2 OneItis questions

[PUA in Training]

Here's the 1st question: Has anyone here noticed that they just don't find themselves all that excited by the nice, happy, well-adjusted, emotionally healthy woman who has her sh!t together? Have you ever found yourself much more interested in a woman when you hear she's had a particularly painful life? I've read the OneItis thread where joekerr31 talks about OneItis having to do with a guy seeing himself as a particular woman's "protector". This is definitely true of me. I'm a sucker for a woman who's had a very rough life (not just any woman with a rough life though, there has to be other things I find attractive about her).

The reason I ask this is, I was talking to someone recently about this (not on this board), and they said there's nothing wrong with wanting to help a "damsel in distress", but just find one who wants to be helped, one who will appreciate it. And my current OneItis, they said, doesn't sound like she would appreciate my efforts. Do you agree with that advice? If a guy is more attracted to women who are sad or in pain, is that something he needs to work on, or is it just a matter of finding one of those women who would be appreciative of what I do for her?

What makes things even worse is when the woman doesn't have romantic feelings for me at all. She likes me as a (the dreaded f-word) and nothing more. But as p!ssed off as she is at men for cheating on her, verbally and physically abusing her, not working and mooching off of her etc, I KNOW there are guys who would be exciting enough, charming enough, good looking enough etc, who she would not be able to resist. As much of a man-hater as she is, you know there are guys out there who would cause her to give in to temptation. And I'm definitely not one of those guys. I know there are guys like this who know all too well how this feels.

The OneItis then, is not only about wanting to "rescue" this woman, but also to PROVE that I can be one of those guys who she could find too tempting to resist, although I'm not sure whether I want to prove this to her, or to myself, or both. To PROVE that I'm one of those guys who would make her think "No! I don't want to feel this way about a guy right now, but I can't help it."

Here's my 2nd question: how have guys here dealt with that nagging feeling in the back of your mind, that no matter how many women you hook up with, how beautiful and wonderful they are etc, you couldn't get HER? That feeling in the back of your mind that you FAILED. That you couldn't get her because you weren't this enough or that enough. How do you get rid of that need to prove to her (or yourself, or both) that you CAN be this enough or that enough for her?

It FEELS like I love this woman deeply. But I'm slowly but surely starting to figure out that what's behind this woman being so important to me is feeling inadequate and wanting to PROVE that I can be a guy that she really really wants. How did you guys deal with this, and how did you get past it?

 

[OMGWTF]

The damsel turns into the *****. Either you mentally turn this woman into something undesirable, or you find someone better. That's what happened to me, and I suddenly realised how much of a ***** the girl was. I promised myself I'd never let something like that happen, but it did, and certainly not to my chagrin. That said, I've still got problems with the one I like better, and so I'm in the same boat as you once again, my friend.