Harry Wilmington
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 19, 2012
- Messages
- 1,196
- Reaction score
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Hey Guys!
So, I recorded a podcast today that will be up on Sunday about this topic, but thought the advise was good enough to share it with you here today!
There was a guy on this site that put up a post about how he had a girl "friend" he liked and wanted to ask out. His friends advised him to call her up and tell her how he felt - so he did, and... well, those of you who are great with women like myself pretty much know how this scenario ended: with her getting all distant and weird on him.
As has been discussed on here time and time again, it's a BIG "no-no" to verbally talk about your feelings with a girl, especially one who, up to this point, has only been your friend. The question, though, is: is there a way to EVER ask out a friend without losing that friend or making it become weird if she turns you down (or if she goes out with you)?
Well, my friends, I'm here to say: the answer is YES!! YES THERE IS!!!
And the best part? You can do it without blabbing your feelings out to her or making things weird between the two of you, or making her feel pressured to go out with you. See, the problem with the "tell her your feelings" approach is that it puts her on the spot to decide right away if she likes you or not. You're essentially telling her to go from 0 to 60 with her feelings with you, and girls don't work like that - you have to go out with them and build up those feelings over time so that she tricks herself into thinking that going out with you was her idea.
Anyway... the following are two scenarios I actually experienced in real life. In the first one, I got a "yes" response, and in the second one I got a "no" response. The responses themselves aren't important; what's important is that, in both cases, I was able to ask these girls out, get a response from them, and not have things turn weird, which is what most of you guys are worried about happening in the first place.
SCENARIO ONE (WHERE I GET THE "YES" TO THE DATE):
Very simple. I was in college and had decided to go on a dating spree, where I was asking girls out left and right for 2 weeks straight just to get some dating experience. I would go up to them and say "hey, I know this will sound weird, but... I'm looking to go out on some dates just for fun, and was hoping I could take you on one. Sound good?" FYI, you'd be amazed at how good this technique actually worked - I ended up getting 4 first dates out of it!
Anyway... so, there was this girl I had been friends with for 2 years and had always wanted to take out but hadn't asked before. I was in her dorm room with her and her roommate talking to her about this dating streak I had been on, basically phrasing it like "yeah, I just really wanted to start going on some dates and showing girls a good time." Then, I looked right at her and asked her (right in front of her roommate, mind you): "Heeeey... how would you like it if I took YOU out on a date sometime?"
She looked back at me, smiled, and said, "sure, that sound like it would be fun!"
The result: we went out on a date, and quite a few more after that.
Now, why did this work so well?
1. NO PRESSURE
I didn't tell her I wanted her hand in marriage, or that I liked her, or that I wanted her to be my girlfriend. I simply asked her for the date. The way I did it was in an inquisitive way, almost as if to say: "I think a date with you might be fun, but I'm not sure - why don't we go out and you prove it to me?" By asking it this way, it makes HER the one that has something to prove to ME - and the last thing a girl wants is to be thought of as someone who would be a BAD time on a date.
2. MADE IT SOUND LIKE SOMETHING EVERYONE ELSE WAS ALREADY DOING
By telling her I had already been taking other girls out, her going out with me becomes a thing where it's almost a fad. That might seem like a bad thing, but it's actually not. Girls want to date guys they feel are able to get other girls because they want to see what all the fuss is about.
3. EVEN THOUGH WE WERE "FRIENDS," THE POTENTIAL FOR SOMETHING MORE WAS THERE
And I can't stress this enough: if you have a girl "friend" that you get along well with, there's probably some form of attraction coming from her end. However, you can end up chasing that away by being too forward. Instead, if you present the idea of a date nonchalantly, almost as if its no big thing, you're more likely to get the date than if you blab about how you and her would be a perfect fit. Now, once you get on the date, you definitely want to WOW her so she starts thinking of you in BF terms... but you need to GET THE DATE first, maaaan!
SCENARIO TWO (WHERE I DIDN'T GET THE DATE BUT WE WERE STILL ABLE TO BE COOL)
So, there was a girl at my job that I liked. Over the course of a few months we started hanging out a lot outside of work, to the point where people thought we were dating each other. I, like most of you, didn't want to keep things ambiguous (since, if she didn't like me, there was no sense in spending time or money on her when I could be going after girls that did like me). So, I decided I was going to ask her out.
Ah, but then, the problem: what if I ask her out and she says "no?" How would I be able to save face and not have things get weird at work? Should I even ask her out in the first place?
After thinking it over, I decided what I would do should she say "no" to my invitation - which was a good thing, cause sure enough...
