21 year old virgin. Am I doing something wrong?

thelambofdeth

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Have you tried online dating. Register to all the free OLD apps, Bumble, Tinder, Hinge etc.

Use those dating apps as a method to improve your communication with women. Don't worry if the women are not hot, just talk with them and try to convert them to SMS or WhatsApp. At first you'll find it almost impossible but after a few months it will become very easy.

Once you've mastered the above, try to keep the text conversation going for as long as possible. Most women will ghost you eventually but that is fine, the point is to get familiar to interacting with them.

Once your mastered the above, try to convert the lady from SMS or WhatsApp to a date. 99% of women will flake at first but eventually you will master it.
I have no idea why anyone would recommend OLD to someone struggling when the degree of difficulty of getting some there is much higher. He has no friends and doesn't do much it seems...his pictures are going to be boring af, so unless he's really great looking, he isn't even going to get opportunities on OLD to talk to any women considering the women there are exponentially more shallow and selective than IRL bc of all the options and validation they recieve there.
 

DEEZEDBRAH

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So as the title says, I am a 21 year old virgin. By choice though. I had multiple occasion where I could've lost my virginity but was insecure about my average size penis. I consider myself average looking and never really had a problem with women. Sometimes I catch women looking at me but I never approach because I don't know what to say. Quite honestly, I haven't really had much interaction with women since high school (3 years ago). When I was in school, it was much easier to talk to women because there were a **** ton of them and since we had class together, there was always something to start the conversation with and gradually move on to other things. In conversation, I was always playful, sarcastic, and when the opportunity came, I made sexual remarks . I don't consider myself a chump or simp. I'm don't say things or act a certain way to please women. I hate to text or call for long periods of time and this worked great for me in high school and in my opinion made women more attracted towards me.

Anyways, currently I have zero friends, literally. I've been studying for a cyber security certification (OSCP) for the past 8 months and still have 4 more months to go. Once I have the certification, I'll practically get a job as a Pentester ($60k/year at least) since passing the OSCP is really difficult and few people have it. I'm doing this through self-learning, I am not going to college and I have zero debt.

The reason I came here for advice is because 2 days ago my brother who lives in Mexico City called to catch up. He told me all about the girls he has met and had sex with. Mexican, French, English, Spaniard, etc. he's 23 years old. I believe him because he's attractive and in very good shape. I'm happy for him.

I don't compare myself to others, mainly because I'm so focused on my own life (getting the OSCP) that I don't have time to look at others peoples life. I don't have any social media (Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, TikTok, etc.) Well, I have LinkedIn but I use that to connect with cyber security professionals to make job hunting easier.

Anyways, since my brother called I kinda feel like I am missing life because:
1. I am still a virgin at 21.
2. I have no friends.
3. I have no friends.

I want to list the things I feel insecure about:
1. The fact I am still a virgin.
2. My penis size. Average
2. I'm overweight. 1.75m, 90kg.

I want to list the things I feel proud of:
1. My personality
2. I am not so bad looking.

I want to mention that I am not depressed in any way. I don't go out because I need money for my self-learning material and the cost of the OSCP. I currently have $4650.74 in my bank account. Any advice would be helpful.

Thanks.
You need to stop giving a ****. Hit on girls. take d out and bang. Stack paper. Get a grasp on what you want to do with your life. Purpose is key. Where are your talents? Develop skills you can monopolize ASAP. As for girls, hit on a handful of girls irl EVERYDAY. Every girl is practice. game is sales. The game is compliance. APPROACH. OLD = PHAGGOTREE!!!

One of my mates is relatively attractive but bats way out of his league. Brags to girls how huge his horn is. Isn't packing self admittedly &&& states he really enjoys disappointing wome which is why he likes ****ing so many.




If your not trolling you aren't doing it right.

He simply doesn't give a flying ****. Is now making great money but he was pulling baeeeeees as a broke college student or now as a distinguished older man.

Caring is low T in 2022. The majority of what men are competing for is modern women ie soon to be fat as ****kkk single mom's, low hanging fruit, cratered smv crazy cat lady, feminist, SJW, Broke, ran through, and insane. The following doesn't warrant a afterthought.

Every girl is practice. Comply or bye. Start hitting on girls now. Begin instructing her what she should be doing. I lead. She follows or next.

Hotter girls are turning 18 everyday.

 

BDDazza

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I have no idea why anyone would recommend OLD to someone struggling when the degree of difficulty of getting some there is much higher. He has no friends and doesn't do much it seems...his pictures are going to be boring af, so unless he's really great looking, he isn't even going to get opportunities on OLD to talk to any women considering the women there are exponentially more shallow and selective than IRL bc of all the options and validation they recieve there.
If the OP approaches women in real life the rejection is going to be worst than an online rejection.

