1st call after 1st date very important?

[pete101]

i had a good date with a girl last week and called just now for the first time, she answered asking who it was as she had not saved my number even though before we met for our date i told her to save this new number instead..

anyway i asked her how come she didn't save it she just answered maybe she'll save it this time.

then the convo went into light hearted content what we did this weekend made her laugh a little then 5mins into the convo i went for the arranging the next meeting, unfortunately my nerve evaded me and i asked her what she was doing tonight and she started to go into detail how she might go see her friends etc etc.. then i suggest meeting up tonight about 8, she said she'd let me know by 3-4pm, then i proceeded to prolong the convo suggesting potentially tomorrow if she's busy.

i know AFC moves.. but i couldn't hold my nerve and i could hear somewhat her interest drop while i was going into detail about how the weather might be bad so would ruin my surprise for our next date.. anyway she told me she'd let me know by 3-4pm but i proceeded to carry on talking asking her stuff and she sounded unimpressed then i decided it's best to end the convo so i said my goodbyes.. she sounded bored by the end of it..

have i ruined it by being indecisive and maybe too available suggesting tonight or tomorrow i could meet?

 

[pete101]

i didn't even wait to see what her answer would be as i suspected she'd say she couldn't do it and was going out with her friends, and probably wouldn't offer another time.

i really f'd up that convo in the last few mins cos i could hear the tone of her voice and her non reply as interest level dropped.

i decided to call back an hour later to say i couldn't do it but she didn't pick up, surprise surprise. so i proceeded to text her 'actually i cant do tonight after all my friend wants to meet up after work and i need to give an answer now, so let's meet up tomorrow instead i'll pick u up from yours at 7, is that cool?'

was this a bad move?

in grand scale of things calling a 2nd time after 1 hour after a somewhat bad phone convo is never a good idea but i felt i should cancel/flake before she did (even tho she may have not cancelled anyway but i didnt want to take that risk)

im seeing now how 2 mins of indecisiveness and nervousness on the phone has ruined something potentially great for me. i dont seem to be clear enough in my arranging times, allowing wishy washy answers and 'i'll let u know later' answers.. i didn't know how to respond cos first thing i asked was what are you doing tonight rather than suggesting to meet up 1st.

im disappointed with my performance today.

is the 2nd call after one hour (even tho suppose to be a cancellation call) just in her eyes going to be someone who is too full on and needy?

once i was committed with that 2nd call i had to send the text after otherwise she'd just assume 100% he's full on, now at least she'll see why i called.

but i don't think she's going to get back to me now. i can't believe how a couple mins of awkward phone convo has ruined a great date i had last week, everything was cool for the 1st 5mins, even when i suggested initially to meet up tonight, it was when i suggested tomorrow instead cos she couldn't give me a def answer there and then is when i fell to pieces and she seemed to lose interest.. fvck. how did it go so wrong so quickly??

 

[slaog]

it looks like you have blown it. If you can get her on the phone again (block your caller ID) then all is not lost. Check out my thread on how I rescued a situation here.

You need to change your mindset. When you talk to people if your are uncomfortable then they're going to be uncomfortable too... emotions are contagious.

You saw her as being the prize and put her on a pedestal and showed her you were lower value than her and you were nervous and afraid. If you're going to call women make sure you have the correct mindset and keep it short! You got her laughing and should have left it at that ie on a high.

PS I think you're far too keen to date her too. Slow down a bit.

 

[pete101]

is the 2nd call really that bad?

im just so anxious i couldn't deal with a possible negative response of her saying she couldn't make it that i'd have to wait a few days before rearranging it.

so i decided to cancel straight away, but the fact is she hasn't got back to me yet.

when would be the best time to call again?

i assume that if i'm risking looking needy and desperate i should wait till at least saturday before attempting to call just to stop looking desperate.

in the grand scale of things it doesn't seem that bad, i mean i called an hour later 2 cancel, but she didn't pick up so i had to leave a text saying what i wanted to say.

obviously the 1st convo ended somewhat badly but u can never tell cos u can't see their expression but it's her somewhat one word answers which seemed like she was bored, i just kept waffling, i can't believe something as simple as that can ruin a potential meeting. can stuff like this completely drop her interest level in the space of 2mins?

i felt so under pressure and couldn't come up with anything c+f to say to counter it.

