Tweek_1984
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2004
- Messages
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"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
23 Year Old Virgin: Help Me Get Laid
- Thread starter Dork_to_Stud
- Start date
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
LongDrinkofWater
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 20, 2005
- Messages
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This is a great mindset, so long as saying HI (or whatever) is not forced.
Do you appreciate a smile from that cute waitress? Sure you do, even if you realize she'd getting paid to be that way. Assume that your sincere greeting makes others feel good about themselves, and may even make their day (you never know).
So Many Ways
Master Don Juan
This is a long journey and there is no overnight solution.
Start off by expanding your social circle. Hang out with your ladies man older brother. That's a huge resource you have right there, so what if your personalities are different.
Make yourself some friends that have the same goals that you have and that want to expand their game as well. You guys can push each other. I'm fortunate to have a good friend who is trying to do the same thing I'm doing and it helps alot.
Like someone else suggested, do some of the bootcamp exercises. Get used to being more social with people. Make smalltalk with the cashier that bags your gorceries. Learn how to smile at people and learn how to be friendly.
How do you dress? I'd suggest buying some nice clothes that you feel comfortable in.
You have to start from scratch, there is no quick fix.
By no means get a prostitute!!!
By no means do you go and f*ck a fat or hideous chick!!!
This will not help your self confidence, instead you will just hate yourself if you bone a fat chick, trust me. Don't do it. I'm not saying to have impossible standards, but don't sell yourself completely short.
The bottom line is, get out in the field and talk to people, then go from there. When you're on a date, relax, have fun. There is no reason to be nervous on a date. Lean back and have fun with it and what happens happens.
Start off by expanding your social circle. Hang out with your ladies man older brother. That's a huge resource you have right there, so what if your personalities are different.
Make yourself some friends that have the same goals that you have and that want to expand their game as well. You guys can push each other. I'm fortunate to have a good friend who is trying to do the same thing I'm doing and it helps alot.
Like someone else suggested, do some of the bootcamp exercises. Get used to being more social with people. Make smalltalk with the cashier that bags your gorceries. Learn how to smile at people and learn how to be friendly.
How do you dress? I'd suggest buying some nice clothes that you feel comfortable in.
You have to start from scratch, there is no quick fix.
By no means get a prostitute!!!
By no means do you go and f*ck a fat or hideous chick!!!
This will not help your self confidence, instead you will just hate yourself if you bone a fat chick, trust me. Don't do it. I'm not saying to have impossible standards, but don't sell yourself completely short.
The bottom line is, get out in the field and talk to people, then go from there. When you're on a date, relax, have fun. There is no reason to be nervous on a date. Lean back and have fun with it and what happens happens.
Hound_of_Love
Don Juan
- Joined
- May 16, 2005
- Messages
- 144
- Reaction score
- 1
There's no magic bullet to getting laid. If there was we'd do away with this whole site and replace it with a single paragraph. The closest I can get to doing that is to tell you to work out your strengths.
Your brother's half right when he says 'be yourself'. He says that because when he's himself, he gets the girls. He's already tuned into the right frequecy, if you like. You have to find your frequency.
Take me for example. I work out 4 or 5 times a week but I'm still skinny. I look younger than I am and I'd probably be described as 'pretty' rather than handsome (assuming it wasn't 'ugly'), so there's no point in me playing the bad boy - it wouldn't fit.
But I'm approachable - people feel able to talk to me. That's good - it makes cold approaching easier. On the downside, it makes it easier for girls to see me as a friend - I have to watch the friendzone thing - specifically I have to make sexual intent clear from early on. I have to go big on the eye contact and kino.
If I'm honest, I'm a terrible listener. When people talk to me, if I'm not really interested, my mind flits all over the place. I try to improve that element but at the end of the day maybe I have to work around it. On the plus side, I've normally got a new subject to talk about - you can use either way as an advantage see? Be a good talker, be a good listener.
Can you describe yourself in those terms?
Your brother's half right when he says 'be yourself'. He says that because when he's himself, he gets the girls. He's already tuned into the right frequecy, if you like. You have to find your frequency.
Take me for example. I work out 4 or 5 times a week but I'm still skinny. I look younger than I am and I'd probably be described as 'pretty' rather than handsome (assuming it wasn't 'ugly'), so there's no point in me playing the bad boy - it wouldn't fit.
