2nd date, how soon is too soon

[Stort_Brød]

so pretty much there is a million and one unspoken and spoken rules when it comes to females like the wait a minimum of 2 days or whatever before contacting her after getting her number and so on.

So pretty much what is your guys guide on when to go for a 2nd date?
how soon is too soon and so on?

 

[CrimsonPanther]

screw the rules.
do what you feel is right, learn from your mistakes and get better.
in my case, i usually wait 4-5 days after the first date and then initialize another one. but that is not a rule, it's just how it is for me.
if you spin plates this will come automatically.

 

[bigneil]

Take my advice on this: after a date (or even visiting her work) you should DO NOTHING.

As Espi alluded to, if the girl likes you she will text you after seeing you to tell you she had fun (possibly while she is still in your driveway). If she doesn't - don't ever write to her again.

Also, as a general rule, try to only see her once a week for the first 2 months.

Note: if things are going well during a given encounter, the woman will be hugging you, kissing you, telling you how much fun she is having, making future plans, and staring into your eyes from just inches away - the chemistry will be so thick you can slice it. Even then she will still flake half the time, but if you're not there, you need to improve your physical appearance. You should have four women at all times who worship you. I didn't used to think it was possible but now I look back and kick myself for ever putting up with the crap that oneitis causes.

Finally: if there was a girl who you were romantically involved with who disappears, once all hope is lost you have nothing to lose by sending one last text 2 weeks later that says (something like) "I'm starting to think you might not love me anymore." This humorous text almost always gets a response within the same minute and they often say "Why would you think that?"

 

[adam225]

This stuff should flow naturally - there shouldn't be any rules.

My advise is not to be desperate, and just go with the flow and see how things turn out. As long as you've got the mentality that this is all about YOU, not her, you should be fine.

 

[Renegade357]

It's debatable. The rules are there to protect you but they can be bent a little. Don't be texting her back and forth every day or anything. Use the phone only to set dates.

As long as you only see her once per week in the beginning and keep the dates light and fun you should be good. You want her to eventually be asking you for more time which is why you hold back early.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

For starters: I hate it when guys say things like "screw the rules" and "do what you feel is right." Most guys are on this site because they've been doing the whole dating thing without a plan and going off instinct, most of which has resulted in them getting NEGATIVE results. There's nothing wrong with figuring out a road map of some kind to get a woman's attention and keep it.

With that said: I have found that 4 days of waiting works great, for a few reasons:

1. It gives her enough time to wonder if you not calling/texting her is the result of low interest on your part, or if you really do like her but are just playing games, or if you're busy, or seeing other girls, etc.. Just making her have to spend her brain power thinking about which of these options it could be will keep her focused on thinking about you, and figuring out ways to attain you - in effect, YOU are making yourself the prize by not being so hung up on her so soon.

2. It's a GREAT way to test her interest. For every first date I go on, I already have in my head that I'm waiting for 4 days to hit her up - but they don't know that. So, the more interested ones will usually hit ME up by day 3 just to say "hey" or "I had a nice time on our date," etc. If they hit me up before getting to day 4, that gives me a better read of how high their interest is, which is great because it makes me not have to work so hard to try and raise it - I can just focus on maintaining it.

One more thing: you can't be afraid to wait 4 or more days between dates to contact a woman. I've waited as much as 2 weeks before and still managed to get the date. Why? Because if you do all the right things on the first date to make them feel special, they don't care how long it takes to get that feeling back as long as they eventually get it. Hope this helps!

 

[Wolfgang D]

For starters: I hate it when guys say things like "screw the rules" and "do what you feel is right." Most guys are on this site because they've been doing the whole dating thing without a plan and going off instinct, most of which has resulted in them getting NEGATIVE results. There's nothing wrong with figuring out a road map of some kind to get a woman's attention and keep it.

I agree with this. I am generally wary of feel-good rules. When it comes to dating, the mistake guys usually do is contact her again way too soon. If they don't get a good rule to follow about this, they will just keep doing the same mistake over and over again.

I usually contact a girl again two days later, with some short message. I think it looks rude if you wait longer to let her know if you are still interested. But asking her out on another date should take longer.

