1st Date ok, 2nd date flake... or what?

[Mr. Wise]

I went out with this chick last week and everything went pretty well, she was all over me at the bar with a make out session and all. I haven't seen her for a week and called only once during the week to set up tonight. Well tonight she sort of flaked because she wants me to join her and her best friend instead. She said, "since you're going to workout until 8:30, I was going to XXX bar to hang out with XXXX until you're done. I figured you could meet me there and we could all go to XXXX." I want to go out with her one on one, not with her friend tagging along. I told her I didn't have to workout tonight because this is our off week but she didn't change the plan. I'm not going to meet her there, I'm going to give an excuse that I have to meet some friends which I was initially going to bring her along if she came. Nuff chasing chicks for me... think I'll kick back and witness sh!t rather than scoop it.

update: she just texted me that she's on her way to go out. I responded with, "i'm going to have a couple drinks with my friends at XXXX, we'll get together later".

 

[lookyoung]

Whats the big deal? Why don't you just meet up with her and her friend. I don't see this as a bad sign or a flake. I would consider this an IOI, if she wants you to meet her friends.

 

[Mr. Wise]

Whats the big deal? Why don't you just meet up with her and her friend. I don't see this as a bad sign or a flake. I would consider this an IOI, if she wants you to meet her friends.

Ok, I see what you mean but I guess I left out a lot of info here because there's always more to it than it one can write down. When I spoke to her to setup this date, she was acting kind of aloof, I sensed low interest and had a feeling that "something" would come up or she'll try to wiggle out of it somehow. When she mentioned this, I knew it's her way of not labeling this a date. My BS meter went through the roof as she said she has to talk to her friend about an upcoming trip they're going to take soon.

 

[jophil28]

Ok, I see what you mean but I guess I left out a lot of info here because there's always more to it than it one can write down. When I spoke to her to setup this date, she was acting kind of aloof, I sensed low interest and had a feeling that "something" would come up or she'll try to wiggle out of it somehow. When she mentioned this, I knew it's her way of not labeling this a date. My BS meter went through the roof as she said she has to talk to her friend about an upcoming trip they're going to take soon.

Yeah, this has falling interest level stamped on it - or she is having "buyer's remorse" .. A chick who is bringing a "friend " is buying insurance of some kind.
Don't try to amp her interest back up or be "understanding" ..
The first rule of dealing with an aloof woman who is cooling off is to pull back further than she is. Do not chase .
STR8UP is a world ackowledged expert in this shyte. Ha !
Where is he ?

 

[squirrels]

Whats the big deal? Why don't you just meet up with her and her friend. I don't see this as a bad sign or a flake. I would consider this an IOI, if she wants you to meet her friends.

If you're going to hang with her and her friend, have a friend for her friend.

Otherwise, don't do it. The friend will be too competitive for her attention and you can't match up to that.

One possibility that no one here has considered is that "she doesn't trust herself around you", meaning she wants her friend to be there to stop her from sleeping with you, because she REALLY wants to.

Chicks are so dumb.

 

[Knight's Cross]

Right there with Squirrels on part 1 not on part 2.

If you do go for this plan have a wingman that can flirt/ game her friend. I don't agree that she's using the friend as a block to keep from going too far with you.

Couple possibilities. First the part I don't like is she's trying to take frame. Basically she's doing what she wants, so let her. Pull back and watch. I think it's the friend interview. She's looking to see what her friends think. That's not a good trait. Means that she doesn't decide for herself, she needs her friends to make up her mind for her on what guy to date.


The friend is there as a s#it test. Either have a wingman to call the bluff, meet up at someplace you choose, all of you together, or decline the offer to hang as a group. Then wait a week to ask her solo to do something fun/ cheap to interview her. You're the prize remember. If she says yes or counters for a different date you are in play. Anything else and toss her #.


KC

 

[Colossus]

Whats the big deal? Why don't you just meet up with her and her friend. I don't see this as a bad sign or a flake. I would consider this an IOI, if she wants you to meet her friends.

Wrong. On a second date? The point of a date is to spend time one-on-one.

Unless they both agreed to meet up w/ friends, that's kinda lame IMO. I would either bring friends of my own or not go. Sh!t like that makes ME lose interest.

 

[Mr. Wise]

Yeah, this has falling interest level stamped on it - or she is having "buyer's remorse" .. A chick who is bringing a "friend " is buying insurance of some kind.
Don't try to amp her interest back up or be "understanding" ..
The first rule of dealing with an aloof woman who is cooling off is to pull back further than she is. Do not chase .
STR8UP is a world ackowledged expert in this shyte. Ha !
Where is he ?

I was right, she is cooling off. I'll have to back off now. Haha, "buyers remorse" for sure. Thanks.

 

[Mr. Wise]

Wrong. On a second date? The point of a date is to spend time one-on-one.

Unless they both agreed to meet up w/ friends, that's kinda lame IMO. I would either bring friends of my own or not go. Sh!t like that makes ME lose interest.

FWIW, I didn't go. I just texted her that I'd be somewhere else (as mentioned above). She texted me later in the night to say that she saw one of my friends. I texted back saying, "tell my friend the party's here, not there". That was it. I'm backing off - no contact until I see her again or she contacts me, ENTHUSIASTICALLY. This sucks big time - but part of the process, I guess.