RoadKing_Rabbit
Senior Don Juan
I'm left angry and frustrated at myself for not being able to build something with somebody. I'm left questioning if there's something wrong with me. I'm left questioning if 5 years of intense self-development has made any difference.
Despite all the progress:
- I'm still scared to cold approach in social settings.
- I'm still scared to ask for what I really want.
- I'm still scared to take what I want in life.
^^^
THOSE are the things that stuck out like a sore thumb to me. It seems that you've taken bits of the red pill (or what have you to describe the state of being an aware DJ and not an AFC) that allow you to get dates and lays. Same can work for a lot in life. Tricks can work, hacks can work. When those are over, what do you have? No foundation.
Too many ignore what they don't understand or dismiss it. Not saying this is you. But too often, you see examples of men ignoring seduction or ignoring stability, resulting in black/white or 'mechanical' thinking. 'This' for 'that,' 'to' and 'fro.' You need BOTH. You need to be able to get to the point where you AREN'T scared to approach, to ask for what you want, and to yes! Take what you want in life!
You've said it later yourself "in business, if you want something, you have to make it happen." I couldn't disagree more with someone who says the same isn't true for a solid relationship, s3x, or dating with women. You can't just "just stop looking for it and it'll happen." What you need is to understand that women are PEOPLE. They aren't mystical beings that have nebulous confusion oozing from their pores and infecting you.
This is why it's VERY effective to approach women who you assume you have no shot with at all. It's to get yourself used to being around or approaching very good looking or desirable women. I mean, obviously if she's being a (insert your favorite word to call the type of women you least prefer here) then you abandon that effort and move on. There are ALWAYS more women. Just like there is always more of everything. The only thing that there will NEVER BE MORE OF IS TIME.
It takes time to get used to approaching and it takes APPROACHES to shed fear of rejection and of women that make you want to turn your head. TURN YOUR HEAD. Look at them in their beautiful eyes. Don't even be afraid to be caught staring at her second set of eyes. She KNOWS how visible/demure they are. Women are HYPER aware of their appearance at all times with very few and I mean VERY few exceptions. You looking at her and her not liking it or giving her the 'ick' is just your cue to try another girl. The right one will WANT you looking.
It seems to me the long and short of it is this. "red pill works for lays, but not for relationships" which is fallaciously applied as a band aid for people who have no real grasp of what 'red pill' is or being aware that there is VERY MUCH a 'game.' It's all branded as 't0xic' and problematic by people who fail to understand it. There are two parts to it. Skills in interactions and first encounters (aka 'game' 'PUA' or 'seduction') to create the attraction which should NEVER be limited to just getting with her. Then you've got the stability and 'being a man' part. Deny it as they may, people also seem to think that being a solid man who is sure of himself and is genuine has no effectiveness in seduction. BS.
Too many people think "'ok I've got her, now I just get to be my nebulous 'self.'" Then what happens? Predictably, you fall into a comfort zone. You don't want to disagree with her. You want to do less of what you'd like to do. You start buying her preferred brands and you miss yours. You basically hand her your c0ckadoodle doo and say "Hang on to this until it's time for us to do it" which she won't be in the mood for because you've stopped being the man that drew her to you like electromagnetic theory.
"You're not the man I married" is unfortunately most likely the point of no return. Much like "Friend" is the proverbial kiss of death. You basically sell women the 'bill of goods' and then come to find out it isn't who you really are. You mention not knowing if you can be FIXED. I say that's absolute horseshyte. You're not broken, man. You don't need fixing. You need to allow yourself to want what you want and go out there and not give up on it.
Be honest with yourself. Take parts of what works FOR YOU and don't do the bits that don't work. I know how 'neg hits' work, but I rarely use them. There are several aspects of 'game' terminology that I've come to find much later I've done naturally. Only I didn't understand why it worked. Or I hated that it did. I hated that I felt like "I just can't be myself."
I'd encourage you to look into Tom Leykis' "Final Message" on youtube. It's got one of those 'feel goodery' musical numbers in there, but his bits of advice in it are SOLID. When people say you must "love yourself" that doesn't mean love that you're a failure, can't bench press more than you weigh, can't get with a woman that you can bench press, or that you haven't gotten to where you want to be in life by the time you think you should have.
If you don't believe that you are better than what you've got going or that you can love yourself you have to BECOME better than that. You have to BECOME someone YOU LOVE. It sounds like a bunch of mumbo jumbo positive vibes 'hells bells, I'm well!' nonsense, but I assure you it's not. At the end of it, if YOU don't pick you, why should she?
The catch 22 of it all is similar to business in my opinion. "No job because of no experience, no experience because no job." = "No relationship because of no dates, no dates because of no relationship." No one bothers to explain what the heck they mean in most life advice that's thrown around and feels ambiguous as fvck. "Love yourself" "Just be confident" "Pull yourself up by your bootstraps" "Good things come to those who wait," etc. It's meant to be helpful but it's not.
