1st TIME rejected and PROUD!!!!

[ecko280]

I am 25 year old. I am a good looking guy that knows how to dress well. I go to the gym 4-5 times a week. Also, i am almost done with college. I am very active with hobbies and always going out, and have a lot of friends. However, I am very bad with girls. I am the "NICE GUY" I am a big AFC

I have dated a lot of girls, but i dated them because we had common friends and i would find out threw my friends that the girls was interested in me, so it made it easy for me to go up to her and to ask her out.

I had only 2 girlfriends in my life, and they both were because a friend told me that they liked me. My first girlfriend lasted 3 years, but we never had sex because she wanted to wait till she gets married. This was during high school. We broke up after 3 years. I later find out she has a 1 year old baby before being married and is now a single mom.

I lost my "V" at age 24 to my last girlfriend of only 7 months. this was like 4 months ago. My ex was everything to me. I let her walked all over me, and when she broke up with me, she told me that i had no confidences and was insecure, but she loved me more as a friend then a lover.

I was divested when she left. I am 6ft 195lb good looking and healthy with a lot of muscle before she broke up with me. I got to 173lb looking sick after she broke up with me. I was a mess and depress. I beg and cried for her back.

After that break up, i been reading online on what i did wrong and how to be a MAN. I was not a MAN. I learned so much this pass couple months that i wish i knew when i was in high school.

I am now learning how to approach girls that i like. I saw this girl that i did not really like, but she was cute and alone on her computer. This was my chance to approach a stranger and just ask for her number, and not care if she said no because i really did care what the out come was. I was so nervous to go up to her, but when i did it went like this.

me: Hey, i have to go to class, but give me your number so i can take you out sometimes.
her: (laughing and bushing) i have a boyfriend.
me: ooh ok. (walk away)

It felt so good to do that. that was the first time in my life i ever did that. This place has helped me a lot and learn all the things it takes to be a MAN. I will continue to approach girls with that line until i get my approach anxiety clear. Once it is clear I will start to do conversation and become a real DJ.

THANK YOU GUYS. MY LIFE WILL START NOW.

 

[aimchase]

me: Hey, i have to go to class, but give me your number so i can take you out sometimes.
her: (laughing and bushing) i have a boyfriend.
me: ooh ok. (walk away)

There will be people on here who know far more about game than I, but that PU line seems a bit too direct to me. Sure, you'd have crashed and burned anyway if she did have a bf, but if she didn't you might have been better off chatting for a few mins first.

I can't really make a suggestion as I can't picture the environment. Was she in a library or something?

Good on you for having the courage to do it though. Your confidence will grow and with it, you'll get more fluent and be able to open conversations.

 

[backbreaker]

There will be people on here who know far more about game than I, but that PU line seems a bit too direct to me. Sure, you'd have crashed and burned anyway if she did have a bf, but if she didn't you might have been better off chatting for a few mins first.

I can't really make a suggestion as I can't picture the environment. Was she in a library or something?

Good on you for having the courage to do it though. Your confidence will grow and with it, you'll get more fluent and be able to open conversations.

nothing wrong with direct. I generally dont' bet around the bush. it works both ways. if you come off as confident it can play in your way. hey i see something i want and i'm not going to make any bones about wanting it.

im' not trying to nor do i have to sneak my way into any woman's pants.

besides.. i assure you the moment a woman has seen you she has already sized you up and is either open to or not open to the thought of you. you aren't tricking her anyway.

 

[BeyondCharm]

I agree with Espi, you're on the right track. My method is very direct also. Direct or indirect, if the girl plans on saying no, you'll get a no whether its a "hard no" or a "soft no."

The difference is you had the courage to go for what you want in life, which is what being a DJ is all about. It's a mentality about getting what you want out of life, not just with women.

 

[ecko280]

thanks guys. Right now i really don't care how i approach. I just want to get rid of my approach anxiety.

 

[Mr.Positive]

thanks guys. Right now i really don't care how i approach. I just want to get rid of my approach anxiety.

Ecko, you are definitely heading the right direction. Regarding approach anxiety, a good way to get rid of it, is to actually chat up strangers everywhere you go. Not just women, it helps create an openness with your personality that makes you relaxed when talking to people.

Approaches work best when they are natural. Something about the gal picques your curiosity about her, be naturally curious. What is she doing? What makes you want to learn about her? Then run with it.

You'll know within the first few seconds whether to continue, or even if you want to continue.

I made a good approach at lunch in a cafe the other day. Good looking gal was talking to the deli worker, I overheard her say she worked for a company the works with my company. I said "excuse me, I overheard you work for X company. I work for Z company."

That started a real nice convo with her, we know some of the same people, etc. In fact she knows my boss (why I didn't go for a phone number).

The point is to get out of your confort zone. Just keep talking to strangers, you'll find most people are friendly. After awhile, it just becomes a natural part of your personality.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

thanks guys. Right now i really don't care how i approach. I just want to get rid of my approach anxiety.

