1st call after 1st date very important?

[pete101]

calling from a different number at least gets her on the phone for u to speak to her.. then u have a small chance of spitting enough game to remind her why she met up with u in the first place.

all be it she may make an excuse within 30 secs as to why to hang up.

 

[slaog]

yeah that's what i usually do, text them before i leave but i dont follow what you say i should say before i leave? like what C+F line.

Just something like "I'm all ready and i'm on my way.. don't get too excited ".

Thats what I'd do and these are all guidelines. It tells her you're on your way and you're being funny and a bit more confident than usual which in a way will make her feel more comfortable.

 

[pete101]

the thing is i made the arrangements on monday and now it's thursday, ordinarily if she wanted to see me she'd message me today to find out if we're still on rather than get dressed up and waiting to see if i show at 9pm to pick her up, so unfortunately i have to let her know within a reasonable time that im still coming.

if i do it just before i leave she may have assumed a)that it's not on and im not coming or b)not enough time for her to get ready.

obviously in my situation she's more likely to flake so i need to get around this.

 

[pete101]

if i send a text of 'hey i hope u remember we're meeting tonight so don't get too excited im leaving now but i have to see some people and do some things 1st on my way down but i'll be at yours to pick u up at 9pm so be ready and changed ok? i'll call when im outside your place.'

is this ok? or should i remove the the first sentence?

cos i imagine that if i send this in afternoon notifying her with enough time to know we're still on and not make other plans, whereas if i leave it till before i leave she may already be out.

if i added something at the beginning like: 'hey i hope u remembered we're meeting tonight, i'll be very disappointed in u if you've forgotten. i'm leaving now so don't get too excited i have to see some people and do some things 1st on my way down but i'll be at yours to pick u up at 9pm so be ready and changed ok? i'll call when im outside your place.'

i'm planning to send this around 2pm giving her enough notice in advance, does this give her too much time to cancel on me? cos the risk is if i leave it till 8pm she'll have already made other plans.

 

[scribblec]

i dont bother to post here very often but after reading through this post, you just reek of desperation, my advice to you is to flake on her today which will knock her off her pedestal, dont even bother to tell her ur flaking because most likely she already has no plan to see you. let 9pm go by go find something else to do. the next day if she fails to mention anything to u then you just next her, but more likely then not she will be wondering why u never called on a different number asking why she flaked...

 

[pete101]

yeah i know, that sounds quite smart not even doing anything but i think in my case i dont think it'll help after what i did although i should try that in future..

really i should leave it just before im suppose to leave cos any sooner and she'll flake.. but having said that leaving it so late she might assume we're not on and just make other plans.

i guess i'll have to leave it if she flakes on me. well i've sent the message now and haven't got a reply back yet, i know this is what is expected but do i have a right to be angry with her for giving me silly excuses on the phone when she says sorry for something she did wrong like not replying to me or calling me back cos she feels guilty. is it too much to actually just tell her why do u give me these silly excuses when you're sorry, why dont u just not do the something wrong in the first place?

it's not just with her, most girls act this way.. is being confrontational like this but not in an angry way but noting her bad behaviour really going to set a precadent for her not to act that way in future?

 

[pete101]

i really feel when i called on monday from the other number that when she said sorry for not calling u i was moving blah blah.. i should have been like in a calm manner saying 'why do u keep saying sorry for not calling me back and give me silly excuses which im not going to believe.. why dont u just do the right thing and call me back rather than say sorry later for behaving badly?'

 

[ezily]

yeah pete it's over now. You should have flaked on her. You should have not sent the message or anything. See if she actually wanted to go she'd remember when you set it up. What you should have done is just not call and not do anything. I doubt she would have shown up anyway.

I think you need to work on inner game. Sure we can all act a little AFC at times, but if you have time to think things through before you do anything there is no excuse. I mean you called way too much on the 28th. You blew it right there. Maybe the first call didn't go so well. But who cares? You should have just left it and called again in a week or so. I mean when a girl tells you she'll let you know I would bet money that she won't call you at all.

You need to learn to be more patient.

and by God stop sending stupid texts and calling from different numbers. If she doesn't answer your number or call you back she doesn't want to talk to you. And for the most part texting can be AFC if it isn't done right. Most people will start to get into text message conversations. Just send one message and that's it. Don't even expect a reply. A reply can just be seen as a plus.

