FleetingNarcissus
Don Juan
Ever since I can remember, I've been in what seems like the same exact position, the one that screams "I'm very frustrated with myself as a guy". With Valentine's Day coming up (the day that I was brought home from the hospital after birth) I think back to the last 5 Valentine's in particular and notice that I really haven't improved in the area of building bonds/creating sparks with girls because it looks like I'm going to be dateless again like I have every Valentine's Day of my life and encounter the same empty feeling in my chest.
A few reasons for these errors might be that (1) I am a very impatient guy and I seem to want approval somewhat quickly, if not right away even though I don't think I'm vocal and pushy about wanting the approval. I just feel like the energy and enthusiasm get stifled a little and I start getting a little awkward and it's enough to ruin it. I think to myself how ridiculous it is when a girl doesn't seem to have that spark or the spark doesn't last. Of course, there is a definite pattern to my failures with girls. (2) I find myself getting sucked into negative discussions about women and rationalizing why we're just not compatible. I think I have some appeal but it seems like only when I'm forcing a great mood that it comes across and it doesn't appear that I can maintain this "attractive, I can have anyone vibe" long enough to have any significant influence on them. I feel like my life as it concerns women is a big paradox or a really bad dream.
There is a lot of anxiety but as much as I try to carry myself well and radiate as much appeal as I can without seeming unnatural, some days I don't think any of them really notice me. At the community college I go to, there aren't thousands of girls but there are plenty of them to approach. I just don't feel comfortable talking to most of them because most of them don't show any obvious signs of interest and the last girl I approached at school, I thought for sure was interested in me by the way I caught her looking at me and I kind of smiled to let her know I knew. But then when I talked to her (it was just before one of her finals though) I wasn't funny and I tried to make a conversation but I could tell I should've just sat right where I was and not said enough because the chemistry stopped the moment I started talking to her.
There is a girl in one of my humanities classes who smiled at me on one occasion and I caught her looking at me a few times. Yesterday, I noticed she was looking right at me and I wanted to just walk right up and start talking but I kept thinking, maybe my self-image would be just fine without going up and talking and ruining the non-verbal communication vibe that was going on. This other chick in one of my classes kind of smiles whenever she looks at me, but the way she does it makes me wonder if she just thinks I'm a loser or that I'm actually cute. The smile doesn't indicate interest the way I see it. Another girl I had in a class last semester came into my work and was asking me if I made it through the art class we had together and wondered why I was never there (I mentioned her before in another post because she came in my work). Of course, I lied to her and said I had another class that was concurrent with it even though I just stopped coming. Again, she doesn't really lead on that she's interested. I said something I thought was funny, that an interested girl would laugh at, but she didn't. So I'd like to talk to a lot of girls and I think I have what it takes to charm them but in the moment, I know that the slightest bit of awkwardness will lead me back to sitting alone or just having a friendly chat and feeling like one of the girls, which I really hate.
I'd rather not say anything. Socially it seems that I'm a hit or a miss and when it counts, I'm just a little off the mark.
I want to stop thinking about sex and trying to get into their pants but at the same time I think to myself that I am sexually good enough to get them into bed and if I just act like a friend then that's what I'll end up being anyway. Clearly, my mind has to be the enemy. I seem to have wilder thoughts also when I'm by myself, the ability to think of funny things but then when I get in the moment, it's a hit or a miss and usually it doesn't come across the way I want it to. Another thing is that since I don't think many of them notice me, I'm not approaching enough of them to get to the point where I'm pretty much TOTALLY comfortable. I think highly of myself but I need an audience. What do you think my plan should be as far as appealing more as quickly as I can? I'm wondering how detached I should be from situations as I know I can be slightly intense. And what can I do to keep myself in a magnetic frame of mind? Being positive and upbeat and smiling all the time can be exhausting...because the most I get even then is a smile and a hello and we all know that just doesn't cut it. I want to talk to some girls this semester and make a change that is lasting and prove to myself that I am more than good enough and that I really can appeal to women in more than just a friendly way/more than just at face value. I feel like I've already begun but I fall back into my old comfort zone of negative talks about my relationship with women in general.