 

[slaog]

is the 2nd call really that bad?

im just so anxious i couldn't deal with a possible negative response of her saying she couldn't make it that i'd have to wait a few days before rearranging it.

so i decided to cancel straight away, but the fact is she hasn't got back to me yet.

when would be the best time to call again?

i assume that if i'm risking looking needy and desperate i should wait till at least saturday before attempting to call just to stop looking desperate.

You're too dependant on the outcome. Who cares if she can make it or not or if she likes you or not you can go out and get another woman. She is missing out on you not the other way around. You're the prize here. try thinking like a DJ.

Wait a few days pretend nothing happened and call her but block your ID because she won't answer otherwise I'd think. Tell her you're using a friends phone too.

You've nothing to lose in the next call so there should be no pressure. Meanwhile you should start spinning some plates and have plates in future to ease the oneitis.

 

[pete101]

You're too dependant on the outcome. Who cares if she can make it or not or if she likes you or not you can go out and get another woman. She is missing out on you not the other way around. You're the prize here. try thinking like a DJ.

Wait a few days pretend nothing happened and call her but block your ID because she won't answer otherwise I'd think. Tell her you're using a friends phone too.

You've nothing to lose in the next call so there should be no pressure. Meanwhile you should start spinning some plates and have plates in future to ease the oneitis.

the thing is after such a strange date last week i'm really dejected.. basically the dates i went on the girls were never physically attracted to me so i had to rely on game to pull things off and had to work much harder at the attraction, with her it was instantaneous and this surprisingly made me uncomfortable as i felt somewhere along the line i'd f up and be disappointed.

is the worse thing i can do now is call again from blocked id number to confirm arrangements?

she was suppose to let me know around 3-4pm but i said i had to cancel, if i call again i may completely risk ruining it all?

i was thinking calling from blocked id just looks creepy though.. and i cant imagine it would bode well for the rest of the conversation.

 

[pete101]

ok i did what u said called via blocked id number, this must look bad..

she proceeded to explain how she was busy had a shower etc so thats why she didn't reply to my text yet.. i went onto say how i was meeting my friend at 6.30 but he can only stay an hour so i could actually meet after that if she was free, she thought i meant tomorrow (as in my text) i meant today

she then says she has to go out to get food and see her friend later so this wasn't going well and tomorrow would be fine but she couldn't committ to 7pm as i suggested earlier and said she'd let me know in the morning.. why??

then she said shes going to college in the morning (which is actually in my area of town) for about an hour so i suggested we could meet there instead after she's finished. this caught her by surprise but she agreed to let me know when she finished, but only after i asked her what time she was going and for how long.. i think this is a bit excessive.

do you reckon she'll probably flake or give some BS reason why she can't meet?

 

[true romance]

Desperation!!! Trying too hard to set up date..just relax..if she like you she will make time for you. Your act seems like a stalker, too much inquiries...


Pull back, flirt other women...call back in few days if you want another shot.

 

[pete101]

yeah i was thinking this is coming across badly.. and needy.

is it pointless calling her tomorrow to find out what time to pick her up?

it seems like i caught her off guard..

i guess with any acts of neediness of desperation u need to back off and be cool, it just means i need to be on the phone again which is my weak point :-s

i dont like having to make arrangements via phone, it's not what i'm good at. but since i'm in limbo i'd have to build up more rapport if she cancels tomorrow?

is that likely flake coming on?

 

[pete101]

my point is i do not know what to do instead.. i.e. play by play

i made the call it didn't go as well as i planned i paniced halfway through not deciding a specific time she left it with getting back to me at 3-4pm. is that what i should have done just waited to see what she said?

it was too late already mid convo to eradicate my mistake on the phone not deciding a specific time so i don't actually know what to do thereafter.

 

[Sandow]

dude seriously, read the bible.

 

[Alphamale1821]

i read your first post and the first couple of paragraphs of your 2nd. YES you have blown it you sounds very needy and dependent on her coming to hang out with you. Your showing that you have absolutely not options. In her mind what makes you so special if you so desperate to hang out with her. NEXT NEXT NEXT no 2nd thought delete her number and walk away with some dignity.

Shiit man have you even read the bible you sound like a hardcore AFC. That ok though you have come to the right place BUT you need to get some basics down dude we can't hold your hand.

 

[pete101]

i dont know where the bible is but where is the section which deals solely with phone conversations and how to deal with what they say when they don't agree outright to meet you?

 

[secks]

sounds like you've lost it.

But anyways here's what I would do.

Wait a bit, go do stuff you have to do.

Call her up, grab her attention, get excited about something. Tell her, we are meeting here at this time. If she says that she can't, be like that's alright, and keep talking or tell her you have to go.

