Hello there fellow sosuavers. Many of you probably do not remember me, as I quit this board quite a few months ago to go on a personal development arc that I’m still on. But I thought I’d update ya’ll on how things have been going for me since I lost my v-card last March. In the spirit of that Guy Pearce movie, the following lay reports will be in backwards chronological order:
PS All of summer was a wash-out for me, and I basically forgot about girls for a very long time and worried about other things, like scrubbing bird sh1t off rich peoples’ yachts for a pennance (long story).
LR #2:
This happened last night. Early on in the day I met up with Dee-Zy and we had coffee and chatted about DJ’ing – sitting on the patio of a Second Cup freezing our asses off because the inside of every café we went to was empty and our voices would have carried like in a cathedral.
(NOTE: JUST IN CASE ANY OF YOU ARE PANICKING, THIS LAY REPORT DOES NOT INVOLVE ME SLEEPING WITH DEE-ZY. THIS LAY REPORT CONTAINS NOTHING BUT 100% PURE JESUS-APPROVED HETEROSEXUAL ACTIVITY. JUST WANTED TO CLEAR THAT UP.
)
He was trying to get the motivation to approach a cute girl in one of his classes, and while I’m not very good at motivating people we did come up with the motto “to suceed, you must **** up” which I hope he employs with this girl when he sees her today.
As for me, he commented quite frankly (and I am grateful for his frankness) that I was way more introverted that he thought I was from reading my posts and my PMs to him, which is absolutely true and is something I’ve been working quite hard on lately.
I had to go home early though because I had a date with a girl from France I’d met two months prior. She came over to my roommate’s to work on a class project and the chemistry between us was just startling. But she was in the middle of quite a nasty break-up (and I do mean nasty), so she waited a couple of months before calling me.
This girl is the dictionary definition of cute and innocent, and going into our first date I certainly was not expecting even to make out. We went to Billy Kun in the Plateau, which I would highly recommend to any DJ in Montreal as an awesome date bar – it’s where I took the first girl I slept with back last year and I had the best date of my life there at the time. As for the French girl, our conversation didn’t exactly flow as smoothly as I would have liked (mostly my fault – I’m easily distracted in loud bar situations), but the chemistry was definitely still there. After a lot of talking I started rubbing her hands and that led, much later, to kissing over the table. Then we left the bar (I had no expectations – I think we both thought the other one was leading us somewhere). So we wandered around the neighbourhood for awhile, stopping sometimes to commit wanton acts of PDA, until she asked if I wanted to come over to her place to hang out. Once again, considering this girl’s innocence and the fact she’d recently gotten out of a bad relationship, I was genuinely not expecting anything and was happy just to hang out. But hanging out in her room led to making out, which led to us taking our shirts off, which led to me giving her a back massage, which led to us both agreeing that we shouldn’t take things too far so early (I was in honest agreement with this), which led to me sucking on her neck, which led to her moaning (this girl was SO cute and sweet it was blowing my mind), which led to her pulling down my pants…
The sex was not amazing because she was paranoid about her roommates hearing her and stopped it too early for me (if you get my drift). But she told me SHE had two orgasms in the short time we were having sex! Apparently she does that quite easily. After that we did some couples stuff because I didn’t want her to think I was just using her – cuddling, talking and all that relationship stuff. Before I left, I even said in my bastardized, disgraceful French “au revoir, belle fille de France” (goodbye, beautiful French girl). Corny yes, but the French have more of a stomach for that stuff. I left her asleep in bed, snuck my way out, walked down the street quite discombobulated at what had just occurred against all my intentions and possibly my better judgement, smoked a cigarette (I don’t smoke), and grabbed the night bus home to write this.
LR #1:
This went down when I went home to Toronto for (Canadian) thanksgiving in mid-October. This was a girl who clicked Yes to me on hotornot. When I found out she was from Toronto, I sent her a message asking if she wanted to meet up while I was back for the weekend. She agreed, so two days into my break I jumped in my parents’ station wagon and made my way out to the suburbs where she lived. This girl turned out to be a solid HB8 with a really cool, extroverted personality. Apparently she was also quite socially popular, as her damned cell phone rang literally every two minutes throughout our “date” at a local Irish pub. Also apparently this girl got around quite a bit – I heard tales of threesomes, bisexuality…you name it. I told her, in return, that I had only slept with one girl, only a year ago…basically the truth. I felt like lying, but instead I decided to just tell her where I really stood, without acting all insecure about it. After about an hour of talking and bit of kino I went for the kiss, and we made out for awhile before driving to a coffee place.
