28 year old virgin, need some guidance

[mmmkay]

I've never been into girls until maybe my early-mid 20s (I was preoccupied with other things -- like school, work, etc.) so I'm still very very new at this.

Now, I find myself at an extreme disadvantage and even though I've known about the game for a while I still haven't been able to even k-close properly. Since I'm a relatively good looking and smart guy, I have women approaching me fairly regularly. I also have an INTJ personality type which makes me naturally confident and I'm sure women pick up on that. If you need an insight into my personality, read http://www.humanmetrics.com/personality/intj, it basically describes me verbatim.

So far this year, I've had two potential f-closes but I ejected at the last minute and didn't escalate physically. I am extremely anxious about sex and when I get close with someone I share too much about myself. I doomed myself to the friend zone twice, first with a cute HB7 and last week with a stunning HB9. I gave up on the HB7 because too much time passed since she was sexually attracted to me (plus, I didn't find her very attractive) but I'm wondering if I have the time-frame to continue working the HB9 and dig myself out of the beta ****hole I dug myself in.

Basically, this is what happened:
3 weeks ago: asks me for # after class .. she wants to "study"
That Friday: basically invites herself over and tells me she wants to "have some fun" that she's "STD free" that she "bangs with the lights dimmed" etc. Clear signals that I refused to act on. She leaves at like 1am after we just talked.
Past couple of weeks: she keeps asking to hang out and come over at night but I'm nervous and tell her I have **** to do. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't.
This Sunday: she comes over at like 12pm and we smoke some weed and watch TV. Again, didn't escalate. A bit of playful talk but nothing serious. After she left I texted her that she looked hot as **** and we should have done something about it. She said that we should hang out platonically and I said okay that sounds good to me.

Mind you, during these weeks we've been texting furiously (flirting, but also some very serious deep talk). After the platonic bomb, I stopped texting her as much (twice over the past two-three days) but whenever I do text her she replies instantly and often two or more times. I saw her in class today and we exchanged semi-awkward smiles.

I'm just mad with myself for making the same mistake over and over (not escalating at all) and I'm wondering if the 5 or so weeks left of classes give me enough time to f-close. For what it's worth, I might have some potential social proof in the class -- this one girl hit on me last year and I rejected her but she still seems interested.

Even though I took the HB7 out on a date, I didn't invest myself in the HB9 at all. She brought the weed, she drove over to my place (twice) and she texted more than I did. (Even though I texted way way way too much).

So to sum it up:

• How do I get rid of sexual anxiety (and anxiety in general)? My sister suggested going to a therapist.
• I have an aversion to making people feel uncomfortable but I know it's required for getting laid. Any tips on how to get over this?
• I didn't strike the iron while it was hot? Can I heat it up again in 5 weeks?

Thanks for any insight!

 

[JaegerPilot217]

Really you have women approaching you? any of them good looking? if so you should take advantage of that

 

[Tictac]

INTJ has nothing to do with your state. So cut the crap.

You are afraid to escalate and anxious about sex. Focus on that.

First times are interesting. But no times should be driving you nuts enough to get past it.

 

[El Payaso]

Wait, a woman you find attractive said she WANTS to f*ck you and you basically said no? Does not compute.

 

[jurry]

Wow well if you have hot girls approaching you for your number i think you're in good shape. The sexual anxiety is difficult but no way around it really, can only go thru it. Just take it slow get comfortable dont have to bang them the first time just enjoy it, have her blow u, whatever.

 

[Mike32ct]

Inb4 Mike32ct responds to this one lol.

You're in a much better place than most older virgins because you have the looks.

If you are nervous about sex (which is understandable), how far do you want to go for now?

Maybe just set a goal in your mind to makeout, get her shirt off, suck the t its, or finger her or something like that. Then tell her you "don't go all the way that quickly (or on a first date)." She'll respect that, and you'll get some experience short of F-ing her.

