That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
Wow and I thought I was pessimistic. Ok heres my situation, Im Asian, muslim, shallow (only go after the most gorgeous girls). I should be worse off then you but Im not. I understand about your parents , mine are the same way. But you need to grow a backbone and stand up for yourself. my parents didnt want me to ever even get my license but because Im natually independent I got it and even started driving from 17. Because of my parents I didnt start activily start talking to girls till I was 17. But I didnt blame everything on them.Originally posted by Enigma412
I feel your pain. I am 21 and in the same boat. Here is a I posted about similar problemshttp://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=68629 .
I am in the same situation. I was a loner and fundamentally anti-social for my first two years in college but I have become increasingly friendly and sociable since I began my junior year, especially since November. I have a large circle of acquantinces but no real friends, as in the kind that you would hang out with over the weekend.
My parents are Muslim immigrants (I am an agnostic who hates Islam for causing 99.9999% of my problems) who didn't allow me to date and that is the core reason for me being an AFC. While everyone else was learning the ropes, so to speak, with women in middle school and high school I was forced to be on the sidelines, even though I had plenty of opportunties in my senior year. Thanks to the curse of being born to Muslim parents, I was unable to make anything of countless opportunities with HB's in my senior year. As I mentioned earlier, I basically threw away my first to years in college--my first years of freedom. Of course, I didn't have a car until my junior year and that is what truly gave me the feeling of freedom and I have tried to change to an extent but, like you, have failed thus far.
First, we Asians must never forget that white does not equal "Western", "American", or "Canadian." However, I understand your point and if that is the case we are screwed since the US is 96% non-Asian (and the largest Asian group is a mere 1% of the population) and Canada is almost 90% non-Asian (the largest Asian group in Canada is just 3% of the population).
You may be right, though. Even subpar whites have decent social success but we are viewed as aliens from outer space by many people, which automatically kills our chances with them--even if we are clearly not immigrants and have no accent and no ties to any foreign country or foreign culture! One of my suitmates is white and he literally plays video games all day but he has several friends and he, unlike me, was able to become friends with his female dorm neighbors across the hall and I have made an honest effort to befriend many women in my dorm and am 0-for-7 or something. Sometimes I curse the day my parents immigrated.
If only you spent the time figuring out how to improve yourself instead of what your excuse is then maybe things would get better. Sorry to be harsh, but this sounds like something I used to say. Yeah, it's hard to meet women without friends. I don't have any wingmen either and it sucks. But not impossible. Go out more and meet women and friends. All the women I've ever met, I've met when I was out by myself.Originally posted by joe45
well most ppl are luckier than me as they have freinds to help em while i have no one i am a loner so i ain;t that very that lucky. all my advice and help is from ppl from the forums, lets hope they actually help, but everyones differ right what workl for u might not work for me. well i do hope and wish that i had buds to help me out but none yet
thats exactly the kind of attitude that spawns ****.Originally posted by TillTheEndOfTime
A white washed asian girl is an asian girl who has embraced the western culture while practically completely ignoring her asian roots. They tend to listen to rock/alternative/punk/emo. I agree with Tom on this one. I have met plenty of white washed asian girls and from all my past experiences they are no good.
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
It's not that I care or anyone else does about them forgetting their asian roots. That's not the problem. The problem is THEM. As Tom already alluded to, they pretty much stink. Many of them are gold diggers, don't date other asians (bad if you're asian), have some sort of baggage they carry from fights with parents, etc. It just so happens there is a pattern between these "white-washed" asian girls and the type of personalities just mentioned. It has nothing to do with simply forgetting their asian roots on its own.Originally posted by Enigma412
What is so noxious about that? I have never lived in Asia. Why should I care anymore about a distant land and alien culture anymore than we expect typical white Americans and white Canadians to do? Do we expect 2nd generation Italian-Americans or Italian-Canadians to know Italian, listen to Italian music, watch Italian TV via satelliate, and read Italian literature?
Until Asians see themselves as, as legitimately American or Canadian as whites the larger society will continue to see Asians as perptually foreign--with very damaging consquences for Asians.
First, as a disclaimer I'll say my experiences are limited to the Greater Toronto Area (GTA). I'm not speaking world-wide here. I will fight for this belief of mine with my life when speaking about the GTA however. I have met 15 of these "white-washed" type of asian girls here in Toronto and ALL of them had more than average (in some cases far more than average) issues/problems for a girl their age. You tend to give up after 15 in a row when there are so many better alternatives than putting up with that crap. I don't know a single person who has maintained a healthy and functional relationship with a white-washed asian girl.Originally posted by Centaurion
thats exactly the kind of attitude that spawns ****.
i have a american-asian girl friend, and the first thing the asian-asians told her when she moved to australia was that she should stay away from anyone that was non-asian, because they were no good.
You can see the result of this clearly at Usyd. All the asian-asians stick together in their own group they stay in their rooms 24/7. I live on a dorm close to campus and the only time you see the asians here are when there is a firedrill, then you go like "wooha where the **** did all these people come from!!?" There is almost none social interaction between them and non-asians, cause we are afterall 'gweilos' and 'farangs' etc.
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
You HAVE to keep trying man. I'm in the same boat right now. No reason to give up. Hang in there and keep trying. Look how long it took Henry Ford to build the first v8 motor.ppl from other forums tell me to jsut ask her out... well i did and they said NO.