3 Dates...NO KISS...Help needed...

[Tantric]

Okay...

I've been spending time with a girl I have known for around 5 years (HB Eyes). We have slept together before, occasional hook-up etc. But nothing too serious or ever consistent. We had never gone on a date, or hung out outisde my apartment. I wanted to hook up with her a long time ago, but for whatever reason, she would tell me there was no attraction from her side...tell me he did not like me...tell me she never looked at me that way, etc. I would say I've expressed interest in something more maybe 4 times over the past 5 years, and each time got shot down.

I have not spoken to her in just over a year, and we started talking again maybe 6 weeks ago. I have not slept with her, but everything is as it always is...flirty, fun, kino, etc. I have seen her 3 times in the last 2 weeks or so. but this time, she is much more responsive then she has ever been before.

Ahhh...but here comes the problem...

Every time I am dropping her off at home, she tell me she wishes the evening could last longer as she is having such a good time, but can't as she has to get up at 5:00am for her work (she is sincere when she says this). Then before I can even make ANY sort of move, she comes at me for a big hug.

5 days ago, after she hugged me in my car, she sat back and told me how she could "really kiss me right now"...I smiled, and then BOOM, she is out the door. She said it like she was thinking to herself, and pondering how she was feeling...if that makes any sense.

Felt like retard, so when I saw her last night, I figured if I would make a move on her then.

The evening went great. All sorts of flirting and kino..but then AT DINNER she tells me that the restaurant we are at has an incredile wine list...and a great place to take a girl if I am ever on a date (she does not drink).

okkaaaaaayyyyyy...???

I was thinking, "what the hell comment was that?...some sort of a test?"...

sooooo...back to flirting and such...

The comment threw me off BIG TIME, and I felt really wierd thruughout the rest of the evening.

We go for a walk after dinner, and 3 young hotties (obviously scoping for guys) are walking in our direction. HBeyes, moves to the right to let them pass...I wasn't paying too much attention to the 3 girls, but she made a joking comment that she moved over so these girls, "wouldn't get near HER guy"...smiling of course as she said it.

Oh...okaaaayyyy...

Driving home she asks me what my plans are for the week (which is nothing), I ask her what her plans are, and of course, nothing. Couldn't tell if that was her making small talk or her making herself avaialble.

More joking and flirting...

I drop her off and the same stuff happens as 5 days previous... "I wish I could spend more time with you, but I have to get up early tomorrow". I unbuckle my seatbelt and figure if i am going to make ANY move, then this is the best time...but before I could do ANYTHING...her hand is ALREADY on the door handle and she was motioning to go out the door! Felt DAMN AWKWARD...did not get any chance to make a move on her as she immediatly leaned over, grabbed me for a hug, and went out the door.

...nice...

As much as I would LOVE to actually hook-up with her...my impression is that she really has no interest in me...and that it is just an attention thing.

If this was a girl I JUST MET, I would be acting TOTALLY different...but this is a chick who has dissed me 4 times already, when I swore there was an attraction there...so the last thing i want to do is embarass myself for the 5th time.

"Maybe" she is attracted to me, but I don't think it is enough to actually want more than just a casual flirty "friendship"...and Constantly leaning over to hug me, tells me, "I don't want you kissing me"...

When i drove home last night, I told myself i would never call her again,

Thoughts on this?

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Yo Tantric,


If you were advising me, or one of your good friends about what to do in this type of situation------what would you say?

And after you answer THAT question, then ask yourself THIS one:

If you went out tomorrow and met a woman just as attractive THIS one, BUT she was more OBVIOUSLY and CONSISTENTLY romantic, and physically affectionate towards you--------would you even ever call the woman you have just posted about again?




Your honest, logical, and non-emotional answers to these two questions will reveal to you EXACTLY how you should think about this current situation you're in.





Much Respect to you soldier.


VU

 

[Pimp-sicle]

5 days ago, after she hugged me in my car, she sat back and told me how she could "really kiss me right now"...I smiled, and then BOOM, she is out the door. She said it like she was thinking to herself, and pondering how she was feeling...if that makes any sense.

