.

We'll see what happens. As hard as I'm not trying to hold my breath over it the small sense of hope in my mind makes it painful to think I will never see her again.

 

[foreverAFC]

The past three weeks I have cried myself to sleep more often than not and I've grown tired of this.

LOL

 

[Blurry]

No need to be a **** foreverAFC.

You have a few options here

Continue to pine after her, maybe you'll get her back for a few weeks, but she'll dump you again like the other three times.

Move on with your life.

The choice is pretty clear.

Do not expect NC to always result in her calling you, more often than not you'll never speak to her again, and thats a good thing. I repeat: MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE. Delete her number, go out and meet new people, and forget about her. It will be tough in the short term, but I promise if you actually go out and do things you'll forget about her within 3 months.

 

[Ronaldo7]

Haha. You are nowhere near one of the most motivated anything.

"The past three weeks I have cried myself to sleep more often than not and I've grown tired of this."

You know you hit rock bottom if you cry over a hoe. There is something very wrong with you. You have a progressing career, friends, and go to the gym, yet you are crying at night over a hoe. Once you realize and perceive her as as just another hoe, you will grasp reality with a very firm grip.

 

[plate's_empty]

The third time, I was betrayed and requested some time to think about me.

What do you mean by betrayed? She betrayed you then broke up with you?? Then you took her back???

After this third one, I was really ****ed up. Took two weeks to fight to get her back. I've never done anything like this in my life.

What did you do? Cheat on her??

I have changed myself for the better but she keeps making the same mistakes.

What mistakes? Cheating on you?

I WANT TO BE FOUGHT FOR!

Is she cheating on you and you're still taking her back? Why would she ever fight for you??

 

[iamnobody]

Like i said, I have changed myself for the better but she keeps making the same mistakes. She finally finds a great guy and pushes him away.

Do you really think you are the great guy she wants? If so, how come she dumped you 4 times?

She will most likely spend the summer meeting the same guys she doesn't want to meet.

Sorry to break it to you mate, but she will meet the type of guys she wants to meet aka "the same guys". Grow a pair. Move on. Be more like those guys. I bet the're pretty much the jerk type, huh?

 

[Uncharted]

You are now a free man. You should be out banging other chicks. Do not put this chick on a pedestal like you're doing. Every other guy that banged her in the past is not thinking about her because he's destroying another girls vagina.

We can't help you move on. Call your best friends and have them take you out so you can get blown/laid by another chick.

 

[Vidrio]

She's trash bro, and she's definitely not worth your tears (no chick is). Move on with your life, forget about her, and if she tries to come crawling back, don't let her back in. She's not worth it.

 

[JoeMarron]

I am in a really good position with great friends, a great career, and I am one of the most motivated individuals anyone has ever met. I workout several times a week, am learning guitar, and advancing my career...which is more than I can say of her.

SMFH...all this potential wasted because you're busy acting like a pvssy. You're doing a billion things wrong so there's no point in giving specific advise. Read everything in these links and start applying the knowledge immediately.

http://www.mts.net/~bpony/djbible/
http://therationalmale.com/
http://heartiste.wordpress.com/

 

[iarecuezero]

Some good advice here and also some childish comments. I never really understood logging into a forum to post 'LOL'...must have more time on their hands than most people. People post on here to get advice, seek solace, and get help to move forward past their breakup. when comments like this pop up on a thread where someone is sharing their feelings and they get feedback like I have seen here it's counter-constructive and wastes that persons time finding what they need to help them get through whatever is they're going through.

From all of the articles I have read on this site and accross the internet and also conversations with my friends crying is normal after a breakup. In fact most advice columns say to let it out when you have to. Not sure how the 5-6 times I have cried at night makes me a pvssy but whatever. Also, not sure how crying correlates to lack of motivation, but again, whatever. Lastly, calling someones ex a hoe when they have no idea who that person is not constructive whatsoever. When someone has a loved one pass away I can't imagine calling the deceased a faggot, hoe, or ******* helps the griever.

Lastly, most articles I've read say:
1) No Contact is to help YOU.
2) No Contact is a way to possibly your ex back.