 

[bigneil]

I absolutely try to establish rules with women. We need all the help we can get to understand their otherwise random behavior.

 

[VladPatton]

The rules are there for a reason; to guide you and to keep your cool. You can't always do what is natural and what you feel. You feel like you wanna bang her this instant, right here, right now! No, you can't, not yet. As much as you push the game aside, it still comes back to haunt you, so you might as well know what to do when you are in it.

Listen to the vets. Wait 4 days, make like you're busy, take it smooth and easy, and stay in control. The once a week date is golden for the first 2 months, as bigneil mentioned.

Too many times we act on our eager impulses and do crazy shıt without reading the girl's interest levels after each date.

 

[Stort_Brød]

For starters: I hate it when guys say things like "screw the rules" and "do what you feel is right." Most guys are on this site because they've been doing the whole dating thing without a plan and going off instinct, most of which has resulted in them getting NEGATIVE results. There's nothing wrong with figuring out a road map of some kind to get a woman's attention and keep it.

With that said: I have found that 4 days of waiting works great, for a few reasons:

1. It gives her enough time to wonder if you not calling/texting her is the result of low interest on your part, or if you really do like her but are just playing games, or if you're busy, or seeing other girls, etc.. Just making her have to spend her brain power thinking about which of these options it could be will keep her focused on thinking about you, and figuring out ways to attain you - in effect, YOU are making yourself the prize by not being so hung up on her so soon.

2. It's a GREAT way to test her interest. For every first date I go on, I already have in my head that I'm waiting for 4 days to hit her up - but they don't know that. So, the more interested ones will usually hit ME up by day 3 just to say "hey" or "I had a nice time on our date," etc. If they hit me up before getting to day 4, that gives me a better read of how high their interest is, which is great because it makes me not have to work so hard to try and raise it - I can just focus on maintaining it.

One more thing: you can't be afraid to wait 4 or more days between dates to contact a woman. I've waited as much as 2 weeks before and still managed to get the date. Why? Because if you do all the right things on the first date to make them feel special, they don't care how long it takes to get that feeling back as long as they eventually get it. Hope this helps!

now that is the sort of thing I'm after.... ok I really shouldn't have said rules as such more "guidelines" lol. It is so weird I am not overly physically attracted to this chick as she is a stick and I like my girls fit with dat dere squatters bumps :rock: but mentally this chick is a 9 and don't want to screw this one up even just for the intellectual conversation and what not, not just the sex to come haha. but cheers guys good stuff keep it coming

 

[BeDJ]

What's a 2nd date?

 

[CrimsonPanther]

For starters: I hate it when guys say things like "screw the rules" and "do what you feel is right." Most guys are on this site because they've been doing the whole dating thing without a plan and going off instinct, most of which has resulted in them getting NEGATIVE results. There's nothing wrong with figuring out a road map of some kind to get a woman's attention and keep it.

i can agree to that, if you are a total beginner, it is good to have some guidelines. i admit i started that way also

but after a while it just feels so lame, when you let the rules put you in a cage. i mean, i want to bone the girl, she wants to be boned, but i cannot because of THE RULE, that says i have to.
after a while you will develop instincts and a third eye for these kind of things, and get bored of playing safe.

it is good to wear a swimbelt when you first go to swim, but after a while it is time to take some risks

my advice: view the rules mostly as guidelines, and draw conclusions, and see the essence of it. when we say wait 3-4 days before calling, it is not the number of days that is important, but the essence is to not be clingy/needy.

when you have a full life with work, carrier, hobbies, activities, plates, these things will come automatically.

so have rules, but don't be a slave to them.

 

[Wolfgang D]

but after a while it just feels so lame, when you let the rules put you in a cage. i mean, i want to bone the girl, she wants to be boned, but i cannot because of THE RULE, that says i have to.

That's not what the rules say. There is no rule that says you can't skip to bedtime if she is willing. Stort_Brød's question was about when to ask for a second date in general. And you answered "Screw the rules, do what you feel is right and learn from your mistakes".