But I'm approachable - people feel able to talk to me. That's good - it makes cold approaching easier. On the downside, it makes it easier for girls to see me as a friend - I have to watch the friendzone thing - specifically I have to make sexual intent clear from early on. I have to go big on the eye contact and kino.
If I'm honest, I'm a terrible listener. When people talk to me, if I'm not really interested, my mind flits all over the place. I try to improve that element but at the end of the day maybe I have to work around it. On the plus side, I've normally got a new subject to talk about - you can use either way as an advantage see? Be a good talker, be a good listener.
Can you describe yourself in those terms?
Is it possible you have a superiority complex?
Or just simply a smart person and girls can't measure up to your standards when they open their month?
So while you can find girl you're physically attracted to, you don't like them as a person and don't really want to progress?
Can this be the problem?
Or just simply a smart person and girls can't measure up to your standards when they open their month?
So while you can find girl you're physically attracted to, you don't like them as a person and don't really want to progress?
Can this be the problem?
"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
Dork_to_Stud
Don Juan
- Joined
- Jan 4, 2006
- Messages
- 11
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Not likely. If anything, I have an inferiority complex but I do my best to cover it up. I'm not really a picky guy when it comes to girls. All I ask is that there be some physical attraction (literally, at this point, anything can turn me on) and the girl be normal (no drugs, no diseases, and no overly b!tchy behavior). I don't really care about her education (because I know school can be overrated) but I do prefer a girl to have some college background. This is mainly because I don't want a girl to see me as their meal ticket because I'm in graduate school.
By the way, I am a good talker/ listener. I think that is a problem. Those are good friendship traits but not necessarily good boyfriend / fukk buddy traits, at least from my experience. But I don't want to get into the whole "nice guys finish last" tirade because that gets tired.
By the way, I am a good talker/ listener. I think that is a problem. Those are good friendship traits but not necessarily good boyfriend / fukk buddy traits, at least from my experience. But I don't want to get into the whole "nice guys finish last" tirade because that gets tired.
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Tomatoes
Master Don Juan
You sound alot like one of my mates. A very good listerner. Nice guy. Good talker. But he never gets girls. I think you seem like the same. The mistake he is making and it may well be the mistake you are making too is that when you are talking to girls you are always doing it in a polite/friend way. This will always land you in the Friendzone. You need to do as the above post says. Make sexual intent known early on. I dont mean go up to a girl and say "do you wanna fcuk?". But you should complement her on the way she looks. Dont use words like nice or pretty. But words like sexy and hot. Just changing the words you use and the way you express them will have a big impact. I garentee you will have spoken to girls in the past who wanted to bang the sh1t out of you but they wouldnt say and you probley werent showing enough signs to keep them about. So when you talk to a girl make sexual comments in your flirting.
Malachi
Don Juan
Could you post a picture?,so we know what you look like?.
-Malachi
-Malachi
Dork_to_Stud
Don Juan
- Joined
- Jan 4, 2006
- Messages
- 11
- Reaction score
- 1
I would post a pic of myself, but considering the subject matter of this thread, it's probably best to remain anonymous. Who knows who could be viewing this site. I commend some of you who do post photos. I will say that some girls check me out and other girls don't even notice me. I think most of us can relate to that. I don't think looks are my biggest problem but I would like to start working out again.
Tomatoes, I understand what you are saying. It is important to be sexual around girls but I guess I'm doing something wrong. I will occasionally give the "I would love to have sex with you" type of eye contact to a random girl. Some girls respond well to it and others don't, so I don't do it that often. Then there are girls that I have gotten to know somewhat. These girls are very hard to be sexual around because I always feel that I will scare them off or offend them. But I guess flirting is something that I need to work on. I usually play it safe and act like a friend, hoping that if the girl is really interested, she'll make all the moves. But I guess that's a fat chance.
Dude, that is NOT the way to play the game. Sorry but it is indeed a fat chance that women will actually approach you like that. That is usually the job of the man, now do you see why so many ' Jerks ' have an absolute Feild day while people like you have nothing?
Also, inner game is as important , maybe even more so, than outter game. You got to have a passion for something. A future, a backbone. you need to stand up for yourself.
Being a DJ is not just about getting laid by as many chicks as possible, yes, thats a part of it maybe but the bigger part of being a DJ is to become ' complete ' within yourself, independent of anyone or anything. When this happens, everything else will fall into place, trust me!
How do you become ' complete ' within? Well, there are many good articles on this site that deal with that, reading stuff by a certain Mr Pook would be a good start.
