27 and nothing

[SexPDX]

Wow, this thread is STILL going on?! WOW! This dude actually got laid???! That eff-ing RULES! Good job, dude.

 

[true|hockey]

yeah man , it sounds that you are slowly making progress weather you even know it or not. Props to you. keep it up, and good luck with everything

 

[IronFar]

Awesome stuff.

From the fat h0's to slowly but surely, better catches.

True progress. Props. :woo:

 

[chancer357]

Amazing how guys like yendor and fuzz offer advice seemingly with out having read a word.

 

[Tazman]

Congratulations! You got me beat. I'm still single and scared to approach. I did approach a girl a friend of mine knew, she works in an ice cream parlor and I thought I got some vibes from her (not so much words, as in body language). I sat in my car for like 10 minutes stressing over the whole thing and finally went in.

She wasn't at the counter so I had to ask for her. She came out and I introduced myself as a friend of a friend we both knew. I made some joke to try and make her smile then I asked her out. She declined but kept offering me ice cream (I wanted to get the hell out of there) and I had to refuse like 4x.

All in all is wasn't that bad and I'm glad I did it, but her reaction was a little confusing. When we first talked after I introduced myself she mentioned that she remembered seeing me come in the store a couple times and that she remembered what I ordered. I only came there twice in the span of a few months and she remembered what I ordered? I thought that was a sign of interest but I guess I wasn't her type, who knows.

You're doing great man, I know you aren't into the blonde that much but keep it going and spin some more plates in the meantime.

 

[Bonhomme]

All right! Good to see you in a position of wondering how to break off with a woman. I actually clicked on this thread because it was at the top, and though it would be an opportunity to post a message to the mods to close it without having to bump it, and was pleasantly surprised. Good going.

Now, regarding your dilemma: definitely not a good idea to break it off during the holiday season... but not good to break it off anywhere near Valentine's day, either. Wait unti, about a week after the holiday season, when things are settled into a normal workaday routine.

Props again, Chancer.

 

[dr_devious]

Chancer, Ive been following this post for a while and I just want to say im pleased youre finally having some success. Keep up the good work mate

 

[chancer357]

thanks

 

[Double]

impressive work on yourself man. btw dont make things so difficult for yourself....just do the same thing a woman would do....say you need some time off because it's getting too serious for you and you need some time for yourself.....hang out with her and have sex with her occassionally if you want that.......but if it's getting too emotional from her side and she's always complaining about wanting to see you more often then just say you dont want all this stress.....it's bad for both of us.....lets better just be friends

 

[Robbie]

sonofagun

 

[I_Only_Live_Once]

You know what chancer, I don't know if you're for real or if you're a troll. It doesn't matter, either way you're not even determined. I've never seen any thread on here where people have dedicated so much effort to try and help you and you don't even do anything except make excuses. You rationalize failure before you even do anything. It's not the girls who are defeating you, it's you is defeating yourself.

 

[chancer357]

Doesnt sound like you read the last things I posted

 

[Davie101]

Wow, this is unbeleivable! There is light at the end of the tunnel indeed. Congs man, glad to see you post something thats not negative for a change.

 

[Bhekizwe]

Originally posted by chancer357
Is anyone else 27 or older and just completely stuck? I've never been able to talk to girls. I'm not good looking, so they don't talk to me.

What do you do if you are just not attractive and shy? It doesn't matter how much I try to appear more attractive, or think posatively. I just *CAN'T* talk to people. Only people I've known for a long time am I comfortable with.

Don't tell me just do it. I would have "just done" it year ago if thats all it took.

Don't tell me to just work on myself. I have a good job and money is not a problem. I have a nice car, etc.

As a person, I'm basically a failure. I don't enjoy anything anymore. I go to work, I go home. Sometimes I will hang out with people I know, but I mostly just feel bad when I see them. I see how they have no trouble meeting people, and having fun and doing thing - I wouldn't love to be able to have even a fraction of what they have when it comes to just living life.

What do you do? What do you tell a doctor? I had a physical, but I was to embarrsed to even try to explain my depression. I'm just too ashamed and embarrsed of my myself to do anything. My whole life is this way, its always been this way.

Alot of the reason I feel this way, and the reason it just worsens as time goes on is that I can't interact with girls at all. I've never been treated in the same way that I see them treat other guys. I've never had a girl interested in me. I'm a lesser human because of this, and just feeds a viscous cycle. If a girl ever even smiled at me in passing it would be a first.

I can talk to guys, and have guy friends - but with the exception of my two oldest friends from childhood who I never see anymore, I don't have much in common. They mainly want to go out and pick up girls in bars and such. So I can't really hang out with them.

Most of you, probably all of you, have no idea what this is like. Do any of you know anyone who has ever recovered from this? I just don't see the point. I'm just going to go to work and come home to be myself. Not able to sleep when I get there, and tired all day at work becase I can't sleep at night. Just doing nothing, waiting to go to work, so I can wait to go home. Over and over. Too afraid and ashamed to do anything else. Why bother.

Bro,stop the negative talk.
Girls dont talk to you because you dont talk to them.Stop feeling like a failure(you r taking yourself too seriously and this affect your ability to relax) TODAY.Change your mindset.Develop a personality that is likeable and the girls will flock to YOU.

Take an active interest in other ppl then they will take an interest in you.In general,BE POSITIVE.Love yourself and everybody will just follow and love you

 

[Robbie]

hey chancer, I appreciate that everyone's situation is unique, but in light of your accomplishments, having now been in a few relationships with women, what sort of information and advice would you share with someone who is going through what you went through a couple of years ago?



and by the way, congratulations.

 

[chancer357]

I appreciate that everyone's situation is unique ... what sort of information and advice would you share with someone who is going through what you went through a couple of years ago?