If she says, well can we meet another time, say something like, I'll see. I'll call you.

If she dosn't. Wait a little bit and call.

NEVER text afterwards if she didn't answer.
NEVER call her again shortly after you have talked to her.
NEVER let her determine your schedule.

 

[#41]

Honestly, give it up.

If a girl is into you, she'll show obvious signs and will alter her schedule to make time to be with you. If she can't make a confirmed date, she'll suggest alternate plans at an alternate time to try and avoid YOU losing interest.

Spend your time meeting new people and find a woman who is interested in YOU, instead of working and going the hysterics to try and MAKE a woman interested in you.

I don't get nearly as many dates as most people on here, but even I know when a situation isn't going to work and I just move on immediately. Don't get down, and no matter what you do, don't get trapped thinking you have to make it work because you haven't had an opportunity in a long time.

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

Basicly, you blew it. Maybe, it can be saved. Either wait a few days or wait for her to contact you. Next time control yourself. You called and text too much acting desperate to hang out. Let this be a lesson for next time.

 

[Prodigy746]

Dood i am a male , dont even know you, and i am freaked out by your neediness.

This is how you sound to me

"How bout we meet at 3 today ...no ok how bout 4pm..cant.. how bout 6pm, how bout tomorrow when you get out of class, oh you are meeting a friend how bout 8pm tomorrow.. you have plans..oh ok how about day after tomorrow 5pm, oh ok how bout after you meet with your friends ..." Srsly dood i am sure she is thinking this guy has no life... i dont think you have a chance with this girl.

When a girl tells you i am not sure i can meet i will give you a call by 5pm you say no dont worry about it i will go out with my friends to such and such and o such and such. Make up something, if she makes a comment on it you say you dont wanna wait for her , you wanna be sure to have some fun that day. You end the conversation and than try again in 2-3 days if she pulls the same **** or says she cant without giving you another day to do something... NEXT...

If you call her the second time and ask her to come see a movie or something and she says she cant that time but why dont we go Tuesday or something than thats fien .If she says she cant and doesnt offer another day...imediatly say ok , i got to go bye and never call her again.

 

[pete101]

ok i admit i really f'd up but she was so into me when we met, more so than i was into her. obviously now the situation is different but when i made the arrangements the last time with my blocked id call she seemed open to the idea of meeting but in the grand scale of things of the number of calls seems too much, she explained she was busy and was in the shower thats why she didn't text (i didn't exactly give her much time to reply either) but i was just explaining that i was seeing a friend for an hour so could actually meet up after contradicting my cancelling.

she was confused and thought i meant tomorrow, thats when i muted the 'so is 8pm ok tomorrow?' she was like 'um i'll let u know in the morning..' i was about to ask why.. but she went onto explain she had to go to college (which makes no sense cos there's like 9 hours in between) but thats when i got the bright idea of meeting locally instead cos the college is down the road from me.

she seemed ok with it, but i understand i f'd up with all the calls.. i should have said ok let's meet up at 11am or 11.30am rather than saying 'let me know when you're finished and i'll come pick you up from there' i keep putting the ball in their court to let me know when i should have made a definite time so it wasn't uncertain.

is it unwise to call her to find out what time i should pick her up (assuming we're still meeting)? i presume if she doesn't answer she might think 'oh god u told me to let u know what time im finishing up and you're calling me'

 

[iqqi]

If I was you, I'd "flake" on her, and then not call for about a week. Get your head right.

Never call a girl anonymous, that is so stalkerish and lame. If she doesn't want to talk to you... she doesn't want to talk to you! Geez. Also, I think you did ok when you called then texted that second time, but you should've stuck to it. Not call again anonymous, and make her make some lame shower excuse about why she did this or didn't do that.

Don't contact her for a week atleast.

 

[drift king]

but if u call her from a different number then at least u can get her on the phone and somewhat i dont know charm your way back into her good graces?

i know guys who have had girls who just won't answer their calls anymore so they try different numbers/annonymous to charm their way back into their good graces.. it's a tough shot but doable.

obviously if she really doesn't want to speak to you at all she'll end the convo very quickly so u have to be quick with coming out with C+F stuff that makes her laugh before she tells u she has to go.. i'd say you have about 15 secs if she answers.

so his initial mistake of not being decisive and confirming a specific date time was bad enough but his 2nd call and text to cancel was ok but he should have stopped then.

as i was saying in my other thread if a girl is physically really attracted to you can she look past these mistakes he's made?

or is it game over now?