A few reasons for these errors might be that (1) I am a very impatient guy and I seem to want approval somewhat quickly, if not right away even though I don't think I'm vocal and pushy about wanting the approval. I just feel like the energy and enthusiasm get stifled a little and I start getting a little awkward and it's enough to ruin it. I think to myself how ridiculous it is when a girl doesn't seem to have that spark or the spark doesn't last. Of course, there is a definite pattern to my failures with girls. (2) I find myself getting sucked into negative discussions about women and rationalizing why we're just not compatible. I think I have some appeal but it seems like only when I'm forcing a great mood that it comes across and it doesn't appear that I can maintain this "attractive, I can have anyone vibe" long enough to have any significant influence on them. I feel like my life as it concerns women is a big paradox or a really bad dream.
There is a lot of anxiety but as much as I try to carry myself well and radiate as much appeal as I can without seeming unnatural, some days I don't think any of them really notice me. At the community college I go to, there aren't thousands of girls but there are plenty of them to approach. I just don't feel comfortable talking to most of them because most of them don't show any obvious signs of interest and the last girl I approached at school, I thought for sure was interested in me by the way I caught her looking at me and I kind of smiled to let her know I knew. But then when I talked to her (it was just before one of her finals though) I wasn't funny and I tried to make a conversation but I could tell I should've just sat right where I was and not said enough because the chemistry stopped the moment I started talking to her.
There is a girl in one of my humanities classes who smiled at me on one occasion and I caught her looking at me a few times. Yesterday, I noticed she was looking right at me and I wanted to just walk right up and start talking but I kept thinking, maybe my self-image would be just fine without going up and talking and ruining the non-verbal communication vibe that was going on. This other chick in one of my classes kind of smiles whenever she looks at me, but the way she does it makes me wonder if she just thinks I'm a loser or that I'm actually cute. The smile doesn't indicate interest the way I see it. Another girl I had in a class last semester came into my work and was asking me if I made it through the art class we had together and wondered why I was never there (I mentioned her before in another post because she came in my work). Of course, I lied to her and said I had another class that was concurrent with it even though I just stopped coming. Again, she doesn't really lead on that she's interested. I said something I thought was funny, that an interested girl would laugh at, but she didn't. So I'd like to talk to a lot of girls and I think I have what it takes to charm them but in the moment, I know that the slightest bit of awkwardness will lead me back to sitting alone or just having a friendly chat and feeling like one of the girls, which I really hate.
I'd rather not say anything. Socially it seems that I'm a hit or a miss and when it counts, I'm just a little off the mark.
I want to stop thinking about sex and trying to get into their pants but at the same time I think to myself that I am sexually good enough to get them into bed and if I just act like a friend then that's what I'll end up being anyway. Clearly, my mind has to be the enemy. I seem to have wilder thoughts also when I'm by myself, the ability to think of funny things but then when I get in the moment, it's a hit or a miss and usually it doesn't come across the way I want it to. Another thing is that since I don't think many of them notice me, I'm not approaching enough of them to get to the point where I'm pretty much TOTALLY comfortable. I think highly of myself but I need an audience. What do you think my plan should be as far as appealing more as quickly as I can? I'm wondering how detached I should be from situations as I know I can be slightly intense. And what can I do to keep myself in a magnetic frame of mind? Being positive and upbeat and smiling all the time can be exhausting...because the most I get even then is a smile and a hello and we all know that just doesn't cut it. I want to talk to some girls this semester and make a change that is lasting and prove to myself that I am more than good enough and that I really can appeal to women in more than just a friendly way/more than just at face value. I feel like I've already begun but I fall back into my old comfort zone of negative talks about my relationship with women in general.