I hit her up one day and asked her: "Hey, how would you like to go on a date sometime this week? I'm free on Tuesday and Thursday night, lmk which day would work best for you." Her response: "Oh, hey - I really like you, and think we have a great friendship, but I don't see it as anything more than that. Sorry."
For starters, this is one of the few times that a girl has actually been direct and straight-out said "I'm not interested." So I was actually happy to hear that - at this point I can decipher what the alternative responses would have meant - i.e. no - but it's nice to hear a girl actually say it for once.
Anyway... so, she said that, and I came back with my response, which was:
"Oh... well, that's okay. I was just asking 'cause I thought I was reading signals from YOUR end that indicated some kind of interest, so I figured I should at least see what was up." Her: "Oh, okay then, cool - see ya at work later this week!"
And sure enough... I saw her at work later that week, and I thought there'd be awkwardness on one of our parts... but nope, nothing!
Now, why is it that there was no awkwardness?
1. I DIDN'T PRESENT THE DATE IN A WAY THAT GAVE AWAY MY INTEREST
Yes, when you ask a girl out, it's going to give away some form of interest. However, as was stated before, if you ask for the date in a way where it can be seen as more of an inquiry than a full-on testimonial of your feelings for her, you can save face later on should she decide to reject you.
2. I MADE IT SEEM LIKE THE ONLY REASON I WAS ASKING HER WAS BECAUSE OF THE SIGNALS THAT SHE WAS GIVING ME.
When you respond to her the way I did, she goes from thinking "OMG, this dude is totally in love with me, ew!" to "Oh wow, I didn't know I was giving him those kinds of signals - good thing he cleared that up for me!" It takes her view of you having strong feelings from her into a thing where you simply misread what she was putting out there when she was with you. It also makes it easier for you to transition out of the role you may have been in where you were taking her out and paying for her - as she was already your girlfriend - to a place where you can still hang out with her but not be secretly getting pissed off that you're doing all these things for her while being unsure of her feelings. Now that you know they're not there, you can start going dutch again when you hang out with her!
In summary: if you have a girl "friend" you like, these are the ways you can handle asking her out without revealing how much you like her and possibly scarring her away. Best of luck to you guy - oh, and if you like what you read here, click on the link below and check out my daily podcast!
- Harry Wilmington
[email protected]
So, I recorded a podcast today that will be up on Sunday about this topic, but thought the advise was good enough to share it with you here today!
There was a guy on this site that put up a post about how he had a girl "friend" he liked and wanted to ask out. His friends advised him to call her up and tell her how he felt - so he did, and... well, those of you who are great with women like myself pretty much know how this scenario ended: with her getting all distant and weird on him.
As has been discussed on here time and time again, it's a BIG "no-no" to verbally talk about your feelings with a girl, especially one who, up to this point, has only been your friend. The question, though, is: is there a way to EVER ask out a friend without losing that friend or making it become weird if she turns you down (or if she goes out with you)?
Well, my friends, I'm here to say: the answer is YES!! YES THERE IS!!!
And the best part? You can do it without blabbing your feelings out to her or making things weird between the two of you, or making her feel pressured to go out with you. See, the problem with the "tell her your feelings" approach is that it puts her on the spot to decide right away if she likes you or not. You're essentially telling her to go from 0 to 60 with her feelings with you, and girls don't work like that - you have to go out with them and build up those feelings over time so that she tricks herself into thinking that going out with you was her idea.
Anyway... the following are two scenarios I actually experienced in real life. In the first one, I got a "yes" response, and in the second one I got a "no" response. The responses themselves aren't important; what's important is that, in both cases, I was able to ask these girls out, get a response from them, and not have things turn weird, which is what most of you guys are worried about happening in the first place.
SCENARIO ONE (WHERE I GET THE "YES" TO THE DATE):
Very simple. I was in college and had decided to go on a dating spree, where I was asking girls out left and right for 2 weeks straight just to get some dating experience. I would go up to them and say "hey, I know this will sound weird, but... I'm looking to go out on some dates just for fun, and was hoping I could take you on one. Sound good?" FYI, you'd be amazed at how good this technique actually worked - I ended up getting 4 first dates out of it!
Anyway... so, there was this girl I had been friends with for 2 years and had always wanted to take out but hadn't asked before. I was in her dorm room with her and her roommate talking to her about this dating streak I had been on, basically phrasing it like "yeah, I just really wanted to start going on some dates and showing girls a good time." Then, I looked right at her and asked her (right in front of her roommate, mind you): "Heeeey... how would you like it if I took YOU out on a date sometime?"
