13 Common Things We Do In Search of Love

[RobLB]

I have been reading this book lately that has some great stuff in it, including these 13 things. I actually got the title from this website. Anyhow I've noticed there are alot of people making mistakes when they jump into a realtionship, including myself, so I thought I would share these with you all. They are the most common things we do in search of love or a relationship in which we want to be loved. Each of these things will inevitably fail to meet our needs. They will however take us to a hellish experience:

1. All the signs say this is not the one, but you ignore your internal alarms, and move ahead into a love fantasy.

2. Because you fear being alone, or because you cannot have what you want in a relationship, you accept the first person who comes along, only to be left, beaten or ripped off.

3. You confuse friendship and niceness with romantic love.

4. Because someone is nice to you and you are not used to it, you don't know how to say no to them when you realize they are not who you want.

5. You get caught up in the packaging and promises.

6. You force your desires for a relationship onto another person, or issue an ultimatum. Because the person does not know how to say no, he or she goes along with you for a while

7. Because the other person express interest in you, you respond without really exploring if this is who or what you want.

8. You allow blind faith, which leads to blind love, to take you into a relationship that is unhealthy.

9. You choose to believe that what your partner has done to another person, they will not do to you.

10. Sexual compatibility is mistaken for love.

11. You stay in a relationship although you are miserable, trying to work things out even when your partner shows no interest in working through the difficulty.

12. You don't express what you really feel because you believe it will hurt your partner's feelings.

13. You choose to believe your partner's lies even when you know the truth. You act like you do not know what is going on when you do.

I think I'm guilty of a couple of these....

 

[ElChoclo]

No 11 affects many men. A divorce lawyer told me the story of a man aged 70 who wanted a divorce. When asked why after 50 years of marriage. So that he could at least die happy. For me, this seems like one of the scariest stories which I have ever heard.

 

[joekerr31]

Robl,

good post.

you just gave a glowing example of what it means to be a "mature" man.



J

 

[MightyMate]

Its not that bad!

 

[Sinistar]

RobLB,

I read this book a while back too. I remember the list well (doing a few of these things myself such as 9,12,13 - way AFC!). I liked the book too, not at all a DJ book yet many things agree with the DJ principles.

 

[RobLB]

Yes,.. I think #2 is what alot of us here that are dealing with ex's will agree to. And I think we are all guilty of #10!!

 

[Jamo]

heh

Im guilty of all of them :crackup:

 

[Bonhomme]

Yup. Those will fail to meet our needs, all right.

I'm still most susceptible to #7 and #10.

 

[DonJuanMonk]

I love this post, there are some truths to it.

I recommend everyone to type out a list of qualities you want in a girl.. Don't worry about physical apperance, I'm talking about personality. And for those that have girlfriends - think about what YOU want not what you have now. And see if it matches. If it doesn't match you're most likely in a loveless relationship or a rocky one at best.

For example:

I want a girl that likes to talk about anything with me, that loves nature or outdoors, and is money conscious like I am.

It's simple, by listing the qualities.. You begin to weed out girls that you are definetely attracted to but are incompatible with. This will help you.

Ie. Angelina Jolie - Hot, but just too weird.

Britney Spears - Some what hot when she is 50 pounds lighter, but too trashy and hangs around with Niggas (that's black gangsta wannabes)

etc.