2 Contradictory Theories on SS

[jafyk]

2 contradictory schools of thought on dating and SoSuave:
1.)
You hear from one side of the argument to pursue your interests in life and women will come to you. This is what the MGTOW movement espouses. Im not sure if men can even be totally indifferent to the power of pu***. But some believe the total indifference is the key to a fulfilling love life. I have found that if you are indifferent then you will get nothing and be celibate. This doesnt sound very good.



2.)
The other argument is that you should not be indifferent at all. This school of thought says that dating is purely a numbers game. Its similar to sales. The more women you meet the higher the likely hood of one of these women liking you. The more approaches you do the more lays you get. Simple statistics. This school of thought is the opposite of indifference. This is the way i personally go about dating and i have had mediocre results. This is represented by the NEXTING mentality.

Not sure which one to choose or which one is correct. I do know that i am tired of being a slave to vag*na. I do ok but it takes a ton of work to get one mediocre lay. Its not good for your self esteem either. Being rejected or toyed with mentally is unhealthy for your psyche. Most of my friends are also slaves to getting laid. Roosh V just made a post about how " His Boner is his master".

So is it " Pursue your interests in life and women will take care of themselves" vs " Go out and do the field work"..which one will lead to a more fulfilling life?

I love the honesty of this post. I've found myself questioning this same contradiction at times. I believe the truth is somewhere in between and it's at times like this I wish the likes of Rollo Tomassi with more experience are here to clarify. Personally, I'm dealing with this contradictions right now. In the sense that I'm not settled in my life as most people around me are. I'm working on it but things are dragging along and it's frustrating. This situation sometimes messes me up in the sense that when I think of approaching a girl my mind has already raced to the end. By that I mean even if in best case scenario I do get the girl. I don't have much to offer in the long term. The long term is what I want at this stage of my life. Even in the short term some factors are not working out for me. I recently moved to a new city and I'm staying with a friend in his one bedroom. I don't have a car and my current phone is strictly google voice #. So, think of how all this will affect other things with a girl.

So, in some ways my mind is more preoccupied with righting this wrong that my desire to go hitting on the next girl isn't high because. I feel like "What's the point?". I know there are others here who might say I'm using that as an excuse bla bla bla and maybe they are right. I have gotten a few #s and once I had a girl over I had met once from the state I moved from. She came to this State on road trip. I invited her over. She came and when I tried to make a move on her she wasn't having it. As someone said confidence come s with having success and with more success you get more success.

Anyway, I'll try to give an answer about the OP's question as I understand it. I believe the key here is a healthy balance. You can't be overly aggressive and you can't be overly indifferent. When you are pursuing your dreams and improving yourself there will normally be a few women in that scene and if they are not coming to you at least they are in your scene. You can go to them. On the flip side if you are always going after the women (the numbers game style). Sure you might come across a ton of women but they may not be the type you are looking for since you are the one going after them in their world. Maybe it's the natural imperative for us to be slaves to vajajay. However, the educated mind tries to rule this urge and only give into it at the right moment (that would be during your physical interaction with your target). In other words you can't allow every move you make to be dictated by your desires to fvck. I see that with a lot of guys and despite their success there's just something about it that I find off putting. That their every waking moment is consumed by sex.

 

[Don_Dom]

Some people say that having a LTR is a trap, and a way to be lazy and comfortable. I prefer to think of being out of the game as freedom: Because you have the part with the girl handled, you can focus your energy on other things that interest you - hobbies, making money, working out, whatever.

I would agree with this to an extent but, as stated, not entirely.

Oneitis has a way of robbing guys of their perspective, blinding them to the realities of being with a bad person or just a poor match, and can lead to complete disaster. Let's face it, when most guys go from never getting laid to suddenly having a steady supply of sex, female attention, and companionship, they have a VERY hard time seeing the forest for the trees where their situation is concerned. I think most of us have been there at least once. I know I have.

I have so many friends who had the worst time with women, wound up marrying the first ones that gave them the time of day, and are now miserable, sexless, slaves whose sole purpose is to provide for children and try to keep their wives happy. They aren't allowed to have time for anything else. One guy I know from college couldn't get laid to save his life till he met his future wife. No one liked her. She had no personality and never so much as cracked a smile. But he had dates and was finally getting laid. As soon as they graduated law school and got married she turned off the sex. He started cheating. They weren't in a no fault state and she took him to the cleaners. At about age 30, my friend ate a divorce that cost him close to half a million dollars, he told me. He did wind up with a great woman and a couple of great kids eventually and is very happy now, but it took being a lamb at the slaughter to know how to find that. If he wasn't a successful professional, that first experience could have ruined his life, though.

This is why I'm a proponent of spinning plates. It gives perspective that helps avoid being blinded to the realities of bad relationships. It allows you to, essentially, comparatively shop for the right woman that is right for you and worthy of settling down with, with vastly increased immunity to female manipulation.

So, yes, I totally agree to the extent that getting in a GOOD relationship that is healthy and allows you to better yourself, your career, have fun, etc is fantastic and, for most guys, is probably the goal. After all, who wants to endlessly chase pvssy their whole lives? It is time consuming and expensive and lacks all of the things that being in a healthy relationship can bring to your life.

But to get in JUST ANY relationship because one can't, can't be bothered to learn, or is indeed too lazy to spin plates is a recipe for disaster. I've just seen it too many times and have experienced it a couple times myself. No man should ever subject themselves to that and I don't think anybody really has the tools to pick a good relationship without spinning plates for a while or having had at least a few relationships that they have learned from. Or they just happen to be really really lucky but who can rely on that?

Great food for thought.