After that we were driving around her neighbourhood, and she asked “what do you want to do next?” “Let’s go find a parking lot and make out some more,” I replied. “OK”. So we parked behind her old high school. After about five minutes of kissing, I said “hold on a minute”, reached back and flipped the rear seats of the station wagon down, making a large space to lie down. She told me “I hope you don’t think you’re getting laid” and I just shook my head and said “of course not. But it’s really uncomfortable trying to make out in the front seat”. So we crawled into the back and after another 15 minutes I had her bra off, her panties around her knees and I was eating her out with a vengeance. Finally she said, “I can’t take this teasing anymore!”, so I grabbed a condom out of my jacket and we had quite insane sex (two positions, and a lot of ass slapping – maybe that doesn’t seem like much but you try that in the back of a Volvo in a public place!). By the end of it she was making A LOT of noise, and we both so into it that for all we knew a mob of homeless bums could have been standing around the car getting a free show – we were totally oblivious. When it was over the windows were steamed up and we found her panties under the brake pedal at the front of the car. I would like to note that I am by no means insinuating here that I am a good lay – it was only my second time and I’m sure I aspired to average in this instance. But SHE was obviously quite into it.
Just before I dropped her off at home, she said to me “well I can’t believe I just had sex with you – I NEVER sleep with guys on the first date!” Considering how open she was about her sex life, I was inclined to believe her (admittedly I have a vested interest in believing her as well). I drove home on the QEW, my windows down in the freezing cold night, blasting music, smoking a cigarette (again, I don't smoke) with the biggest, dummest grin on my face ever.
She kept mentioning, throughout the date, that maybe she could come visit me in Montreal. I was neutral to the idea (I didn’t think we were relationship material, much less LDR material). But she didn’t reply to my subsequent e-mails, so I guessed she used me. Awesome!!
In order to cover up the fact that this post is just selfish bragging, I suppose I will have to try to provide some sort of lesson or moral to anyone who has actually read this far. And here it is: This stuff is easier than you think. Rediculously easy, in fact. The main problem with most guys, in my opinion, is that they tend to work themselves into a complex ball of “moves”, “techniques”, “strategies” etc etc etc and act like nervous robots (I’ve been there – that’s how I eventually lost Girl #1 from last year). Once you’ve read a certain amount of stuff on here and internalized the core lesson (basically, don’t be a clueless chump who brings a girl flowers on the first date etc), my advice is to work on your natural side. Remember – while every other guy in the western hemisphere is tripping himself up with vague rules like “girls love ____, they love it when you _____” which they will follow lemming-like even when they obviously contradict reality (because no two girls are alike and every girl requires, to some extent, a certain bending of certain rules) I am here in Montreal fvcking your French ex-girlfriend because I went in thinking tactics are good and fine, but being a relaxed, genuine version of yourself is the best tool of all. If you haven’t yet, read Pook’s post Perfect is boring – he elabourates this much better than I am capable of. Then again, I am such a noob you’ll probably want to ignore all this awful advice – a wise choice.
PS All of summer was a wash-out for me, and I basically forgot about girls for a very long time and worried about other things, like scrubbing bird sh1t off rich peoples’ yachts for a pennance (long story).
LR #2:
This happened last night. Early on in the day I met up with Dee-Zy and we had coffee and chatted about DJ’ing – sitting on the patio of a Second Cup freezing our asses off because the inside of every café we went to was empty and our voices would have carried like in a cathedral.
(NOTE: JUST IN CASE ANY OF YOU ARE PANICKING, THIS LAY REPORT DOES NOT INVOLVE ME SLEEPING WITH DEE-ZY. THIS LAY REPORT CONTAINS NOTHING BUT 100% PURE JESUS-APPROVED HETEROSEXUAL ACTIVITY. JUST WANTED TO CLEAR THAT UP.
) He was trying to get the motivation to approach a cute girl in one of his classes, and while I’m not very good at motivating people we did come up with the motto “to suceed, you must **** up” which I hope he employs with this girl when he sees her today.
As for me, he commented quite frankly (and I am grateful for his frankness) that I was way more introverted that he thought I was from reading my posts and my PMs to him, which is absolutely true and is something I’ve been working quite hard on lately.
I had to go home early though because I had a date with a girl from France I’d met two months prior. She came over to my roommate’s to work on a class project and the chemistry between us was just startling. But she was in the middle of quite a nasty break-up (and I do mean nasty), so she waited a couple of months before calling me.
