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2nd marriages lead to divorce.

Mbuckets82

Don Juan
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It’s of those that divorce and marry again 7/10 didnt learn anything. I like the idea of a ceremony but no state involvement. If I do get serious I would date a year then go into premarital counseling for the next year. After that still not involve the state. This all being contingent that my kids aren’t affected that much. Highly unlikely. But never say never.
 

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Serenity

Don Juan
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Guys,

hearing that 2nd marriages have such a high divorce rate why do you guys think dudes go right into their next marriage? It scares me to no end. Especially with kids how can it happen?
This completely makes sense to me. They got divorced the first time because of some dysfunction, if that dysfunction follows them into the next marriage then it's no surprise it will cause another divorce.

Therefore it is imperative to thoroughly investigate the role oneself played leading up to the first divorce and learn. But this is what likely fails, most guys can't detach from their emotions, blame their ex and think they had no part in what lead to a divorce. So they go on to marry again, oblivious to how their own actions lead their wives to become hostile and in complete denial of any wrongdoing. Many people seem to do that.

The only way to mitigate risk with a second marriage is to learn as much as possible from the previous one, very few go down this path. Those who do are more successful.

The only surefire way to avoid a second divorce is to not marry a second time though, many also choose this option.

It's the same thing with people who change girlfriend/boyfriend more often than they change underwear, the common denominator is themselves, but they're too much in denial to even consider it.
 

BeExcellent

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It's tough for many people, men and women, to fathom the idea of being alone for the rest of their lives. So they jump right in as quick as they can. I can relate, I really don't like being alone. But in this dating market I see it as 2 x choices, either: be alone and protect my money assets etc OR risk it all by getting married again. I know if I don't get married again I will end up with something in the end, my stuff. But if I do get married again, I could live the rest of my life with both a wife and my stuff, OR, end up with little or none of it. So it's a guarantee (stay unmarried) vs a risk (get married). And that's what keeps me unmarried. That right there. Many guys don't understand this dating market enough yet, or, they do and would rather take the risk.
I’m with LL on this one. Having done the whole marriage & kid thing I’m now all about asset protection (since my assets have to put my kids through college and provide me income when I’m old.)

So although I prefer doing life with a partner I’m highly unlikely to remarry for the exact reasons Lefty mentioned AND I’m going to be choosy about who I partner with.

I dig my alone time & like not having to answer to anybody. I have lots of great friends to do stuff with and talk to IF I feel like it. I’m willing to sacrifice those freedoms to a degree to enjoy a meaningful relationship...but not to the point of getting married.

Too much financial risk. Pass.
 

RickTheToad

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I’m with LL on this one. Having done the whole marriage & kid thing I’m now all about asset protection (since my assets have to put my kids through college and provide me income when I’m old.)

So although I prefer doing life with a partner I’m highly unlikely to remarry for the exact reasons Lefty mentioned AND I’m going to be choosy about who I partner with.

I dig my alone time & like not having to answer to anybody. I have lots of great friends to do stuff with and talk to IF I feel like it. I’m willing to sacrifice those freedoms to a degree to enjoy a meaningful relationship...but not to the point of getting married.

Too much financial risk. Pass.
Not always going to look like Rebecca de Mornay... Most people do not like being alone.. Something to consider. Doubtful a dude would press for marriage, that's what ladies do. Then again, maybe the soy boy generation wants it too. Who knows...
 

BeExcellent

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Not always going to look like Rebecca de Mornay... Most people do not like being alone.. Something to consider. Doubtful a dude would press for marriage, that's what ladies do. Then again, maybe the soy boy generation wants it too. Who knows...
I’m not overly worried about it. I’ll take good care of myself physically and see what happens. Keep in mind women often outlive their husbands anyway...which means more often than not elderly women end up alone anyway. If I have a fulfilling relationship that’s wonderful...and I expect I will...but I like me and have lots to do outside a relationship so either way I’m good...

And I’ll never be a cat lady...I’ve got too many other things to do than hole up by myself, lol.

Focus on being & doing your best. And things have a way of working out.

Cheers
 
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Reyaj

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As someone who is married I have to say thus far I prefer it to chasing tail. I agree its not necessary if children aren't in the plans, I do want them and a family so wouldn't marriage provide a good structure for that?

People on here really lose sight of everyday life I think. Is the concept of finding a life partner who you can bond and grow with really lost on all of you?

I realize posting about this is the equivalent of posting socialistic views in a republican forum but I'll be amused at the responses :)
 

samspade

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As someone who is married I have to say thus far I prefer it to chasing tail. I agree its not necessary if children aren't in the plans, I do want them and a family so wouldn't marriage provide a good structure for that?

People on here really lose sight of everyday life I think. Is the concept of finding a life partner who you can bond and grow with really lost on all of you?

I realize posting about this is the equivalent of posting socialistic views in a republican forum but I'll be amused at the responses :)
Wow, congrats.
 

Desdinova

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Guys,

hearing that 2nd marriages have such a high divorce rate why do you guys think dudes go right into their next marriage? It scares me to no end. Especially with kids how can it happen?
I generally don't think it's the dude's fault. I honestly believe that women are useless as long term partners after they've been alpha-widowed. I honestly believe that is the most likely reason for the first marriage to fail, let alone a 2nd or 3rd one.
 

RickTheToad

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It’s of those that divorce and marry again 7/10 didnt learn anything. I like the idea of a ceremony but no state involvement. If I do get serious I would date a year then go into premarital counseling for the next year. After that still not involve the state. This all being contingent that my kids aren’t affected that much. Highly unlikely. But never say never.
Simple. Don't get married. If she wants to have her day, you can give it to her.. Well, as long as it doesn't have any signed marriage license by the State and she signs a contract stating this is, in no way shape or form, a way for two people to display they are legally married and to become one under the eyes of the law. If she says no, then she never "loved" you anyway and wanted you as a security blanket.

I generally don't think it's the dude's fault. I honestly believe that women are useless as long term partners after they've been alpha-widowed. I honestly believe that is the most likely reason for the first marriage to fail, let alone a 2nd or 3rd one.
I think it may be a mixture of two. One, if the female has already been divorced, she's been through the machine and knows what's on the other end. She usually makes out better than the dude. If he has already gone through the divorce machine, regardless of the outcome, his view has changed about marriage and divorce. He's usually very hesitant to go down that road again. I call that road the blvd. of broken dreams when the sh it hits the fan. Could a dude strike it rich the second time, sure, but would you want to take that bet when you are already established?
 
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