DJ 101....a woman's words mean jack$hit, look at her actions. When our head gets emotionally clouded, we tend to read too much into a woman's words, rather than her actions.

Felt like retard, so when I saw her last night, I figured if I would make a move on her then.

Never pre-plan "making a move," it should be a natural progression of the night.

The evening went great. All sorts of flirting and kino..but then AT DINNER she tells me that the restaurant we are at has an incredile wine list...and a great place to take a girl if I am ever on a date (she does not drink).

okkaaaaaayyyyyy...???

I was thinking, "what the hell comment was that?...some sort of a test?"...

Again...don't read too much into her words. She might be trying to do a thousand things here...see if your man enough to take what you want, see if you get bothered by her words, trying to pull the frame under her command, etc, it doesn't matter if you stay consistent.

The comment threw me off BIG TIME, and I felt really wierd thruughout the rest of the evening.

It shouldn't have, your giving her too much power over your instictive flow... Which is never good and reeks of insecurity.

We go for a walk after dinner, and 3 young hotties (obviously scoping for guys) are walking in our direction. HBeyes, moves to the right to let them pass...I wasn't paying too much attention to the 3 girls, but she made a joking comment that she moved over so these girls, "wouldn't get near HER guy"...smiling of course as she said it.

Again, I think by this point it should be clear as day that this chick is a utter and complete AW. What are you doing taking her on dates?? Invite her over to watch a movie and progress. If she denies you, ignore her for a week and try again. If she thwarts you again, ditch her for good.

Driving home she asks me what my plans are for the week (which is nothing), I ask her what her plans are, and of course, nothing. Couldn't tell if that was her making small talk or her making herself avaialble.

I hope you didn't say "nothing??" Your not making yourself appear to be the guy she should be attracted to regardless of whether she's an AW or not if you did.


More joking and flirting...

I drop her off and the same stuff happens as 5 days previous... "I wish I could spend more time with you, but I have to get up early tomorrow". I unbuckle my seatbelt and figure if i am going to make ANY move, then this is the best time...but before I could do ANYTHING...her hand is ALREADY on the door handle and she was motioning to go out the door! Felt DAMN AWKWARD...did not get any chance to make a move on her as she immediatly leaned over, grabbed me for a hug, and went out the door.

This is where you should look at her actions as a clear indicator of her true interest in you. Her words scream high interest, her actions scream looooow/friend zone interest.


As much as I would LOVE to actually hook-up with her...my impression is that she really has no interest in me...and that it is just an attention thing.

Bingo....

If this was a girl I JUST MET, I would be acting TOTALLY different...but this is a chick who has dissed me 4 times already, when I swore there was an attraction there...so the last thing i want to do is embarass myself for the 5th time.

First of all, why would you hang out with a girl that has dissed you 4 times?? Where are your other options? $hit, I'd rather be alone than go out with a girl who dissed me more than once.

"Maybe" she is attracted to me, but I don't think it is enough to actually want more than just a casual flirty "friendship"...and Constantly leaning over to hug me, tells me, "I don't want you kissing me"...

I don't think its so much about whether she's attracted to you or not. I think this is solely about her, and a way for her to fill up down time, stroke her ego and juggle her many "fans."

When i drove home last night, I told myself i would never call her again,

Delete her number...she's worthless.


Thoughts on this?

PIMP

 

[Tantric]

Ah yes...

What would I say...

I would say that his girl likes me for the attention I give her...and not necessarily anything else. If she was actuially interested in me, it would be more evident and I would not have to play guessing games.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Ah yes...

What would I say...

I would say that his girl likes me for the attention I give her...and not necessarily anything else. If she was actuially interested in me, it would be more evident and I would not have to play guessing games.

Exactly.


HONOR yourself by treating yourself BETTER.

And you do this by putting more time and effort into making the acquaintance of a woman (or WOMEN) who actually may demonstrate that they have a mutual sexual attraction to YOU.

Much is said on sites like these about how rejection should be ignored, and that you should always "MAN UP" and overcome it------and this is very TRUE.

