2 year thing coming to an end... Next steps

Trace

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I had been seeing this girl for about 2 years now in a bit of a long distance relationship. We weren't committed to each other 100% since she doesn't live here and had been going through a divorce(International).

We went on a 5 day trip with mutual friends to the coast. It was a great time and we were having a lot of fun. Lots of hooking up, but what wasn't clear at the time was I was projecting my feelings on her and she wasn't really acting in an affectionate way towards me. Thinking back, I definitely treated her like a celebrity and put her on a pedestal.

The last night we were there, a mutual friend started changing our sleeping arrangements and pulled me aside and told me that it was pretty much done. We had drank quite a bit at this point, so I just wanted to hear it from the horses mouth what was going on. She confirmed that she only wanted friendship between us. I took it well and said that she is just opening up space for someone else to be in my life.

Plot twist...
Afterwords, I clearly treated her like she wasn't anything special and more or less ignored her. No eye contact, not really responding to her, just cold shoulder. After about an hour of this, she tries putting her legs on me in which I respond with just moving them aside while still talking to my friends. She tries a bunch more times and I don't budge. After another hour or so, it was bed time. She ended up sleeping with me.

The next day, still remembering the conversation from the night before, I continued with my tactics of no interest. After lunch, she started following me around our Airbnb. She would lay on my shoulder watching tv, give me compliments, get touchy feely. All the things she hadn't done all week. I laid down in bed and watched my tablet and she came in there and basically laid on me.

She was leaving that day and left for the airport. I got a text from her that said "I'm sorry for how this ended." I responded with "Honestly, you're creating the space for someone amazing to be in my life and I appreciate it. Thank you for that . I wish you the same."

It's been a few days since that exchange and should I reach out with the standard "I only want romance between us and I'm not interested in being friends. If that ever changes for you, get in touch and maybe I'll be free to get together." Then walking away. Or have I already said enough?
 

Jager

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There’s a key point I want to make with this. You stopped giving her validation. Because you put her on a pedestal and treated her like a celebrity, she got all the validation she wanted. That’s why a woman keeps a “guy friend” around. It’s the validation, not because she has an real affection for him, which is something a woman is totally incapable of. Basically, she tried to put you in the friend zone to keep that constant source of validation around.

But, because you stopped giving her validation she sought it out like a hound on a trail. You put yourself in a really risky situation with this. I won’t drop the entirety of my knowledge on you right away, but your first step is to read posts, learn about the true nature of women, your purpose on this earth as a man, and start working on your life. Specifically, no more romance. For any woman. Romance is a pipe dream. It doesn’t really exist. And never a long distance anything ever again.

There’s plenty of guys on here who have been through the same sh!t, so get in touch with them. Leave this chick behind you, man. Trust me, you don’t even want to think about going back to her.

EDIT: You’re doing it right, though, asking for guidance when you knew there more to it than what you saw happen.
 
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oldmanofthesea

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First off, good job on recognizing your mistake and them taking the appropriate course of action afterward. It helped you to see the situation clearly.

Romance is a dance. If one partner is giving much more than the other, there is an imbalance and the partner who isn't giving will become turned off. It communicates that you have low value if you pedestalize someone who brings little or nothing to the table other than sex. In the dance, you are expected to notice rising and falling interest levels and respond accordingly. Falling interest from her should be met by falling interest and lack of investment from you. Had you done this earlier on, it wouldn't have come to the head that it did on this trip. See how fast she responded to you when you ignored her?

Her last text communicates that she's over it. Your response was appropriate and you should not reach out to her again. Once she reached that critical mass where she became disgusted with you, it's VERY hard for her to fully come back from that. I know you slept together again and she showed you some affection, but the damage was already done. If you get back together, she will constantly sh*t test you so hard. You are obviously into her so no matter how hard you try, she will likely win. Trust me on that. Better to just move on. And don't waste time with long distance. The key with women, as sad as it is, is to want them a little less than they want you.
 

bacchus

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But, because you stopped giving her validation she sought it out like a hound on a trail. You put yourself in a really risky situation with this.
Can you elaborate on how this was a risky situation for the OP?
 

Jager

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Can you elaborate on how this was a risky situation for the OP?
A long distance relationship really is nothing more than validation for the woman. There’s no physical contact between either party, except of course when they are in person together. She stayed in contact with him for the attention he was giving her.

