26yo virgin who shouldn't be and can't stop thinking about it

[GCSR21]

After a year of putting myself out there and cold approaching girls with not a huge amount of success I finally met a girl I clicked with. After a couple of dates, I was extremely unprepared (I went from worrying about kissing her for the first time to having her naked in my bed in 24 hours period) and screwed up pretty badly due to inexperience and didn't have sex with her.

We had another date, but she went cold after that, I sent her desperate texts since we were both moving and didn't have much time to just wait it out. Now I haven't contacted her in almost two months, and am still pining over her and replaying that night.

I've approached more girls, forced myself to be more social, traveling now and I still can't stop thinking about her.

I'm a 26 yo virgin who used to be obese and had an extreme case of social anxiety. I've had opportunities to lose my virginity before (I think), but it's kind of like I go into fight or flight mode and just run scared. I'm just really insecure about my body (loose skin/huge scars from surgery to remove loose skin) and lack of experience. I don't know if at this point I'm capable of one night stand due to these issues, not the mention I would probably turn off most girls due to the lack of confidence in making moves.

I'm a nomad and will be in her area for a bit sometime in winter, and just want to repair this. I don't think of her as the one or my dream girl, but I'm pretty much a friendless virgin who has been trying to fix that for a while and she was my first success. So it hurts somehow completely screwing it up and not knowing what you did wrong.

 

[backseatjuan]

A lot will disagree, but I suggest a hooker therapy.

 

[GCSR21]

A lot will disagree, but I suggest a hooker therapy.

Nope

 

[omega05]

Well then you're outta luck

 

[Alvafe]

yeah you need to lose your fear, something who could shock you and do something out of your confort zone, if a hooker won't do, try to go to a place you normally wouldn't go and always wanted to go, if you travel like you said what you do most of time to lose some steam?

 

[muscleman]

Have you tried liquid courage? It'll calm your nerves.

As for this girl, don't waste your time, you blew your chance. You had her naked in your bed but didn't do it - there's no going back. Look on the bright side: you got her naked in your bed. The next one go all the way with. Losing your virginity is no big deal.

 

[incognito42]

Yea you have to strike while the irons hot. No matter how interested you think she was that night, it will all be gone the next day. Have that mentality and move on or at least if you try banging her again you can't have any expectations based on how close you were before to nailing her

Hooker or just go for a fat ugly chick. Like my dad always said, the more you lower your standards, the more you lower your pants. You have a mental block you have to get through and the only cure is pvssy

 

[muscleman]

Don't get a hooker or a fatty, that's just gonna make it worse when you actually see an attractive chick in front of you. Let this one go, find another one, and do your thing. If you apply the principles available from all these online resources, it won't be long before you're banging.

 

[incognito42]

I just meant for a one time thing, to lower the desperation and free up his mind to get the type of chick he wants

 

[Zippapants]

I'm a 26 yo virgin who used to be obese and had an extreme case of social anxiety. I've had opportunities to lose my virginity before (I think), but it's kind of like I go into fight or flight mode and just run scared. I'm just really insecure about my body (loose skin/huge scars from surgery to remove loose skin) and lack of experience. I don't know if at this point I'm capable of one night stand due to these issues, not the mention I would probably turn off most girls due to the lack of confidence in making moves.

Ah, a comrade in weight loss! I know your pain, man. I've lost over 200 lbs. myself (used to weight over 425 lbs.) and I was in a similar position as you when it came to the anxiety initially. I was afraid that my loose skin would scare women off, but then I quickly stopped caring. Hatred towards other drove me to change myself both physically and mentally, and I was able to realize that I just didn't give a fvck what others thought of me. I did something most could never dream of. I lost all that weight on my own through hard work and willpower, no operations or pills. You should carry that same pride with you and use it to your advantage.

Also, I've yet to get operations to remove loose skin, but I've built myself through vigorous workout routines. I'd suggest doing the same. Also, I've found that most women I've gone out with are more amazed at my transformation to care about the loose skin.

Think of yourself when you were heavy to yourself now as two different people. You are no longer the man you once were. Lack experience? Gain it. You will probably falter along the path as I did, but you are a stronger person than before. You can take it. And with each new situation you find yourself in, whether it ends in a good or bad way, you will gain the experience that you seek. When pursuing these endeavors, a little liquid courage can help as suggested.