However, there is a difference between plowing through rejections until you get a "yes", as opposed to continuing to pursue the SAME woman-----only to be "subtley" rejected by her incessantly.

Again, HONOR yourself, and what you have already learned about interacting with women by making yourself more available for a woman who actually WANTS you.

She's OUT THERE, soldier.:yes:

So get the fukk out there and go GET HER!:rockon:

 

[Tantric]

Pimpscicle…

Ja…I know…I know.

I didn’t “plan” to make a move, per se…I just figured, if the vibe as cool, I would not hesistate like I did the previous night.

When she mentioned the restaurant as a “good date place”, I blew it off, and did not react. When I mentioned it “threw me off”, I only meant made me think differently about the evening. The way I acted around her was the same, and nothing was any different…just got me thinking a bit.

I did not define them as dates…she did. She invited me to a show a couple of weeks ago…I invited her to hang (went to City Walk and had some fun, something to eat)…a got tickets to see a screening of a film on Monday, so we went there…line was too long, so she suggested dinner. Every time she called it a date...

No…of course I did not say “nothing” when she asked me what I was doing…she was the one who told me she was doing nothing.

I ‘m dating 2 other girls (she knows this)…and I’ve known her a while. Tough when she is around a 9…and the others are 7-8…ha!

Oh well…

 

[kebman]

I would go for the movie thingie. ESCALATE!
Get her snuggling into your arms. Get her cozy, and ESCALATE until she rejects you or you end up kissing. It's the ONLY way to get rid of that bad feeling you're having, 'cause what you REALLY know is that you DON'T know. You won't know for sure until you've tried.

And you haven't. Instead you've been hoping. You're "Hoping-man" instead of "Man of Action". After three dates you should know, yes, but this isn't her fault. She's obviously into you, and you look at SIGNS to spot interrest? Man, she makes her signs based on YOUR actions - not the other way around. So get out there and ESCALATE!

Forget about what she communicates on ANY level. Whatever SHE does is only a reflection on YOU. So go out and and get your answer. If she clearly rejects you, you know you don't have to think about her anymore. If she kisses you - well, GREAT dude!

But geez! No more excuses! It's action time!

 

[Tantric]

oh...

one thing i forgot to mention (not that it is a big thing)...

but when we left the movie and decided to go to dinner instead, she had her arm around me, and I had my arm around her waist...

 

[slaog]

I too think you should escalate and see what happens.

Does she have many other options besides you in terms of men wanting her?

 

[Tantric]

she has no other options (other guys) at the moment...

 

[slaog]

she has no other options (other guys) at the moment...

She may see you as somebody to hang out with till something better comes along..

Also she may like you and see you as long term relationship potential and want to take things slowly and test you etc... time will tell.

 

[Prod]

I think in your own way you have already escalated, but if you don't think it was adequate, I would try again, and ignore if she turns you down as a poster above said.

I suspect though that you know she has shown low interest level. You need to ignore her in a bit and demonstrate a higher social status; make her think you are more than just a cuddly bear for her to have tea parties with. Make her think about you as a mysterious, sexual man that can possibly have other women.

 

[JDA70]

Want to gamble?

Pick her up and say..." you have this wonderful energy about you".
Then move in for a kiss. If you get rejected then take her home.

Or " take me home tonight I''l be your teddy bear."
If you get rejected then take her home.

Or if you really want to gamble and you got balls of steel
then say" I like you, lets have sex tonight".
If you get rejected then take her home.

I mean it's been 3 - 4 dates now you might as well give it a shot.
Anyone one of those will let you know if your in the friends zone or not.

 

[kebman]

Sigh... I hear ya OP. She loves the attention. Cut all contact to remove the attention, and when she comes crawling back, DO NOT TAKE HER BACK. Tell her you are dating a new chick and she is REALLY cool. You need to play hard ball with this chick. Make her see you as the prize to be won. Tell her you see her as a good friend. Turn the tables.

So, have you tried this tactic? Does it actually work?
What if she doesn't come "crawling back"? Then what?

 

[Unsure]

deleted

 

[Chipleader]

Welcome to the friendzone. Take a seat, join many another AFCs stuck in the metaphorical nightmare.