Maybe “risky” was the wrong term, but she was seeing other men on the side while in the long distance LTR. That’s what I was referring to in terms of risk. He put himself in a situation that never needed to happen, that he shouldn’t have been in to begin with. I don’t go for relationships, anyway, but especially long distance. He was the validation, while some other guy (or multiple guys) were the pleasure.
 

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Jager

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A long distance relationship really is nothing more than validation for the woman. There’s no physical contact between either party, except of course when they are in person together. She stayed in contact with him for the attention he was giving her.

Maybe “risky” was the wrong term, but she was seeing other men on the side while in the long distance LTR. That’s what I was referring to in terms of risk. He put himself in a situation that never needed to happen, that he shouldn’t have been in to begin with. I don’t go for relationships, anyway, but especially long distance. He was the validation, while some other guy (or multiple guys) were the pleasure.
While I think about it, it’d be a good first step about this particular part of the topic to read The Red Queen, by Matt Ridley, if he hasn’t already read The Rational Male. There’s a section in the Red Queen about how a woman would bang a pool boy, for instance, for no other reason than to put his sperm and her husband/boyfriend’s sperm at competition with each other. A kind of “the stronger sperm is what counts” thing.

While it doesn’t necessarily apply to this situation, it’s a good read for the reasons behind hypergamy, relationships and why women pursue them. Like I was saying in some previous posts, this really is about her feelings and genetics.

The Manipulated Man, by Esther Vilar, is a good place to start to, if he wants to unplug and take the red pill. Women can be brutal, man, but they have to be in order to get access to best DNA possible for their offspring, then make sure they actually survive (securing resources, reducing a man to be her cuck) and she gets her validation. There’s nothing evil about it, women are just doing what nature has designed them to do.
 

EyeOnThePrize

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Women can be brutal, man, but they have to be in order to get access to best DNA possible for their offspring, then make sure they actually survive (securing resources, reducing a man to be her cuck) and she gets her validation. There’s nothing evil about it, women are just doing what nature has designed them to do.
fuuck it makes so much sense. If a guy puts up with her bad behavior and stays with her he's a cuck and she'll dump him if something better comes along. She gets to keep acting shiitty and has her cuck in case nothing else works out. If she's met with an alpha that calls her out on her shiit she'll straighten out and try a different angle with him the next chance she gets, to again make sure he's going to put her in her place. a woman is subconsciously setting up a win/win for herself. what a trip to think this is mother nature manifested.

when I first came here I thought most men here are just super jaded, salty, and damaged goods. But what I'm reading makes a lot of logical sense... and I'm not sure if it's simply some koolaid conspiracies men tell themselves in an attempt to avoid future emotional pain, or the truth. The more I read the more it seems to be speculation, but it's all very logical and from my experiences it seems to all be true, as much as I don't want to believe it to be.

OP there's no need to contact her. There are billions of women on this planet, go do your own thing and ones that will do literally anything for you will make themselves known.
 

Jager

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fuuck it makes so much sense. If a guy puts up with her bad behavior and stays with her he's a cuck and she'll dump him if something better comes along. She gets to keep acting shiitty and has her cuck in case nothing else works out. If she's met with an alpha that calls her out on her shiit she'll straighten out and try a different angle with him the next chance she gets, to again make sure he's going to put her in her place. a woman is subconsciously setting up a win/win for herself. what a trip to think this is mother nature manifested.

when I first came here I thought most men here are just super jaded, salty, and damaged goods. But what I'm reading makes a lot of logical sense... and I'm not sure if it's simply some koolaid conspiracies men tell themselves in an attempt to avoid future emotional pain, or the truth. The more I read the more it seems to be speculation, but it's all very logical and from my experiences it seems to all be true, as much as I don't want to believe it to be.

OP there's no need to contact her. There are billions of women on this planet, go do your own thing and ones that will do literally anything for you will make themselves known.
Some are jaded, others aren’t. I mean, think about it. A man has his observations, he can see it with his own eyes, and it’s a hard thing to face. That his entire life has been a lie.

Me, I trust my observations, and that’s what drew me to Red Pill. It was the only thing that matched what I observed, what I saw with my own eyes and experienced. But, it hasn’t always been easy. I was facing this long before I joined SoSuave.
 

Trace

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I appreciate all the help and incite. This has been very enlightening and I am able to reflect on my blunders with this one.

One of the issues I have is being able to recognize **** tests in the moment. Any suggestions on this?
 