This is EXACTLY what we should ALL bear in mind. This is why there are so many parallels between sales and DJing; if we try to always do everything perfectly, we don't do anything at all! Fail as much as you can!

 

[BeyondCharm]

That started a real nice convo with her, we know some of the same people, etc. In fact she knows my boss (why I didn't go for a phone number).

The point is to get out of your confort zone. Just keep talking to strangers, you'll find most people are friendly. After awhile, it just becomes a natural part of your personality.

Smart move not going for the number, the saying goes, don't sh1t where you eat and don't cvm where you collect a paycheck might apply too haha

 

[ecko280]

Ecko, you are definitely heading the right direction. Regarding approach anxiety, a good way to get rid of it, is to actually chat up strangers everywhere you go. Not just women, it helps create an openness with your personality that makes you relaxed when talking to people.

Approaches work best when they are natural. Something about the gal picques your curiosity about her, be naturally curious. What is she doing? What makes you want to learn about her? Then run with it.

You'll know within the first few seconds whether to continue, or even if you want to continue.

I made a good approach at lunch in a cafe the other day. Good looking gal was talking to the deli worker, I overheard her say she worked for a company the works with my company. I said "excuse me, I overheard you work for X company. I work for Z company."

That started a real nice convo with her, we know some of the same people, etc. In fact she knows my boss (why I didn't go for a phone number).

The point is to get out of your confort zone. Just keep talking to strangers, you'll find most people are friendly. After awhile, it just becomes a natural part of your personality.

I`really dont have problems with talking with random people. My problem is when i see a girl i LIKE then i get approach anxiety. Fear of rejection.

 

[Mr.Positive]

I`really dont have problems with talking with random people. My problem is when i see a girl i LIKE then i get approach anxiety. Fear of rejection.

How do you know if you like her or not, if you haven't approached her?

 

[ecko280]

How do you know if you like her or not, if you haven't approached her?

i wrote it wrong. My problem is when i see a girl i am attracted to, so i freeze up and get approach anxiety.

 

[Robert28]

same thing happens to me man. sometimes i can overcome it but most of the time i can't. i do know this, the more i think about it in my head the harder it is and the more nervous i get if/when i do approach. i usually bomb too and i think they sense this(me being nervous although i try my best to hide it). it's just not easy to turn off.

 

[Mr.Positive]

i wrote it wrong. My problem is when i see a girl i am attracted to, so i freeze up and get approach anxiety.

Well, the more you approach, the less the anxiety is. You just got to keep tryin', we've all been there.

Think of it this way, by NOT approaching...you've already been rejected. You've rejected yourself.

So, you've got nothing to lose, by approaching. But, a lot to gain. A lot of times women just light up, smile, and open up, just by you talking to them. Women love attention.

The only way to cure approach anxiety, is to approach. There is no other way.

 

[Mr.Positive]

same thing happens to me man. sometimes i can overcome it but most of the time i can't. i do know this, the more i think about it in my head the harder it is and the more nervous i get if/when i do approach. i usually bomb too and i think they sense this(me being nervous although i try my best to hide it). it's just not easy to turn off.

You may be nervous because you are focusing on you, how she percieves you, what she thinks about YOU..

Maybe, it's not about you when you approach. What if you approached, and made it about her. You are curious, you want to learn...about her.

Forget about you at that moment, and just focus all your attention on her.

You trying to find out if she, is the one, that is worthy of your attention.

 

[zekko]

There will be people on here who know far more about game than I, but that PU line seems a bit too direct to me.

I was reading the RSD forum recently. There was a guy on there who had female friends who hung out at clubs all the time. He asked them if there were changes in the way guys approached them.

They said guys used to come up to them and give them lots of backhanded compliments (lol, negs, get it?). But that now guys have gotten very blunt and direct (part of the natural movement, shows masculine intent).

I think it's funny that the girls could identify changes in pickup theory.

 

[synergy1]

That's OK...just keep swinging the bat. It doesn't matter if you're nervous...and for every hundred girls that say "no," all you need is a relative few to say "yes."

Exactly. There comes a point where the whole rejection thing becomes a normal thing. Go up, chat it up with a honey, and maybe shes not digging it...whatever move on. Eventually you'll start talking to a chick you dig who digs you and it was all worth it.

Approach anxiety always exists, its just to what degree. Once you are indifferent to rejection, it becomes less difficult and maybe even a comical story to tell your friends.

 

[ecko280]

thanks guys for the input. I am now reading the DJ's bible. This weekend i am going to go to the mall and say Hi to all the girls, and just walk in store to start conversation with some.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

Anything worth doing, is worth doing well.

We're all familiar with that line, right? It's true. But there's another truth we seldomly realize, and ignorance of it is the cause of all anxiety:

Anything worth doing well, is worth doing poorly until you can learn to do it well.

So fail with impunity!