She looked back at me, smiled, and said, "sure, that sound like it would be fun!"
The result: we went out on a date, and quite a few more after that.
Now, why did this work so well?
1. NO PRESSURE
I didn't tell her I wanted her hand in marriage, or that I liked her, or that I wanted her to be my girlfriend. I simply asked her for the date. The way I did it was in an inquisitive way, almost as if to say: "I think a date with you might be fun, but I'm not sure - why don't we go out and you prove it to me?" By asking it this way, it makes HER the one that has something to prove to ME - and the last thing a girl wants is to be thought of as someone who would be a BAD time on a date.
2. MADE IT SOUND LIKE SOMETHING EVERYONE ELSE WAS ALREADY DOING
By telling her I had already been taking other girls out, her going out with me becomes a thing where it's almost a fad. That might seem like a bad thing, but it's actually not. Girls want to date guys they feel are able to get other girls because they want to see what all the fuss is about.
3. EVEN THOUGH WE WERE "FRIENDS," THE POTENTIAL FOR SOMETHING MORE WAS THERE
And I can't stress this enough: if you have a girl "friend" that you get along well with, there's probably some form of attraction coming from her end. However, you can end up chasing that away by being too forward. Instead, if you present the idea of a date nonchalantly, almost as if its no big thing, you're more likely to get the date than if you blab about how you and her would be a perfect fit. Now, once you get on the date, you definitely want to WOW her so she starts thinking of you in BF terms... but you need to GET THE DATE first, maaaan!
SCENARIO TWO (WHERE I DIDN'T GET THE DATE BUT WE WERE STILL ABLE TO BE COOL)
So, there was a girl at my job that I liked. Over the course of a few months we started hanging out a lot outside of work, to the point where people thought we were dating each other. I, like most of you, didn't want to keep things ambiguous (since, if she didn't like me, there was no sense in spending time or money on her when I could be going after girls that did like me). So, I decided I was going to ask her out.
Ah, but then, the problem: what if I ask her out and she says "no?" How would I be able to save face and not have things get weird at work? Should I even ask her out in the first place?
After thinking it over, I decided what I would do should she say "no" to my invitation - which was a good thing, cause sure enough...
I hit her up one day and asked her: "Hey, how would you like to go on a date sometime this week? I'm free on Tuesday and Thursday night, lmk which day would work best for you." Her response: "Oh, hey - I really like you, and think we have a great friendship, but I don't see it as anything more than that. Sorry."
For starters, this is one of the few times that a girl has actually been direct and straight-out said "I'm not interested." So I was actually happy to hear that - at this point I can decipher what the alternative responses would have meant - i.e. no - but it's nice to hear a girl actually say it for once.
Anyway... so, she said that, and I came back with my response, which was:
"Oh... well, that's okay. I was just asking 'cause I thought I was reading signals from YOUR end that indicated some kind of interest, so I figured I should at least see what was up." Her: "Oh, okay then, cool - see ya at work later this week!"
And sure enough... I saw her at work later that week, and I thought there'd be awkwardness on one of our parts... but nope, nothing!
Now, why is it that there was no awkwardness?
1. I DIDN'T PRESENT THE DATE IN A WAY THAT GAVE AWAY MY INTEREST
Yes, when you ask a girl out, it's going to give away some form of interest. However, as was stated before, if you ask for the date in a way where it can be seen as more of an inquiry than a full-on testimonial of your feelings for her, you can save face later on should she decide to reject you.
2. I MADE IT SEEM LIKE THE ONLY REASON I WAS ASKING HER WAS BECAUSE OF THE SIGNALS THAT SHE WAS GIVING ME.
When you respond to her the way I did, she goes from thinking "OMG, this dude is totally in love with me, ew!" to "Oh wow, I didn't know I was giving him those kinds of signals - good thing he cleared that up for me!" It takes her view of you having strong feelings from her into a thing where you simply misread what she was putting out there when she was with you. It also makes it easier for you to transition out of the role you may have been in where you were taking her out and paying for her - as she was already your girlfriend - to a place where you can still hang out with her but not be secretly getting pissed off that you're doing all these things for her while being unsure of her feelings. Now that you know they're not there, you can start going dutch again when you hang out with her!
In summary: if you have a girl "friend" you like, these are the ways you can handle asking her out without revealing how much you like her and possibly scarring her away. Best of luck to you guy - oh, and if you like what you read here, click on the link below and check out my daily podcast!
- Harry Wilmington
[email protected]
