When you really want something or feel like you can’t take anymore problems from doing things the wrong way or FEARING women, rejection failure…you get that feeling of how you can't wait another second to handle things..
But you want to go so fast that you're actually HURTING your own progress. Here's some food for thought: when you go and have a conversation, you want to get a certain outcome...getting the number. The moment you start to BLINDLY focus yourself on this outcome, you attach your ENTIRE self-worth to one single, individual outcome. You almost make your life depend on it, and when you don't get the desired outcome..you feel the DEATH of your dating destiny is imminent and don't approach other women anymore.
But WHY?
Here’s a metaphor of what you’re doing: say you’re learning how to swim for the first time and you’re standing there on the beach looking out over the ocean, ready to get in the water. You walk in, the water seems so cold and the foamy, dark blue waves are bashing against your body. You shiver, and it takes a while before you’re used to it..and then you walk in further, and further. Then, all of a sudden you can’t stand on your feet anymore, a wave hits you, you go under, and you almost drown..because you still need to learn the skill of swimming.
Would that make you STOP swimming altogether, for your ENTIRE life, just because of one or a few minor incidents? HELL NO..that's BS right there. Your entire success is NOT based on only one, single event: sometimes you have to lose a battle to win the war.
Let me explain.
The first mindset: feedback
Say you're having a conversation with a DROPDEAD gorgeous woman and you really want to get her phone number, but you DON'T. Then there are TWO things you can do: sit there, whine about it, and feel sorry for yourself...OR, instead..realize that a conversation that ends BAD can teach you many things:
1) What DID work: the way you started your conversations (your opener), what things you said made here laugh and why, what created attraction..
2) What did NOT work: you did A & B right but you were so wrong bringing up topic number 2, because you saw her get bored and blabla..
In other words: you can REFLECT on what worked, what DIDN'T work and what you still need to improve. Keeping a conversation going in a way that creates gargantuan amounts of attraction..is just a SKILL you still need to learn. So reflect, and use EVERY conversation you have - with a
man, woman, relative, doesn't matter - as FEEDBACK...
As feedback on what works, what doesn't work and what you need to improve about your conversational skills. This way, EVERY conversation you'll EVER have is successfull, because you're not in it for the numbers (that's just a sidedish on the menu)..
No.
You're in it for the LEARNING, the main course on your way to becoming a confident, sexually attractive man who feels good about himself and dates the women he WANTS, not the women he needs to settle for.
It's just a skill you need to learn, so don't attach your confidence to one silly situation..because mistakes can be the BEST things happening to your in your friggin' life - if only you LEARN from them.
The second mindset: expectations
Here’s another juicy secret: you know, when I first started having conversations with women to learn what attraction was all about, I screwed with my own head in so many ways that I could make a "porn movie" out of my inner conflicts!
I was just one uptight, totally stressed out and everything BUT relaxed dude because I just couldn't get my mind off of trying to get a number - I EXPECTED things. But having EXPECTATIONS is and always will be a BIG MISTAKE. It doesn't take an Einstein to realize why either, think about it:
- If YOU go into ANY conversation, phonecall or date and expect the very BEST to happen to you, expect HER to be the very best woman you've ever met and expect the situation itself the best one you was ever in...you can only get DISAPPOINTED, because you’ll CARE TOO MUCH.
- If you go into ANY conversation, phonecall or date and expect the very WORST to happen to you, expect HER to be the crappiest girl you've ever met and expect the situation itself to be the ****TIEST one you was ever in..not only do you SPOIL all the fun because of how you feel about it. You may also be happily surprised the first time, but the next time you'll expect AT LEAST equal results - say hello to disappointment again.
And disappointment can be your archenemy..it will CRIPPLE your confidence. It will KILL your motivation, making you give up. It will STRESS you the f*ck OUT if things you did NOT expect start to happen. And this isn't because I want to be melodramatic, but the truth is: there is NO certainty in life. You will NEVER be able to accurately know what to expect, every single time.
The dog you wanna walk may be dead, the killer presentation you prepared for work may never happen because of a terrible accident that clogs up all the traffic, a storm, etc. So why not STOP trying to predict, trying to expect, trying to FORCE things into a certain direction...and just..LET GO?
Because if you let go and have NO expectations, here's what will happen:
1) There's no disappointment, there's no FAILURE, there's not even REJECTION..there's only now so you'll be indifferent to ANY outcome. Everything it ends up being - GREAT, because everything is learning. There's no positive or negative, there's only feedback and skills you still need to learn.
2) If you stop living in your HEAD and stop dwelling on the past to figure out what to expect...you can relax, you can chill out...and actually ACTIVELY and passionately take part in any conversation, live the moment and have FUN. You’ll be more open, talkative, more comfortable..which will all HELP you create more attraction with a woman more easily.
3) You surf the waves as they come - you make the most out of what the phonecall, conversation, date or day has to offer, you take it all in and make the best of it...because you don't care about the outcome, but you DO care about having fun, and learning. The best thing about “going with the flow is:” you STOP thinking about what you should and shouldn’t and what you could and couldn’t..and START thinking about: “would this right here be a fun thing to do, right NOW? Let’s try it!” It lets you surf the waves of spontaneity, which will end up in you enjoying adventures, getting results and doing stuff you would never dream off – because once you couldn’t, now you CAN.
I guarantee you: drop those expectations and you'll have better, longer and more fun conversations then you EVER had before. And as a side-effect: living the moment will give you MORE confidence, will make you more open in conversations, it'll allow you to interact MORE and BETTER with a woman..so NOT thinking about the outcome, will paradoxically give you a BETTER outcome!
