25 virgin needs help with hot girl

[Tazman]

Ok, I've had absolutely no intimate contact or close friendship with a girl in 10 years. I have no idea what I'm going to say or how to act. Theres a girl that works at this store I frequent, and she's been looking me, more like gazing. I have looked at her and have held eye contact, though I did chicken out a few times.

She will walk past me and as she gets further away she will give me the "look." Basically, common sense says that she's interested but being the inexperienced chump that I am, I can't seem to find the courage to ask her out (let alone how). I get depressed because she's so cute and her ass makes me melt (I have these visions of me bending her over and........you get the picture).

Do you guys have any suggestions on how a guy who isn't outgoing, doesn't dance, etc....can make something happen with a girl that I know guys have to be all over all the time? I'm a short skinny guy (5,5, 120lbs), and I can't even believe she would be attracted to me....well the only thing I have going for me is my face (I've been told I'm cute), but thats it, thats the ONLY thing attractive about me.

It seems like most of the advice here is for people who are extroverted and outgoing.....I'm not that way at all and its not because of insecurity (well insecurity is partially it), its more like a trait passed down from my parents. I like going to concerts, bars if I'm with someone I know, the movies, bowling (I'm weak at bowling but its fun with friends). Any suggestions on an approach for a very shy guy? lol, I'd just be happy knowing that I scored with a girl who is so attractive.

 

[SpeedRunner]

uhh.... have you talked to her? if so, what'd she say?

 

[Tazman]

The only thing I've said is "hey hows it going." Its pretty much her job to greet people when they walk in, so at first I didn't think anything of it, until she started the staring. I said to myself I can atleast just say hello and goodbye when I'm coming and going, but she wouldn't look at me when I was leaving, and then maybe I'll hear her say "bye" as I'm pushing open the door and when I look back she's looking in another direction like she wasn't even talking to me.

Its weird, I would leave the store and expect her to be busy with something or looking everywhere else but at me, and I see her look out of the corner of my eye and think "damn, I just walked by without saying anything." Then when I tell myself "ok now just look at her and say bye, its easy" she won't even look at me. Its so damn annoying, I speak to people when we meet eyes unless I need to ask a question. I hate having to get someones attention just to say hello or goodbye when I don't even know them.

 

[geneticperfection]

First thing, download print and do the DJ bootcamp. Sounds like something that would work for you.
Secondly, come up with a joke for something that you buy there. There are cute girls who work at the college grocery store here, so I usually say something funny about whatever I'm buying, they laugh, and I've got a person to say hi to next time, or ask about classes or whatever, and eventually ask out if I want. Its best to do this during slower hours since if she's responding well, you can take things to a conversation rather than a one line joke and you're out. Either way its better than nothing at all.

 

[Dominant]

You want tips and techniques to land this hot girl.

You want to fix the outside before the inside. Doesn't work that way.

You yourself realize that your insides are screwed up. You have to fix that first before you approach girls like the one at the store.

What will happen if you approach that girl is YOU WILL SCREW UP. YOU WILL GET REJECTED. Period. I guarantee it. You don't believe me? Go try the some technique you read about on the internet and watch yourself fail.

And then you'll be sorry because you won't be able to handle the rejection.

I know you won't be able to handle it because you haven't experienced enough interaction with women.

I know you haven't experienced enough interaction with women because you're a 25 year old virgin.

And no, your height and your skinniness (is that a word?) don't matter much.

Don't mean to be a jerk here. I would be more of a jerk if I told you some techniques and told you "go for it, you Master DJ!" because that would lead you to disaster, and even more confusion.

Look, learn to dress decent. Then go out and get rejected 25 times. My recommendation is to buy Gunwitch's "Dynamic Sex Life" and study the hell out of it. It'll give you the strong foundations you need. Notice I said foundations YOU NEED.

You NEED certain foundations before you go and start approaching chicks. One foundation you need is to able to handle rejection.