The idea of OLD is to get him talking to women and to build up his confidence slowly.

The OP can use pictures of somebody else to get pass the verification. Once his account is active his goal is to speak with women. After a few months when his confidence grows he can use a real picture and focus on meeting.

Obviously the OP has other issues, like having no friends. This could be addressed simultaneously.
 

thelambofdeth

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If the OP approaches women in real life the rejection is going to be worst than an online rejection.

The idea of OLD is to get him talking to women and to build up his confidence slowly.

The OP can use pictures of somebody else to get pass the verification. Once his account is active his goal is to speak with women. After a few months when his confidence grows he can use a real picture and focus on meeting.

Obviously the OP has other issues, like having no friends. This could be addressed simultaneously.
Catch 22...how TF is he going to get any woman to talk to him on OLD without pictures conveying he's either really attractive or lives a very interesting life?

Wait what?? Using fake pictures? That's just going to give him artificial confidence indictive of the man in that picture, and not him. EVEN if that confidence did somehow carry over, you're conveniently omitting that he would still have to use HIS pictures to actually have the opportunity to talk to women on the app to meet, and with no friends and a boring life he will still get NO matches through HIS actual pictures, and the women he was already talking to would stop once they realized he didn't look as good as the former pictures. Dude would likely feel even worse than before he began this "experiment"...

His best(and really only) bet is real approaches through some sort of social hobby or something bc at least there he has the chance to get to know people and talk to women in person, not through the lens of someone else. OLD is wayyy too shallow for some guy who has been struggling for years with no life. He would ultimately get nothing except total dogs.
 

needimprovement250

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Have you tried online dating. Register to all the free OLD apps, Bumble, Tinder, Hinge etc.

Use those dating apps as a method to improve your communication with women. Don't worry if the women are not hot, just talk with them and try to convert them to SMS or WhatsApp. At first you'll find it almost impossible but after a few months it will become very easy.

Once you've mastered the above, try to keep the text conversation going for as long as possible. Most women will ghost you eventually but that is fine, the point is to get familiar to interacting with them.

Once your mastered the above, try to convert the lady from SMS or WhatsApp to a date. 99% of women will flake at first but eventually you will master it.
No I’ve never used any OLD apps, mostly because I feel like I can never take a good picture no matter what. And also like @thelambofdeth said, my profile pics on a OLD app are probably gonna be pretty boring because they’re gonna be all selfies since I don’t have any friends. I don’t know if I would go as far as to say that I lead a boring life, but I have heard that most girls on dating apps want to see at least one pic of you in a social setting with friends for social proof, I can’t do that because I don’t have a pic like that or the friends needed to take a pic like that in the first place. In my thread that I made on here, most people who responded said that I probably need to make new friends and move out of my parents house before trying to date because if I try and date as I am now, most girls will probably ghost me after finding out that at 29, I’ve never dated and have no friends and still live at home.
 

BDDazza

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Catch 22...how TF is he going to get any woman to talk to him on OLD without pictures conveying he's either really attractive or lives a very interesting life?

Wait what?? Using fake pictures? That's just going to give him artificial confidence indictive of the man in that picture, and not him. EVEN if that confidence did somehow carry over, you're conveniently omitting that he would still have to use HIS pictures to actually have the opportunity to talk to women on the app to meet, and with no friends and a boring life he will still get NO matches through HIS actual pictures, and the women he was already talking to would stop once they realized he didn't look as good as the former pictures. Dude would likely feel even worse than before he began this "experiment"...

His best(and really only) bet is real approaches through some sort of social hobby or something bc at least there he has the chance to get to know people and talk to women in person, not through the lens of someone else. OLD is wayyy too shallow for some guy who has been struggling for years with no life. He would ultimately get nothing except total dogs.
Nothing stopping the OP from doing both.

Even from a social hobby the OP still needs text game to maintain the conversation and setup dates - OLD can help with his text game.

No I’ve never used any OLD apps, mostly because I feel like I can never take a good picture no matter what. And also like @thelambofdeth said, my profile pics on a OLD app are probably gonna be pretty boring because they’re gonna be all selfies since I don’t have any friends. I don’t know if I would go as far as to say that I lead a boring life, but I have heard that most girls on dating apps want to see at least one pic of you in a social setting with friends for social proof, I can’t do that because I don’t have a pic like that or the friends needed to take a pic like that in the first place. In my thread that I made on here, most people who responded said that I probably need to make new friends and move out of my parents house before trying to date because if I try and date as I am now, most girls will probably ghost me after finding out that at 29, I’ve never dated and have no friends and still live at home.
Don't use bad pictures as an excuse, obviously your success will be lower but you can still have some success. Select your dating sites wisely, steer clear of Tinder, Hinge, Bumble (as I previously advised) as they promote vanity swiping and matching. Instead try a more serious dating platform which is usually paid, the women will may look past your shortcomings as they are looking for long term suitability, aka a provider.

Living at home at 29 isn't a big deal, many men do and still get laid. I am older than you and still live at home, and I get laid. As long as you are confident with your rationale if you're challenged: "I live at home because I am saving for a mortgage", "Why give money to a landlord when I can buy my own house in a few years".
 
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thelambofdeth

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Nothing stopping the OP from doing both.

Even from a social hobby the OP still needs text game to maintain the conversation and setup dates - OLD can help with his text game.
How will OLD help him, if his pictures won't get him any matches to talk to? Oh right, use fake pictures and *possibly* gain artificial confidence that will likely evaporate once he's out and in-person when and not hiding behind another dude's picture over the internet...
 

BDDazza

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How will OLD help him, if his pictures won't get him any matches to talk to? Oh right, use fake pictures and *possibly* gain artificial confidence that will likely evaporate once he's out and in-person when and not hiding behind another dude's picture over the internet...
Why do you keep saying "how". I already explained how so you obviously didn't even read my message.

If you bothered to read my message. I said he can use his real picture with more serious dating sites like paid sites as the women are more likely to forgive his shortcomings as they are settling down. I also said avoid dating apps which promote vanity pictures and swiping.

I addition said the texting element in OLD will help him in real life, as he needs to still text girls he meets from social settings.

Please read before commenting.
 

thelambofdeth

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Why do you keep saying "how". I already explained how so you obviously didn't even read my message.

If you bothered to read my message. I said he can use his real picture with more serious dating sites like paid sites as the women are more likely to forgive his shortcomings as they are settling down. I also said avoid dating apps which promote vanity pictures and swiping.

I addition said the texting element in OLD will help him in real life, as he needs to still text girls he meets from social settings.

Please read before commenting.
No mate, you added way more to your last message AFTER I quoted it, don't even try it.

The paid sites are even more exclusive and shallow...bc they're, you guessed it, paid. All dating sites are shallow in nature. They ALL endorse vanity swiping. You were the one that promoted using OLD for texting, which again, he can't do, but it's also far less important bc texting women is auxiliary. The main goal should be interacting with and meeting women in person and dating, that's why meeting women is far more important. Texting is just for setting up dates and should be kept to a minimum, anyway. But whatever, keep regurgitating the same ineffective, impractical advice to this dude. Not my problem lol.
 

BDDazza

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No mate, you added way more to your last message AFTER I quoted it, don't even try it.
Not true. The time stamp is still there :)

BDDazza: Last edited: Today at 6:38 PM
thelambofdeth: Today at 6:39 PM


No mate, you added way more to your last message AFTER I quoted it, don't even try it.

The paid sites are even more exclusive and shallow...bc they're, you guessed it, paid. All dating sites are shallow in nature. They ALL endorse vanity swiping. You were the one that promoted using OLD for texting, which again, he can't do, but it's also far less important bc texting women is auxiliary. The main goal should be interacting with and meeting women in person and dating, that's why meeting women is far more important. Texting is just for setting up dates and should be kept to a minimum, anyway. But whatever, keep regurgitating the same ineffective, impractical advice to this dude. Not my problem lol.
As I said, you can do both.

Texting is a valuable skill, in the old days of craigslist men use to seduce women without a profile picture. Women are emotional and its possible to trigger enough emotion through being witty, humous, exiting, suspenseful. If your texts are boring she will likely ghost you.
 

sangheilios

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As I said, you can do both.

Texting is a valuable skill, in the old days of craigslist men use to seduce women without a profile picture. Women are emotional and its possible to trigger enough emotion through being witty, humous, exiting, suspenseful. If your texts are boring she will likely ghost you.
That is the dumbest **** I've ever read on here lol. The vast majority of women are not so desperate that they'd fall in love with some totally anonymous stranger that they somehow connected with online. If a woman did in fact behave in such a manner, I'd say that there was something very off with her and you'd know to stay clear. She'd be the type of woman that would stalk you after a first date because you didn't propose to her lol. Texting is a means of communication, if she is attracted to you or even has some interest you basically just use it as a means to arrange meeting up. You'd literally have to go out of your way to screw things up.
 

thelambofdeth

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Not true. The time stamp is still there :)

BDDazza: Last edited: Today at 6:38 PM
thelambofdeth: Today at 6:39 PM




As I said, you can do both.

Texting is a valuable skill, in the old days of craigslist men use to seduce women without a profile picture. Women are emotional and its possible to trigger enough emotion through being witty, humous, exiting, suspenseful. If your texts are boring she will likely ghost you.
No, my quote demsonstrates it. That was all you posted. THEN you added a real message.

You're stuck in 1998, dude. Women have so much validation and are gassed up by so many simps from OLD and SM you need WAY more than some kewl txt game to get them. You trigger those emotions...IN-PERSON. Texting is again, secondary and only used to set up an in-person meeting. No one gets pvssy through texting.
 

BDDazza

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That is the dumbest **** I've ever read on here lol. The vast majority of women are not so desperate that they'd fall in love wit

h some totally anonymous stranger that they somehow connected with online. If a woman did in fact behave in such a manner, I'd say that there was something very off with her and you'd know to stay clear. She'd be the type of woman that would stalk you after a first date because you didn't propose to her lol. Texting is a means of communication, if she is attracted to you or even has some interest you basically just use it as a means to arrange meeting up. You'd literally have to go out of your way to screw things up.
I never said anything about making her fall in love via text or online - stop making things up please.

I am saying texting can facilitate a meet up, especially if you can trigger her emotions. This is a good tool.

No, my quote demsonstrates it. That was all you posted. THEN you added a real message.
Then why is your post after my last edit time stamp :)

No, my quote demsonstrates it. That was all you posted. THEN you added a real message.

You're stuck in 1998, dude. Women have so much validation and are gassed up by so many simps from OLD and SM you need WAY more than some kewl txt game to get them. You trigger those emotions...IN-PERSON. Texting is again, secondary and only used to set up an in-person meeting. No one gets pvssy through texting.
I never said texting is primary. I said you can do both strategies simultaneously. A few hours in and you still haven't read my messages correctly *sigh*

For sake of argument, if you obtain a girls number from a social setting. You still need to interact with her between getting her number and setting up the date, more than likely this will be via SMS or WhatsApp. Do you think she is more likely to accept the date if the conversation is exciting, intriguing and leaves her curious or do you think she is more likely to accept the date if you're clinical and boring. Don't think too hard because its an easy answer.
 

Epicwinguy

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getting laid is really just a little bit of boldness and a little bit of socializing but a lot of resilience and some common sense. Take anything you read on the internet about it with a grain of salt and mainly go out and try figuring it out yourself.
 

FinallyAlpha

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So as the title says, I am a 21 year old virgin.
Hi OP, some thoughts:

  1. You are displaying unusually high intelligence and wisdom beyond your years. How?
    1. You are putting you first. This is absolutely correct at your age. The focus, intelligence and creativity that you are applying to your studies and professional training is to be commended. And I can only congratulate you for that. Perhaps you are in a stressful moment right now with the weight of your studies bearing down on you; perhaps you're a little burned out. And that has caused you to ruminate on other areas of your life that are not as developed as you might like them to be. That's fine. The thing that you should not now compromise on - and I'm sure you won't - is the direction and decisiveness with which you are pursuing your professional qualification. Pass the exam, get qualified, lock in the good job with the solid salary, and then - trust me - you will have time and freedom to focus on improving in these other important areas of your life.
  2. Continue to be discerning when seeking advice.
    1. You have come here and been refreshingly honest in your assessment of the overall picture of your life. As you have seen, forum members have liberally dispensed specific advice on how to proceed. Fine. But, always triangulate. Create simulations of where - and, more importantly, who - you want to be in X, Y and Z years time. Then seek out people who are at where you want to be, or who are further along the road in their development in a given area. Then model how to get there, listen, ask questions. But continue to exercise caution in taking any one individual's advice as gospel; no matter who they are. Life is an exercise in synthesizing lots of data into an executable plan for a path forward.

Other than that, basically: remain hungry for good information; resist complacency; continue to challenge yourself. Again, right now you're making sacrifices to secure your future. Once you get the qualification and the job, you must then prioritize weight loss, muscle gain, accumulating positive and exciting life experiences, building a healthy social life and developing your approach to women (and, of course, getting the monkey of virginity off your back). But don't allow any stress from the present to cause you to act irrationally and jeopardize the good work you've been doing.
 

needimprovement250

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