 

[scribblec]

i told you she would flake, you should of taken my advice, because if she even wanted to go on the date she would probably call YOU to confirm, learn from your mistakes is all i can say

 

[pete101]

ok it's been a week now since the 2nd date and i kinda forgot about her until now cos my other options have all fallen through.

given the scenario that she might have a boyfriend and that even though we made no formal arrangements for dinner.. would she still be expecting me to call?

my original plan was to wait a week or so to see if she'd contact me but for 3 reasons she might not.. i.e. 1)not interested 2)has a boyfriend 3)is traditional so always expects the man to initiate the move.

she's foreign so doesn't follow the western society girls course of action.

should i wait till this weekend before i call?

cos the only reason i'm waiting any further now is to see if she'll contact me cos she'd be wondering why i haven't contacted her since our last meeting so may have thought i've moved on.. obviously one week isn't long enough and if i'm not even on her mind at all this isn't really gona work is it?

 

[slaog]

ok it's been a week now since the 2nd date and i kinda forgot about her until now cos my other options have all fallen through.

given the scenario that she might have a boyfriend and that even though we made no formal arrangements for dinner.. would she still be expecting me to call?

my original plan was to wait a week or so to see if she'd contact me but for 3 reasons she might not.. i.e. 1)not interested 2)has a boyfriend 3)is traditional so always expects the man to initiate the move.

she's foreign so doesn't follow the western society girls course of action.

should i wait till this weekend before i call?

cos the only reason i'm waiting any further now is to see if she'll contact me cos she'd be wondering why i haven't contacted her since our last meeting so may have thought i've moved on.. obviously one week isn't long enough and if i'm not even on her mind at all this isn't really gona work is it?

She won't be contacting you! Forget about that happening..

You can try to contact her but don't expect anything to happen. It's worth a try though!

 

[pete101]

ok i see, but what i'm saying is she's expecting me to call this week but by me not calling is she really going to wonder why i haven't?

bear in mind our loose arrangements were suppose to be last weekend and also candle light dinner this week. i'm just wondering whether the fact i don't call this week will have a bearing on her interest level in her wondering why i haven't?

my original plan was to call next week (week and half after we last met) but since my other options have flopped i feel a bit desperate again running out of options.

i feel that if i call tonight and she doesn't answer it's definitely over.. whereas if i wait a while to see if she contacts me or at least wonder why i haven't called this week as she expected me to then it might work out.

 

[slaog]

ok i see, but what i'm saying is she's expecting me to call this week but by me not calling is she really going to wonder why i haven't?

bear in mind our loose arrangements were suppose to be last weekend and also candle light dinner this week. i'm just wondering whether the fact i don't call this week will have a bearing on her interest level in her wondering why i haven't?

my original plan was to call next week (week and half after we last met) but since my other options have flopped i feel a bit desperate again running out of options.

i feel that if i call tonight and she doesn't answer it's definitely over.. whereas if i wait a while to see if she contacts me or at least wonder why i haven't called this week as she expected me to then it might work out.

Then it's best to wait as long as possible.. just to show theres more going on in your life then her!

I think she has low interest level and it's unlikely she'll want another date. It's over IMO.. try thinking about other girls and keep yourself busy if you have no plates to spin this week. Always remember that there'll be loads more women in the future if you want them enough to learn to become a DJ.

Give it a shot but expect nothing. That way at least you won't be putting yourself under any pressure

 

[pete101]

Then it's best to wait as long as possible.. just to show theres more going on in your life then her!

I think she has low interest level and it's unlikely she'll want another date. It's over IMO.. try thinking about other girls and keep yourself busy if you have no plates to spin this week. Always remember that there'll be loads more women in the future if you want them enough to learn to become a DJ.

Give it a shot but expect nothing. That way at least you won't be putting yourself under any pressure

yeah but how long should i wait?

remember im pretty sure she has a boyfriend or just started seeing someone so it makes things quite awkward for me cos i feel as if like i had a 2nd opportunity after i fluffed and i failed on the 2nd date.. it seems like she was giving me a 2nd chance when it should really be the other way round in terms of prizeability.

now she probably sees the one she has is better than i am.

im probably better off calling her when i have other options and am in a good mood and having a good day cos then at least the final rejection blow won't hurt as much.