You can't handle rejection because otherwise you would have approached that chick.

If you can't afford to buy the book, or flat out don't want to, then try the Boot Camp.

But DO NOT cover yourself up on the outside with techniques and tips without fixing the inside. YOU WILL FAIL. YOU WILL BE SORRY. AND YOU WILL WASTE MORE TIME. YOU'VE WASTED ENOUGH ALREADY.

You can't go on the basketball court and lead a team to victory if you can't even dribble.

Good luck, and please listen.
-Dominant

 

[DeathDealer]

you need much more help buddy.

 

[Tazman]

Really appreciate the replies. I will definitely read more about the things you guys mentioned. I also think I NEED this rejection. I'm tired of not acting when a girl gives me signals. Yes, I'm in over my head, but thats not going to change unless I make a bold move right? I've seen her gaze at me on about 3 or 4 different occasions, so I'm assuming that she hasn't been turned off by my lack of initiative........yet.

You guys are absolutely right though, I need to build my foundation otherwise I'm not going to get very far. I've been out of the loop for so long that I haven't realized that I've even been given signals in the first place. I guess because guys are expected to initiate everything and it says something about their level of confidence.

I actually attempted to get this chick in one of my college classes but I bailed because she mentioned having a bf. You should've seen how nervous I made her when I suddenly sat beside her in class and asked her how she was doing etc.. Previously, she would always look away when I made eye contact with her so I one day I asked her what her name was, she told me, and I said "ok, I just wanted to make eye contact with you" LOL! that was the boldest thing I've ever done, and I felt great afterwards because I felt so "in control."

It would've been nice to go further with her but I'm not chasing a girl who has a bf with my current level of inexperience. She initiated contact with me which is why I approached her, but she was also playing some games that I wasn't ready to handle.

 

[Delta Male]

You want to fix the outside before the inside. Doesn't work that way.

You yourself realize that your insides are screwed up. You have to fix that first before you approach girls like the one at the store.

What will happen if you approach that girl is YOU WILL SCREW UP. YOU WILL GET REJECTED. Period. I guarantee it. You don't believe me? Go try the some technique you read about on the internet and watch yourself fail.

100% correct. There is absolutely no technique or tip we can tell you in a few sentences on the internet that will help you out at all. You need to make a long term effort to become more attractice, which will take YEARS. This includes:

-Working out
-Dressing better
-Doing exercises to improve your inner game
-Eating better
-Getting a better haircut. etc.

All of the above is optional, but this is absolutely mandatory

-GET OUT IN THE FIELD AND DO 20+ SETS A WEEK FOR A YEAR.

Don't believe people who come to you with a band-aid fix for the problem of being unattractive and call it a magic pill. The only magic pill is hard work.

Dan

Dan, the cool RSI intern
http://www.rapidsocialimpact.com

 

[Dominant]

I like you man. You're intelligent and humble. You can go a long way.

You remind me of myself not too long ago. Feels good to try something bold like that huh? Like you're making some progress. Also, you see that you can handle it, it's not the end of the world.

My only concern is you may have one-itis with this chick at the store. So if she blows you off, you'll be really messed up in the head, as opposed to if some random chick blows you off.

But if you think you can handle it, by all means.

But, have some sort of structure for growing. Boot Camp, or Dynamic Sex Life, or some material that is proven to give results. Don't just do whatever.

Now let's get rejected!

Later,
Dominant

 

[Tazman]

Funny thing is, I've been working out for about a year and a 1/2. I think I've gained about 15lbs. I've definitely gained muscle but I'm just a small guy, my bones are pretty thin, which has caused a lot of my insecurity despite the attention I get because of my face. The technique I'm thinking about using is "pretending" to know what I'm doing in the hopes that I can BS my way to a little action so I can actually get some real "experience." What do you guys think about that (on top of trying some of your suggestions)?