Well I went through it for like two years. I don't know what kind of advice I have. I was just finally at a point where I didn't care anymore.

Some of it was me; I didn't want help for a long time with the eating problems I had since high school. I had jobs that either would exhaust me or just stick you in a room by yourself all day. I was isolated and I would either be tired, or hungry or working all the time. It just was bad all around.

Some of it was environment; Where I've lived in NY you always had to be one of the *cool kids*. Be the life of the party, be the center of attention constantly, be friends with everyone - that kind of thing. I never wanted that. And since I wasn't like that I never got a chance to meet many people. I don't want to waste time trying to explain, but it could be summed up as saying people were generally shallow and selfish where I lived before.

Moving and meeting people that were nice and genuine was probably the most helpful. That helped me feel better more than anything else. Some people might argue that people are the same every place and if you think the place is the problem that its you - etc. That's just not true. I think there are places that just aren't meant for you and thats where I lived my whole life until reccently.

---

Eventually I just didn't care anymore about anything. I quit the job I had. I lived in my parents house. I wasn't eating (more than usual). I was just so depressed. One day my parents asked me to go to that inpatient program for eating disorders and I just, said OK because I was totally numb to everything pretty much - and I almost quit that thing the first day.

But I ended up staying.

I met people there for the first time that actually liked me. I only had two friend before that it was a situation where we were all outsiders and were friends by default. But these people here were really cool and they liked me. I just thought that they were pulling my leg or just saying that. But they weren't. Its because I met them that I even made it through that program at all.

When I got a job on the west coast I still was sort of depressed. I felt better but I wasn't that excited. I got there and I met someone the first day who really nice. Shes been a really good friend. And I met a few others.
They all actually like me and liked to hang out with me. That is just totally new to me. But after a while its encouraging to know that someone would actually want to talk to you because they like you.

Where I lived in NY sucks. Where I live on the east coast is a thousand times better. People are nice, they don't pretend you don't exist if you are standing next to them in an elevator, they might say have a nice day.

I just changed everything. I left everything, I moved as far away as I could. I didn't try to follow any advice trying to act like some kind of person I'm not. I didn't try to play "the game" or anything. I just was myself. I didn't try to meet people everyday or make smalltalk in lines trying to make 50 people a day or something. I just met people that I thought were nice I talked to them. And I'm really good friends with them now. Its not superficialm their actual friends. I never even tried to make a move on anyone. A couple of them just eventually jumped on me when I wasn't expecting it.

---

I could have just hurt myself, or done something self destructive like rob a bank, or started to do other things that would just be bad for me in the end - which I almost did; afterall, I just didn't care and staying where I was - things would never change. What I ended up doing was alot harder. So now I'm glad I didn't.

What doesn't do anyone any good is trying to yell at people like your some kind of message board boot camp sergent. I guess it makes the poster look like a "man" but its just an exercise in futility. So I won't try to tell people this is what they have to do, like so many posters tried to do to me.

If someone has a problem and you try to force them to get better that won't work either. E.g. parents trying to force you to eat, people trying to tell you to find God, etc. That just passes right through you. Trying to do an intervention, or show them the "this is your brain on drugs" version of whatever thier issue is won't help.

I think that you just have to want help. If you aren't ready yet, then you aren't ready and you won't accept anything anyone tries to do.

 

[Golden Arms]

Originally posted by chancer357
I was just finally at a point where I didn't care anymore.

there you go

 

[funketekun]

raising my hands!!!!

 

[squirrels]

Most of you, probably all of you, have no idea what this is like. Do any of you know anyone who has ever recovered from this? I just don't see the point. I'm just going to go to work and come home to be myself. Not able to sleep when I get there, and tired all day at work becase I can't sleep at night. Just doing nothing, waiting to go to work, so I can wait to go home. Over and over. Too afraid and ashamed to do anything else. Why bother.

Funny...I felt like this last night.

Isn't there ANYTHING in your life for you to be grateful for? Isn't there ANYTHING good about the person you are?

Don't let your current state of emotion answer...it's easy to just say, "No, I suck, there's nothing good about my life" when the black feelings hang over your head. Set them aside for a moment and REALLY look at your life, who you are, and who you're capable of being.

How bad is it? REALLY?

God has no blessings for ingrates.

 

[thesynergist]

you talk about how you're just stuck, immobilized, can't take action.

too late man. you did. you're here. this forum is YOU communicating with PEOPLE.

part of your mind is smart enough to realize your life needs to change completely, and fast.

part of your mind is sabotaging your life, paralyzing you when you try to do the things you know you need to.

you said "just do it" wasn't going to work. but that's kinda what you gotta do man.
even little stuff. how about saying "hi" to one random stranger every day. don't even worry about eye contact. just say "hi" and wander away, never looking back, knowing you'll probably never see that person again so their reaction is basically irrelevant.

what if you did that every day for six months?

this one is really funny to admit, but you sound like you're really in a bind so i'll lay it on you.

when i was a kid there was some book or movie where this kid does all this wacky sh1t for a week. don't even remember what the reason was. what i DO remember is that one of the things he did was wear a piece of broccoli on a string to school for a day. well, i tried it (as a kid, in like 3rd grade). wore the freakin' broccoli stalk all day. people though i was mad. people looked at me wierd. i made more friends in the following week than i had since i started school.

i'm not saying you should do this, just outlining a Concept. you could become more social without saying a word. just pick something completely out of the ordinary to wear and go get some groceries. don't have to say a word to anybody. i know it sounds goofy, but it worked for me. the beauty of it is you only have to do ONE thing proactively (putting on something goofy) and the universe does the rest of the work.