"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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3 "flakes" in a row. Is this girl flaking or are her reasons legitimate?

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budisudaryo

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Hi guys,

I've been seeing this girl for about 2 months and generally everything is well, until the occurances of these past few days.

She cancelled a date because her friends invited her to a group study for final exam. I thought that was acceptable.

2 days later, I asked her whether she wants to postpone the date until after the exam so she could focus on it because there's only 3 days left before the exam. She said, "I think so, you ok with that?" I said that was perfectly ok.

Then things got a bit strange. She contacts me much less and her texts were much less enthusiastic. Cold, even. I thought it was maybe because her mind was focused on the exam. So I brushed any negative thoughts.

So she failed the exam. I tried to console her but her reaction was still a bit cold. I then told her that we should meet the next day and I got a surprise that maybe could ease her mind (nothing big, just this food that she'd been craving for). She said she didn't know because she suddenly wanted to meet her dad the next day. I thought that was a red flag because if she really wanted to meet me then she would've tried to make time for her dad and for me. Then I asked her if she meets her dad surely that doesn't mean she couldn't meet me too on the same day. She answered, she wanted to spend the whole day with her dad. I've had enough and I said, just meet your dad tomorrow, I'll hang out with someone else.

Do you smell something fishy here? Or she just needs time after the stress of the exam? Currently I'm about to withdraw my attention a bit and I won't ask her out, I'll wait for her to ask me out.

Thanks.
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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budisudaryo

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I might add that these past week or so our relationship got a little too comfortable and the challenge and the excitement is not as strong as it was. We texted/IM too much so I cut it down a bit. Maybe she noticed that and mistaken it for a decrease in interest and her coldness and flakes are some kind of her revenge?
 
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Theminatar

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You're coming off as to needy, you're almost begging for her attention. I'd withdraw now.
 
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budisudaryo

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Theminatar said:
You're coming off as to needy, you're almost begging for her attention. I'd withdraw now.
Click to expand...
you mean needy because I asked her out again after she flaked?
 
V

vatoloco

Master Don Juan
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budisudaryo said:
She cancelled a date because her friends invited her to a group study for final exam. I thought that was acceptable... Then things got a bit strange. She contacts me much less and her texts were much less enthusiastic. Cold, even.... So she failed the exam. I tried to console her but her reaction was still a bit cold. I then told her that we should meet the next day and I got a surprise that maybe could ease her mind (nothing big, just this food that she'd been craving for). She said she didn't know because she suddenly wanted to meet her dad the next day...
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Put 2 and 2 together. I don't think she was at a group study. Especially NOT with her friends. She probably spent that study time with "Dad"... ;)
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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Blackmm

Blackmm

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vatoloco said:
Put 2 and 2 together. I don't think she was at a group study. Especially NOT with her friends. She probably spent that study time with "Dad"... ;)
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She was at a group "something" wink wink.
 
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budisudaryo

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but she still texts me just to ask what I'm doing, at least once a day. so surely the interest is not down yet? I know some of you will say she's keeping me as a backup (although I don't think she's seeing someone else). well, let's see if she makes a date offer while I keep distancing myself.
 
S

st_99

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budisudaryo said:
Do you smell something fishy here?
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Yes, her lack of interest in you is about as blatant and obvious as you can get.

Only thing left to do is back off, continue to live your life, and if she contacts you make her work for you. In other words, don't run to her like a child.
 
corrector

corrector

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Yeah, her reasons are legit. Your alpha male jerk friend, or some hot guy pumped and dumped her. Her heart is still with him, but he's banging other hot girls and now you don't have her either since she's not emotionally available to you.

She failed her exam because she was heart-broken by that pump-and-dump and is emotioanlly invested in that jerk. So, don't worry about her. When she makes excuses and go cold is because she was pumped and dumped and is just a two bit hor and has always seen you as a beta/omega friend. Don't obsess on two-bit hors. While you obsess over your two-bit hor some other jerk if doing her up her a$$.
 

"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."

Attraction runs on a clock.

She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.

The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."

One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.

Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.

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22 Rules for Massive Success With Women
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