 

[Tazman]

Thanks Dominant, you are right about the one-itis because I'm already "obsessing" over her because she's so attractive and has shown interest. I think I may still go through with it because.....damn, it feels so much worse when you let opportunities go by without even trying. Then what am I left with? A harddrive full of porn........

 

[Dominant]

Originally posted by Tazman
Funny thing is, I've been working out for about a year and a 1/2. I think I've gained about 15lbs. I've definitely gained muscle but I'm just a small guy, my bones are pretty thin, which has caused a lot of my insecurity despite the attention I get because of my face. The technique I'm thinking about using is "pretending" to know what I'm doing in the hopes that I can BS my way to a little action so I can actually get some real "experience." What do you guys think about that (on top of trying some of your suggestions)?

Nah. I'd say to a strict regimen. What you're trying to pull won't take you far.

Just do it right, you'll save yourself time. The biggest roadblock you have is fear, not your lack of a sexual past.

-Dominant

 

[geneticperfection]

Originally posted by Dominant
You want tips and techniques to land this hot girl.

You want to fix the outside before the inside. Doesn't work that way.

I'd like to retract my previous advice except for the Bootcamp bit - it was idiotic of me to give you a "technique" that worked for me (obviuosly each guy has a different game and the exact things that work for me will not work for some other guys and vice versa).
Dominant is absolutely right. Get your game together first; play a few practice rounds (the rejection rounds), and proceed from there.

 

[belividere]

What will happen if you approach that girl is YOU WILL SCREW UP. YOU WILL GET REJECTED. Period. I guarantee it. You don't believe me? Go try the some technique you read about on the internet and watch yourself fail.

Since when did everyone one this site become psychic. Seriously this is really bad advice.

Dude walk outside and look around. See a bunch of guys with girls right. What is the common denominator that connects each of them and their success with women? They approached.

 

[Bill S. Preston Esq]

Honestly...while everything else everyone has said is cool and all...I, Bill S. Preston Esq., recommend not stressing about it and try not to become her boyfriend so fast.

This should be fun and not a chore.

Be observant and ask her question she might be familiar with and improvise!

Be excellent to eachother.

 

[flyinshark]

If you'll allow me to be negative (or perhaps realistic), it seems to me that most people working in stores have to look at their customers. Since u like her so much, the fact that u caught her looking at you made you think that she was perhaps gazing at you with interest. It may be the case, but remember that those people HAVE to look charming for their customers and in the case of a girl she might be using a bit of charm on you to keep u coming to the store.

Now, on a positive note, all i said doesnt mean that u should not try to have a conversation with her. You should never miss the oportunity to talk with a girl that you like, as it may turn out that she was interested too, but just to shy to talk to you herself. Then you'll bang your head on a wall asking why the hell u didn't try earlier, as she WAS indeed into you.

The only way to find out whether the girl is interested (other than her approaching you first) is to talk to her.

As for HOW to approach girls, please follow the above advice from the other fellow DJ's, as it's great advice.

 

[Dominant]

Originally posted by belividere
Since when did everyone one this site become psychic. Seriously this is really bad advice.
B]

Well I don't claim to be psychic, but this is not bad advice. Hell, this isn't advice, it's a statement, and a true one at that.

I can tell there's a 99% chance he'll fail because
1. It's a girl at a store. She probably gets approached a lot from guys who have more game than the guy who made this thread. Furthermore, she looks at everyone that comes in.
2. The guy has very little idea what to do/say.
3. The guy will be very nervous when he approaches. It will show.

I could point out other things, but it's just plain common sense.

The guy has some type of one-itis with this chick. Wrong girl to go after if you are just starting out, as our friend is.

Bottom line, I'm telling this guy he has bigger fish to fry, bigger issues to deal with, rather than this girl.

Even if he IS successful with this girl (which he won't be, but if he is), he wouldn't have fixed the bigger, more important problems.

And THAT'S the real tragedy.

-Dominant.