His question was not "when should I ask for a second date if she already really wants to sleep with me". He asked for the general situation, and for the general situation you said he shouldn't listen to the rule about waiting a while, but "do what you feel is right and learn from your mistakes". Now you are pretending that you replied to a whole different question about a particular scenario, which you didn't.

 

[Stort_Brød]

ok just to clear it up a bit she doesn't seem to be heading in the direction as a plate as she isn't just a lil sloot ( I have others for that ) more of a relationship.
So the main goal isn't just to get into those gorgeous lil panties but to create a good rapport and what not to build some foundations with her.

sex can come from other sources at the moment YAY PLATES so this isn't the goal in mind.

I'm not after rules or anything like that as in my OP I asked what is your guys GUIDE on the matter at hand.

 

[CrimsonPanther]

ok, to be somewhat on topic and constructive (seems some got offended by my prev posts, since they were more of general advices, not tailored to one post specifically):

how did the first date go? if you'd care to share it, maybe it would be useful for some.

the general rule is to wait 3 days, and after that in a short call set up another date, without any awkward extra convo. if you wanna date her on the weekend, the middle of the week is a good time to set up the date.

if she turns it down, she should provide an alternative, if not, chances are high she is not that interested, and it will be harder, or better to next. since i do not know the situation, i cannot tell anything regarding that.

1 piece of advice with the relationship stuff. it is not a bad thing, just be careful not to get the oneitis. she will sense that and it will be detrimental to the LTR. but i think you already know that.

as a guy, your first goal should always be plate/get into the panties. it's the girl who should push for LTR, and the guy to accept/reject that. i usually haven't seen very much successful LTR's when the guy went on the emotional path from the start.

just sayin'. i hope it helped.

 

[Stort_Brød]

AAAALLLLRIGHTY then... now we are getting somewhere

the first date went well actually the best date I have been on ( not that I have been on that many yay ons ) I got the days mixed up and txted her on friday to check that we are still on for 2pm saturday, she replies with but it was today! so I cover my a$$ "due to my hectic work schedule and hours *baker* and that is all fine and dandy. she ends up being a little late so there is my ammo to bust her balls " hey I may have forgotten the dates but at least I turn up on time". to which she responds well comes up gives me a hug and we proceed to have some coffee and hotcakes at one of my favourite cafe's.

Conversation flowed well, dropped some funnies to which we both had a good laugh, like the same sort of things and so on. cut the date after 45mins as I had some things I needed to do for work. initiates a hug before I had the chance but she gets a kiss on the cheek *not looking for ons so no pashing on the first date*

within 5 minutes get a txt saying thanks and blah blah blah the usual. within about 3 replies she hinted that she wanted to see me again.

 

[Stort_Brød]

Also just to mention she is more of a metal head / artsy and not exactly anything near sporty so there goes my usual idea of rock climbing for a date... any ideas?

 

[Stort_Brød]

good point Espi. Only thing is restaurants bore the sh!t out of me, I work with food all night so it is the last thing i want to do after or before work haha.

I did have a unique idea! there is a free for all legal graffiti wall in town and I already have heaps of spray cans at home from doing stencils and stuff so will cost me all of about $20 for a couple of things that I will need to do it. So just go and roller paint a blank spot and BAM instant canvas to spray whatever the hell we want to be a bit fun and creative.

what do you guys reckon on that?

 

[Stort_Brød]

My personal opinion on following "rules":

I do my OWN thing so that I can learn from my OWN triumphs and mistakes.

When I act on my own accord, I do some stupid things, but I do some brilliant things, too.

Keep reading sites like this one, but don't expect anyone to give a 100% bona fide answer for guaranteeing sex-success with any woman.

I never ask for the answers as that takes the fun out of the whole experience, just a push in the right direction when I'm lost is always nice and helpful.

 

[BeDJ]

I did have a unique idea! there is a free for all legal graffiti wall...BAM

Did you realize this is the most brilliant trap in Don Juan history?

• Scented Markers
• Liquor
• Partially used canvas or backboard

Hey, show me your creative and unique side - I have a graffiti wall at my place.


Holy. Fvck. I'm going to bundle this idea with partially graffiti'd canvas on eBay. Everyone here is invited to my Playmate Booze Cruise next year!