If she comes around again, bhang her. If she doesn't, bhang another girl.

While I generally tell guys to strike when the iron is hot and go as far as they can, you can afford to slow these chicks down if you want because you have the looks. An average looking virgin guy needs to aim for the finish line at the first opportunity.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

Wait, a woman you find attractive said she WANTS to f*ck you and you basically said no? Does not compute.

exactly im shocked, most guys dream of this

 

[GS750]

Here's the thing, if you're good looking and you get attention from the ladies then that's probably 50% of it right there. You need to work on your confidence. I lost my v-card later than most guys but nobody knew about my sexual experience. The girl didn't know. If you're a good looking guy that carries himself well that's half the battle right there. Like jurry said you're just gonna have to plow through that anxiety.

 

[JoeMarron]

Dude...chicks are basically laying it out for you on a platter. Simply stop being a pvssy and fvck the pvssy instead. There is no magical advice we can give you on how to overcome this. You're in a far better situation than some of the dudes here who can't even get any female attention. You're going to be awkward as hell with escalating at first but that'll go away with experience. I said I had no magical advice for you but perhaps taking supplements for your anxiety will help. I just posted this in another thread, maybe it'll help you as well http://www.amazon.com/Natural-Calm-...UTF8&qid=1394766578&sr=1-1&keywords=magnesium. Apparently magnesium deficiency is quite common.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

Dude...chicks are basically laying it out for you on a platter. Simply stop being a pvssy and fvck the pvssy instead. There is no magical advice we can give you on how to overcome this. You're in a far better situation than some of the dudes here who can't even get any female attention. You're going to be awkward as hell with escalating at first but that'll go away with experience. I said I had no magical advice for you but perhaps taking supplements for your anxiety will help. I just posted this in another thread, maybe it'll help you as well http://www.amazon.com/Natural-Calm-...UTF8&qid=1394766578&sr=1-1&keywords=magnesium. Apparently magnesium deficiency is quite common.

Exactly!

 

[JaegerPilot217]

Here's the thing, if you're good looking and you get attention from the ladies then that's probably 50% of it right there. You need to work on your confidence. I lost my v-card later than most guys but nobody knew about my sexual experience. The girl didn't know. If you're a good looking guy that carries himself well that's half the battle right there. Like jurry said you're just gonna have to plow through that anxiety.

How old were you when you lost it?

 

[3agle 3yes]

I've never been into girls until maybe my early-mid 20s (I was preoccupied with other things -- like school, work, etc.)

BS...who are you trying to fool?

Since I'm a relatively good looking and smart guy, I have women approaching me fairly regularly. I also have an INTJ personality type which makes me naturally confident and I'm sure women pick up on that. If you need an insight into my personality, read http://www.humanmetrics.com/personality/intj, it basically describes me verbatim

So you're "naturally" confident and yet you can't kiss girls and feel anxious about sex? Ok...cool.

Also, what has being "relatively good looking" and being a "smart guy" got to do with anything?

All these things only get women interested...it won't get you laid.

How do I get rid of sexual anxiety (and anxiety in general)?

Stop taking sh*t so sriously, sex ain't a big deal...no one's going to give you an inaugural ceremony.

I didn't strike the iron while it was hot? Can I heat it up again in 5 weeks?

Why wait with this one girl? Apparently girls approach you fairly regularly anyway...

 

[LiveFreeX]

Go abroad, Go abroad, Go abroad.

Who gives a sh1t about all this... go abroad and meet women, you don't even need game.

What is this BS about 'escalate'. Pick her feet up and take her pants off... its that easy. If she says something like "Uh wut are you doing?", just be like "oh, I thought you wanted to have sex, sorry, my apologies", then pack up, leave and don't ever speak to her again.

Then go to another country cause North America is completely fvcked up.

That Friday: basically invites herself over and tells me she wants to "have some fun" that she's "STD free" that she "bangs with the lights dimmed" etc. Clear signals that I refused to act on. She leaves at like 1am after we just talked.

