1st date with girl from POF goes well, 2nd date she says she had plans w/ no counter

[Scormus]

Guys,

Just a quick "what would you do" here, I think I already know the general answer but any additional insight would be helpful.

I went on a date with this girl from POF last Friday, on the looks scale I'd say she is anywhere from a 7-8, she is in her early 30s, no children, and is a doctor.

We had drinks and then I took her to dinner someplace nice (it was a 7-8 hour date), while we were waiting for dessert I took our picture together with my phone, and as I was leaning over her for the pic I leaned in and kissed her and held the first kiss for about 10-15 seconds, I closed my eyes as I was doing so but took a peek about halfway in and her eyes were closed too.

During the date she laughed a lot at my jokes and asked what activities we could do if she visited me in my town. I had a number of them all of which I thought were fun activities. Yes I paid for the date.

I had travelled 45 minutes for the date by train, and she also had to get back home, she was rushing to catch a midnight train. We left soon after, I walked her to the station which was nearby, another kiss goodnight, maybe just 3-4 seconds this time, but heavier and with a bit of tongue action. She really was chasing her train I think which was why she broke off, apologised, then literally ran to the train (in heels).

She texted me about 30-40 minutes after we parted thanking me for a wonderful time. I texted back "you're welcome, my pleasure".

I texted her Tuesday evening saying I could be in her town on the Saturday to see her as part of my way back from a business trip on the Friday (so no inconvenience for me). I suggested she could show me around and we could do active stuff which I know she likes from the conversation and her profile.

She texts back Wednesday morning saying she has plans for the weekend, thanked me for the suggestion but said she can't accommodate my plan. There was no counter offer.

I've decided not to respond at all to that the rest of this week and weekend. I think the right thing to do is to just go ahead and spin my other plates for now.

I am thinking I should wait at least one week and when I do contact her I should send a photo of me having fun, possibly with other women who could be viewed as competition, and not explicitly ask for the 2nd date, just keep it light and fun and flirty and get her to ask, "so when is our 2nd date".

Of course she might be in touch before then but this is my plan if I don't hear from her.

I think I'm still in but who knows with online dating?

Thanks for all the help in advance.


Scormus

 

[tryst type]

I think the date was too long and there was no sexual tension built up.

Don't contact. If she does suggest movie at either her place or yours. No more public outings. Escalate physically to get her more emotionally invested. But don't come off needy/in a hurry.

 

[Scormus]

How do I build sexual tension earlier in the date before going for the first kiss? Serious question. Please don't rip into me guys, I am learning as we go.

I generally wait till after the first kiss to escalate physically.

Yes I think I am in no contact mode entirely now, that's my only chance I think.

 

[tryst type]

How do I build sexual tension earlier in the date before going for the first kiss? Serious question. Please don't rip into me guys, I am learning as we go.

I generally wait till after the first kiss to escalate physically.

Yes I think I am in no contact mode entirely now, that's my only chance I think.

By teasing, having a playful ****y attitude. Build tension verbally. Play it cool make her want you and don't give in so easily.

Act as if she already wants to sleep with you and you're just having fun making her wait.

 

[Sandow]

I'm starting to see a common trend here, where the first date goes well...she texts that she had a great time, and then a few days she goes cold when trying to set up another date.

What we can take from all of this is: Do not follow up after the first date! No texts, no attempts to set up a second date, nothing!

Girls freak out when they feel like they are getting rushed. I know, in our view, it doesn't appear to be rushing things. After all, "we made out so she's gotta be into me and receptive to more dating and texting, right?" Wrong! The proof's in the pudding on this thread, it simply doesn't cause interest on her part. The only type of girls that are, are BPD chicks or ones that have issues.

Listen, if a girl is genuinely into you, she will reach out to you. If she doesn't her interest just isn't that high, and it's better to know now than down the road after you wasted all of your time and effort.

So, yes, go NC. See if she contacts you, if she doesn't, don't waste any more time on her.

 

[Scormus]

Teasing

I get all that conceptually but I need some good examples. I want to tease but not end up saying anything negative.

Example if she says she likes mountain hiking (but low mountains) or travelling, how do I tease her about that? Actually I am thinking now for the latter I can say, do I call you Fernanda Magellan. For the former can't think of anything witty.

 

[Scormus]

I'm starting to see a common trend here, where the first date goes well...she texts that she had a great time, and then a few days she goes cold when trying to set up another date.
.

Do you mean just me, or other posters too?

 

[Sandow]

With all posters, including myself. I used to be at fault, but I've learned otherwise.