This girl is the dictionary definition of cute and innocent, and going into our first date I certainly was not expecting even to make out. We went to Billy Kun in the Plateau, which I would highly recommend to any DJ in Montreal as an awesome date bar – it’s where I took the first girl I slept with back last year and I had the best date of my life there at the time. As for the French girl, our conversation didn’t exactly flow as smoothly as I would have liked (mostly my fault – I’m easily distracted in loud bar situations), but the chemistry was definitely still there. After a lot of talking I started rubbing her hands and that led, much later, to kissing over the table. Then we left the bar (I had no expectations – I think we both thought the other one was leading us somewhere). So we wandered around the neighbourhood for awhile, stopping sometimes to commit wanton acts of PDA, until she asked if I wanted to come over to her place to hang out. Once again, considering this girl’s innocence and the fact she’d recently gotten out of a bad relationship, I was genuinely not expecting anything and was happy just to hang out. But hanging out in her room led to making out, which led to us taking our shirts off, which led to me giving her a back massage, which led to us both agreeing that we shouldn’t take things too far so early (I was in honest agreement with this), which led to me sucking on her neck, which led to her moaning (this girl was SO cute and sweet it was blowing my mind), which led to her pulling down my pants…
The sex was not amazing because she was paranoid about her roommates hearing her and stopped it too early for me (if you get my drift). But she told me SHE had two orgasms in the short time we were having sex! Apparently she does that quite easily. After that we did some couples stuff because I didn’t want her to think I was just using her – cuddling, talking and all that relationship stuff. Before I left, I even said in my bastardized, disgraceful French “au revoir, belle fille de France” (goodbye, beautiful French girl). Corny yes, but the French have more of a stomach for that stuff. I left her asleep in bed, snuck my way out, walked down the street quite discombobulated at what had just occurred against all my intentions and possibly my better judgement, smoked a cigarette (I don’t smoke), and grabbed the night bus home to write this.
LR #1:
This went down when I went home to Toronto for (Canadian) thanksgiving in mid-October. This was a girl who clicked Yes to me on hotornot. When I found out she was from Toronto, I sent her a message asking if she wanted to meet up while I was back for the weekend. She agreed, so two days into my break I jumped in my parents’ station wagon and made my way out to the suburbs where she lived. This girl turned out to be a solid HB8 with a really cool, extroverted personality. Apparently she was also quite socially popular, as her damned cell phone rang literally every two minutes throughout our “date” at a local Irish pub. Also apparently this girl got around quite a bit – I heard tales of threesomes, bisexuality…you name it. I told her, in return, that I had only slept with one girl, only a year ago…basically the truth. I felt like lying, but instead I decided to just tell her where I really stood, without acting all insecure about it. After about an hour of talking and bit of kino I went for the kiss, and we made out for awhile before driving to a coffee place.
After that we were driving around her neighbourhood, and she asked “what do you want to do next?” “Let’s go find a parking lot and make out some more,” I replied. “OK”. So we parked behind her old high school. After about five minutes of kissing, I said “hold on a minute”, reached back and flipped the rear seats of the station wagon down, making a large space to lie down. She told me “I hope you don’t think you’re getting laid” and I just shook my head and said “of course not. But it’s really uncomfortable trying to make out in the front seat”. So we crawled into the back and after another 15 minutes I had her bra off, her panties around her knees and I was eating her out with a vengeance. Finally she said, “I can’t take this teasing anymore!”, so I grabbed a condom out of my jacket and we had quite insane sex (two positions, and a lot of ass slapping – maybe that doesn’t seem like much but you try that in the back of a Volvo in a public place!). By the end of it she was making A LOT of noise, and we both so into it that for all we knew a mob of homeless bums could have been standing around the car getting a free show – we were totally oblivious. When it was over the windows were steamed up and we found her panties under the brake pedal at the front of the car. I would like to note that I am by no means insinuating here that I am a good lay – it was only my second time and I’m sure I aspired to average in this instance. But SHE was obviously quite into it.
Just before I dropped her off at home, she said to me “well I can’t believe I just had sex with you – I NEVER sleep with guys on the first date!” Considering how open she was about her sex life, I was inclined to believe her (admittedly I have a vested interest in believing her as well). I drove home on the QEW, my windows down in the freezing cold night, blasting music, smoking a cigarette (again, I don't smoke) with the biggest, dummest grin on my face ever.
She kept mentioning, throughout the date, that maybe she could come visit me in Montreal. I was neutral to the idea (I didn’t think we were relationship material, much less LDR material). But she didn’t reply to my subsequent e-mails, so I guessed she used me. Awesome!!
In order to cover up the fact that this post is just selfish bragging, I suppose I will have to try to provide some sort of lesson or moral to anyone who has actually read this far. And here it is: This stuff is easier than you think. Rediculously easy, in fact. The main problem with most guys, in my opinion, is that they tend to work themselves into a complex ball of “moves”, “techniques”, “strategies” etc etc etc and act like nervous robots (I’ve been there – that’s how I eventually lost Girl #1 from last year). Once you’ve read a certain amount of stuff on here and internalized the core lesson (basically, don’t be a clueless chump who brings a girl flowers on the first date etc), my advice is to work on your natural side. Remember – while every other guy in the western hemisphere is tripping himself up with vague rules like “girls love ____, they love it when you _____” which they will follow lemming-like even when they obviously contradict reality (because no two girls are alike and every girl requires, to some extent, a certain bending of certain rules) I am here in Montreal fvcking your French ex-girlfriend because I went in thinking tactics are good and fine, but being a relaxed, genuine version of yourself is the best tool of all. If you haven’t yet, read Pook’s post Perfect is boring – he elabourates this much better than I am capable of. Then again, I am such a noob you’ll probably want to ignore all this awful advice – a wise choice.