As for this girl, you nailed it. You're stuck on her because she's the first one you had success with. Where did you go wrong? Probably the same issue I had in the beginning: I let my lack of experience rule my mindset. Women feed off of the vibes you give. You have to forget that. Go out to have fun, not to meet women necessarily. Find new friends, meet new people in general.

Just remember that the person you were is no longer the person you are.

 

[flashpoint]

ya i had a similar problem when i was your age, so ... dont be afraid, you will get over it.

tried the hooker thing back then, wasnt worth it and made me feel awkward at best. that didnt do it. but keeping going and building upon every little success eventually got me there without even thinking about it. and as much as i thought before that it was a big deal, well it was not. an idiot can do it. i mean that almost literally, since when you are too much in your head thinking and all, that screws up your game. point with you prolly was worrying too much. and of course when your first big step was kissing a girl, then going all the way just was a bit too much at that point. so cut yourself some slack.

well NOW you have kissed a girl. that is done. and you got her naked. so she was willing to do it with you. your body issues and all cant be that big of a deal, otherwise she wouldnt have, right? these limiting beliefs and self conscious thougths are our own mind ****, they are not part of reality. so you better focus on what actually happens and less on what you think about what happens, if that makes sense. like girl opens pants, spreads legs --> wants you to put it in her. there is no need for any analysis or a strategic plan or anything like that anymore. you just fill that hole and get going. because that is basically all she expects from you. you dont need experience for that, it is just natural. with time you might explore different things and styles, but that is just another step along the road and not important for now.

so be proud that you got her that far, now start working on the next project and get it done. ya and another thing: you have lost a lot of weight, that is not something everyone can do obv. so we and you know that you have willpower and can things make happen even if they are difficult. and again even despite remaining insecurities you got at least that far which again shows that you can overcome obstacles, some could never do that and at least it is hard to do that for everyone. so seriously. think about that. there are a lot of reasons to feel confident. there are a lot of reasons to think that you can rely on yourself no matter what happens. dont underestimate that quality in yourself.

and as for the girl. drop that. it is not worth trying. that is just misleading scarcity thinking and you dont need that. if you could do it one time, you can do it again. and again. and again. no need to hang on to that first one.

 

[GCSR21]

I know there were lessons to be learned from this and I would of ****ed it up anyways even if I had sex (I think I would of gotten too clingy, but wonder if I would of felt better about it)

Regarding my body: I've had girls tell me its' awesome that I've lost the weight, but I've never taken my shirt off in front of them so dont' know if they would react differently. Just years of being picked on through school has done it's damage.

I probably did everything wrong with this girl and she still liked me. I showed absolutely no confidence and she still wanted to sleep with me. While I have gotten over a lot of hurdles, I still feel like I will have to start over with another girl since I never got comfortable kissing or making a move. I've kind of realized that I will screw up badly with a more experienced hot girl and would probably need more girls like the first one (socially awkward college girl)

Regarding the girl, I've tried everything for two months to get past her. Tried doing social stuff, asked more girls out in a short amount of time than I've ever before, even had a date with a really hot girl who was much hotter than the other girl and i didnt' even care (she flaked btw) I was hoping traveling would get my mind off her but it's been dominating my thoughts. I plan on texting her when I get back since it will be a long silence and I can't get my mind off her, but is it pretty much dead at this point? As someone with not much of a social life, it really hurts losing potential friend also

 

[backseatjuan]

You can spend another couple years in shame of your body, or you can advance miles ahead with three or four hookers.

 

[wataf]

Bro I was in a bad motorcycle accident I have scars over most of my back. Never slows me down just keep going to the gym, and doing your thing buy nice clothes if you look good you feel good, and remember girls don't care about scars once the clothes come off they are ready to bang. Fact be told is girls are far more self concious about their own bodies to worry about yours

 

[TimothyVera]

skin tightening

Following is an explanation on skin firming methods for the face for a wider perception of skin tightening. Thermage is a non operative radio-frequency method which is proven to properly tighten up and revive your skin's contours, supplying you with a more youthful glimpse. This technique can boost not merely your face but the most of the body sections. The cellulite degree in your skin may also be reduced applying this treatment.