What do they even MEAN??? What they SHOULD tell you is to play with electricity. To buy little stuff off of amazon that you used to find in a radio shack. Build it and make it work. Boom. You have soldering experience, multimeter, know the difference between an inductor and a capacitor (not the flux capacitor!), can tell me how a radio works and what the sam heck a superheterodyne receiver is! Job will come! And you'll KEEP that job! Why? Because your resume looked good? NO. Because you have SKILL + EXPERIENCE.
You can't be confident unless you have wins. The better you become at something, the more you enjoy it. The greater the rewards start to become. You'll understand that women who don't choose to respond to you 'in that way' are ones that don't appreciate YOU. You'll understand that both of you have a choice. You'll understand that just because she is pretty doesn't mean that she's the one for you. You'll understand that just because you have the physique you want, the income you want, the car you want, the clothes you want, frequent the places you want, doesn't mean that you're the one for HER.
You'll understand (hopefully) that a bunch of women out there if you give yourself the permission to succeed as you've self identified, fit the criteria as 'the one.' Know what makes a woman "the one?" I'll give you a hint. It isn't her. It's YOU. When you decide "she's it," not only should you make d@mned sure that you don't stop being you, you should make sure that you don't stop IMPROVING YOU and that you expect her to continue to be who she is! Cookies and ice cream, spoiling her with gifts, ok. It's got it's moments or maybe it's the only thing that will cheer her up. But best believe I'm going to add a witty remark like "Hey, just do an extra set for each exercise you do!"
Her "dolling herself up" staying fit, or being sweet/kind shouldn't be used only in the beginning either. So why would we expect that just because we seduce a lady that *dusts hands off* we're done! Smooth sailing! Happily ever after! I don't need to workout anymore! I can wear a tank, flip flops, and not put any jewelry on! Cologne is too expensive and I won't be able to send her to 'spa days!'
I dunno man. I'm rambling at this point, but I just hope to shed a little light on some things. I don't think there's anything WRONG with you. As a disclaimer, I was only a student of applied psychology and crisis management. I'm not a clinical worker or psychologist/therapist. But what I WILL tell you is that just like women, even these professionals are at the end of the day, PEOPLE.
And most people do not understand what I STRONGLY believe everyone SHOULD learn in their teens with interactions with the opposite sex and how we get along together in society. THAT is the crux of the matter and in my opinion why we have so much confusion and well intended 'treatments' that address antecedents and CRISIS. NOT development of character or sense of self worth and efficacy that would not steer in the direction of poor mental health, self image, or an inferiority complex.
I wish I could say that I was a teen that learned it. No. I was around your age before I started to understand. It's HARD to teach yourself how to be a man when you don't have that strong male influence to look up to. But it isn't impossible. Chin up.
Despite all the progress:
- I'm still scared to cold approach in social settings.
- I'm still scared to ask for what I really want.
- I'm still scared to take what I want in life.
^^^
THOSE are the things that stuck out like a sore thumb to me. It seems that you've taken bits of the red pill (or what have you to describe the state of being an aware DJ and not an AFC) that allow you to get dates and lays. Same can work for a lot in life. Tricks can work, hacks can work. When those are over, what do you have? No foundation.
Too many ignore what they don't understand or dismiss it. Not saying this is you. But too often, you see examples of men ignoring seduction or ignoring stability, resulting in black/white or 'mechanical' thinking. 'This' for 'that,' 'to' and 'fro.' You need BOTH. You need to be able to get to the point where you AREN'T scared to approach, to ask for what you want, and to yes! Take what you want in life!
You've said it later yourself "in business, if you want something, you have to make it happen." I couldn't disagree more with someone who says the same isn't true for a solid relationship, s3x, or dating with women. You can't just "just stop looking for it and it'll happen." What you need is to understand that women are PEOPLE. They aren't mystical beings that have nebulous confusion oozing from their pores and infecting you.
This is why it's VERY effective to approach women who you assume you have no shot with at all. It's to get yourself used to being around or approaching very good looking or desirable women. I mean, obviously if she's being a (insert your favorite word to call the type of women you least prefer here) then you abandon that effort and move on. There are ALWAYS more women. Just like there is always more of everything. The only thing that there will NEVER BE MORE OF IS TIME.
It takes time to get used to approaching and it takes APPROACHES to shed fear of rejection and of women that make you want to turn your head. TURN YOUR HEAD. Look at them in their beautiful eyes. Don't even be afraid to be caught staring at her second set of eyes. She KNOWS how visible/demure they are. Women are HYPER aware of their appearance at all times with very few and I mean VERY few exceptions. You looking at her and her not liking it or giving her the 'ick' is just your cue to try another girl. The right one will WANT you looking.
It seems to me the long and short of it is this. "red pill works for lays, but not for relationships" which is fallaciously applied as a band aid for people who have no real grasp of what 'red pill' is or being aware that there is VERY MUCH a 'game.' It's all branded as 't0xic' and problematic by people who fail to understand it. There are two parts to it. Skills in interactions and first encounters (aka 'game' 'PUA' or 'seduction') to create the attraction which should NEVER be limited to just getting with her. Then you've got the stability and 'being a man' part. Deny it as they may, people also seem to think that being a solid man who is sure of himself and is genuine has no effectiveness in seduction. BS.
