chancer357
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Don't break out the champagne yet, I live with my parents now
27 and nothing
- Thread starter chancer357
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Unbridled_1
Senior Don Juan
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Originally posted by Chancer 357
I'm not going to repeat what has been said already. Much of it was excellent advice, but you're not listening.
You don't have anything to lose at this point, you're as close to rockbottom as possible, so you have nothing to lose. If you feel like you're no longer alive and everything is meaningless, then you shouldn't care about what anybody does or says or thinks. So take that "nothing to lose" attitude and do what you want, at this point it isn't really risk because you don't feel you have anything to risk.
You seem to have a good sense of humor, there's a positive.
I'm not going to repeat what has been said already. Much of it was excellent advice, but you're not listening.
You don't have anything to lose at this point, you're as close to rockbottom as possible, so you have nothing to lose. If you feel like you're no longer alive and everything is meaningless, then you shouldn't care about what anybody does or says or thinks. So take that "nothing to lose" attitude and do what you want, at this point it isn't really risk because you don't feel you have anything to risk.
DjDreamer
Master Don Juan
LoL
I wonder...did you intend for that to be funny or do i have a masochistic sense of humor?
Now seeing how you can imagine Golden Arms opening up a bottle of champaigne why can't you imagine yourself in a succesful relationship? Why can't you imagine yourself being important?
In order for you to reach a level of importance all the self pity has got to stop.
In order for you to be succesful you have got to dress for success...you have got to emit an aura of feel goodness...you have to create a presence that will make all the honeys want to come close to you and seek to unravel your mystery...
It's like what Pook said, you're the prize...
chancer357
Don Juan
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I think the exact opposite of myself. In order to do what your talking about I would have to be able to convince myself that something about me is good that other people would want. I just can't believe that.
an X there
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i can't even come close to coming up with something helpful to say. i just can't. i can't even think what i would be like if i was you. all i want to do is change you for the good but i really just can't. maybe im just to selfish, because i can;t and everybody else can. i wish i was so you, but again, i can't.
ummm yeh...
i think you are looking for someone who has it worser than you, aren't you?
ummm yeh...
i think you are looking for someone who has it worser than you, aren't you?
chancer357
Don Juan
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No.
DjDreamer
Master Don Juan
You just hit the nail on the head...
Misery truly loves company.
chancer357
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No, thats not it at all.
People offer advice that seems completely reasonable to them, and for someone who had an ounce of self-esteem it might work.
I'm completely drained of any of that to point where I *can't* even try these things. The way you respond just shows how differenlty I feel about everything and see everything. You can't even imagine think or feeling this way so you just write it off as me just being an ass or me just feeling sorry for myself. That really isn't it at all and it doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of it.
The point is that you are not able to relate to my outlook as much as I am not able to relate to yours.
Even if you can't accept that a person could feel so differently, just for the sake of argument believe it for a moment. Just assume that whatever it is I feel about myself is 100% the opposite of what you feel about yourself.
Now what do you expect me to say to the different suggestions people post?
If you felt the complete opposite about yourself as you do now, how would you respond? Even if someone said, you just need to believe in yourself more, what automatic thought would you have about that statement?
If you haven't been able to change or make anything posative for yourself in your whole life, how could you believe that you ever could? If you had to go to a doctor and actually take some kind of drug just to even begin to feel like you might be able to change something, you still would know that you couldn't do it in reality and you needed some kind of chemical to warp your view of truth enough to lie to yourself about the way things really are; how would you think about that?
Can you imagine how different the world look to you? Its much more than feeling sorry for myself, and it really isn't me want other people to feel badly.
People offer advice that seems completely reasonable to them, and for someone who had an ounce of self-esteem it might work.
I'm completely drained of any of that to point where I *can't* even try these things. The way you respond just shows how differenlty I feel about everything and see everything. You can't even imagine think or feeling this way so you just write it off as me just being an ass or me just feeling sorry for myself. That really isn't it at all and it doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of it.
The point is that you are not able to relate to my outlook as much as I am not able to relate to yours.
Even if you can't accept that a person could feel so differently, just for the sake of argument believe it for a moment. Just assume that whatever it is I feel about myself is 100% the opposite of what you feel about yourself.
Now what do you expect me to say to the different suggestions people post?
If you felt the complete opposite about yourself as you do now, how would you respond? Even if someone said, you just need to believe in yourself more, what automatic thought would you have about that statement?
If you haven't been able to change or make anything posative for yourself in your whole life, how could you believe that you ever could? If you had to go to a doctor and actually take some kind of drug just to even begin to feel like you might be able to change something, you still would know that you couldn't do it in reality and you needed some kind of chemical to warp your view of truth enough to lie to yourself about the way things really are; how would you think about that?
Can you imagine how different the world look to you? Its much more than feeling sorry for myself, and it really isn't me want other people to feel badly.
Chancer,
You are seriously in depression and need to get some professional help fast. My best friend sounded just like you just before he committed suicide. We can all sit here and tell you its all going to get better until we're blue in the face but you and I both know that you're not going to listen.
I know it may sound like a cop out, but there are medications that can change everything. They can turn your whole life around. Please get some professional help.
You are seriously in depression and need to get some professional help fast. My best friend sounded just like you just before he committed suicide. We can all sit here and tell you its all going to get better until we're blue in the face but you and I both know that you're not going to listen.
I know it may sound like a cop out, but there are medications that can change everything. They can turn your whole life around. Please get some professional help.
Chancer, I really hope that you find a way out of this. I have not read the whole thread and I am truly sorry if I repeat what others have said. (although I probably have)
"Happiness comes from the achievement of goals"
In my opinion you should start small, make a simple goal for yourself and then work to achieve it. Something independent of women.
Maybe you should try to bench press a certain amount by June.
Maybe you should try to complete another degree by a certain time.
You need a reason to want to get out of bed in the morning.
"Happiness comes from the achievement of goals"
In my opinion you should start small, make a simple goal for yourself and then work to achieve it. Something independent of women.
Maybe you should try to bench press a certain amount by June.
Maybe you should try to complete another degree by a certain time.
You need a reason to want to get out of bed in the morning.
I know what you mean by us not being able to see ur POV and vice versa. My advice is just force yourself to meet people. I know it is easier said than done but u just gotta do it. I used to be very scare of approaching females and no amount of reading could helped me. One day I took a leap of faith and BAM, I got alot better. My fear of approaches decreased about 75% and all it took was 20min from approach to # close. I accomplished more in that nerve racking 20min than in my 20 years of life and it was all me.
m4a1
Senior Don Juan
Ok, chancer357, you seem to only comment on 1 out of every 15 replies you read, so I'm hoping you read this and comment on it.
What do you suggest you should do? You made the main post, what was the point of it? I'm sure you didn't make it to have us to sit and feel sorry for you, but wanted to improve yourself. People suggested almost every single thing posible, are you expecting to open this thread one day to read a post that will really enlighten you and you'd actually follow the advice?? You're not putting any effort because you think you're not capable.
What do you suggest you should do? You made the main post, what was the point of it? I'm sure you didn't make it to have us to sit and feel sorry for you, but wanted to improve yourself. People suggested almost every single thing posible, are you expecting to open this thread one day to read a post that will really enlighten you and you'd actually follow the advice?? You're not putting any effort because you think you're not capable.
DjDreamer
Master Don Juan
Well it's either that are something more sinister...maybe he's looking for euthanasia...
DjDreamer
Master Don Juan
Chancer...
I think one of your goals should be to not die a virgin...take a trip to Las Vegas or Amsterdam's red light distright...get all that 28 year pented up sexual frustration out of your system...
I think one of your goals should be to not die a virgin...take a trip to Las Vegas or Amsterdam's red light distright...get all that 28 year pented up sexual frustration out of your system...
chancer357
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I just try not to reply to things like this:
I think one of your goals should be to not die a virgin...take a trip to Las Vegas or Amsterdam's red light distright...
where the poster clearly hasn't listened to anything I've said.
When I first posted I thought that someone else might have had a similar problem, and I didn't realize the extent to which I was paralyzed. Now I do, and I'm just responding - I don't expect to find an answer because I know now that for me there isn't one.
If anything I wonder where exactly the point of no return was. When did hope cease to be something obtainable; just out of curiosity. Others could take away from this that there *is* some mimimum emotional strength that a person needs to be able to change anything for themselves. Many people just don't stray this far of course and can't grasp the notion I've tried to explain again and again. Maybe someone else will read these posts and be able to do something before they its too late for them as well and they'll be able to enjoy a more pleasant fate.
slmmdnissan
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Chancer,
I usually lurk in online discussion forums and don't participate. But I registered here so I could share something with you.
You are not alone. I was in your exact situation for the same reasons just a couple years ago. I've managed to get myself a couple steps ahead and might be able to help.
I've been in that horrible dark hole and its the worst place ever, wouldn't wish it on anyone. I thought there was no more hope, that there was, literally, something flawed with me. Almost 10 years ago, I attempted suicide while a freshman in college. Fast forward to two years ago and there I was in that same hole again, contemplating a way out. I wanted the pain to stop.
I too have a good job, money isn't an issue, and drive a nice car. There is nothing physically or mentally wrong with my being. So, how could someone like this have such a terrible view of himself?
I'm convinced now that its a part learned and part inherited trait from my Mother's side of the family.