 

[moneyisking]

Lift iron first seriously and get in best of your shape, and progress in life little by little. if you scoff at this, then you'll be same you all your life.

 

[roflzaur]

Lift 5 days a week for a few months, do something to gain confidence in yourself like martial arts. Read up on books on picking up women, and start doing it! If you find a girl with daddy issues she will give it up on the first date

 

[ka_mate]

Nope

Respect for you GCSR21 :rockon:

My $0.02 on the hooker option.

Sex as a physical experience isn't that insanely different from masturbating.

You know how when you're young you think "Man when I'm in high school I'm going to feel so old" or "When I turn 18 or 21 I'm going to be so much different to how I am today"

and you expect the changing of age to be this intense, transformation experience when you really don't feel that different when you turn 18 to how you felt at 17 364 days?

Sex is kind of like that.

We have this perception that it'll be this insane, life changing experience when it is more 'normal' than we give it credit. It's false to think of our lives as "before I lost my virginity" and "afterwards" as if sex is some decisive moment in our lives.

"Give a man a fish and he lives for a day, teach a man to fish and he lives a lifetime"

I feel this phrase is relevant here and that by paying for a hooker it's like buying sex or buying a fish. It'll only satisfy you in the short term.

In terms of the "it's practise" argument.

My thoughts are this. Everyone is going to be awkward and fumbling the first time they have sex. Not many people will perform amazingly first time. Don't be afraid of the awkwardness but embrace it and share this high emotion and nervous time with someone you love or at least care about so that you can laugh about it later.

Sex, initially isn't so much about physical pleasure as you're so nervous and uncertain and is instead more about emotional intimacy. It's a lovely thing to be able to have bad sex but then to have some one you love to snuggle with afterwards who you can talk and laugh with and plan to "practice" sex more in the future with.

I don't think you can get this type of intimacy in a legitimate fashion with a hooker.

 

[Purefilth]

After a year of putting myself out there and cold approaching girls with not a huge amount of success I finally met a girl I clicked with. After a couple of dates, I was extremely unprepared (I went from worrying about kissing her for the first time to having her naked in my bed in 24 hours period) and screwed up pretty badly due to inexperience and didn't have sex with her. Ouch

We had another date, but she went cold after that,not surprised, she decided you're not man enough after all I sent her desperate texts since we were both moving and didn't have much time to just wait it out. Now I haven't contacted her in almost two months, and am still pining over her and replaying that night.forget it, chance passed, you will have more opportunities

I've approached more girls, forced myself to be more social, traveling now and I still can't stop thinking about her.Because its the closest youve been and pussied out, theres nothing special about this girl

I'm a 26 yo virgin who used to be obese and had an extreme case of social anxiety. I've had opportunities to lose my virginity before (I think), but it's kind of like I go into fight or flight mode and just run scared. Time to BE A MAN! I'm just really insecure about my body (loose skin/huge scars from surgery to remove loose skin) and lack of experience.dont get hung up on lack of experience, youll get it I don't know if at this point I'm capable of one night standis that all youre after? due to these issues, not the mention I would probably turn off most girls due to the lack of confidence in making moves.

I'm a nomad and will be in her area for a bit sometime in winter, and just want to repair this. I don't think of her as the one or my dream girl, but I'm pretty much a friendless virgin who has been trying to fix that for a while and she was my first success. So it hurts somehow completely screwing it up and not knowing what you did wrong.we all mess up, and have them get away

I fear the desperate begging afterwards has dropped your chances, forget her, youll be fine. I'm trying to restart Bootcamp, sign up.

 

[backseatjuan]

"Give a man a fish and he lives for a day, teach a man to fish and he lives a life time

First of we have to realize that the man who gives and teaches here is the author of the original post. Thus the ideom is misused. Secondly we must understand that the author has problem with self image, in his mind he is still a fat boy. With this, getting naked and performing in front of hookers, throught pain, shock, and awe, would solve his problem.

Hitting the gym, hard work, and coming home and masturbating, the escape, would lead to depression and back to obysity throught eating.


Hookers are on adultfriendfinder.com, around 8 pm those that are online. You take one by telling you want to meet tonight and asking for number. Call, establish price, time and location.