 

[zekko]

Oneitis has a way of robbing guys of their perspective, blinding them to the realities of being with a bad person or just a poor match, and can lead to complete disaster.

I agree, but I'm 53 years old, and done my share of spinning plates (I learned it from a hot chick I knew who "entertained differnet suitors"). I don't need to spin plates anymore to keep my perspective. My mindset is burned into me by my experiences.

After all, who wants to endlessly chase pvssy their whole lives? It is time consuming and expensive and lacks all of the things that being in a healthy relationship can bring to your life

Again, I agree. But there are plenty of guys here who apparently do want to chase pvssy their whole lives. I don't really understand it honestly, because I tired of that years ago. I guess I can see a certain romanticism to it, but I just don't find it satisfying. But! Different strokes for different folks, there are all kinds of different personalities.

But to get in JUST ANY relationship because one can't, can't be bothered to learn, or is indeed too lazy to spin plates is a recipe for disaster. I've just seen it too many times and have experienced it a couple times myself. No man should ever subject themselves to that and I don't think anybody really has the tools to pick a good relationship without spinning plates for a while or having had at least a few relationships that they have learned from. Or they just happen to be really really lucky but who can rely on that?

Yep, you do have to learn how to screen. And some people are really lucky. Like you say, you can't rely on that. But even if you know what you're doing, I still think you need some luck when it comes to relationships, especially in these fvcked up times.

 

[dasein]

I hope younger men here seeking to learn something read and reread the last two posts to this thread above this one. Great dialog.

 

[Vulpine]

The "girls come to you" in the first "camp" description is the root of the disconnect.

It should read ..."and girls will still be around, you'll just be of better quality, likely happier, and will attract/maintain attraction of better women, but you still have to go and get them, they won't just knock on your door naked with extra lip-gloss on."

Before the new brand names, we used to talk about those two philosophies in terms of "positive masculinity" and "greasy con-artist trickery". One way was to become a real-deal Man, the other way was to simply use some Lee™ Press-On® game and rely on manipulation and illusion instead.

It's fun to run game and pull ass, no doubt. But, a mid-life crisis is where a dude realizes at middle age that his life has been nothing but running game and pulling ass. I would compare it with "hitting the wall", but for a dude. Imagine, waking up one day and realizing it's too late to go your own way, or that you don't even know what "your way" would've been.

Hey, if buying a 'vette to pull more ass is how you'll see yourself coping, that's ƒucking awesome: rock it. But, if you have ambitions beyond women, you had best MGTOW soon, while the gettin's still good.

 

[[S]alvatore]

Rollos take:

http://therationalmale.com/2015/03/01/the-isolationists/

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

So is it " Pursue your interests in life and women will take care of themselves" vs " Go out and do the field work"..which one will lead to a more fulfilling life?

You still need to approach women if you want to get some. But if you approach with indifference, and honestly enjoy the interaction, however far it goes, regardless, you'll tend to be a lot happier than needing a certain level of "success' with a certain level of women.

One of the common paradoxes in life. The less you care about getting puzzy, and simply enjoy women whenever you come across them, in whatever capacity is convenient, the more puzzy you'll tend to get.

But the whole "indifference" thing with the idea you DON'T need to initiate is a myth. (Unless your a famous rock star leaving a trail of hundred dollar bills and cocaine everywhere...)

 

[evan12]

For me when I was handsome the first one worked far better than second , but you also need to be already among women otherwise it will not work .

Now after I become 7 or 6 , I released why men was hitting on women left and right , because women usually does not jump on the lab of 6 and 7 like they did with 9 and 10 .

 

[Lexington]

Good things come to those who hustle. Passively hoping women will come to you only works if you have extreme looks, status or wealth. For the rest of us, we have to get after it. Obviously, one should work hard to improve himself financially, physically and mentally while also pursuing women. Most men can find the time to at least to a couple of approaches each week; you don't have to spend hours in club to run across a few beautiful women.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Most men can find the time to at least to a couple of approaches each week; you don't have to spend hours in club to run across a few beautiful women.

That's the thing. Ideally you don't need to "make time" to do approaches. You just go about your daily business, and make it a habit of approaching any decent ladies you come across.

But you still do need to initiate. At least a little bit.

 

[Steady Eddie]

Indifference works in the case of extremes , which no one here really would qualify as. Extremes in looks, money etc..it doesn't matter. I have heard of guys around where I live ( smallish town) who are really tall and have women dropping their numbers off where they work. Random, but in that case indifference is a perfectly acceptable strategy to get women. People that mistake that success based on an outliar data point as gospel. It isn't. The average guys, or even only above average who have to work at it in some regard to get women. Its that simple. The average dude who tries being indifferent to women will not get sex.

There is no one size fits all strategy that will effectively get ALL guys women ALL the time. If you look like Tom brady, you can probably show up to a nightclub and stand there and have success. If you are less than 5'10", you'll have to have something else going for you. And sadly if you are a short guy, you will have to have a lot going for you to have the same success. This is why the sage advice of improving yourself aught to be taken seriously. its the only element of your person you can actively control. But the sad conclusion to this element is that you'll only go as far as you can take yourself. If working on yourself includes 2 days a week in the gym and being just above average, than don't expect to pull Victoria Secret super models.

My advice to anyone is to work on not only improving themselves, but understanding how the game works. Don't strive for average like so many do ( even tho they claim they don't, and don't think they are). Don't be complacent, and always learn new things. Lastly the biggest thing to possibly getting new women is to network. People aught to stop pretending to be these alpha males, and go out there and actually making worthwhile connections with people and branching out.

Get out there and be someone. Stop focusing on a magic pill or magic formula!

Hear hear :yes: