Hello Friend,

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Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

21 Days of Raw Fear

LowPlainsDrifter

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Three weeks ago, I woke up with chills and a knot in my stomach that killed my appetite the whole day. My apartment is 80+ degrees in the morning, yet some mornings I shook for nearly an hour.
Lymph nodes, joints and muscles started aching, often alternating different sides of my body. I start losing weight fairly quickly. I'd get unexpectedly weak during the day, and suddenly be unable to do anything productive.
Doctor draws blood a week and a half into this whole mess, but everything in the standard suite of assays comes back "within normal range." Slight relief, but I continue to worry.
An endoscopy shows a simple hiatal hernia and some acid-related irritation of the esophagus. But still no explanation for the aches and chills.
I go back to the doctor last week and insist on an HIV test.
I wait four nerve-wracking days, but by now the symptoms are diminishing a bit. I can eat more food, and the aches are going away gradually.
My regular physician is out, so a covering doctor has to call me back today.
And I get the "best" news in three weeks, "HIV negative. Positive for Mononucleosis." And I remember the incubation period for mono matches with the last time I made out with a woman. Who interestingly went home early from our second date because she "didn't feel well." At the time I smelled an excuse so I tacitly "nexted" her, but maybe this time it was legit?
Mono isn't anything to dismiss lightly - a severe enough case can lead to liver damage or spleen rupture. Some medical research also points to increased chances of lymphatic cancer down the road.
But I feel like I have my life back now. When I honestly thought HIV was behind my misery, I thought back to my last enounter of two years ago in which I briefly went without covering up. Absolutely not worth it. Never.
I spent the last three weeks researching HIV, and how to deal with it. It's less a death sentence now than it was, but it's still a difficult medical feat to keep the viral load down and the T-cell count high. The medicines work with varying success, and for some no success at all. The side effects can be hard to bear and damaging to the liver and nervous system. Forget those smiling billboard ads for Crixivan and the like. Staying alive with AIDS is nasty business.
I thought endlessly about whether I'd be lucky enough to keep the disease suppressed. About my possible quality of life as I fought the disease. About how to tell the people I care about, and the partners I'd been with since notification is the law.
I thought about whether to spend some money impulsively before a real decline in my health would make any enjoyment impossible. I also thought about how much of that money I'd have to keep in reserve in case my insurance stopped paying.
But above all, I simply wished I hadn't been careless about sex two years back.
And I wish that anyone reading this will appreciate the hell I put myself through for the sake of a bit of additional pleasure, and will spare themselves the same.
Moderator(s), I know that this post may be moved or deleted. But I just spent three weeks facing a greatly diminished lifespan due to a careless act in my recent past. I hope that my words have some resonance and effect on others.
Peace...
 

Julian

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I was sick as fucc like that last year, i thought i may have mono but it was some other unnamed virus..

I hope i dont get mono. One of my friends got it, he was MIA for like over a month.
 

Ice Cold

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Mono is a b1tch. Never got it though, but I like reading about this stuff.

Nice to see you're lucky
 

Starman

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I hear Mono is a "kissing disease"

most peeps who are serial kissers (i.e play tongue hockey with ever girl they meet (and the guys they meeet)

get mono..and it makes you sleepy..like while you are kissing and stuff or playing fooseball
 

HighLowJack

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Great story but and I feel your pain.

It sounds like you have an anxiety disorder on top of mono. Anxiety creates a boat load of stress. Stress related illness can disguise itself in a lot of symptoms.

It dose seem like you learned your lesson. Iv learned mine......that's for sure. But I also noticed that ones I relax and get back into my confident I don't give a crap attitude, I made the same mistake over again.

Can you break up you story into paragraphs? Its tough to read when its all blocked together in one chunk. I bet a lot of guys will not read it because of the lack of breaks. You have some important things to say.

Good luck getting better. You will you feel better soon.
 

MVPlaya

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This was a post that needed to be said. Glad that you remind us to keep it safe. I know so many guys who say "it ain't the same" when you wear a condom, but I think we need to keep the risks in account.
 

bp1974

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I'd get unexpectedly weak during the day, and suddenly be unable to do anything productive
Sounds like me at work, everyday.

Seriously though, thanks for posting. Have you contacted the girl to let her know she might have it?
 

LowPlainsDrifter

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Can you break up you story into paragraphs? Its tough to read when its all blocked together in one chunk. I bet a lot of guys will not read it because of the lack of breaks. You have some important things to say.

Good luck getting better. You will you feel better soon. [/B][/QUOTE]

I thought I did break it up into paragraphs, but I guess I didn't. :)
Thanks for the kind words.
 

bp1974

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A blank line between paragraphs makes it easier on the eye.
 
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Originally posted by Starman
I hear Mono is a "kissing disease"

most peeps who are serial kissers (i.e play tongue hockey with ever girl they meet (and the guys they meeet)

get mono..and it makes you sleepy..like while you are kissing and stuff or playing fooseball

Yep, you belong in Research, a nice sterile environment for ya. Clean, no germs...never shaking hands with anyone...just you.. your cubicle....your desk....your computer...your extra big jar of vasiline...of course with an antibiotic in it...

yep....just you...

You know ben stiller is coming out with a movie based on your life real soon...another germaphobe like you...

you should definitely see it.

of course you'll be seeing it


ALONE!!!
 
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