 

[dig it]

Bingo. From australia. ok, but i played baseball.

Its like baseball man. You want to pitch really good, be the best there is.

But its no good just being able to pitch, you gotta be good enough as well to make a play at first, which involves a lot more than just pitching the ball and is way different.

Such as this.

One techique wont work, because it will change nothing

Do the bootcamp or the other suggesttions.

Get rejected as many times as it takes before you dont care anymore if you get rejected or not ( its not a saddist thing, its a character building thing) and experience and learn as much as you can from sites like this and things like the bible, all the while getting real world experience.

Your game for the next couple of years wont be to get a great gf, although you may find one, it will primarily be to meet women, and i gaurantee you along the way to you become proficient at this kind of thing you will get a few gf's and get laid a fair bit.

But it takes time to become really good, maybe a few years.

You guys reckon he shouldnt talk to this girl....i reckon he should.....mate, make your start with this girl.

Just dont put her on the high pedastal and pray to her like she is a goddess (or worse, treat her like one) because she is actually more insecure than you.

Find out about attraction. Find out about girls. Get your inner self sorted first and keep going to the gym. stay busy in your life and try and meet as many girls as you can.

A great lover is many things....good at sex....but more importantly, a great lsitener, a good talker, confident and sure, a good leader....in control.... and more...


notice lead, she will expect you to make all the moves, because nature made her that way. But there is your first confidence booster.....god or evolution gave you control of the situation (to begin with at least), YOU get to decide what you want to do, you get to make the first play....and i think that is often the deciding blow in anything....the first move. the most powerful one..


But like i said, read the dj bootcamp and bible. Learn about attraction and how it works, learn about women and what they like in guys, try to emulate those traits, continue focusing onyourself and those you love, stay busy and goto the gym as well. try and meet as many girls as you can, set long and short term goals....

if you are trying to meet 10+ women a week, thats a good start....you want to at lest be able to smile at them with bright eyes and hold eye contact to begin with....say hi to everyone you meet...

see what this will do? You can imagine it will change the way you interact with the world.

after you are comfortable, you can engage (where appropriate) people in conversation, and it just goes on from there all the way up to getting phone numbers from girls you just met! to sex.

Now thats power. But if you just want a decent gf and be able to keep her and have her happy, there is nothing wrong with that either....

best of luck.

You sound like you want to get good at this type of thing....the vibe you will project is something that goes a long way to improve your entire life....so there are many fringe benifits to this whole relationship improvement thing.

Everybody needs somebody....and just think, to them you are doing them a favour by learning how to be great to them. And your life overall will improve because YOU have improved.

Just one thing....you will be throwing yourself into the deep end, so its sink or swim, but against a wall i know people fight harder for what they want....so its a good thing and it will bring results....

like army traning.

i did it a long time ago, dj boot camp and it worked wonders at building a foundation.

 

[geneticperfection]

Originally posted by Dominant
The guy has some type of one-itis with this chick. Wrong girl to go after if you are just starting out, as our friend is.

Probably the most important thing here. Oneitis usually leads to screw-ups. The only times I mess up with girls is when I get into this mindset. It simply isnt condusive to hitting on most girls.
Additionally if this one tanks, the guy is probably going to feel really burned and be upset about this chick (who could be an absolute ***** on the inside for all any of us know), and possibly kill his desire to try again in the near future. Its better to walk in prepared and definitely out of the one-itis mindset. its possible to succeed regardless, but why play with the deck stacked against you?

Btw Dig It: Loved your post. I still feel he should try elsewhere first because the burn in this case might be too much, but apart from that I dont think too many people would disagree with you. DJing is a life-transformation to being a better man, not just a good PUA. The women just happen to like the better men.

 

[Alen-Delon]

(I have these visions of me bending her over and........you get the picture).

loool chances are u its ur vision that she's been looking at you. u are asking her out and not sking her to marry you ur 25 not 15.