 

[Tantric]

deleted post

 

[betterthandead]

Get your **** together.

 

[Tantric]

Ha!

Well here is something funny...

Haven't spoken to her for a week or so, and she emails me telling me her ex is coming into town (who she still wants)...also how excited she is as she hasn't seen him in 2 years...HA!!! Then proceeded to tell me their plans...

Said she wants to hook up with me this weekend, but would have to play it by ear as she has a lot of work to do...

uh huh...

Wrote back...told her I could not meet her, wished her luck with her ex, and deleted her number.

now THAT is funny...

 

[Playboy]

Okay...

I've been spending time with a girl I have known for around 5 years (HB Eyes). We have slept together before, occasional hook-up etc. But nothing too serious or ever consistent. We had never gone on a date, or hung out outisde my apartment. I wanted to hook up with her a long time ago, but for whatever reason, she would tell me there was no attraction from her side...tell me he did not like me...tell me she never looked at me that way, etc. I would say I've expressed interest in something more maybe 4 times over the past 5 years, and each time got shot down.

I have not spoken to her in just over a year, and we started talking again maybe 6 weeks ago. I have not slept with her, but everything is as it always is...flirty, fun, kino, etc. I have seen her 3 times in the last 2 weeks or so. but this time, she is much more responsive then she has ever been before.

Ahhh...but here comes the problem...

Every time I am dropping her off at home, she tell me she wishes the evening could last longer as she is having such a good time, but can't as she has to get up at 5:00am for her work (she is sincere when she says this). Then before I can even make ANY sort of move, she comes at me for a big hug.

5 days ago, after she hugged me in my car, she sat back and told me how she could "really kiss me right now"...I smiled, and then BOOM, she is out the door. She said it like she was thinking to herself, and pondering how she was feeling...if that makes any sense.

Felt like retard, so when I saw her last night, I figured if I would make a move on her then.

The evening went great. All sorts of flirting and kino..but then AT DINNER she tells me that the restaurant we are at has an incredile wine list...and a great place to take a girl if I am ever on a date (she does not drink).

okkaaaaaayyyyyy...???

I was thinking, "what the hell comment was that?...some sort of a test?"...

sooooo...back to flirting and such...

The comment threw me off BIG TIME, and I felt really wierd thruughout the rest of the evening.

We go for a walk after dinner, and 3 young hotties (obviously scoping for guys) are walking in our direction. HBeyes, moves to the right to let them pass...I wasn't paying too much attention to the 3 girls, but she made a joking comment that she moved over so these girls, "wouldn't get near HER guy"...smiling of course as she said it.

Oh...okaaaayyyy...

Driving home she asks me what my plans are for the week (which is nothing), I ask her what her plans are, and of course, nothing. Couldn't tell if that was her making small talk or her making herself avaialble.

More joking and flirting...

I drop her off and the same stuff happens as 5 days previous... "I wish I could spend more time with you, but I have to get up early tomorrow". I unbuckle my seatbelt and figure if i am going to make ANY move, then this is the best time...but before I could do ANYTHING...her hand is ALREADY on the door handle and she was motioning to go out the door! Felt DAMN AWKWARD...did not get any chance to make a move on her as she immediatly leaned over, grabbed me for a hug, and went out the door.

...nice...

As much as I would LOVE to actually hook-up with her...my impression is that she really has no interest in me...and that it is just an attention thing.

If this was a girl I JUST MET, I would be acting TOTALLY different...but this is a chick who has dissed me 4 times already, when I swore there was an attraction there...so the last thing i want to do is embarass myself for the 5th time.

"Maybe" she is attracted to me, but I don't think it is enough to actually want more than just a casual flirty "friendship"...and Constantly leaning over to hug me, tells me, "I don't want you kissing me"...

When i drove home last night, I told myself i would never call her again,

Thoughts on this?

I was going to give some advice, but your post irritated me so much that I decided not to. So fu-ck you ass_hole.

No but seriously though dude:

Your locked in the friend zone and your not doing anything to wiggle out of it, your like castrated at the balls.