Jager

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I appreciate all the help and incite. This has been very enlightening and I am able to reflect on my blunders with this one.

One of the issues I have is being able to recognize **** tests in the moment. Any suggestions on this?
It’s going to be relentless. Even subtle. It’s going to seem reasonable, too. Don’t be reasonable. All a **** test is is to see if you’ll buckle under her wishes, if you’ll sacrifice your own desire in favor of hers. The best way to go about this is learn about her nature as a woman. Knowledge is power. Harness it.

Earlier today, I was flirting with a Starbucks barista. She mentioned that I probably made a lot of money (seeing if it was a good move to try and get my resources). I just gave her a look, kinda “Don’t even think about it” look. It did the job, because she didn’t talk about it any further.

That’s the interesting part about Red Pill. The truth is that, on some level, a man knows that’s exactly what’s going on. They key here is that you already know how to do this. You’ve just been tricked into acting otherwise. You don’t really need to learn game. You just need experience. Keep learning. It’ll all get put on autopilot after you really figure it out.
 

EyeOnThePrize

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Some are jaded, others aren’t. I mean, think about it. A man has his observations, he can see it with his own eyes, and it’s a hard thing to face. That his entire life has been a lie.

Me, I trust my observations, and that’s what drew me to Red Pill. It was the only thing that matched what I observed, what I saw with my own eyes and experienced. But, it hasn’t always been easy. I was facing this long before I joined SoSuave.
My only problem with this is it's approaching the situation with a know-it-all mentality, when it could very well be flawed in order to protect the ego. Although the alternative has always been to give the woman the benefit of the doubt, and it always seems to get me burned or otherwise exploited. I think the work is important but the behavior observed should be seen with heavy skepticism rather than outright dismissal. Easier said than done obviously.
 

Jager

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My only problem with this is it's approaching the situation with a know-it-all mentality, when it could very well be flawed in order to protect the ego. Although the alternative has always been to give the woman the benefit of the doubt, and it always seems to get me burned or otherwise exploited. I think the work is important but the behavior observed should be seen with heavy skepticism rather than outright dismissal. Easier said than done obviously.
It could go either way, though.

“He who says he can, and he who says he can’t, are both usually right.”

Beliefs and self are everything. That’s sanity in a world gone mad. If somebody believes they aren’t good for much, they’d be right. But, the same would be true for somebody who believes they’re worth something, that they have value. He’d be right in thinking that, too. A person sees life through their own lens, like light refracting through a pair of glasses. Thoughts and beliefs decide how that person’s life goes.
 

Mauser96

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I had been seeing this girl for about 2 years now in a bit of a long distance relationship. We weren't committed to each other 100% since she doesn't live here and had been going through a divorce(International).

We went on a 5 day trip with mutual friends to the coast. It was a great time and we were having a lot of fun. Lots of hooking up, but what wasn't clear at the time was I was projecting my feelings on her and she wasn't really acting in an affectionate way towards me. Thinking back, I definitely treated her like a celebrity and put her on a pedestal.

The last night we were there, a mutual friend started changing our sleeping arrangements and pulled me aside and told me that it was pretty much done. We had drank quite a bit at this point, so I just wanted to hear it from the horses mouth what was going on. She confirmed that she only wanted friendship between us. I took it well and said that she is just opening up space for someone else to be in my life.

Plot twist...
Afterwords, I clearly treated her like she wasn't anything special and more or less ignored her. No eye contact, not really responding to her, just cold shoulder. After about an hour of this, she tries putting her legs on me in which I respond with just moving them aside while still talking to my friends. She tries a bunch more times and I don't budge. After another hour or so, it was bed time. She ended up sleeping with me.

The next day, still remembering the conversation from the night before, I continued with my tactics of no interest. After lunch, she started following me around our Airbnb. She would lay on my shoulder watching tv, give me compliments, get touchy feely. All the things she hadn't done all week. I laid down in bed and watched my tablet and she came in there and basically laid on me.

She was leaving that day and left for the airport. I got a text from her that said "I'm sorry for how this ended." I responded with "Honestly, you're creating the space for someone amazing to be in my life and I appreciate it. Thank you for that . I wish you the same."

It's been a few days since that exchange and should I reach out with the standard "I only want romance between us and I'm not interested in being friends. If that ever changes for you, get in touch and maybe I'll be free to get together." Then walking away. Or have I already said enough?
I think you handled it well and should put no more effort forward. If she contacts you, tell her that then.
 
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