It sounds like you've got a long journey ahead but trust me its worth it, it truly is. When I decided to start my own journey over 3 years ago, I had NOTHING, thats where EVERYONE has to start from!
Dude, your only 23, you still have the rest of your life ahead of you! The chances are, you WON'T die Celibrate ( or however you spell it ) or a virgin in simple terms.
One last thing, to be complete, you must accept both the light and dark side of yourself. Allow this and you will become one.
Good Luck in your Journey
NHY
"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.
Serialized3
Master Don Juan
Serialized3's two cents:
Probably the most important thing you have to do is detach yourself from all these negative feelings you have when it comes to women. Stop worrying so much about what might happen and just go out and approach. The biggest thing that will improve your chances of getting laid is just going out and hitting on woman after woman after woman. Experience will help you a hundred times more than any guide or book or post you read.
Also, rejection happens, but you have to not make a big deal about it. Most times it won't be nearly as bad as you might think, and the worst that can happen is a girl can try to blow you out/crush your ego. Since you're new at this, it might mess with you, but you'll grow callous to it and it won't bother you after a little while. It's not like you're gonna get beat up or killed or anything serious like that.
Another thing, in the field, you have to be the approacher, women won't do it. They'll drop hints that they're interested, but you gotta make the moves. That's just the way it is.
Also, since you're a grad student, you're probably pretty cerebral, and you're used to having a strong inner dialouge all the time. This innner dialouge will mess up your game because your mind will be playing out all the possibilities and trying to think two steps ahead and all that good stuff, and it makes you appear anxious or scatterbrained, and it's not attractive. I suggest trying to just follow your gut and live in the moment when you're interacting with women.
One last thing to consider, is getting more confidence with yourself. Do a fast or aggressive sport, hobby, or martial art. Ever wonder why atheletes get laid so much?
Be happy with yourself. You don't need a broad.
Probably the most important thing you have to do is detach yourself from all these negative feelings you have when it comes to women. Stop worrying so much about what might happen and just go out and approach. The biggest thing that will improve your chances of getting laid is just going out and hitting on woman after woman after woman. Experience will help you a hundred times more than any guide or book or post you read.
Also, rejection happens, but you have to not make a big deal about it. Most times it won't be nearly as bad as you might think, and the worst that can happen is a girl can try to blow you out/crush your ego. Since you're new at this, it might mess with you, but you'll grow callous to it and it won't bother you after a little while. It's not like you're gonna get beat up or killed or anything serious like that.
Another thing, in the field, you have to be the approacher, women won't do it. They'll drop hints that they're interested, but you gotta make the moves. That's just the way it is.
Also, since you're a grad student, you're probably pretty cerebral, and you're used to having a strong inner dialouge all the time. This innner dialouge will mess up your game because your mind will be playing out all the possibilities and trying to think two steps ahead and all that good stuff, and it makes you appear anxious or scatterbrained, and it's not attractive. I suggest trying to just follow your gut and live in the moment when you're interacting with women.
One last thing to consider, is getting more confidence with yourself. Do a fast or aggressive sport, hobby, or martial art. Ever wonder why atheletes get laid so much?
Be happy with yourself. You don't need a broad.
flyinshark
Senior Don Juan
1. What worked for me was when i started becoming a "sensitive bastard". It has been my motto ever since.
By "bastard" i don't mean litterally being a jerk with women.
For example, get mad at them if they do something ****ty. A nice guy, on the other hand, never gets mad at girls and keeps saying "It's okay", with a sheepish smile. Stop that and be a man!
2. Also, look the women in the eye! This will never be repeated enough. It sends a very powerful signal when you are able to hold eye contact with a woman.
And man...there are many more things you can do, and most are in the DJbible. Examples include:
3. don't reveal too much about your personal life; use every occasion to ask questions about her's
4. don't seem needy; try to give the impression that you are in control
5. don't think "am i good enough for her?" but think "is she good enough for me?"
- etc..
6. Oh, and one of my favorites which i love and find amusing to a certain extent: When you approach a girl, try to find her shortcomings. Look for something wrong about her looks, voice, clothes, personality, and so on. This will keep you focused on her and will make you less self-aware of YOUR shortcomings.
Bonus: when you DO FIND something wrong about the girl, she will fall down from her invisible pedestal and hurt herself. HAHA! You'll get a good laugh too and you will instantly feel more at ease. Not to mention this might give you the edge you were looking for.
Go get them tiger!