I could give you some other mindsets as well, but I want to see how people think about this, feel about is, and what kind of experiences they have because of my advice. If I see you guys need more, I’ll give more
But you want to go so fast that you're actually HURTING your own progress. Here's some food for thought: when you go and have a conversation, you want to get a certain outcome...getting the number. The moment you start to BLINDLY focus yourself on this outcome, you attach your ENTIRE self-worth to one single, individual outcome. You almost make your life depend on it, and when you don't get the desired outcome..you feel the DEATH of your dating destiny is imminent and don't approach other women anymore.
But WHY?
Here’s a metaphor of what you’re doing: say you’re learning how to swim for the first time and you’re standing there on the beach looking out over the ocean, ready to get in the water. You walk in, the water seems so cold and the foamy, dark blue waves are bashing against your body. You shiver, and it takes a while before you’re used to it..and then you walk in further, and further. Then, all of a sudden you can’t stand on your feet anymore, a wave hits you, you go under, and you almost drown..because you still need to learn the skill of swimming.
Would that make you STOP swimming altogether, for your ENTIRE life, just because of one or a few minor incidents? HELL NO..that's BS right there. Your entire success is NOT based on only one, single event: sometimes you have to lose a battle to win the war.
Let me explain.
The first mindset: feedback
Say you're having a conversation with a DROPDEAD gorgeous woman and you really want to get her phone number, but you DON'T. Then there are TWO things you can do: sit there, whine about it, and feel sorry for yourself...OR, instead..realize that a conversation that ends BAD can teach you many things:
1) What DID work: the way you started your conversations (your opener), what things you said made here laugh and why, what created attraction..
2) What did NOT work: you did A & B right but you were so wrong bringing up topic number 2, because you saw her get bored and blabla..
In other words: you can REFLECT on what worked, what DIDN'T work and what you still need to improve. Keeping a conversation going in a way that creates gargantuan amounts of attraction..is just a SKILL you still need to learn. So reflect, and use EVERY conversation you have - with a
man, woman, relative, doesn't matter - as FEEDBACK...
As feedback on what works, what doesn't work and what you need to improve about your conversational skills. This way, EVERY conversation you'll EVER have is successfull, because you're not in it for the numbers (that's just a sidedish on the menu)..
No.
You're in it for the LEARNING, the main course on your way to becoming a confident, sexually attractive man who feels good about himself and dates the women he WANTS, not the women he needs to settle for.
It's just a skill you need to learn, so don't attach your confidence to one silly situation..because mistakes can be the BEST things happening to your in your friggin' life - if only you LEARN from them.
The second mindset: expectations
Here’s another juicy secret: you know, when I first started having conversations with women to learn what attraction was all about, I screwed with my own head in so many ways that I could make a "porn movie" out of my inner conflicts!
I was just one uptight, totally stressed out and everything BUT relaxed dude because I just couldn't get my mind off of trying to get a number - I EXPECTED things. But having EXPECTATIONS is and always will be a BIG MISTAKE. It doesn't take an Einstein to realize why either, think about it:
- If YOU go into ANY conversation, phonecall or date and expect the very BEST to happen to you, expect HER to be the very best woman you've ever met and expect the situation itself the best one you was ever in...you can only get DISAPPOINTED, because you’ll CARE TOO MUCH.
- If you go into ANY conversation, phonecall or date and expect the very WORST to happen to you, expect HER to be the crappiest girl you've ever met and expect the situation itself to be the ****TIEST one you was ever in..not only do you SPOIL all the fun because of how you feel about it. You may also be happily surprised the first time, but the next time you'll expect AT LEAST equal results - say hello to disappointment again.
And disappointment can be your archenemy..it will CRIPPLE your confidence. It will KILL your motivation, making you give up. It will STRESS you the f*ck OUT if things you did NOT expect start to happen. And this isn't because I want to be melodramatic, but the truth is: there is NO certainty in life. You will NEVER be able to accurately know what to expect, every single time.
The dog you wanna walk may be dead, the killer presentation you prepared for work may never happen because of a terrible accident that clogs up all the traffic, a storm, etc. So why not STOP trying to predict, trying to expect, trying to FORCE things into a certain direction...and just..LET GO?
Because if you let go and have NO expectations, here's what will happen:
1) There's no disappointment, there's no FAILURE, there's not even REJECTION..there's only now so you'll be indifferent to ANY outcome. Everything it ends up being - GREAT, because everything is learning. There's no positive or negative, there's only feedback and skills you still need to learn.
2) If you stop living in your HEAD and stop dwelling on the past to figure out what to expect...you can relax, you can chill out...and actually ACTIVELY and passionately take part in any conversation, live the moment and have FUN. You’ll be more open, talkative, more comfortable..which will all HELP you create more attraction with a woman more easily.
3) You surf the waves as they come - you make the most out of what the phonecall, conversation, date or day has to offer, you take it all in and make the best of it...because you don't care about the outcome, but you DO care about having fun, and learning. The best thing about “going with the flow is:” you STOP thinking about what you should and shouldn’t and what you could and couldn’t..and START thinking about: “would this right here be a fun thing to do, right NOW? Let’s try it!” It lets you surf the waves of spontaneity, which will end up in you enjoying adventures, getting results and doing stuff you would never dream off – because once you couldn’t, now you CAN.
I guarantee you: drop those expectations and you'll have better, longer and more fun conversations then you EVER had before. And as a side-effect: living the moment will give you MORE confidence, will make you more open in conversations, it'll allow you to interact MORE and BETTER with a woman..so NOT thinking about the outcome, will paradoxically give you a BETTER outcome!
I could give you some other mindsets as well, but I want to see how people think about this, feel about is, and what kind of experiences they have because of my advice. If I see you guys need more, I’ll give more