 

[Scormus]

You mean we just go radio silent? What if the woman thinks we've rejected her by not calling at all and gives up?

I don't mean this case where I've reached out. I mean NC completely even after a great first date.

 

[MaddXMan]

Sexual tension - I have never had it backfire by making a bold move - saying something that an AFC wouldn't. Like once I was going to a girls house for dinner, 2nd date. She was telling me via text about all the good stuff she was cooking for us. I told her she better set the table with paper plates because I was gonna sweep it all off onto the floor and put her up there. Well that set her off, in a good way!

 

[Pimp-sicle]

One thing you need to understand is if she has an online dating profile, she has tons of suitors, even if she's average looking.

You need to differentiate yourself from the pack.

The overwhelming feeling I got from reading your post was you were acting like her boyfriend on the first date, not good.

Women respond to men who challenge them, who aren't afraid to show their interest, but also make her wonder as well.

If you go back and read your post it is very obvious that you are into her.

And while she did show you interest as well, you handed it to her on silver platter with the fancy date, etc.

Nobody values what is handed to them without any work.

Your not dead in the water here though.

And no don't text her a pic of you with another girl. That is beyond lame and tin man syndrome.

Just give it a few days, see if she hits you up. If she doesn't, hit her up early next week, but don't ask her out unless she is showing high interest.











PIMP

 

[Sandow]

You mean we just go radio silent? What if the woman thinks we've rejected her by not calling at all and gives up?

I don't mean this case where I've reached out. I mean NC completely even after a great first date.

In general, do not follow up right away, if you do, she'll see you as needy. Give her plenty of time to think about it. If she's really into you (which is what you want, you don't want someone with sorta interested), she'll reach out to you. If you don't hear from here after some time (at least a week), you can throw out a text and she'll be receptive to your ideas or what have you.

Chances are you were on top of your game on your date, now she wants to see if your congruent with what she saw. A true guy with options would never reach out to her right away asking for a second date or just fluff talk. This is what girls all want subconsciously, despite of what they say they want.

 

[Sandow]

"What if the woman thinks we've rejected her by not calling at all and gives up?"

You're only seeing things through you're own eyes. Women don't think like this. They don't give up on someone they have interest in, trust me! If anything, it'll increase her attraction towards you. Yes, at some point she may stop pursuing you or texting you, but that doesn't mean she has lost attraction towards you.

 

[like2jam]

From my experience, if a woman declines and doesn't offer an alternative or mention to reschedule, it's a bad sign.

I would go NC if I were you. At the most, maybe a simple text at some point to see if she's receptive.

And I agree with above, do NOT send her a picture of you with other women!

It's hard not knowing exactly why a woman loses interest. But in most cases, once something triggers it, there is no going back.

 

[Kailex]

Scormus,

Let me tell you, I stopped as soon as I read "7-8 hours". I once did that, and got told here by wise men that I essentially went on 4 dates in one night that led absolutely nowhere.

You are too important to be spending 7 to 8 hours on the first night with one woman. It doesn't matter if it took you 3 hours to get there, cut it WAY shorter.

And next time, if she texts you that she had a great time... you text nothing back. Let her wonder. Let her wonder if you made it home, are in an accident or crushing some other woman.

And I have to agree with Sandow, I've noticed a trend too as well. It actually happened to me a week ago. Went out with a woman and felt NOTHING the entire time. I couldn't even bring myself to KINO this woman up even though she was moderately attractive. Lo and behold, I get a text 1 hour after saying she had a great time with great company.

Two days later, I get a text from her stating that she didn't feel like I was right for her. Um, ok!?

And as others have stated, if there is no counter... you just let it die. NEXT. There are plenty of other women out there.

 

[nismo-4]

Your princess is in another castle.

Seriously, if she was interested, she would've given you a counter offer. A woman who is interested in you won't confuse you.

She had plans with a better man. If a woman has an online dating profile or anything in social media, a better man is just a click away. Does hypergamy and Briffault's Law hold any meaning for you? When a woman loses interest, it's hard to get it back. Unless your goal is to get into the friendzone.

Case closed. Spin more plates and drop this b**ch.

 

[Scormus]

Don't ever use the term "better man", that is just so unhelpful and negative.

You have to honestly believe and act like you are Daniel Craig.

 

[JBB84]

Absolutely do not send her any pictures of yourself, especially with another girl! She will think you are a weirdo. She knows you want to hang out again. If she doesn't reach out, its done. Don't contact her.