By "bastard" i don't mean litterally being a jerk with women.
For example, get mad at them if they do something ****ty. A nice guy, on the other hand, never gets mad at girls and keeps saying "It's okay", with a sheepish smile. Stop that and be a man!
2. Also, look the women in the eye! This will never be repeated enough. It sends a very powerful signal when you are able to hold eye contact with a woman.
And man...there are many more things you can do, and most are in the DJbible. Examples include:
3. don't reveal too much about your personal life; use every occasion to ask questions about her's
4. don't seem needy; try to give the impression that you are in control
5. don't think "am i good enough for her?" but think "is she good enough for me?"
- etc..
6. Oh, and one of my favorites which i love and find amusing to a certain extent: When you approach a girl, try to find her shortcomings. Look for something wrong about her looks, voice, clothes, personality, and so on. This will keep you focused on her and will make you less self-aware of YOUR shortcomings.
Bonus: when you DO FIND something wrong about the girl, she will fall down from her invisible pedestal and hurt herself. HAHA! You'll get a good laugh too and you will instantly feel more at ease. Not to mention this might give you the edge you were looking for.
Go get them tiger!
reyalp
Master Don Juan
i could probably set you up with one from the stable i have in oklahoma. but you'd have to be willing to go to oklahoma, and i'd have to be willing to fly back to oklahoma. so, no.
but the advice on female friends is gold. i've just recently moved to new orleans but i'm making some female friends for pivots. plus i get to hang out with some local girls and figure out where they go, what the local perception of "cool" is (in guys anyway, it varies from place to place), etc etc. just basically doing homework and using the girls as a pivot.
plus hanging out with women that you know you don't have any intention of sleeping with (for the moment anyway), you'll get comfortable around women and then you can start rolling out your C&F on them as a test.
just don't be a nice guy during all of this. ask a lot of questions of them, make mental notes. opinion questions are better.
don't let the female friends use you, either. don't do favors for them. you're using THEM, they aren't using you.
then take the hottest female friend out clubbing, use her as a pivot, get with it.
i'll give you an example. i've got this girl i got the LJBF from on day one. she's hot, she still wanted to go to bars and stuff, i thought "perfect". so i go to the bar the first time with her, just out to have a good time. i dance with her for about 2 songs and then i leave her by herself and go dance with almost every other girl in the bar (1 girl didn't want to, that bish). one of the girls (guess she was about an 8) asked me "is that girl your girlfriend?" , i said "nope. she applied for the position, but i'm still taking applications."
went home with the 8, and i had only talked to her twice the whole evening. out of the girls i danced, with i danced with the 8 the most, she was putting off some serious IOIs. at last call the 8 said "the afterparty is at my house, you going?" i said sure, i'll ride with you. i get there and she was lying, nobody else was showing up.
in the morning i woke up at 7am, looked at her ID so i would know her name, left my card on her dresser and bolted.
good times, i love having female friends.
but the advice on female friends is gold. i've just recently moved to new orleans but i'm making some female friends for pivots. plus i get to hang out with some local girls and figure out where they go, what the local perception of "cool" is (in guys anyway, it varies from place to place), etc etc. just basically doing homework and using the girls as a pivot.
plus hanging out with women that you know you don't have any intention of sleeping with (for the moment anyway), you'll get comfortable around women and then you can start rolling out your C&F on them as a test.
just don't be a nice guy during all of this. ask a lot of questions of them, make mental notes. opinion questions are better.
don't let the female friends use you, either. don't do favors for them. you're using THEM, they aren't using you.
then take the hottest female friend out clubbing, use her as a pivot, get with it.
i'll give you an example. i've got this girl i got the LJBF from on day one. she's hot, she still wanted to go to bars and stuff, i thought "perfect". so i go to the bar the first time with her, just out to have a good time. i dance with her for about 2 songs and then i leave her by herself and go dance with almost every other girl in the bar (1 girl didn't want to, that bish). one of the girls (guess she was about an 8) asked me "is that girl your girlfriend?" , i said "nope. she applied for the position, but i'm still taking applications."
went home with the 8, and i had only talked to her twice the whole evening. out of the girls i danced, with i danced with the 8 the most, she was putting off some serious IOIs. at last call the 8 said "the afterparty is at my house, you going?" i said sure, i'll ride with you. i get there and she was lying, nobody else was showing up.
in the morning i woke up at 7am, looked at her ID so i would know her name, left my card on her dresser and bolted.
good times, i love having female friends.