It's day 27 of NC. Am I trying to help myself? **** yes. This is the first time I've been hurt by a girl like this. I want this feeling to go away and as quick as possible. Am I trying to get my ex back? My brain says **** no. My heart however, well, feelings die hard. I posted 500 words to summarize a 7 month relationship. Its extremely hard to get all the details in there but I can say that no I don't believe she cheated on me during the relationship. I do believe that her dumping me was a knee-jerk reaction to well I just don't know. She was in two previous relationships where she was cheated on excessively. I guess she was just trying to protect herself from feeling whatever those feelings are when someone cheats on you.

Blurry, Plate's Empty, Uncharted thanks for you posts. I do realize it would be foolish of me to go back and I wouldn't. There is just no fvcking way I could go back to her. Just as I still love the girl there is a certain level of anger involved with how she handled her part of the relationship and that is something I can't easily forget/forgive.

For now, I'm going to keep plodding along. My days and nights are filled with plenty of distractions. I'm dating and seeing other girls right now and I have a great time with them. Just gotta let time heal the pain that still creeps in.

 

[foreverAFC]

Some good advice here and also some childish comments. I never really understood logging into a forum to post 'LOL'...must have more time on their hands than most people. People post on here to get advice, seek solace, and get help to move forward past their breakup. when comments like this pop up on a thread where someone is sharing their feelings and they get feedback like I have seen here it's counter-constructive and wastes that persons time finding what they need to help them get through whatever is they're going through.

From all of the articles I have read on this site and accross the internet and also conversations with my friends crying is normal after a breakup. In fact most advice columns say to let it out when you have to. Not sure how the 5-6 times I have cried at night makes me a pvssy but whatever. Also, not sure how crying correlates to lack of motivation, but again, whatever. Lastly, calling someones ex a hoe when they have no idea who that person is not constructive whatsoever. When someone has a loved one pass away I can't imagine calling the deceased a faggot, hoe, or ******* helps the griever.

Lastly, most articles I've read say:
1) No Contact is to help YOU.
2) No Contact is a way to possibly your ex back.

It's day 27 of NC. Am I trying to help myself? **** yes. This is the first time I've been hurt by a girl like this. I want this feeling to go away and as quick as possible. Am I trying to get my ex back? My brain says **** no. My heart however, well, feelings die hard. I posted 500 words to summarize a 7 month relationship. Its extremely hard to get all the details in there but I can say that no I don't believe she cheated on me during the relationship. I do believe that her dumping me was a knee-jerk reaction to well I just don't know. She was in two previous relationships where she was cheated on excessively. I guess she was just trying to protect herself from feeling whatever those feelings are when someone cheats on you.

Blurry, Plate's Empty, Uncharted thanks for you posts. I do realize it would be foolish of me to go back and I wouldn't. There is just no fvcking way I could go back to her. Just as I still love the girl there is a certain level of anger involved with how she handled her part of the relationship and that is something I can't easily forget/forgive.

For now, I'm going to keep plodding along. My days and nights are filled with plenty of distractions. I'm dating and seeing other girls right now and I have a great time with them. Just gotta let time heal the pain that still creeps in.

my comment had a purpose, i wanted you to feel deeply ashamed of your ridiculous behavior, i wanted you to feel how wrong it is, time to man up if you really want to get better

 

[drellum]

Not sure if these comments will help but this is my story:

I broke up with my ex about 15 months ago. I had no contact whatsoever for a year until recently when, out of the blue, I got an email.

I went through the usual pain of a break up and sought answers that just were not there, was she coming back? Was it my fault? Was she cheating? Would I find anybody else etc etc.
I interpreted all of this as deep love for her.
With hindsight, I realise that this was just neediness and a dented ego.

At the time I had no idea what NC was but read about it on here and put it to work. I disappeared...closing facebook, deleting contacts and distancing mutual friends. After a while it became therapeutic and actually gave me strength. It felt good.

I got off my ass and put myself out there...with some success.
I certainly had no intention of diving back in to any relationship but dating helped me feel better about myself and after a while, I much preferred being single and more in control of my life.

So last week I get this email...I was always curious about how I would feel if I ever bumped into her (the ex) or got an email. Would I be sucked back in to feeling desperate etc.

When it arrived i was surprised. I must admit I hardly think of her these days.
She simply asked how i was doing and hoped that I was ok etc.
Without thinking too much I replied with light chit chat etc....and it actually felt quite good. I have no intention of meeting up, no agenda......and most importantly - no feelings.
Maybe we will keep in touch, maybe we won't.

NC helped me to get over a relationship that unfortunately ended, come to terms with neediness and most importantly allowed me to find myself and be comfortable with me.
Reading the OP reminded me of how I felt....the desperation, hurt etc but it really is temporary. If you keep your cool it will pass and you will come out the other end twice the person you were

D

 

[JoeMarron]

Its not the crying that's the problem its your actions. Feel free to let it out in private but don't do anything silly like taking the same chick back 3 times when she doesn't really respect you. It looks like you're on the right course right now. Continue to date other women and stay busy improving yourself and enjoying life. Act as if this chick never existed.

 

[iarecuezero]

I guess this will be my 29 day NC post. ForeverAFC, i appreciate the follow-up and I read the underlying meaning in the LOL. I just don't feel it's ridiculous. It's probably the lack of details in the original post but this is the first time this has happened to me meaning, the first time I could honestly say I loved a girl. Perhaps if I had gone through three separate breakups and had the same behavior its the 'fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me routine' but the first two times she dumped me she realized she did so without really talking it out first. Definitely the first time, she wanted me back because she realized she got rid of something good.

32 yrs old here and never been dumped before. I've actually dumped quite a few girls over the past years and have analyzed how I felt doing that. I actually was in a similar situation where I dumped a girl 4 times in a row over a year span. Talk about karma being a *****. However, both those relationships were COMPLETELY different so an apples-to-apples comparison just isn't possible.

Drellum, great story. I'm actually posting on here because I want it to be a diary of sorts. I've been hurt in the past with other incidents and feel like over time I forget the pain or exactly how I felt. I know I will get through this. I've read too many stories of NC getting people on the right path. Hopefully, if this happens in the future, I can read back over the posts and be see how, hopefully, trivial this breakup was.

Since day one of the breakup, I cut her completely out of everything: blocked her and her friends on facebook, deleted contacts and email. There was one small setback where she popped up on the 'Meet Me' section on POF. I clicked 'NO' so hopefully she doesn't pop-up anymore.

 

[drellum]

Good luck with your progress. It's very early days.

I would say be careful with keeping a diary. It tends to fuel your thinking. It's difficult and maybe part of the healing process.

If it helps you, fair enough.

The important thing is that you stick to your guns and stay in NC. Resist all temptation to feed breadcrumbs or at anypoint think that by being absent will bring her back....it wont, and even if it does it will be a false dawn. Don't get sucked in to thinking that NC will do anything except help you find yourself but when you do you will be glad that you did.

It's only after more than a year I feel I can speak to my ex without any emotion. That is a victory for me......and victory feels sweet. I'm suddenly the one in control.

D

 

[iarecuezero]

32 NC now. The past few days have been up and down since I was sick and it was hard to get out of the apartment. I've come to the conclusion that since this is the first time I'm going through this that I just have to go through with it. I've pretty much done all of the typical behaviors people do when they have been dumped: reading articles on how long, on average, a dumper will try to contact dumpee after NC, obsessing over the relationship and how things could have been done differently, feeling hopeless although still holding on to a tiny thread of imaginary hope that the ex will try and reach out.

No matter how much I think about it, I can imagine scenarios where she would try to contact me and scenarios where she is running in the opposite direction as fast as possible. Since there is a 50/50 chance of either decision, I've decided I'm going to try and not think about this anymore since the scenarios are both likely and unlikely.

One aspect that haunts me about this break up is my past experience. I've been dating for 17 years. I was in a relationship for 10 years with a high school girl that ended because of me. I've been dating the past 7 years and this was the first girl I found that I was really happy with. Its sad to think it may take many more years of searching to find a person I can share that type of experience with.

At 32 NC, I feel like I'm doing everything right. My days are literally filled with activities and work. When I am immersed it does take my mind off of the situation and there are moments of clarity where the anger comes in and I can think clearly as to why the relationship didn't work out. Also, I'm not sure if girls pick up this, but I've met two now that were just interested in sex/friends with no strings attached. It's nice to kill the libido from time-to-time but I find afterwards that I'm left thinking about my ex. It's like a goddamn double edged sword.

I'd be curious to hear others' experiences with dating post breakup, stories of finding the right girl/guy after going through a tough breakup, and stories from the dumper's perspective.

 

[drellum]

Lots of dating and a very productive year in terms of action.
But ultimately unfulfilling because of what you highlighted above.

I think you just have to ultimately ride the storm.

After over a year after the breakup dating, relationships and s ex have become much more fun. I did exactly what you are doing now. Reading everything I could looking for answers. Looking back I'm glad I did. I got the support and found out a lot of home truths. Have a look at the enotalone forums too.

Think about all of this as a huge learning curve

 

[Uncharted]

Your next update better be about how you went out on a first date with a new chick.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Just here to vent. Was in a relationship for 6-7 months. She broke up with me 3 times. I had to fight for her back the 2nd and 3rd time like I have never fought for a girl in my life.

She dumped me again on Cinco de Mayo 2013. I've read enough stories now to see that my story is not unique. I love the girl. She said she loved me too. There were some things wrong with the relationship but who doesn't right? I feel like I changed myself for the better. Seriously. However, I feel like she has regressed.

The first time she dumped me, we argued over an issue and she called me up and called it off. A few days later we were back together. The 2nd time she dumped me it was an argument over what I was doing on a man-cation. We fought before I left and when I got back I was hoping we could talk it over and work things out but she already made up her mind.

The third time, I was betrayed and requested some time to think about me. This time, she sent me an email to call it quits because she felt I was going to dump her first. After this third one, I was really ****ed up. Took two weeks to fight to get her back. I've never done anything like this in my life.

The fourth and final, she doesn't even try to break-up. It's literally like high-school 'be annoyed with everything he does until he confronts me about it break-up'.

I love this girl. Like i said, I have changed myself for the better but she keeps making the same mistakes. She finally finds a great guy and pushes him away. She will most likely spend the summer meeting the same guys she doesn't want to meet.

So where am I now. The past three weeks I have cried myself to sleep more often than not and I've grown tired of this. I am in a really good position with great friends, a great career, and I am one of the most motivated individuals anyone has ever met. I workout several times a week, am learning guitar, and advancing my career...which is more than I can say of her.

I guess at this point, I want her to feel like she is missing out on something. I fought for her back three times. I WANT TO BE FOUGHT FOR! It sucks it came to this and honestly I've thought about it more than I probaby should have but we're in the category of both of us loving eachother (at least saying it several times and I could tell in her eyes she meant it). And judging from past actions there is a 50/50 chance she will be the ex that tries to contact me after NC but I definitely have my doubts.

I'm dating right now. It doesn't feel right but I am really motivated to clear my mind and body of these feelings so I'm pushing forward.

We'll see what happens. As hard as I'm not trying to hold my breath over it the small sense of hope in my mind makes it painful to think I will never see her again.

Sorry, but this has got to be the gayest post I've ever read. You need to spend a few weeks reading and absorbing material on this site. When you wrote your original post, you were about as beta/AFC as a man could get. Not saying this as an insult; just observing a fact. However, it looks like you ar eon the right track. Maintain NC and, as someone else suggested, start going on dates with other chicks ASAP.

 

[iarecuezero]

Think about all of this as a huge learning curve

This is probably the best piece of advice I've seen on so far. Makes sense,I've never experienced this. Maybe some people are innately good at warding of heartache. Gotta learn from my own mistakes.

Can you explain your story in a little more detail if you have time e.g. length of relationship, how many breakups you had before the final, how many relationships prior to NC relationship. If you have a link to the details that would work.

Also fwiw, I've never had a problem dating girls. Been on several dates since the breakup. I've seen quite a few posts regarding Alpha/Beta. The whole idea seems like something that is a social misnomer rather than something that is based on fact. Anyways, if being down on myself and heartbroken is beta than its a stage rather than who I am. I probably go switch between alpha/beta 100's of time throughout my day.