Too many people think "'ok I've got her, now I just get to be my nebulous 'self.'" Then what happens? Predictably, you fall into a comfort zone. You don't want to disagree with her. You want to do less of what you'd like to do. You start buying her preferred brands and you miss yours. You basically hand her your c0ckadoodle doo and say "Hang on to this until it's time for us to do it" which she won't be in the mood for because you've stopped being the man that drew her to you like electromagnetic theory.
"You're not the man I married" is unfortunately most likely the point of no return. Much like "Friend" is the proverbial kiss of death. You basically sell women the 'bill of goods' and then come to find out it isn't who you really are. You mention not knowing if you can be FIXED. I say that's absolute horseshyte. You're not broken, man. You don't need fixing. You need to allow yourself to want what you want and go out there and not give up on it.
Be honest with yourself. Take parts of what works FOR YOU and don't do the bits that don't work. I know how 'neg hits' work, but I rarely use them. There are several aspects of 'game' terminology that I've come to find much later I've done naturally. Only I didn't understand why it worked. Or I hated that it did. I hated that I felt like "I just can't be myself."
I'd encourage you to look into Tom Leykis' "Final Message" on youtube. It's got one of those 'feel goodery' musical numbers in there, but his bits of advice in it are SOLID. When people say you must "love yourself" that doesn't mean love that you're a failure, can't bench press more than you weigh, can't get with a woman that you can bench press, or that you haven't gotten to where you want to be in life by the time you think you should have.
If you don't believe that you are better than what you've got going or that you can love yourself you have to BECOME better than that. You have to BECOME someone YOU LOVE. It sounds like a bunch of mumbo jumbo positive vibes 'hells bells, I'm well!' nonsense, but I assure you it's not. At the end of it, if YOU don't pick you, why should she?
The catch 22 of it all is similar to business in my opinion. "No job because of no experience, no experience because no job." = "No relationship because of no dates, no dates because of no relationship." No one bothers to explain what the heck they mean in most life advice that's thrown around and feels ambiguous as fvck. "Love yourself" "Just be confident" "Pull yourself up by your bootstraps" "Good things come to those who wait," etc. It's meant to be helpful but it's not.
What do they even MEAN??? What they SHOULD tell you is to play with electricity. To buy little stuff off of amazon that you used to find in a radio shack. Build it and make it work. Boom. You have soldering experience, multimeter, know the difference between an inductor and a capacitor (not the flux capacitor!), can tell me how a radio works and what the sam heck a superheterodyne receiver is! Job will come! And you'll KEEP that job! Why? Because your resume looked good? NO. Because you have SKILL + EXPERIENCE.
You can't be confident unless you have wins. The better you become at something, the more you enjoy it. The greater the rewards start to become. You'll understand that women who don't choose to respond to you 'in that way' are ones that don't appreciate YOU. You'll understand that both of you have a choice. You'll understand that just because she is pretty doesn't mean that she's the one for you. You'll understand that just because you have the physique you want, the income you want, the car you want, the clothes you want, frequent the places you want, doesn't mean that you're the one for HER.
You'll understand (hopefully) that a bunch of women out there if you give yourself the permission to succeed as you've self identified, fit the criteria as 'the one.' Know what makes a woman "the one?" I'll give you a hint. It isn't her. It's YOU. When you decide "she's it," not only should you make d@mned sure that you don't stop being you, you should make sure that you don't stop IMPROVING YOU and that you expect her to continue to be who she is! Cookies and ice cream, spoiling her with gifts, ok. It's got it's moments or maybe it's the only thing that will cheer her up. But best believe I'm going to add a witty remark like "Hey, just do an extra set for each exercise you do!"
Her "dolling herself up" staying fit, or being sweet/kind shouldn't be used only in the beginning either. So why would we expect that just because we seduce a lady that *dusts hands off* we're done! Smooth sailing! Happily ever after! I don't need to workout anymore! I can wear a tank, flip flops, and not put any jewelry on! Cologne is too expensive and I won't be able to send her to 'spa days!'
I dunno man. I'm rambling at this point, but I just hope to shed a little light on some things. I don't think there's anything WRONG with you. As a disclaimer, I was only a student of applied psychology and crisis management. I'm not a clinical worker or psychologist/therapist. But what I WILL tell you is that just like women, even these professionals are at the end of the day, PEOPLE.
And most people do not understand what I STRONGLY believe everyone SHOULD learn in their teens with interactions with the opposite sex and how we get along together in society. THAT is the crux of the matter and in my opinion why we have so much confusion and well intended 'treatments' that address antecedents and CRISIS. NOT development of character or sense of self worth and efficacy that would not steer in the direction of poor mental health, self image, or an inferiority complex.
I wish I could say that I was a teen that learned it. No. I was around your age before I started to understand. It's HARD to teach yourself how to be a man when you don't have that strong male influence to look up to. But it isn't impossible. Chin up.
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