"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
El MonoLoco
Master Don Juan
OH BOY!!!!
*slaps* Dork_to_Stud
You are not a lost cause, You've made the right decision to come to this house of Don Juan holiness.
But your first task is not about getting laid. You have defined a problem in your life that stems from another problem. YOU
You must be willing to shed all that you know of the world and start fresh.
*This will hurt*
I promise.
Now you say you've read the BIBLE but do you understand the BIBLE? The things in there are not there because some yahoo posted something that people might like. They are there because they are worthy of it. They have been put to the test out in the real world and they work.When I first started posting in here a long time ago the bible was half it's size. The people who's articles are in there are legends around here. DON'T dismiss anything in there as garbage because it's better than gold.
Now you must first realize that almost everyone in here has been in your situation or one similar before coming here. You are not alone.
But you are the only one who can fix your problem. If your not willing to listen to the advice you're told then why bother.
Now the only way you are going to ever succeed with women is to stop using them as an excuse for happiness. Women are not everything, they are nothing, you do not need a women to make you complete. You only need yourself. Start there.
Once you have mastered YOU, you can move on.
Don't worry about anything else but YOU.
Keep any thoughts about women in the back of your head.
I suggest rereading the BIBLE, slowly. Take the time to soak in all the knowledge. Join in one of the Boot Camps. They helped me out sooooo much it's not even funny. I was around for the first one. Because I was like you....sort of, I had actually gotten laid before I came here. I was just having problems with the girls I had at the time and wanted to find a way to make things easier....
They only got harder...But it was all worth it.
Knowledge is power but actions speak louder than words.
You will never get anywhere sitting around sulking about your problem or scamming for a quick fix.....There is NEVER a quick fix..
Also don't give in and start paying for pvssy...That is a suckers way out and you'll hate yourself for falling in love with the dumb chick who let you stick her for some cash.
You my friend are the AFC....know what that is?????good.
You say you are a good talker/listener...well....one of them has to go....So listen more and talk less....you will understand.
Do not underestimate the power you have in you. You've made it to grad school *congrats* use that as your first confidence booster and build from there.
You have to start with you and move on from there...Women don't just fall out of the sky you know. You have to chase them. It's a game. The game of life. How well you finish can only depend on YOU!
*slaps* Dork_to_Stud
You are not a lost cause, You've made the right decision to come to this house of Don Juan holiness.
But your first task is not about getting laid. You have defined a problem in your life that stems from another problem. YOU
You must be willing to shed all that you know of the world and start fresh.
*This will hurt*
I promise.
Now you say you've read the BIBLE but do you understand the BIBLE? The things in there are not there because some yahoo posted something that people might like. They are there because they are worthy of it. They have been put to the test out in the real world and they work.When I first started posting in here a long time ago the bible was half it's size. The people who's articles are in there are legends around here. DON'T dismiss anything in there as garbage because it's better than gold.
Now you must first realize that almost everyone in here has been in your situation or one similar before coming here. You are not alone.
But you are the only one who can fix your problem. If your not willing to listen to the advice you're told then why bother.
Now the only way you are going to ever succeed with women is to stop using them as an excuse for happiness. Women are not everything, they are nothing, you do not need a women to make you complete. You only need yourself. Start there.
Once you have mastered YOU, you can move on.
Don't worry about anything else but YOU.
Keep any thoughts about women in the back of your head.
I suggest rereading the BIBLE, slowly. Take the time to soak in all the knowledge. Join in one of the Boot Camps. They helped me out sooooo much it's not even funny. I was around for the first one. Because I was like you....sort of, I had actually gotten laid before I came here. I was just having problems with the girls I had at the time and wanted to find a way to make things easier....
They only got harder...But it was all worth it.
Knowledge is power but actions speak louder than words.
You will never get anywhere sitting around sulking about your problem or scamming for a quick fix.....There is NEVER a quick fix..
Also don't give in and start paying for pvssy...That is a suckers way out and you'll hate yourself for falling in love with the dumb chick who let you stick her for some cash.
You my friend are the AFC....know what that is?????good.
You say you are a good talker/listener...well....one of them has to go....So listen more and talk less....you will understand.
Do not underestimate the power you have in you. You've made it to grad school *congrats* use that as your first confidence booster and build from there.
You have to start with you and move on from there...Women don't just fall out of the sky you know. You have to chase them. It's a game. The game of life. How well you finish can only depend on YOU!