Here's where you can make a better choice. Contact a therapist immediately. Don't worry about talking with girls or people or physical fitness, etc. You won't be able to work on these adequately until your stable. All you have to do is make a call and setup an appointment. Then go back to the thing(s) that bring comfort, video games, sleeping, whatever. Then the next thing is making it in there, try to schedule it so its easy to make, you won't oversleep, etc. Then come back and relax again. One day at a time is all thats necessary. You wouldn't expect an athlete with a knee injury to jump back into practice immediately, right?
There is nothing wrong with good therapy combined with prescription medication. In fact, its courageous (especially for men in this instance) to go against the social grain and do something to help yourself. The medicine is only there to help 'jump start' you while you work in therapy. It will help with overcoming the unexplained physical tiredness you may feel.
Also, if you're not comfortable with the first therapist, switch. Go to a different clinic if you have to. Not all therapists are equal, there are many out there that shouldn't be practicing. I'll politely leave it at that.
I won't bore you with my story. Keep in mind though, this is coming from a peer, I'm 27. Remember you're not alone.
If you want to talk with me privately, feel free to email me at slmmdnissan@yahoo.com
Take care, Matt
I usually lurk in online discussion forums and don't participate. But I registered here so I could share something with you.
You are not alone. I was in your exact situation for the same reasons just a couple years ago. I've managed to get myself a couple steps ahead and might be able to help.
I've been in that horrible dark hole and its the worst place ever, wouldn't wish it on anyone. I thought there was no more hope, that there was, literally, something flawed with me. Almost 10 years ago, I attempted suicide while a freshman in college. Fast forward to two years ago and there I was in that same hole again, contemplating a way out. I wanted the pain to stop.
I too have a good job, money isn't an issue, and drive a nice car. There is nothing physically or mentally wrong with my being. So, how could someone like this have such a terrible view of himself?
I'm convinced now that its a part learned and part inherited trait from my Mother's side of the family.
Here's where you can make a better choice. Contact a therapist immediately. Don't worry about talking with girls or people or physical fitness, etc. You won't be able to work on these adequately until your stable. All you have to do is make a call and setup an appointment. Then go back to the thing(s) that bring comfort, video games, sleeping, whatever. Then the next thing is making it in there, try to schedule it so its easy to make, you won't oversleep, etc. Then come back and relax again. One day at a time is all thats necessary. You wouldn't expect an athlete with a knee injury to jump back into practice immediately, right?
There is nothing wrong with good therapy combined with prescription medication. In fact, its courageous (especially for men in this instance) to go against the social grain and do something to help yourself. The medicine is only there to help 'jump start' you while you work in therapy. It will help with overcoming the unexplained physical tiredness you may feel.
Also, if you're not comfortable with the first therapist, switch. Go to a different clinic if you have to. Not all therapists are equal, there are many out there that shouldn't be practicing. I'll politely leave it at that.
I won't bore you with my story. Keep in mind though, this is coming from a peer, I'm 27. Remember you're not alone.
If you want to talk with me privately, feel free to email me at slmmdnissan@yahoo.com
Take care, Matt
m4a1
Senior Don Juan
www.socialanxietysupport.com
Look at what people there say, people there are A LOT more understanding than people here because most of them have (and still) are in your shoes. Trust me on this.
Look at what people there say, people there are A LOT more understanding than people here because most of them have (and still) are in your shoes. Trust me on this.
DjDreamer
Master Don Juan
Yep socialanxietysupport.com seems like the place to be if you got social anxiety...
With that being said I think this thread has reached a finality
With that being said I think this thread has reached a finality
m4a1
Senior Don Juan
You're too optimistic...Originally posted by DjDreamer
With that being said I think this thread has reached a finality
James Olmstead
Don Juan
Chancer your problem isn’t that you cant improve you life, your problem is that you don’t want to improve your life. You don’t want to change, you never have and probably never will. You’re perfectly comfortable right where you’re at. You have your struggle and that’s your identity. Without it you’d be just like everyone else with a happy, cheerful, pleasant life but you don’t want that. No, you’d rather sit and wallow your own self-pity because you’re too lazy to do something about it. The only reason you’re here is for the attention and to pacify that nagging little voice that pops up every once in a while that says “Lets do something about this”, but you don’t listen because you don’t want to change.
I don’t have one ounce of sympathy for you Chancer. None at all. You’ve got all the tools you need to change your life laid out right in front of you but your too lazy to pick them up and do something about it. These people are on this message board because they’ve got the guts to step up, face the facts and take the steps to change their own life. You sir do no not. You are a coward. You are a miserable, pathetic little coward. Plain and simple.
I don’t have one ounce of sympathy for you Chancer. None at all. You’ve got all the tools you need to change your life laid out right in front of you but your too lazy to pick them up and do something about it. These people are on this message board because they’ve got the guts to step up, face the facts and take the steps to change their own life. You sir do no not. You are a coward. You are a miserable, pathetic little coward. Plain and simple.