She sounds like a huge slvt. Why would you want to risk pregnancy and lifelong commitment to a slvt??? Why would you want to risk getting an STD with a slvt? Go abroad to some backwater village and marry a decent VIRGIN. If some b1tch volunteers that she is STD free, THAT is a fvkin red flag. I would fvkin call her on it: "What are you? A huge slvt? What the fvk kind of low quality girl talks about sex before a date?!?". I swear to god, if you guys knew what real women acted like, you would NOT put up with this sh1t. The only women who talk like this are American women and foreign PROSTITUTES. Americans have been scraping the bottom of the barrel so long they don't know what quality women are anymore.

She said that we should hang out platonically.

GO TO HELL.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

BS...who are you trying to fool?


So you're "naturally" confident and yet you can't kiss girls and feel anxious about sex? Ok...cool.

Also, what has being "relatively good looking" and being a "smart guy" got to do with anything?

All these things only get women interested...it won't get you laid.


Stop taking sh*t so sriously, sex ain't a big deal...no one's going to give you an inaugural ceremony.


Why wait with this one girl? Apparently girls approach you fairly regularly anyway...

exactly, most guys, well I assume most of us dream of getting approached by hotties, surprised the OP has not taken advantage of it

 

[JaegerPilot217]

OP, if girls are approaching you and they are attractive ones you should be welcoming their advances

 

[Serenity]

If that is how you would describe yourself, then approach this problem the same way as any other problem. Your judgement is pretty much correct, you just gotta take the shots. Listen to your intuition and not your thinking.

I've spent too many shots only to see that I picked up the right signals, and just failed to act out of anxiety. So you can just ignore the feeling. The best way of getting rid of it is to do what you fear, without regard for consequence.

Besides I reject personality testing, guess that's a feature of INTJ. It's inaccurate, lol.

 

[EbbsAndFlows]

I was a virgin until I went to college. I was so anxious and felt like a beta faggot. I remember 2 girls throwing themselves at me right when school started and I was shook and ejected, as you described.

Finally, I got drunk and wound up with a girl in my bed. At first I had anxiety and my **** wouldn't get hard. I blamed it on booze. After 45 min of foreplay, my boner came around. Sex was ****ty and I didn't even come. Woke up in the morning half drunk, groggy, testosterone pumping and I had sex for about 7 minutes and came -- lol. Chick had no idea I was a virgin.

You're gonna have anxiety the first time if you are thinking about how you're doing and not doing it. You're not gonna be good at it. You're just not. You need a girl you genuinely don't give a **** about, so you're not stressing. Or, you need to find a really cool girl who you can lie to and say you've only had one sexual partner or something and she helps you through it.

Good luck, but get it done NOW.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

I was a virgin until I went to college. I was so anxious and felt like a beta faggot. I remember 2 girls throwing themselves at me right when school started and I was shook and ejected, as you described.

Finally, I got drunk and wound up with a girl in my bed. At first I had anxiety and my **** wouldn't get hard. I blamed it on booze. After 45 min of foreplay, my boner came around. Sex was ****ty and I didn't even come. Woke up in the morning half drunk, groggy, testosterone pumping and I had sex for about 7 minutes and came -- lol. Chick had no idea I was a virgin.

You're gonna have anxiety the first time if you are thinking about how you're doing and not doing it. You're not gonna be good at it. You're just not. You need a girl you genuinely don't give a **** about, so you're not stressing. Or, you need to find a really cool girl who you can lie to and say you've only had one sexual partner or something and she helps you through it.

Good luck, but get it done NOW.

Ya just hopefully the OP loses it before 30

 

[Mike32ct]

At this point, I'm going to assume that the OP is a troll wasting our time. Just one post, plenty of good advice and not a single reply?

I'm done here.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

Ya I think the OP is a troll since he hasn't responded